this is really good!! i know you asked me to reveiw for you, and i have been really busy and haven't been able to, but its really good!! i do have two suggestions for you, and maybe you already do this, in which case, you can just ignore my suggestions.
1. Write your section on paper first, then when you are ready to type it up, you'll get a chance to read it over again, check for any mistakes and even add to some sections that need it. that's what i do, and i have found that its really helpful.
2. when you are writing dialogue, picture them saying it in an actual episode. pretend that JJ wrote the script and you are watching the next episode....and ask yourself, is this something that these characters would say? you probably already do that, and most of the stuff you wrote in your chapters i can picture the characters saying...so....GOOD WORK! and i can't wait for more!!!!!!!