Dinner

ok this is my first story and i'm not sure what its going to be like.


Sydney and Vaughn are at the warehouse.

Syd: So how was your day.

Vaughn: Terible how bout you.

Syd: Well i talked to my dad about the Emily Sloane thing and now its ok.


Vaughn: Well since we both had an bad day what do you say we go out and have dinner.

Syd: You know we can't...

Vaughn:Syd its just dinner.

Syd: So where are we going?

Vaughn: We are going to my house and i am going to cook you a meal.

Syd: You are going to make me a meal!

Vaughn: Sure why not.




Tell me how you like it so far i think its lacking something, any ideas.

Jules
 
It's a good start. well the dialogue doesnt excatly flow. maybe that's what it's missing? that's what i think any ways and it doesn't have to be all talking, the lack of talking actually helps the plot develop. but a pretty good start.
--mandy :angelic:
p.s. first fic?
 
I think it could really go places, but it's kinda....well......blah. It was good though and I liked how you put it in a 'script-like' form! :D
 
OK I'm gonna help Julies on this because she just started watching so I gave her all of the Alias I have on tape and she hasn't gotten to Phase 1 yet so I'm gonna help her along.

Ok this story is taking place after Phase 1

I'll be up with some soon


Kelli
 
But Francie isn't evil because I don't like her when shes evil! But she has never meet Vaughn

Syd-''But Vaughn I have to meet Francie.''

Vaughn-''Come on Syd please!''

Syd-''I have a great idea why don't you come with me.''

Vaughn-''Well I don't want to interupt anything.''

Syd-''You wont be I hardly ever see her when shes working.''

Vaughn-''Fine lets go.''

At Francies resterant

Syd-''Hey Fran.''

Francie-''Hey, who's your friend.''

Syd-''Francie Mike, Mike Francie.''

Vaughn-''Nice to meet you I've heard a lot about you.''

Francie-''Yeah I've heard a lot about you too. You know what Syd I could really use your help in the kicten.''

Syd-''Coming.''

In the Kicten

Francie-''You never Said he was that hot!''

Syd-''Yes I did.''

Francie-''Whatever, what happened to the co-workers can't date thing.''

Syd-''Well nobody at the bank has to know.''

Francie-''I like the way you think girl.''

Ok this is all I'm gonna do. Hope you all like it!

Kelli
 
Ok this is my part. But Kelli is helping me


Sydney came back out to see that Weiss was there talking to Vaughn.

Weiss-''Hey Syd.''

Syd-''Hey I thought you had to work."

Weiss-"I did but I got on Kendalls nerves so he let me leave so I came here to see what you and Vaughn were doing."

Syd-" We just came by to have dinner and talk."

Weiss-''I didn't interupt anything did I?''

Vaughn-''Well you did like always.''

Weiss-''Oh I see Vaughn and Sydney sitten in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Syd-''Would you stop that.''

Weiss-"A let me think about that....A No!''

Francie comes out.

Francie-''Who is that?''

Syd-''This is Mike's friend Eric.''

Francie-''Very nice to meet you.''

Weiss is checking her out and seams interested.

Weiss- "Same here.''

Syd-''So nice you two like each other so much.''

She pulls Vaughn away.

Syd- '' Maybe we should leave them alone to get to know each other.''


Jules and Kelli
 
Um... okay. I don't really like when people write in scripts, it doesn't really let you FEEL the charachters, because there's no thoughts, but it's not personal, its just they use scripts in movies so that you can interpret it and act it out to show the audience what you're thinking. There's no acting if you're reading it, so we can't tell what's going on in their heads. And it's not very flowing. And I hope I don't come off b*tchy but I'm just trying to be helpful. Sorry, I hate correcting people. And isn't Francie evil? I mean this IS supposed to take place after phase one right? But I like the Francie and Eric plot you've started. Just develop Syd and Vaughn more.
 
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