FUNNY

Twisted..ey? So what kinda jokes you like? Sadly, mine are usually crude, what can I say, I blame the mates! ^_^
 
Oh well, let's think of one......................no sorry to rude! LMAO
 
Ok, I am not very good at telling jokes so typing them, well.....I'll probably be worse, but here goes, hope you like it........................

The nuns at the local convent had their daily annoucement session. The mother superior walked out in front of the 100 nuns with a very serious frown on her face. She began to speak...

Mother Superior: There had been a sinful deed committed here, yesterday.

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: Today I found a pair a men's underwear.

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And I also found a condom.

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And it has been used!

99 nuns: Oh, no!

1 nun: Hee, hee, hee.

Mother Superior: And there was a hole in it!

1 nun: Oh, No!

99 nuns: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee!.....


So what do you think (y) / (n) ?
 
meh.....................predictable.

I have some bad ones .


There is a priest, a rabbi, and a clown on a boat. The boat starts to sink.
"AHhhh" Says the clown.
"What are we gonna do?" Says the priest.
"The children, we must save the children!" Says the rabbi!
"Fu*k the children!" says the clown.
"Do you think we have time???" The priest replies.
 
Things guys should know about girls:
1. Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy
listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
4. Girls are pretty, but yours is ALWAYS the Prettiest!
5. You don't have PMS; don't f***in act like you know what it's
like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing
something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a big Dick; we know you don't.
8. Size does matter, but only to hoes; not girls that want real
relationships.
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big.
10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys not us.

11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't,
apologize.
14. Be spontaneous; dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature; we can't help it.
16. We are DrAmA queens.
17. Fashion police do exist.
18. Don't ask us to give u head; if you are nice you just
might get it.
19. We absolutely DO NOT care about monster trucks, car
systems, paintball, or anything else you and your friends talk about... in other words shut the f*** up
20. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
21.eWe don't shave our legs everyday so get over it.
22. Don't make bets about us; we will always find out.
23. Shave; no matter how cool you think your goatee or
beard or mustache looks, we always hate it.
24. Even if you think it is cool to burp, fart, or emitt
other strange gases from your body, itisnt, so DONT..
25. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's; hers
are fake, just remember that. ( u have a better shot at ours than you ever
will with hers, you may as well give it up now)
26. It is not cool to shoot snot rockets.
27. We are beautiful at all times.
28. We will always think we are fat, so humor us and tell us
we aren't.
29. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat
guys, and hit a little baseball with a stick, so why the hell can't you piss
in the toilet and not on it.
30. Most importantly: we are always right; so don't forget
it.


GO |GIRLS!!!!! WE ROCK!!!!! soz if i offended any one!
 
soz, u don't like it then? try this one then:-

Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6......... No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.
 
I told my mum that joke AliasHombre and she thought it was funny, bad, yet funny! :D
 
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