Paper People

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Addicts:
#1 - Bubbles (JuJu)

If I've missed anyone, let me know ;)
 
Ooh yay! CrazySadHallucinating!Vaughn! But is he wet? Did the bath have water in it? Oh, it's sad. And kind of no longer 'ooh yay crazysadhallucinatingvaughn' anymore. i have the attention span of a fruit fly right now, PM? please? Before I start talking about bumblebees and how scared I was of A Beautiful Mind. must go pass out in heap on floor now.
 
CAI HAS A FICCIE! YAAAY
i love this. Is vaughniepoo nuts?!
I HOPEEEE he gets some help....
or Sydney return back to him!
AWESOME start, please PM me
 
OMG!!! how do you do it Cai? Can i get a PM? And if it is no trouble can i be an addict? if so i would like to be addict 27!!!!!!!
 
Can i get a pm merci.......sorry if you pm and i dont reply i am reading it but im grounded right now for 3 weeks and i am snicking on right now.
 
WHAT IN THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!
I am soooo not happy with you.
It was good and I want a PM.
I am going to work on my not being mad at you right now for killing off Syd.
It was good.
 
:hi: ok this will hav to be short cos im busy, but i just felt u could use an encouraging and hopefully helpful review.

:groupwave: yay! im so excited! a new Cai cai ficcie!!!!!
.
A/N: As per usual, I'm diving right into this fic extremely unplanned. I'm also not considering school as I post this, or anything else for that matter. Just that I'd prefer to write as I go along, instead of writing all of it before hand, so deal with me here ;)

awesome, spontaneity is good!

"...the paper people stand united
you were the play that cut them off..."

-- United Paper People, by Kisschasy


Epitomising perfection is a chain of paper people; symmetry, a balance of equilibrium. When united, they stand with strength. But when alone, they are delicate, and even the slightest of winds will see their demise. Pivotal is the moment as this symmetry is ruined.

ok wow. already im like, wow. (im reading this as i go by the way!) hav i ever told ya how much i love ur metaphors??? u just have this way of creating these great images that have an almost philosophical side to them.

Love this first para, so simple yet it sets up such a great idea. um i dont really need to pick it apart, so ill just chuck some random things at ya! "Pivotal is the ...." thats sentence is really good in the way its kidna, i dunno gives u the ideathat this is gonna be about that moment, or is based on that moment, it really gets us (the reader) thinking.

love the idea of balance and symmetry, i dunno, just the use of that and then the use of great contrast like "united" and "delicate" very very good. in 4 sentences u have achieved so much, and given the piece an intensity and i guess, given it this inner meaning. im gonna stop writing now cos i wanna keep reading!

Infused in his mind is every painstaking detail, intricate in its design as it weaves itself into his memory. He watches her every move, studies her as if she were music to be memorised. Can't close his eyes, because he fears that if he opens them again, she won't be there. And he doesn't know how to deal without her there. Can't learn either, because she's all that ever haunts his mind.

She is all he ever hears, all he ever sees. She is his saviour amidst the dark.


great word choices in these three words. they r really rich words, and i think they add heaps. just saying those three words on their own already sends chills down ur spine. for each, you say a lot in just one word.

saviour amidst the dark.[/b] just love that imagery. and DARK is really good cos ur lettin us know that its a dark world, that theres evil and bad stuff. or that maybe hes at a bad place. whatever it is, ur lettin us know that not all is right. and u set her up as a SAVIOUR, yet a saviour kinda dripping with pain and suffering for him. i mean when u combine this idea that shes his savious with those three words i was talkin bout before it paint a picture that shes his angel, the only one who can save him from the world.

So by watching her so meticulously, it brings him a sense of assurance. It gives him reason, keeps him tethered to a world he otherwise would have run from.

A sliver of candlelight greets him in the hall, thin through the door left slightly ajar. His ears hear the gentle sloshing of water, eyes see, and confirm his speculation. Door sliding silently open, he is held spellbound by what he sees. Reclining in the bathtub, he finds himself envious of the water that envelopes her, gentle and cascading on the healthy tan that is her skin. Dimly lit by candlelight, his eyes fixate on the aura she exudes, misty through his hazed eyes. Her head rests gently on the bathtub's porcelain surface, eyes closed in gentle repose as the bubbles lavish her skin with a scent that consumes him whole. She smells refined, like sweet drops of dew on a winter's morning, pure in a scent specifically reserved as her own, and he revels in it.


LOVE THIS DESCRIPTION!!! great imagery with the set up of the scene. and great use of sensory things, what he hears and sees and smells....really setting a great mood for us and makin us feel like we're there. when u use things like "she smells like..." it makes the reader smell that etc etc.

By uncanny sixth sense, her eyes flutter to an open, wary, though half closed as she whispers, 'Hi.'

His lips form a gentle smile in return, complying as she gestures for him to come and sit by her side. Backside cool against the tile floor, the arm of his rolled up sleeve dips into the water, surface broken in tiny ripples of his movement. Their eyes by uniform meet as his hand finds her own, bringing it forth from its warmth to his lips, gentle and lingering as his eyes never leave hers. She smiles as their fingers become interwoven; a simple gesture speaking depths for their love.

Words were never able to speak for their ardour, and this is but an exception. Silence settles comfortably between them, the only movement, his fingertips tracing ellipses on her smooth palm and the small flicker of the flames around them.


surface broken in tiny ripples i dunno, i think in a way i like this just plainly cos its good description. also tho cos its kinda gota bit of a reality check type thing. like they're so in love and in this state of the whole world melting away, but the water ripples are the thing showing its reality.

fingers become interwoven..... just love this and the next bit about "words never being able to speak..." just cos its highlights their love and there relationship with eachother, how its almost spiritual i the way they can read eachother and speak without words. just a little detail but i love it. makes their love even stronger in a way.

fingertips tracing ellipses... man girl, im awe of the way u use imagery so well and so easily. ellipses is an awesome word. and i also love this wentence cos in a way its a little like the water ripples. just minute details that rnt necessary, but that add so much to the scene.

It is the serenity in this moment that brings the realisation. This is how he wants to spend the rest of his life. This is all he needs to keep him breathing, day in and day out. All he needs is Sydney Bristow. To be by her side, harmonious and united in holy matrimony, he knows she is to be his wife.

This is it.


This...great repetition! demonstrates his realisation and kidna the way when u realise somethin u just go over it again and again in ur head. thats wat the repetition did for me.

"holy matrimony" love the reference to the traditional wedding. just thought id say that!

and like i was sayin before with the repetition, the last sentence This is it kinda is like him coming to the final realisation. like at first its all his thoughts and stuf "this is..." and then it hits him "this is it" really really powerful.

As tradition would have it, he does not hesitate, and within a matter of seconds, he is on his knee, fumbling in his pocket for what he is searching for. Doesn't breathe, doesn't think, he is all but composed when he reveals the ring, platinum and holding an aura like herself, and for the first time in her life, she is speechless.

"Will you marry me?"

Her eyes glisten with unshed tears of happiness, and she is in awe of him, simply staring at what lies before her.

"Yes," her whisper does not go unheard, reverberating off the tile of the bathroom. "Yes. God, yes!"

Precariously, he slips the ring onto her finger, and they both marvel at a dream come true. His lips are on hers within moments, the water from her bath saturating his shirt, but it is the last thing on his mind. It is all he can contain before fighting off the temptation to climb right into the bathtub with her, clothes and all, in his excitement. She steals his breath with ease, as he does her, and a few lingering kisses sees their foreheads resting against one another, breathless, but happy.


holding an aura like herself just loved this. loved the whole scene but this bit esp was just...i dunno. the word aura just really grabbed me.

Unawares, it is precisely then that an intruding Weiss interrupts, head curious and peeking around the door. He speaks but a word as he solemnly enters, eyes a mirror of despair and empathy.

He looks up questioningly from where he is seated on the floor, eyes searching his friend's in desperation. Nothing comes of it when Weiss avoids his gaze, carefully dances around it on the outskirts of denial as his eyes train themselves on the far wall.

"We're getting married!" He declares, amidst the awkwardness of the situation. His voice though, is too jaunty and happy, cutting his friend like a knife to the throat. It pains Weiss to see his best friend like this, and he yearns to reach out and save his friend from such oblivion. But alas, he is unable to. "What is it?" He asks, voice throaty and strained now with worry.

Weiss glances up, eyes now trained on his. They are steady, shielding the pain he feels for his friend as he croaks an answer, trembling.

"Vaughn, Sydney's been dead for two years."

:jawdrop: whoah!! HOLD THE FONE! shes what now???

ok i dont really hav time to colour stuff cos im really in a rush, sorry, BUT love the way you bring weiss in and the pace is just really great. you kinda have this strong image of the s/v scene at the ebginning (of this section) and a strong image of the v/w scene by the end. but u manage to really blend them together well and slowly transfer from one to the other.

love the contrast between weiss and Vaughn;s emotions. u demonstrate vaughns got these relieved and excited emotions while weiss is in despair. really inmtriguing for the reader. then the big reveal is like "whoah" a slpa in the face.

sorry this is such a bad review but i really hav no time!

this is sooooo great! im really intrigued and cant wait to see what u come up with next.

can i just say that u never cease ot amaze me with ur talent cai and dont be unsure when posting. i always say this, but, be confident cos this is as amazing as the others.

yea, again sorry this is crappy i really g2g!

Love ya oh and ADD ME TO THE PEE EMMY LIST!!! :confetti: can i be an addict to????

luv Wachxxx 🦋
 
Vaughnlover15 said:
i love this. Is vaughniepoo nuts?!
[post="1462784"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​
oh

god

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:sideroll:

:rotflmao:

have not laughed harder in MONTHS

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:sideroll:
 
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