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HILARIOUS! must read!

Discussion in 'Alias Fun' started by Agent_Goodnight, Jan 1, 2003.

  1. Agent_Goodnight

    Agent_Goodnight Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    lol this is made up but I got it off a site!

    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>Top Tens
    Top Ten Ways Syd Celebrates Christmas
    </span>


    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>10. Stocks up on mistletoe to use during meetings with Vaughn.

    9. Wears a Santa hat with every disguise.

    8. Forms a plan to find the Grinch and expose his connection to SD-6.

    7. Sets her cell phone to ring to the tune of the song Sleigh Ride.

    6. Gives Sloane a fruitcake. (Fights the urge to beat him with it.)

    5. All alibis contain the words "reindeer" or "merry."

    4. Refuses missions to anywhere but the North Pole.

    3. Prefers to use the code name Silent Night.

    2. Gift wraps her dead drops to the CIA.

    1. Exclaims "And to all a good night!" as she shoots at bad guys and flees. </span>

    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>Sloane's Top Ten Hints for a Festive Holiday Season**</span>


    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>10. Not enough chairs at the table? Kill one of the guests.

    9. A fake severed finger in the stuffing is a sure laugh-getter.

    8. Tell visitors that when the timer pops up on the turkey, they have ten seconds before it explodes.

    7. Question the pumpkin for secrets as you cut it up and make a pie.

    6. Claim that the turkey's death was a mercy killing.

    5. Reenact the story of the Pilgrims' first cranberry sauce weapon.

    4. At end of meal, stand up and proclaim, "You must tell no one about this!"

    3. Organize a covert operation to remove lumps from the mashed potatoes.

    2. Blackmail relatives by threatening to reveal their secret recipes

    1. Two words: gravy bomb. </span>

    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>Top Ten Least Impressive Marshall Gadgets</span>

    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>10. Digital clock that is also a radio

    9. Cuff links shaped like dice

    8. Wet-dry beard trimmer with night vision

    7. Football-shaped phone

    6. Glove-compartment Slurpee machine

    5. Super-itchy pants

    4. Pepper grinder that dispenses a little too much pepper

    3. Self-cleaning Isotoner gloves

    2. More-realistic-than-usual rubber vomit

    1. Stapler with hidden scotch-tape dispenser



    Top Ten Rejected Names for 'Alias'</span>


    10. Days of our Spies

    9. My So-Called Job

    8. Bristow 'N Bristow

    7. Lifestyles of the Mean and Nasty

    6. Sloane in Charge

    5. My Two Lives

    4. Suspicious Minds

    3. Who Wants To Be A Double Agent?

    2. Sydney and The Man

    1. Two Guys, A Girl and The CIA

    </span>

    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>Top Ten Signs You're Not a Bristow</span>

    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>10. You don't own a single wig.

    9. You trust members of your family.

    8. You're in little danger of being investigated by the FBI.

    7. The coolest gadget at your disposal is a staple remover.

    6. You haven't been betrayed by anyone in the last week.

    5. You speak only one language.

    4. Telling other people about your job does not guarantee their untimely demise.

    3. You can't remember the last time you were on an airplane.

    2. Not once have you been accused of betraying your country.

    1. You are happily involved in a relationship. </span>



    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>Top Ten Things To Do While Alias Isn't On
    During the Summer
    </span>


    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>10. Whenever the phone rings, pick it up and whisper, "I'm ready."

    9. Take classes to learn other languages, so you'll be prepared for the new season of Alias.

    8. If a guy shows up at your office to do repairs, put him in a headlock and demand to know who sent him.

    7. One word: stakeout.

    6. Explore the comfort of inflatable furniture.

    5. Say "Sometimes the truth hurts" whenever you hear the word "truth."

    4. Wear a disguise when you leave the house.

    3. Make friends with a reporter and tearfully ask him to stop working on a story.

    2. Travel from room to room by way of the air ducts.

    1. Ask everyone you meet if they'll be your handler. </span>

    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>Ten More Things To Do While Alias Isn't On
    During the Summer
    </span>

    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>10. For one entire day each week, speak only lines that have been said on Alias.

    9. Take up running, because you never know when you'll have to make a quick exit.

    8. Whenever you can, change clothes in the restroom of a public building.

    7. Begin work on your own spy gadgets.

    6. Obtain a life-sized photo of Dr. Barnett and tell it all of your problems.

    5. Pray that your boss never says he thinks of you as his own child.

    4. Travel the world - or the Internet if you're on a budget - looking for locations where Alias episodes were filmed.

    3. Reply "Where did you obtain your intel?" at any point that seems appropriate.

    2. Practice your Sultry Lounge Singer act.

    1. Spend time looking for ways you can save the world and/or right wrongs.</span>



    <span style='font-size:21pt;line-height:100%'>Top Ten Signs You're a Bad Spy </span>


    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>10. You often ask people, "Mind if I spy on you for a sec?"

    9. Your photos of secret documents are all just close-ups of your thumb.

    8. Your name: "Billy." Your secret code name: "Double-0-Billy."

    7. Concealed within your umbrella is a slightly smaller umbrella.

    6. Always order your malt liquor shaken, not stirred.

    5. You keep accidentally chewing your plastic explosives.

    4. Instead of trench coat, you wear a lovely pink bathrobe.

    3. On your passport, occupation listed as "not a spy, that's for damn sure!"

    2. You look through wrong end of your telescope and report that "them Russians is tiny."

    1. You recently defected to K-Mart. </span>
    :sideroll:



    :D
     
  2. Azalea

    Azalea Azy in Wonderland

    Joined:
    Dec 28, 2002
    Location:
    the Ozarks
    Oh my god, those are hilarious!!!! :woot: :woot: Generally, when you see those kinds of lists on message boards, they're not that great, but this one sounds like it was written by a professional comedy writer! Whoever wrote it should consider working for SNL or Letterman or something. Thanks for posting it! (y)
     
  3. Flames24

    Flames24 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2002
    Location:
    [N]orth [C]arolina aka NASCAR Country
    That was funny! Thanks for posting it!
     
  4. Iluvaughn

    Iluvaughn Captain

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2003
    hhahaa, these are so funny!!!i love the whole thing with Sydney giving sloane and a fruitcake and trying not to beat him with it!!
     
  5. SydneyRox

    SydneyRox Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2002
    Location:
    Deep in the heart of Texas :)
    lol!!! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

    I loved the list about Sloane's top ten hints for a festive holiday season... "10. Not enough chairs at the table? Kill one of the guests." :sideroll: :sideroll:
     
  6. a.k.a.Kate_Jones

    a.k.a.Kate_Jones Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2002
    Location:
    behind you.
    nooooooooo!! That's me!!!! :D
     
  7. SiriCerasi

    SiriCerasi Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2002
    Location:
    CA
    2. Gift wraps her dead drops to the CIA.

    I loved that one :ROFLMAO:
     
  8. verdantheart

    verdantheart Guest

    Especially the Sloane ones! Very funny! Thanks for sharing!
     
  9. Agent_Goodnight

    Agent_Goodnight Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    Hey no problem! lol I love it.. you guys should watch the spoof on the Alias episode that soemone posted ! it is beyond funny :LOL: , that is if u haven't already! lol it's labeled spoof in fan media I apologize for not knowing the person who posted it! :shamefullyembarrased:
     
  10. Always Alias81

    Always Alias81 Captain

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    That was really funny!!!!!! Thank you for putting them up!!!
     
  11. mdw

    mdw Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Location:
    Missouri
    My favorites! :P These are great!
     
  12. Alias

    Alias Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2002
    Funny funny funny!! I loved it!!
     
  13. clarissima

    clarissima Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2003
    LOL, that is hilarious! Who made it and where? ;)
     
  14. Sunfire_77

    Sunfire_77 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2002
    Location:
    Right where I am sitten
    Omg that is Funny!!!!!!!!!! I love it. :)
     
  15. Sunfire_77

    Sunfire_77 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2002
    Location:
    Right where I am sitten
    Who wrote that? That is just down right funny! :LOL: :) :D :) :LOL: :)
     
  16. aliasbabe48

    aliasbabe48 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2002
    ~lol~that wuz very funny! i can't stop smiling!he!he!
     
  17. Agent_Goodnight

    Agent_Goodnight Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2003
    Well I got it from this site http://www.neloo.com/alias/index.html! lol It has great quotes too!


    lol enjoy!


    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>A</span><span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>G</span>
     
  18. Azhria Lilu

    Azhria Lilu Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2002
    Location:
    Derbyshire, UK
    That IS great. I might just have to read it again!
     
  19. shakila

    shakila Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2002
    Location:
    Quebec,Canada
    omg that was hilarious.i so have to print that.
     
  20. Kara

    Kara eternally nostalgic

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2003
    Location:
    under your bed
    That was great!! Thanks for a good laugh, I needed one!
     

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