Part 26
Sitting here on Sydney’s bench in the back garden feels extremely rewarding. Summer night, not a cloud up on the sky, happy smiling faces all around and my arm wrapped around Sydney’s waist as the first fireworks lighten up the dark sky.
Adam, Zachary and Eric’s son are fooling around like crazy, happy to be able to stay up much later than usual. Sometimes they would nag Eric’s nine year old daughter, but since she’s a real tomboy, she would only fight back at which Eric would roll his eyes.
Laura curiously looks up at the coloured sky, her eyes literally sparkling.
“Papa!” I can hear her shout through the entire back yard.
Susan on her hand is up in her grandparents’ arms who try to calm her down. She sobs trying to stifle her cries following her grandfather’s finger pointed up to the sky, with the hope to convince her that fireworks are probably loud but couldn’t do any harm (as long as you are far away from them).
“Papa tu regardes pas!” (Daddy you’re not watching!) Laura exclaims, breaking me from Sydney’s lips. I smile at Sydney with an apology that she accepts with a dimpled smile. We both turn our attention back to Laura and then the fireworks shooting up to heaven above.
I feel my daughter cuddling up against my leg as I let out a long sigh. Sydney briefly looks my way as our eyes lock up, speaking unspoken words. If only life could be that simple and as good as in this moment. But we are simply happy to have each other again for the next ten days.
This time travelling seemed much easier than the first time. Laura managed herself very well through the entire flight and even slept a lot. With the prospect of seeing Sydney again I also handled to catch a couple of hours of sleep. Thus the flight appeared less long than the previous time.
The very second I caught sight of Sydney through the crowd at the terminal, I was pretty sure I was going to loose it. Nothing has every felt so great than hold her in my arms again after two months of separation. I don’t know how long I still will be able to go without her in my daily life. It’s getting harder and harder to live life without her. We are apparently meant to be. Two people from two different continents…
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Sydney sighs happily.
“Yeah… those colours are extraordinary”
“Papa?”
I look down at my daughter watching her standing there with puppy dog eyes and her arms held up in the air. Seriously, moments like these, I’m reminded that I’m spoiling her way too much and that she knows how to handle her way around me.
“You want to come up into my arms?” Sydney asks instead outstretching her arms for Laura to understand. I still have Sydney in my arms and would only let go of her reluctantly. Not that I don’t love my daughter, mind you! I can only hold Sydney this way every so often and I want to enjoy it to the fullest.
Without pouting, Laura jumps up into Sydney’s arms and then the three of us follow the end of the fireworks. At the end, Sydney brings an overly excited, yet tired and grumpy Susan to bed. Laura is the first one to hit the pillow and instantly falls into slumber, way before Susan. I have to stick behind Zachary and Adam to also go them to bed with much more protest though. I’m glad when they finally are as I turn of the light, wishing them goodnight.
I check up on Sydney still trying to bring Susan to bed.
“I don’t know what is wrong with her…” Sydney exclaims, then addressing herself to Susan. Susan wouldn’t let go of Sydney until all of sudden the little one throws up all over her bed. She ends up crying in Sydney’s arms but then I beg her to drop Susan into my arms.
The rest of the night is very hectic since we decided to take Susan into our bed. She threw up one more time around 3am and it’s only about 4am that she fell asleep completely exhausted against Sydney. So here I’m lying wide awake and yet so worn-out, just like Sydney, with a two and a half year old between us. I watch Sydney caress lovingly her fingers through her daughter’s hair.
“She’s finally asleep” Sydney whispers into the silent room.
“Yeah…”
“I’m so sorry…” Sydney apologizes though I don’t understand why.
“Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Children happen to get sick” I inform her by my own experience, remembering the few times Laura has had the flu or the chicken pox. There were quite some sleepless nights there too.
“No… I wanted this night to be special” She whispers first looking up into my eyes and then sheepishly turning her head away from me.
I reminisce the talk we have had those couple of months ago back in France. I can’t believe that she was planning for this to happen tonight. Not that I don’t want to. But seeing the disappointment in her eyes, I feel like I need to do something.
“Sydney…” I need to say her name a couple of times before she actually acknowledges my request for her to look at me, before I add, “We have time for this. It doesn’t matter… what matters right now is Susie and she needs her mum right now. And whatever night it is… it will be special Sydney” I emphasize in order to get through to her. I’m aware how anxious she is for the next step in our relationship and how puzzled she can get by the mere thought of being with somebody else than Danny. I simply don’t want her to feel pushed or freaked out about it. It will happen.... some day and she can take as much time as she needs.
“I don’t know what I did to find you…” she states, with half a smile on her face. “You always seem to find the right words when needed, always able to put a smile on my face and always lifting my spirit”
“I love you… it’s as simple as that Sydney. I never thought I could love somebody again like I love you, after such a long time. When I lost my wife and when I was left alone with a baby to raise, I never thought I’d be able to do that on my own. Laura though showed me the way how to do things right. I simply had to. She was there, crying out her lungs for her mother, but her mother wasn’t there. Even though my mother helped me a lot at the beginning, I was still in charge for the rest. For the past six year’s my life resumed itself around Laura. No woman I casually dated has ever been good enough for her. Besides I think I never truly imagined them in that position. They were only dates… that was it. I couldn’t move on, I couldn’t get past the thought of loving somebody else. Then I met you, Sydney… that one day, almost a year ago in Eric’s garden, with Susan in your arms. You were smiling… I don’t know why I couldn’t stop staring at you. I followed you with my gaze all the time. You talked to everybody, always smiling, you managed the noisy children around you, the pouting, the screaming, the fighting… Your grace, your calm, your organisation, your kindness… I just… couldn’t get enough of you”
“You forgot the smile” Sydney throws in with a smile.
I laugh, rolling my eyes “Oh, right… the smile… So I asked you out.”
“Oh no…” Sydney exclaims, remembering that very first time I took her out for dinner. It wasn’t a date though, at least I don’t think it was. It was two friends having dinner together and yet there was quite something mystic in the air. I didn’t know what it was, but today I know. I tried to suppress the growing feeling of love whenever she smiled at me, thinking that she’s only a friend, that we live on two different continents. Once I left, it would all be over and I didn’t want to get myself into a one-night-stand!
“I thought you were going to kiss me then” she adds, reminding me of the awkward goodnight declaration that very night.
“I didn’t…” she cringes her nose “But I wanted so much. You were so beautiful that night, just like tonight!”
The smile on her face keeps growing, until Susan starts stirring in her sleep. Arms and legs flinging about, until she’s found herself a nice spot against my chest. Her small frame is glued up against mine, her little arm sprawled across my abdomen as I feel the heat of her skin against mine.
“She’s running a fever Sydney” I inform her. Gliding out of bed she returns soon back from the bathroom with a suppository for Susan. The little girl wakes up briefly and lets out a few sobs from being sick and being awoken. Once it’s over Sydney lays back down next to me, her hand covering mine that lays over her daughter.
“You really love me, don’t you?”
“I love you… I love you all so much. Probably more than I love my own life, but I think we should try to catch some sleep while this one still does.” I say, kissing her lips goodnight. We close our eyes and fall into slumber right away, happy smiles on our face.
End Part 26