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Dinner

Discussion in 'Creative Writing & Arts' started by *alias*jules*, Mar 12, 2003.

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  1. *alias*jules*

    *alias*jules* Scout

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    ok this is my first story and i'm not sure what its going to be like.


    Sydney and Vaughn are at the warehouse.

    Syd: So how was your day.

    Vaughn: Terible how bout you.

    Syd: Well i talked to my dad about the Emily Sloane thing and now its ok.


    Vaughn: Well since we both had an bad day what do you say we go out and have dinner.

    Syd: You know we can't...

    Vaughn:Syd its just dinner.

    Syd: So where are we going?

    Vaughn: We are going to my house and i am going to cook you a meal.

    Syd: You are going to make me a meal!

    Vaughn: Sure why not.




    Tell me how you like it so far i think its lacking something, any ideas.

    Jules
     
  2. It's a good start. well the dialogue doesnt excatly flow. maybe that's what it's missing? that's what i think any ways and it doesn't have to be all talking, the lack of talking actually helps the plot develop. but a pretty good start.
    --mandy :angelic:
    p.s. first fic?
     
  3. Aliasfan23

    Aliasfan23 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2003
    Location:
    LA
    I think it could really go places, but it's kinda....well......blah. It was good though and I liked how you put it in a 'script-like' form! :D
     
  4. *alias*jules*

    *alias*jules* Scout

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    yeah its my first is it really bad you can tell me i don't care

    jules
     
  5. Alias*Kelli

    Alias*Kelli Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2003
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    OK I'm gonna help Julies on this because she just started watching so I gave her all of the Alias I have on tape and she hasn't gotten to Phase 1 yet so I'm gonna help her along.

    Ok this story is taking place after Phase 1

    I'll be up with some soon


    Kelli
     
  6. *alias*jules*

    *alias*jules* Scout

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    thanks kelli
     
  7. *alias*jules*

    *alias*jules* Scout

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    Kellie i got to go
    see ya tommarow

    Jules
     
  8. Alias*Kelli

    Alias*Kelli Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2003
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    But Francie isn't evil because I don't like her when shes evil! But she has never meet Vaughn

    Syd-''But Vaughn I have to meet Francie.''

    Vaughn-''Come on Syd please!''

    Syd-''I have a great idea why don't you come with me.''

    Vaughn-''Well I don't want to interupt anything.''

    Syd-''You wont be I hardly ever see her when shes working.''

    Vaughn-''Fine lets go.''

    At Francies resterant

    Syd-''Hey Fran.''

    Francie-''Hey, who's your friend.''

    Syd-''Francie Mike, Mike Francie.''

    Vaughn-''Nice to meet you I've heard a lot about you.''

    Francie-''Yeah I've heard a lot about you too. You know what Syd I could really use your help in the kicten.''

    Syd-''Coming.''

    In the Kicten

    Francie-''You never Said he was that hot!''

    Syd-''Yes I did.''

    Francie-''Whatever, what happened to the co-workers can't date thing.''

    Syd-''Well nobody at the bank has to know.''

    Francie-''I like the way you think girl.''

    Ok this is all I'm gonna do. Hope you all like it!

    Kelli
     
  9. IluvVaughn13

    IluvVaughn13 Vaughnster's Girl

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2002
    Location:
    Where ever Michael Vartan is (-:
    hey its good so far just need some more to go on
     
  10. Aliasfan23

    Aliasfan23 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2003
    Location:
    LA
    thats good
     
  11. Alias*Kelli

    Alias*Kelli Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2003
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    I could have wrote more but I didn't want to take this story on my own spin.


    Kelli
     
  12. Aliasfan23

    Aliasfan23 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2003
    Location:
    LA
    why not?
     
  13. Alias*Kelli

    Alias*Kelli Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2003
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Because it's not my story I'm just helping her a little.

    Kelli
     
  14. nancee

    nancee Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2003
    Location:
    from da hood
    okee so is the francie francie or freplica? adn is this rite after phase one?
     
  15. Aliasfan23

    Aliasfan23 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2003
    Location:
    LA
    Francie is Francie and yea it is just after phase one
     
  16. nancee

    nancee Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2003
    Location:
    from da hood
    okee post more!
     
  17. *alias*jules*

    *alias*jules* Scout

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2003
    Ok this is my part. But Kelli is helping me


    Sydney came back out to see that Weiss was there talking to Vaughn.

    Weiss-''Hey Syd.''

    Syd-''Hey I thought you had to work."

    Weiss-"I did but I got on Kendalls nerves so he let me leave so I came here to see what you and Vaughn were doing."

    Syd-" We just came by to have dinner and talk."

    Weiss-''I didn't interupt anything did I?''

    Vaughn-''Well you did like always.''

    Weiss-''Oh I see Vaughn and Sydney sitten in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

    Syd-''Would you stop that.''

    Weiss-"A let me think about that....A No!''

    Francie comes out.

    Francie-''Who is that?''

    Syd-''This is Mike's friend Eric.''

    Francie-''Very nice to meet you.''

    Weiss is checking her out and seams interested.

    Weiss- "Same here.''

    Syd-''So nice you two like each other so much.''

    She pulls Vaughn away.

    Syd- '' Maybe we should leave them alone to get to know each other.''


    Jules and Kelli
     
  18. Interesting :D :LOL:
    --mandy :angelic:
     
  19. spysurfergrl247

    spysurfergrl247 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2002
    Location:
    Where the lovers lose...
    VERY good!! :D Keep going!!
     
  20. aliaschick4mv

    aliaschick4mv Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2003
    Location:
    East Coast
    Um... okay. I don't really like when people write in scripts, it doesn't really let you FEEL the charachters, because there's no thoughts, but it's not personal, its just they use scripts in movies so that you can interpret it and act it out to show the audience what you're thinking. There's no acting if you're reading it, so we can't tell what's going on in their heads. And it's not very flowing. And I hope I don't come off b*tchy but I'm just trying to be helpful. Sorry, I hate correcting people. And isn't Francie evil? I mean this IS supposed to take place after phase one right? But I like the Francie and Eric plot you've started. Just develop Syd and Vaughn more.
     

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