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N need of help with my logline.

Discussion in 'Sci-Fi, Horror, and Fantasy Talk' started by Lucious, Mar 8, 2011.

  1. Lucious

    Lucious Cadet

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2011
    Location:
    New York, NY
    Troll Alert

    Hello everyone. I'm new to the forum, and would like feedback on my logline. Please be gentle (jk):confused:

    Extraordinary boy angel, thought to be the last of his kind, struggles to train at an elite academy when he discovers his destiny in a forbidden city.

    A log line is a brief, one sentence summary of a film, Tv show of a script.

    Still working on a couple of taglines:

    1.) What happens to the world if a star declares war?

    The synopsis has spoilers, so I can't post at this time.:p

    Thank You Skwirlinator, very, very helpful feedback!

    How about this:

    A boy angel trains at an elite trains at an elite academy to stop the creation of a revolutionary master race.??

    ...of course in the synopsis, it details why angels are separated by gender; why angels are, as most considered stars in the vast universe are revealed.

    Sorry for the typo

    A boy angel trains at an elite academy to stop the creation of a revolutionary master race.

    ... Like the adolescent one! Thx Tim. I'm going to work on this more.:)

    Ok, here's my revised logline:

    Extraordinary teen angel sets out on a quest to a forbidden city to stop the creation of a revolutionary master race.

    Thx Tim. Greatly appreciated!

    @Wolfrunner: Yes that's the stars I'm referring to - imagine, there are roughly 400 million stars in our massive galaxy; the privileged stars govern solar systems with life supporting planets. One goes rogue and destroys its systems, no biggie – the circle of life scenario. But when one plots to destroy and conquer the universe...

    I'm also working with this one too,

    A son of fire shall never bow before sons of clay.


    @Tim,

    That sounds enticing. A blog to totally geek out on! :)

    Also, I've tweeked my logline a bit more. Please let me know your feeback.

    In a society where angels are considered criminal, a teen angel sets out on a quest to a forbidden city to stop the creation of a revolutionary master race.
     
  2. Tom

    Tom An Old Friend

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2004
    Location:
    Gulf Coast
    Welcome

    What is a LogLine?
     
  3. Tom

    Tom An Old Friend

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2004
    Location:
    Gulf Coast
    I always thought it was a tagline. But anyway, Do you have a synopsis? Cant do a tagline if I dont know what the film is about?
     
  4. Tom

    Tom An Old Friend

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2004
    Location:
    Gulf Coast
    Extraordinary boy angel,
    Ok, Angels are no sexed so there is no such thing as a boy (or girl) angel
    Child angels are called Cherubs

    thought to be the last of his kind
    Gives away the fact that he isnt
    Last of their kind is also Omega

    struggles to train at an elite academy
    Everyone struggles at academies
    All academies are thought to be elite otherwise they are called school

    discovers his destiny in a forbidden city
    You have given away major plot developments
    Everyone discovers their destiny by experience
    Forbidden city is cliche

    Taglines are direct to the scope of the film.
    They are usually not proper sentences and have plot keywords in them.

    example - Terminator (1984)
    "Your future is in his hands"
    "No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable."

    for yours...

    " An adventure to destiny thru angel eyes"
     
  5. Tom

    Tom An Old Friend

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2004
    Location:
    Gulf Coast
    Ok, I am officially confused now?
     
  6. Tim

    Tim Creative Writer

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2005
    Location:
    England
    The "boy" doesn't sit well with me. I keep trying to think of alternatives such as, "An adolescent angel" or "Young angel in training at an elite academy seeking to prevent the creation of a revolutionary master race."
     
  7. Tim

    Tim Creative Writer

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2005
    Location:
    England
    Hmm, I wouldn't describe someone as extraordinary. Their feats as extraordinary though. ie. "Teen carries out extraordinary feat"
     
  8. Wolfrunner

    Wolfrunner Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Location:
    Mars
    When you say star I assume you are talking about the celestial kind and not the acting or song star. If so then look at the tv series Andromeda, there is a character that is a star (a superior being) that causes some havoc in the Universe.
     
  9. Tim

    Tim Creative Writer

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2005
    Location:
    England
    http://www.tooloozo.com/

    I'm a teeny bit concerned about this blog, the entries, and the number of user accounts and postings on this forum over the last few days.
     
  10. Wolfrunner

    Wolfrunner Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2010
    Location:
    Mars
    Rethink your rogue star idea as I said before its been done before. Look at the series Andromeda, the character Gemini is a rogue star in the body of a humanoid but with the ability to destroy ships, planets, etc.
     

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