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Only In America

Discussion in 'Open Chat' started by Azhria Lilu, Dec 20, 2002.

  1. Azhria Lilu

    Azhria Lilu Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2002
    Location:
    Derbyshire, UK
    Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
    Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
    Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
    Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
    Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
    Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
    Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
    Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
    Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
    Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

    EVER WONDER

    Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
    Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
    Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
    Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
    Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
    Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
    Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?
    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
    Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
    Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
    Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



    In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

    On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
    On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
    On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
    On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
    On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
    On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
    On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
    On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
    On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
    On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?
    On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
    On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
    On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
    On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
     
  2. agent hidden eyes

    agent hidden eyes Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Location:
    san diego,california
    alot of those are soo true..i did't realize that initll now.. give something to thing about the whole day
     
  3. Azhria Lilu

    Azhria Lilu Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2002
    Location:
    Derbyshire, UK
    Yes, we are weird peope in the USA!
     
  4. SydneyRox

    SydneyRox Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2002
    Location:
    Deep in the heart of Texas :)
    Here's a weird label instruction for a CD player: Remember, always use your head when using your headset! :blink:

    And I can put on mascara with my mouth closed! :mad: ^_^
     
  5. Azhria Lilu

    Azhria Lilu Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2002
    Location:
    Derbyshire, UK
    :LOL: Very good advice :P ;)
     
  6. sycofancy

    sycofancy KGB

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2002
    Location:
    Boston...
    My favorite warning label can be found on a knife.....it says "keep out of children".
    S.
     
  7. Azhria Lilu

    Azhria Lilu Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2002
    Location:
    Derbyshire, UK
    :LOL: :LOL: :LOL: Very good, S.

    Your 'da best :) ;)
     
  8. sycofancy

    sycofancy KGB

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2002
    Location:
    Boston...
    :cool: Thanks man!

    Everyone need a reminder.....both about the knife and about me. ;)
    S.
     
  9. vaughneya

    vaughneya Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Location:
    san jooooose, cali
    hahaha i also like how there was a lawsuit that you need to put Caution: contents may be hot on drinks now!!!
    they have hilarious things like this in REaders DIgest
     
  10. Only in America are there eleven teams in the Big Ten... :LOL:
     
  11. fatcharlie

    fatcharlie Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2002
    Why on the bottom of a box of Celebrations does it say, 'do not read this when box is open''???
     
  12. GO Syd

    GO Syd Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2002
    AMericans are very wierd people--i have a u know ur a jew when and a an israeli is...............
     
  13. GO Syd

    GO Syd Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2002
    it's NYC's answer to you know you're a redneck
    when...
    >
    >
    > If you are Jewish, or an aspiring Jew or married into a Jewish family, or
    > dating someone Jewish, there are certain things you must know to survive.
    >
    > Take this quiz to see if you've learned enough to function:
    > 1. There are no Jews living in:
    > a. sin b. El Paso c. trailer parks
    >
    > 2. The cleaning woman in a Jewish household is expected to:
    > a. do windows b. make latkes c. attend all bar mitzvahs and
    > weddings.
    >
    > 3. To make a good pet for a Jewish child, an animal must be:
    > a. gentle b. housebroken c. stuffed
    >
    > 4. Jews spend their vacations:
    > a. sightseeing b. sunbathing c. discussing where they spent their
    > last vacation and where they'll spend the next.
    >
    > 5. If there's a hairdresser in your immediate family, you are:
    > a. up on the newest style b. entitled to free haircuts c. not Jewish
    >
    > 6. Wilderness means:
    > a. no running water b. no electricity c. no hot and sour soup.
    >
    > 7. The most popular outdoor sport among Jews is:
    > a. jogging b. tennis c. howling over the neighbor's lawn ornaments
    >
    > 8. Jews never drive:
    > a. unsafely b. on Saturdays c. eighteen wheelers
    >
    > 9. A Jewish skydiver is:
    > a. careful b. insured c. an apparition
    >
    > 10. No Jewish person in history has ever been known to:
    > a. become a prostitute b. deface a synagogue c. remove the back of a TV
    > set
    >
    > 11. Jews never sing:
    > a. off-key b. "Nel Blu di Pinto di Blu" c. around a piano bar
    >
    > 12. Jews are ambivalent about:
    > a. vegetarianism b. Jesse Jackson c. Absolutely nothing
    >
    > SCORING: 1 point for each "a" answer ; 2 for each "b" ; 3 for each "c" .
    > 32-36 points: Mazel Tov! You know a lot about Jews. Either you've studied
    > your loved one's family carefully out of desire for true closeness, plus
    > your respect for their traditions, or you're from either Florida or New
    > York.
     
  14. Codename

    Codename Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2002
    Location:
    USA
    Only American's give internet access.. money?
     
  15. mdw

    mdw Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2002
    Location:
    Missouri
    And all this time I thought my Superman costume was broke! ;)
     
  16. vaughneya

    vaughneya Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2002
    Location:
    san jooooose, cali
    americans are so weird... i guess i can say that i love being one!
    okay yes, that makes me werid and random
     
  17. GO Syd

    GO Syd Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2002
    definetly vaughneria
     
  18. Brittany

    Brittany Mrs. Depp

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2002
    Location:
    GA
    Only in America does it take 5 construstion guys to dig a hole. One to actually drive the thing that digs the hole, one to give him directions, and 3 others to stand around watching, pointing, and grunting occasionally.
     
  19. GO Syd

    GO Syd Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2002
    LOL how many doctors does it take to screw in a lightbulb-2 one to screw it in and one to check if the lightbulb has life insurance
     
  20. Codename

    Codename Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2002
    Location:
    USA
    lol this board is sooo funny of all the things americans do!
     

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