Evanesce

I just found out Cindy doesn’t know who she is. We’re a lot alike, but I have one thing she doesn’t. Memories. I remember, and I feel pain for what I lost. At least she doesn’t feel the hollow ache every minute of every day. Sometimes I have this crazy urge to hunt down Eric Weiss and find out every detail I can, to see if it will make some of the pain go away. Then I remember, it’s too late, and I won’t know. So I live with the pain.

Kate’s mood lasted for three days. She barely spoke around John and Cindy; the only time she was truly at peace was when she helped Wesley in the basement.

The days were slow and boring, and Kate spent most of her time reading and writing letters to her friends in Texas. In the days before Christmas packages began arriving from her friends, the one from Chris extremely rattly and large. It was the only one she opened right away, and refused to let anyone see what it was.

The ache she felt inside was a familiar pain now, only alleviating during her second session with Olivia. Once on the ice, her spirit soared and the ache moved to her feet, which soon blistered from the skates. She found that some of her abilities had diminished in the month she hadn’t practiced, but Olivia was confident she would regain them. Cindy realized how the practice became a sort of therapy, because Kate was much happier and lost any moodiness after being on the ice.

She and Wesley watched Kate practice, both in awe at her skill. Glancing at the zamboni made her heart lurch so she avoided it, throwing all her concentration on Kate’s spinning figure.

Christmas came much faster than Kate anticipated, and she was a little worried. She had been told that presents were not something she should even consider giving, and it was something to forget. Although she had a plan, Kate wanted to do more. Helping Wesley was fun, calming even, but not enough.

On Christmas Eve, after eating an extremely good dinner, Kate grabbed the lumpy sack Chris sent her, and descended to the kitchen. Inside the sack were caro syrup, piecrust, and a very large bag of pecans. Filching butter from the refrigerator Kate made a classic Texas recipe, pecan pie. She offered pecans to Cindy while munching on some herself.

Soon the aroma drifted throughout the house, giving Kate a forceful reminder of her home. Before Kate learned to cook her dad would buy store bought pecan pies, and she turned her nose down as them after having tasted her friend Molly’s mom’s homemade pies. Cooking became something she enjoyed doing with her dad, especially once she realized Michael couldn’t bake for anything.

The whole Cross family loved the pies, making Kate promise to cook more often. Their Christmas was a simple affair, a few gifts to Wesley (a baseball mitt and hat), Kate received a beautifully decorated bookmark from Wesley and the promise of seeing Olivia once a week from John and Cindy. John and Cindy’s gifts were simple things they both liked, although Cindy was overjoyed at the photo album depicting the only life she knew.

After a lunch prepared by Cindy and Kate, they rested in the family room, too full to speak much. It was domestic moment, and Kate felt peaceful. Even though most of the dinner she was reminded of her past life in sharp jolts, she managed to keep a happy face.

Leftovers served as dinner, and after it, Cindy found Kate crying in her room. “Kate?”

She looked up; face stained with ears, and tried to smile. “I really miss my dad,” she sniffed, wiping her eyes.

Cindy sat on the floor next to her, staring straight ahead. “What would you be doing today?”

Kate looked at her fingers thoughtfully. “Well, he would wake me up, and we’d open our presents. He always had something from a woman at work chasing after him, and there were things from my friends. After messing with our stuff we’d make lunch while listening to every Frank Sinatra song known to man. We owned everything of his. I was always in charge of dessert, because Dad screwed up sweet stuff. He was a firm believer in salt.” She smiled in memory. “One year Dad decided to teach me every waltz he knew. We even got as far as the tango. It became a tradition, us dancing after we ate. We’d be interrupted by our neighbors coming over for hot chocolate and popcorn, and the inevitable, karaoke. Of course, the adults always drank wine at dinner, and then put peppermint snaups in their hot chocolate, so there was always at least one drunk karaoke number. We always taped those.” Her eyes clouded over as she remembered giving the tapes to her neighbors.

“One year it iced over so bad the power went out, so we found every blanket in the hours and everyone curled up in the living room. That was my favorite Christmas, falling asleep between my friends and my dad.”

Cindy had tears in her eyes as she realized just how much Kate was missing. Her life sounded wonderful, so loving.

Kate spoke again, her voice trembling. “The only thing missing was Mom. Dad and I always danced to their song, and he’d always cry. He never said it, but I think dancing with me felt like dancing with her. He missed her so much, but he didn’t have tons of pictures.

“He said I looked almost exactly like her, so I guess he didn’t really need them. He gave me one, last Christmas, because I always snuck into his dresser drawers to look at it. It’s not very clear, but it’s enough so that I know what he meant.”

“Can I see?” Cindy asked quietly, hand grasping Kate’s in support. It surprised her when she pulled it from the waistband of her jeans, but she took it from Kate’s trembling fingers.

She had to stand up and look in the light to see it clearly, and it was as if someone threw a curtain over her senses. Darkness.

Kate shrieked in surprise as Cindy crumpled to the floor, still clutching the worn picture in her hand. The noise brought John and Wesley running, and they both rushed to where Cindy lay.

“What happened?” John managed to gasp, once he felt Cindy’s wild pulse. Lifting her gently, he placed her on the bed as carefully as he could. Her eyes were moving erratically beneath the lids, scaring Wesley behind her father.

“I-I don’t know. She just fell!”

Turning to face Kate, John’s expression was half disbelief and shock. “What were you doing?” he asked through clenched teeth.

Kate’s eyes flashed at the unspoken implication and she pulled the photo from Cindy’s clutches. “I showed her a picture of my family.”

John’s heart sank as he saw the familiar profile of his wife in the picture. No, he thought, Cindy can’t be her mother. They would have been there when she lost her memory.

Cindy’s cries of, “No!” brought him back to reality, and he knelt by her shaking form. “Are you remembering?” he whispered to himself, dreading the answer. He was terrified of her past; worried if she remembered someone else she would leave him.

Wesley retreated to a far corner, unsure of what was happening. He had never seen his mother like this.

Cindy’s world was only dark for a few moments before scenes started playing. She became a child again, growing rapidly and seeing her world flash by. She was happy with her family, and then unbelievably sad when her mother died, unsure of her father’s behavior. It all went by with a surprising speed, until a single memory caused the world to stand still. The anger and sadness and pure agony inside her were unbearable as she wailed over her fiancé’s dead body. Her heart broke as she saw the blood staining the white tile and porcelain. It lasted an eternity before she flashed to another man’s body, this one covered in black, an ice pick protruding from his ribs.

Once again, she felt the pain and suffering of loss as she uncovered his face. She was Sydney Bristow in these moments, and she knew nothing else.

Again, another flash, as she watched someone else die. This time she wasn’t allowed to touch him; she could only stare helplessly as the water crushed him into the glass.

A flood of relief when she realized he was alive, a stab of jealously when she found out he was seeing someone.

Emotions bombarded her left and right as she continued traveling down the path her life had created, until once again the world stood still. This time, however, no one was dying.

Every nerve in her body tingled as his lips assaulted hers, and she drew him in closer. Their bulky clothing drove her crazy, she itched to remove them, and replace the cloth with kisses and caresses.

It would be another memory before that happened, and a happiness she had never before felt flooded her senses and left her dazed. Blissful memories intermingled with shockingly horrible ones, until even those faded.

White surrounded her and in the distance she heard, “I do.” And the happiness she felt before was magnified by ten. A positive pregnancy test, a painted nursery, a crying baby. Emily Brigitte. The world was perfect…

Until she was knocked out and her memory modified. “Anna will be pleased,” and, “Only when you see your complete family will you remember”. A burning hatred as she forgot it all, and moved on blindly, putting her faith in someone who claimed to be her aunt. Meeting John Cross, marrying him, having Wesley.

Now.

Well over an hour after Cindy Cross fainted, her eyes snapped open, much to everyone’s relief. The first person that came into focus made her gasp, and she stared hard to be sure.

“Emily?”
 
Oh, this is the chapter I was waiting for! I really love this fic. I can't wait to see how Kate/Emily reacts to Cindy's/Sydney's realization.
 
Chapter 6

My mother is dead.

All she could do was stand there, staring helplessly into oh god...who is she? Cindy's eyes. Cindy's expression was one of disbelief, which soon turned into confusion. "You're...You're huge."

For the first time in her entire life, Kate's mind went blissfully blank. She didn't feel the cool metal of the door handle, the thud of her feet pounding down the stairs, didn’t feel the snow underneath as she ran outside and down the street.

Loss of breath caused her to stop, and as she sucked in air greedily, she took stock of her surroundings. The road she had unconsciously taken was covered in snow and pine needles from the nearby trees, but in the distance she could see an old building that was obviously deserted.

Having no where else to go, Kate walked closer until she reached a wooden fence and her breath caught in her throat as she realized where she had come.

Graves littered a small plot of land before her. Some tombstones were broken from age and nature, giving it eerie desolation. She couldn't help but be reminded of her own father's grave, the nice neat plot where she had left daises only weeks before.

Jumping the fence, she landed on something hard. She stepped off of it, and used her hand to scoop off snow that had accumulated. Underneath was the top half of a tombstone, bearing only 'RIP'. A twinge of sadness went to her brain, and she couldn’t help but think this was where her mother was. Mom is dead. Dad told me she was dead. But how did Cindy know my name?

A bee sting on her neck brought her back to reality with a thud, and Kate didn’t even have time to remember that bees hibernate before she passed out onto the snowy graves.

***

It was a few seconds after Kate bolted until anyone in the room moved. Sydney sat there in open-mouthed shock, still reeling that her baby girl had grown up without her knowledge. The last thing she could remember was rocking her to sleep in a rocking chair her father had given to her the day after she told him she was pregnant. "Your mother used to rock you to sleep every night. It was the only way you would sleep through the entire night."

Scenes played through her mind again, just like before, except with more clarity, and vivid colors.
The first thing you notice is the daises everywhere, the second, his face, beaming at you. It almost makes you weak in the knees, but your father holds you up, and you walk down, eyes cemented to his. You can barely stand, and you pray that your knees will hold you up for a few minutes longer---2 in the morning, just on a whim, you run to Sav-On’s, and wait in agony as the little stick has two red lines. You stare at it for a minute, thinking it might be wrong, shake your head, and look at it again. You drop it, run into the bedroom and jump on the man sleeping there. "Syd?" he mumbles sleepily, and you kiss him hard, and he responds to you instantly. "I'm pregnant," you whisper, and all traces of sleepiness leave his eyes----"Just push harder, Syd!" he tells you, as you grunt in pain. You didn't let them give you the epidural, and now you're cursing everything on earth. "YOU push HARDER Vaughn!" The last time you called him Vaughn was when you were pissed at him for bringing home the wrong ice cream, and he cringes at the memory. Another contraction ripples through you, and you yell, "I hate you for TOUCHING ME." And then the doctor announces a head, and then shoulders, and then the rest of the body, and finally the legs. "It's a girl," Michael whispers in your ear, and you can't help but beam-----


"Cindy, are you all right? You were out for twenty minutes." She turned to the man at her right, who was staring at her with a frightened look in his eyes. She thought he had her mistaken for someone else and was going to tell him so when he asked, "Who is Emily?"

Her eyes narrowed, and she remained silent. Her spy instincts never left her for a second, and she wasn’t about to tell a strange man who thought she was someone else about her baby girl. A little boy walked up to the man and tugged at his hand. "Daddy, shouldn't we go after her? She’s probably still sad about her dad dying."

That caught Sydney's attention, and she turned to the boy slowly. "Her father is dead?" she asked calmly, hoping her voice wouldn't betray the sudden dread she felt inside.

His eyes became confused as he squinted at her. "Mom, you should know better than anyone. Kate talks to you more than me or Dad."

Her brain chose to ignore how he addressed her and chose to focus on the fact that Vaughn was dead. Her hands came up to her face, and she breathed deeply, trying to quell the overwhelming urge to start sobbing hysterically. Remembrances of him paraded through her mind; his face, his voice, his touch, the smell that she could recognize as soon as he walked into a room, all torturing her, reminding her that she would never see, touch, hear, feel, or smell him again. Her senses screamed in agony at the loss.

She didn’t hear John asking, "Who the hell are you?", but she felt the presence, and knew without even looking. Removing her hands from her face, she kept her eyes closed, lifted her head, and asked quietly, "Is he dead?"

The voice was one she remembered from her childhood, slightly accented, with an almost melodic rhythm. "I'm so sorry Sydney."

Hearing the confirmation broke down any barriers she had built, and the sobs racked her body until she was still, held in her mothers embrace. John and Wesley had backed away, although John was getting angry and frustrated by the lack of answers. It took a few minutes for her to regain her composure, and she sat up and pushed her way out of Irina's arms.

"Mom, what the hell is going on? One minute I'm rocking Emily to sleep and the next she’s a teenager and my husband is dead and I have no idea where I am." She paused for a minute, before continuing quietly, "Last time I checked we weren't exactly exchanging letters either."

Irina looked at her daughter sadly, and for the first time, Sydney saw her truly ashamed. "I feel I have to take some of the blame for your situation. Anna Espinoza became the head of K-directorate 18 years ago, and felt she needed to do something to make herself worthy of the position. I had recently stolen something from them, something they took pride in, and she decided to take you to make her revenge. You were abducted from your home and your mind was conditioned so that you remembered nothing. They planted you with an agent who claimed to be your aunt, and she had you start a new life. I didn't know until two weeks later when your father made contact with me and told me of the situation.

"It took me five years to find you, Sydney. I never imagined she would cover her tracks as well as she did. By then, you were married and pregnant, so it would have been worse to take you out of that life. I watched you though, and I watched your family. Emily and Vaughn were always protected, I made sure.

"However, one night, someone interrupted the security feed I had coming in from their home, and Vaughn was poisoned. Anna wanted Emily to have a taste of what it was like to have a family and normality, and then wanted it ripped away from her. I was so angry that night; I had her assassinated, which is what I should have done in the first place.

"I did the only thing I could do, I sent your daughter to you. One of my people switched the paper work so that Emily was sent to you. I thought that if you could have your daughter and your new family, perhaps you could live peacefully. I didn't know that you would regain your memory." Her face was pained as she continued, "If you're wondering how I knew, its because your house is bugged. I watched carefully, because I wasn’t about to let anything happen to you or my granddaughter again."

Irina and Sydney had long ago forgotten the presences of John and Wesley, who had listened in fascination and horror as Irina revealed exactly how Kate had come to their home, and who she was. John felt betrayed when he heard that his wife had a daughter and husband, and still loved them. It pained him just as much that she had no remembrance of their life together, only the one with "Vaughn"

Wesley's eyes had become larger and larger as Irina had spoken, but he didn't really understand. He thought perhaps this woman had snuck in and replaced his mother while she had spoken to Kate maybe she was a twin that his mom didn't know about. Nine year olds don't usually recognize denial.

Sydney's eyes clouded over as she looked longingly towards the door. "I don't know where she is. She just ran."

Irina smiled a tight smile. "She's downstairs, I found her before I came here. I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to her."

Eyes flashing, Sydney jumped off the bed. "If she's anything like me, she wouldn't just be sitting down there. What did you do to her?" When Irina just folded her arms across her chest, Sydney flung the door open and ran down the stairs. Emily was sleeping peacefully on the couch, her body comfortably positioned. Feeling her pulse, Sydney felt her heart slow a little and she sighed in relief when she realized that Emily was just tranquilized.

"I told you I wouldn't let anything happen to her," Irina said loudly, causing Sydney to drop her daughter's arm. The movement caused Emily to stir, and she pulled her arms up to her head sleepily. "It wasn't a strong dose, just enough to knock her out for a few minutes."

Sydney ignored her and bent down to stroke Emily's hair. Her eyes fluttered open, revealing the dark green orbs to her mother's chocolate brown ones. Confusion spread across her features as she was pulled into a hug, which she didn't return, because her brain was still fuzzy from the dart's poison.

TBC...
 
oh, god, this is so sad. emily/kate finally finds her mom and sydney realizes it, but vaughn is dead. you are such a wonderful writer. the plot is suspenseful and your dialogue is convincing. i can't wait to read more.
 
Wow, i just read this story that i almost missed because i'm not a S/V shipper (proud J/I shipper) mais your story is incredible, i love it ! (y)
 
Chapter 7

Sydney clung to her daughter for dear life, hoping, that perhaps, when she let go, Emily would be a baby again and Michael would still be alive. The disappointment of reality was nothing compared to they way her heart broke when Emily jerked out of her embrace.

Her daughter’s eyes were stormy; the exact color of Michael’s whenever they fought. Her teeth ground together as she jumped up and said in a very shaky tone, “My name is Kate, and my mother is dead. I don’t know who the hell you are.”

Sydney closed her eyes in confusion and hurt, not understanding why Emily called herself Kate. It struck her then, that Irina had never mentioned how they were protected, and it pained her even more as she realized that they must have gone into protective custody.

Irina stepped forward, eyes boring into her granddaughter’s. “You were born Emily Brigitte Vaughn, you know that, Kate.”

Her voice was no longer shaky, but insolent as she replied, “Yea, I know. But I’m not her anymore. Besides, who the hell are you?”

During their exchange, Sydney’s mind was flooded by new memories. Happy, domestic, loving memories of a life as someone else. Interrupting their conversation, she whispered loudly, “Oh god,” and turned to run upstairs. The people she was after, however, were already down.

She was crying, the tears dripping down rapidly. “Oh John, I’m sorry.”

Wesley was still confused, although the woman before him looked like his mom again. “Momma?” he whispered, and she pulled him into a tight hug.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” She began to rock back and forth with Wesley in her arms.

“Its ok, Momma. Are you better now?” She couldn’t respond to that, she could only continue to rock him.

Kate and Irina watched, the former with tears in her eyes and the latter with waves of guilt.

John finally spoke, touching his wife’s arm gently. “Cindy, what’s going on? Is what that woman said true?”

Letting go of her son, she stood up slowly. “First, my name isn’t Cindy. It’s Sydney. That young lady over there is my daughter, Emily Brigitte Vaughn, and the other is my mother. I used to work for the CIA, John, and I had a lot of enemies. They did this to me as revenge. And although this tore me away from my family, I will never regret the life we had, the one we built. I have a son, and a loving husband. I will never regret that, John.”

He felt the ‘but’ coming, and sighed as her eyes broke contact with his. “But I can’t stay here. Our lives can’t be the same. And I know you. You wouldn’t be able to live with me, knowing all the horrible things I’ve had happen to me in the past. You may deny it now, but I know.”

He nodded, the tears forming. She was right, it killed him to know that she had loved someone else the way he loved her, and that she had it ripped away from her.

She turned to Kate, eyes still wet. “I know you don’t know me, but I want to get to know you with all of my heart. Will you let me?”

Kate thought back to the craziness and sadness she had endured in the past month, the heartache of losing Dad, getting a new family, moving somewhere completely foreign. The world had become dark and ugly to her, but finally, she was getting a little light back.

“Yes.”





Epilogue





“Dad, it’s been a little less than two months since I’ve been to visit, and you know why. I can’t stay here long, because Mom and I are going to live in Canada, Grandma Irina is going to help us get there. We haven’t told anyone about her being alive, and that’s hard on her, because she misses her old friends. The hardest part, for both of us, is that you’re not going to be there with us. We’ve been telling each other stories, a few a night. I’ve learned about how you two met, since I know about the CIA now, and she’s been learning how well you did as a parent.”

Kate stroked the daises she had placed on the headstone moments before, and Sydney rubbed soothing circles on her back. Haltingly, she continued, “John and Mom are separated, but they are still friends. He understands that she can’t be Cindy Cross anymore, and Wesley is coming to stay with us for Easter. He’s accepted things very well, and although he misses his mom, I think he’s happy he has a sister.”

Another deep breath, and then she said, “We love you so much Dad. It’s still so hard, living without you. But, if I have to do it, I’m glad I found Mom so we can do it together. Goodbye, Dad. I’ll always love you so much.”

Now, Sydney stepped forward and traced his name with a trembling finger. “Oh Michael. There are so many things to say. I won’t say them all here, but start, and I’ll add to it every night. Deep down I’d always prepared myself for that moment that I’d lose you, just like I’ve lost every other man I’ve ever loved. It was like a sledgehammer, Michael. Worse than anything I’ve ever felt, even finding Danny in the bathtub, or Noah under the mask.

“Mom is helping us, I know you hate that, but her words feel so sincere. I’ve never seen her more ashamed than when she told me about the night you died. I know it may be foolish, but for once, I’m trusting her. She may have been absent as a mother, but she’s trying so hard now.

“I’m so sorry you had to parent alone, although, you did a wonderful job. Our daughter is so beautiful and smart, and just…perfect. Thank you. We’re going to live in Canada, and try to have as normal a life we can have. I will always love you, Michael. Always.”

With a final caress of the cold marble, Sydney took Kate’s hand, and they walked to their car, ready to start a new life. Together.
 
Duck! You posted this here! Oohhh! I'm sure everyone loves it. It's really great, but I already told you a million times at SD-1! Oh, just in case you don't know who I am, in SD-1 I'm a member as Alias_Freak33. Just so you know.

Again, this is a great story. I cannot tell you how much I love it.


~Shammi~
 
OMG!!! That was soooo..... good! :woot: I loved it! What a great ending to a like perfect story! Too bad Vaughn had to die but it was great all the same!! I think you should write a sequel or something. That would be great. :woot:
 
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