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How it should Be

Discussion in 'Creative Writing & Arts' started by Vaughn'sGirl, May 8, 2003.

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  1. Vaughn'sGirl

    Vaughn'sGirl Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    Setting: using J.J. 's character's and premise of sydney missing and vaughn's wedding (how it should be)
    Irina sits over throgh Sark's computer now that he was arrested lokking for info on slaone . She comes a cross a email he just recieved from an Allison Doran:

    Sark,
    Hi , i have one question , should I kill sydney now because I killed will after he left a message on her phone. He was supsecting me and was doing research. Now we can be together after this is over, looking forward to it~ Allie


    As she reads she realizes that the list of DNA on the Double that she sent syd had the intials A.G.D. Fearin for ther daughter 's life she calls sydney on her cell phone but there was no answer , she she left amessage. She then decides to pay syd a visit.

    In the distance Sydney could hear her cell phone ringing but couldn't pull strenght to get it.
     
  2. Vaughn'sGirl

    Vaughn'sGirl Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    This is my first fan fic , hope you like it
     
  3. sarahh729

    sarahh729 Rocket Ranger

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    Apr 3, 2003
    Location:
    Maryland, USA
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>I do like it, its different from everyone else's so far :D </span>
     
  4. Syd_Vaughn4ever

    Syd_Vaughn4ever Rocket Ranger

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    Mar 9, 2003
    MORE!!!! I wanna read MORE :thumbup: so far so good
     
  5. Ames47

    Ames47 Amy Strikes Back

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2003
    Location:
    the outskirts of HELL
    hmm? ok this is really different!! but in a good way of course!! need more to see if i like what you are doing!! :D (y)
     
  6. Vaughn'sGirl

    Vaughn'sGirl Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    When Irina got here she found will , who appeared to be dead and the house is a wreck!In syd's room she finds Francie has been shot 3 times , dead and a unconscious bloody syd alying admist glass.Irina calls 911posing as a concerned neighbor who heard gunshots. She then carries sydney out of the house to her car and drives to the aripport and takes her to her base in hawaii.

    Back at CIA headquarters a receptionsit delivers the message to Wesis concering the 911 call made concering gunshots at Agent bristows house and the suggestion to send an agent. Weis calls Vaughn and tells him the news and vaughn rushes over to the house.
     
  7. Xtremelimits08

    Xtremelimits08 Rocket Ranger

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    Apr 19, 2003
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    Cleveland
    MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (y) (y) (y) (y)
     
  8. Avrilfan89

    Avrilfan89 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2002
    Need.... More..... Soon...
    THat was really good. Please post more.
    -Amber
     
  9. Vaughn'sGirl

    Vaughn'sGirl Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    As vaughn is driving faranticaly over to Sydney's house he is thinking what would or could have happened , is sydney all right? If not I will hurt who ever did this , I swear.When Vaughn pulls in the driveway he sees all the lights are on . Once he opened the door with his key , he sees bloodsmeared all over , broken glass, a gun etc...He immmeditaly starts screaming Sydneys name. The farther he gets the louder he screams and is prepared to what he might find.He can't take it any longer , he runs to Sydneys' room and freezes when he sees franice's bodyy laying there! His mind is racing , all he can think about is sydney's gone!He runs all around the house checking every room and soon finds Will's body. He takes out his cell and calls jack and tells him syd is missing. jack is upset and goes crazy and tells vaughn he is on his way .While on the phone he notices that will seems to be breathing , so he checks his pulse and raliszes will is not dead. he calls an ambulance . he goes back and clears a spot on the couch . Vaughn finds sydney's cell phone . here is one message , so he listens to it. It is Irina telling syd to be carefull because francie is the double . he decides to listen to her last messge fro clues, and he noticed was checked about 5 minutes after he dropped her off. It was from will telling her that he found medicine in the bathroom and he thinks the doubel is fran. Vaughn turns the cell of and is about to putit in this pocket when there is a knock at the door. It 's jack and wesis. Vaughn tells them he called and ambulance for will and he suspects Francie was that double . Jack runs to syd's room and sees francie, then notices 2 bloody foot prints that lead to the broken mirror. "With closer examination it seems that a person was laying her becasue the glass is every where but there", comments jack. Some of the glass was bloody so jack asks vaughn to get a baggy to put it in.Vaughn leads Wesis to will so he could asess the situation then returns with the baggy.Vaughn then tells Jack of the mesages Irina and will both left concernig francie , when weis interupts and announces the ambulance and investiagtion team has arrived.Jack suggests everyone either goes home or back to headquarters to report back. Vaugn stays back and after they are gone he collapses crying on the floor. he sobs and pulls out his phone and hers then presses speed dial . sydneys's phone begins to ring and he hears her voice come on and asks to leave a message. He is thinking about how much he needed to hear her voice as he begins to speak:
    Hey Baby,
    Good to hear you voice and i was just calling to tell you that I love you! And to tell you that I will find you and hold you soon . Our vaction is all planned , don't woory we won't have to ou it ooff because you'll be back , believe me . Missing you ,
    Love vaughn
    P.S.All of her stuff is at my house


    He hangs up and then gets a sitcase and packs all of hter clothersand pictures , jewerly etc.. including her mother's eariing . Vaughn then leaves and goes home and puts all her stuff away in his dresser. he then collaspes on the couch, as he fals asleep he dreams of her, all the things she hasd said and relives their memoires together in his dream.
     
  10. Ames47

    Ames47 Amy Strikes Back

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2003
    Location:
    the outskirts of HELL
    this is really sweet and sad!! i just have one thing to say is that you need to edit your story. but other than that it is great and cant wait to see what happens!! :D (y)
     
  11. Aliasfan23

    Aliasfan23 Rocket Ranger

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    Mar 4, 2003
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  12. The Kate Vartan

    The Kate Vartan Rocket Ranger

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    this is sweet!
     
  13. Sarahmañana

    Sarahmañana Rocket Ranger

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    Apr 26, 2003
    ah thatz sweet....
     
  14. btvaughn

    btvaughn Rocket Ranger

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    Dec 7, 2002
    Location:
    Ohio
    You're doing a good job so far, considering it's your first fic! The only thing I noticed is to watch the tenses. The story is halfway being told in the past and in the present tenses. I just have this habit of always noticing it! And I'm not sure if you want to, but if you added people talking things might be a little easier to understand. But I can't wait to read more!
     
  15. Syd_Vaughn4ever

    Syd_Vaughn4ever Rocket Ranger

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    Mar 9, 2003
    I like it I want more!
     
  16. aliasgurl

    aliasgurl Rocket Ranger

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    Mar 2, 2003
    Location:
    Atlanta, GA
    this is good but so sad at the same tme.
     
  17. The Kate Vartan

    The Kate Vartan Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2002
    Location:
    California
    Agreed. Also, please consider trying to make paragraphs because once a block of text gets too long, it gets hard to read and I tend to get distracted or lost. Good job so far. ^_^
     
  18. Vaughn'sGirl

    Vaughn'sGirl Captain

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2003
    About 4am he woke up and hears beeping noises and it takes him back to when syd and him woke up to recieve a message in mode code from syd's earrings. He jumps off the couch and realizes that is it! It 's the earrings! He francitcally begins to search. he runs to his room and picks them up off his dresser then grabs a peice a paper and scribbles
    <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>SSAFESYDNEYI, VESYOUSHELO</span>
    he wripes the peice of paper up as he saw syd do ot before which seems like a moment ago. The message says: <span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>SYDNEY IS SAFE , SHE LOVES YOU.</span>

    vaughn gets up and calls Wesis saying" I know where sydney is , I mean I knkow who has her. Irina Derevkohas her , but she is safe and she loves me!"

    "Okay , okay , slow dowm buddy " says wesis " your right the foot print is Irina's"

    " what else did you find out? " vaughn asks curiosly.

    " the blood and the DNA on the broken mirror was Sydney's , it seems she was hit over the head with it "

    " oh no!" Vaughn heart is racing . " Who hit her? I swear I will kill them!"

    " Too late , syd already did that, the prints on the gun that shot francie are Sydney's"

    " Why would Syd kill Francie," vaughn said peicing it all together,"unless she was the double all along , she set all the listening devies and cameras"

    " Your Right! Francie 's body was tested and she is the double , her real name is Allison Doran"

    " How's will doing?"

    " Oh he is fine , tomorrow he should come out of his comma."

    "Please calll me when Willwakes up and give Jack my ideas on Sydney's whereabouts. i got to get some sleep . bye Wesis , see ya tomorrow!"
    Vaughn hung up and closed his eyes and once again seeing Sydnye's beautiful face drifted off to sleep.

    When Vaughn arrived at work , jack ran up to him and commanded him to be in his office in 10 minutes and kendall wanted to see him first. Oh Great. vaughn thought , what could kendal possibly want now?
    " Excuse me , sir you wanted to see me?" Vaughn asked

    " yes agent Vaughn, it has become clear that you and your client agent bristow have become too close for you being her handler, thanks to some vidoe footage I receieved. So you are being reassigned!"

    " With all due respect , I will qiut if you reassign me !"

    Kendal hits the call button and tells his sectratary" to send in Ms. Bristow now!"
    vaughn interrupts and says" Sydney has been missing since last night !"

    " What ? and Why was't I notified?"

    " As her handler I didn't think you should know and I am the only one with leads so is you fire me you will never find your best asset!" Vaughn replies.

    Kendal then calls in Jack and startes screaming at both of them and then Jack just tells him off. He then takes control and demandes a search unit with capable men including agent vaughn and dixon.Kendall refuses and Jack just leaves.
     
  19. Syd_Vaughn4ever

    Syd_Vaughn4ever Rocket Ranger

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    Mar 9, 2003
    hahahahahaha MORE!!!
     
  20. Ames47

    Ames47 Amy Strikes Back

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    Mar 31, 2003
    Location:
    the outskirts of HELL
    this is getting good!! stupid kendall!! ugh he should just quit!! ok great so far post more soon!! :D
     

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