Part 36
Three weeks later
Even though either my brother or mother couldn’t be present at the wedding, I know that they are both thinking of us on this special day. It’s been a small ceremony, exactly what we wanted. Probably not what we have been dreaming about but it doesn’t really matter in some way.
I’m not going to deny that I’m somewhat sad about not having something big, after all it’s the first time I’m getting married but let’s just say that we neither have the money nor do we have much time to prepare everything. Eric and his family are here, Danny’s parents are here as well as a few other related people from Danny’s family. I have nothing against having them with us. Contrary, they have all accepted me as Sydney’s new husband in her life, as well as Laura and it means a lot to me.
“Hey, you alright?” Sydney chimes in, her hand softly rubbing over the small of my back. My gaze is still drifting out of the window and onto the wide ocean in front of me. The restaurant is nice and after many hours of eating food, I simply needed a short break just to do some thinking.
I nod my head before sending her an affectionate smile and a kiss onto her lips “Yeah”
We don’t say a word for the next couple of minutes until her hand glides into mine. “You’re my husband” she hushes the words tenderly against my shoulder blade. “I like that”
I have to smile, watching a yacht go by, “Yeah I like that too” I say, giving her hand a soft squeeze.
“You seem like miles away”
“Just thinking about my mum and my brother” She sighs, surely understanding how I’m feeling about that tiny lack in my life.
“Papa? Je peux aller dehors avec Marion?” (Daddy, can I go out with Marion?) Laura bolts right up at us. I can’t deny her anything and let her go play outside with Eric’s daughter. There’s no better way for her to learn the English language then to play with her friends. She has learnt so much this last month and her English gets better and better every day. For me it is still very important to speak her mother tongue with her despite us living in the United States. I will always speak French with her.
Danny’s sister is the next one to cut in between us. She does some random small talk with Sydney while I don’t pay much attention.
“Michael, are you sure you’re alright?” Sydney inquires yet again later. I wonder why I’m not able to focus at all today. I look up at her, a baby nestled against her chest. The baby makes some gurgling sounds while a soft smile creeps up on its face and its hand reaches out for the invisible. Our eyes lock for a brief moment and at the next little whimper Sydney gazes back down at the infant in her arms.
I ponder about what to say next because the picture I have right in front of me that moment is rather perfect. It never truly occurred to me either, and taking this as a good opportunity I say,
“We never talked about one of those” I start, jumping with both feet into the cold water.
Sydney looks up at me, her niece’s tiny hand wrapped around her forefinger. “About babies?”
I nod my head. I clearly took her off guard there by the looks of it, so I quickly add, “I know you have had three children and which is more likely enough for you, but I just… we don’t have to, I mean… but could we at least talk about it?”
Sydney avoids my eyes and stares back down onto the baby against her chest. I give her some time to let my request sink in. I also don’t expect an answer from her straight away. I simply would like her to think about it first so that we can talk about it. I would love nothing more than to have another baby but I also know that she has already had three pregnancies. I could understand if she would say no.
I don’t think we definitely thought this through before getting married! My fingers tips rub over the bridge of my nose, cursing myself inwardly for ruining this so wonderful day.
Outside Laura plays with Marion and Eric’s son chasing them around. Laura stops briefly spotting me near the window. She waves so I wave back. If only I could turn back time or make this awkward moment between Sydney and me go away.
I hear Sydney coo at the baby and turn my head to look at her. She looks so beautiful today in this perfectly shaped dress that fits right against her body.
“I’m sorry I brought that up. Just forget about it” I say out of the blue, apparently regretting my words more than I thought.
“Michael, that’s not what I meant, ok? I’m sorry. I just… don’t know what to say. You kinda took me off guard there... I… I don’t know what I thought and I don’t know why we never talked about kids before hand. We could talk about it. I’m not sure though whether it is going to work Michael.”
“What do you mean?”
“What if…? What if…?” Tears are glistening in her eyes and like an open book, I can read everything in those chocolate brown orbs as I cuddle her close up against me; as close as the baby would let us be. “Ok I admit it. I’ve been thinking about us having a baby. But what if this isn’t working out? We’re rushing everything and we’re throwing ourselves into this and I don’t know… what will happen to the baby if we don’t work out Michael?”
It appears that Sydney has thought this thoroughly through; even more than I have. She doesn’t stop to amaze me each and every day.
“Who said this marriage isn’t going to work. We’ve been married for what?... six hours? Already fed up with me?” I joke which only earns me a playful slap onto my shoulder. I should know better than making jokes about this.
“This is serious! What if we have a baby? What if we don’t work and you go back to France? A baby needs its father as much as it needs a mother. Three of my kids will grow without their dad and I wouldn’t stand another one going through that!”
We both gaze dreamingly at the now sleeping baby in Sydney’s arms. She carefully straightens the pink dress of the little munchkin. I can’t help it as a smile grows on my face, watching Sydney taking care of her niece.
I totally understand where she is coming from but who says that we aren’t meant to be? Who says that this marriage is not going to work? And who says that we don’t deserve all the happiness in the world? There are so many people in the world that go through the same as we are. We won’t be alone on this… Besides I don’t have a doubt about us. I have faith in us that this is going to work. I love Sydney more than I have ever loved anybody else in this world; except my daughter that is and Sydney knows that.
She cries a few tears and to make it all better, I lean down and casually brush my lips tenderly over hers, “I love you Sydney. I want you to know that I would love nothing more than to see you with our baby growing inside you but whatever you decide is fine for me. It’s your body, it’s your choice and when you’re ready I’m here. If you’re not I’ll still be here.”
“Oh Michael…” she sighs.
“Don’t worry… we have all the time in the world.
We melt into a very passionate kiss afterwards since both of our bodies’ hormones are working on overdrive right now. I pull her even deeper into the kiss for a brief moment before Susan reminds us that she is also around. She is jealous about Sydney taking care of somebody else than her, which leaves me to take care of a little girl throwing a tantrum in the middle of the restaurant. Walking outside I briefly scold her for behaving so badly. She sobs a few times while I give her some time to think about what she has done and why she has been punished.
I though realise that I have been acting too harshly on her. She has been the only small child for quite a while and everybody has always paid attention to her. I feel sorry for Susan and lift her up onto my lap, giving her several explanations.
“Papa not mad at Susie?” she question with a lip pulled. That girl sure knows how to wrap me around her little finger. I mentally roll my eyes at her cuteness, still loving the sound of her calling me papa, just as much as on the first day.
“Not anymore sweetie… you wanna go to mummy and give the baby a kiss now, to show you’re a big girl?” She fervently nods her head. I thus set her back down onto the ground and watch her scamper off towards her mother. I love that little girl just as much as I love Laura and I can’t believe that she’s already three years old.
Time is flying real fast sometimes…
Part 37
After the wedding ceremony and the dinner we headed straight back home. Luckily for everybody the restaurant wasn’t that far away since all the children were already fast asleep by the time I parked the car in the driveway.
One look at the clock I almost gaped at the time: 2am. Has it really been that long? Sydney and I wanted to be back by the time the bell struck one. Oh well, tomorrow is Sunday anyway and the children could always sleep in. It wasn’t that big a deal since those late hours occur only once per year.
I turn my head to look at the sleeping children; even Adam is sound asleep in the back. Sydney does the same as we sit in total silence for a little while. I reach out to capture her hand to intertwine our fingers.
“We’re officially a family now” I whisper and a smile immediately grows all over her face.
“Yeah I know” Sydney replies and then finds herself lost in her thoughts, “You think Danny is mad at me for moving on?”
“No… No, I don’t think so” I emphasize on my second try, “You deserve to be happy again and every man that loves his wife should grant this to her and vice versa. Despite the short time Anna and I knew each other I also had the same thought at the beginning. I had my first date six months after she died and Laura was nine months old. I constantly pictured her yelling at me; after all I had a nine months old baby to look after! It was like a mantra in my head, so I stopped dating. I just couldn’t… it wasn’t working, but somehow I knew that life would go on; without Anna. We both deserve this Sydney, after all those years. There’s no reason for Danny to be mad at you for feeling happy again. Because that’s what I do, right, make you happy?”
She forces a small smile as a single tear rolls down her cheek at my words that I brush away with my thumb. She then nods her head affirmatively that rests in my hand.
“It’s just… you know… sometimes… sometimes I still feel like I want him back which makes me feel awful right away because I know you are there in my life now. I… they are our children Michael…” Sydney informs me sadly as if those were news for me. No matter how much time goes by it always breaks my heart.
True, I also lost Anna, but she was sick… I have had time to say goodbye to her. Whereas Sydney lost her husband through a tragedy; in a most sickening way somebody can lost a beloved one. The pain will more likely never go away and I hope that she knows she can always count on me.
“I know Sydney… I know…” I say, my thumb gently rubbing over the back of her hand. “Let’s get them inside…” I add.
Although Sydney and I married today - well yesterday that is - we won’t be going on honeymoon any time soon. First off, the children have school and they are kind of a little bit hard to be placed somewhere for let’s say two weeks non-stop. Second I have a new job that requires me to be available five days per week. Third, I only want to leave me daughter alone when necessary, such as business travel.
Which reminds me that I will have to travel to Chicago on Monday and return again on Tuesday late night. At least it’s not many days in a row but just one night to stay over. It won’t be that bad, but it is still sad considering that Sydney and I are newly weds. There’s nothing I can do to change our situation, we’ll simply postpone everything once we are more settled down.
With those thoughts on my mind, I get out of the car with Sydney, carefully waking the boys up to chase them up into their bed. I lift Laura out of her seat as slowly as possible but she wakes up nonetheless, though not completely. She’s completely in a daze while I undress and help her into her pyjamas.
“Bonne nuit ma chérie” (Goodnight sweetheart) I whisper tenderly, kissing her cheek and then cautiously leave her bedroom. Meeting Sydney in the hallway we give a quick glance into Adam’s and Zachary’s room but they are already fast asleep curled up under the bed sheets.
With a smile on both of our faces I lead Sydney into our bedroom, not really bothering about where our clothes fall at all.
A/N: For those that have already read this update, this is just the *normal* update and then I'll add a NEW chappy tomorrow since I will be home...