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Sydney and Vaughn is love really lost

Discussion in 'Creative Writing & Arts' started by Jen-Jen, May 28, 2003.

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  1. Jen-Jen

    Jen-Jen Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    May 8, 2003
    Location:
    Oregon
    this is my first time posting so i hope you like please respond and tell me if i should keep going?? :unsure: :shamefullyembarrased: :D

    CHAP 1
    “What do you mean that I have been gone two years?”
    “Yeah you have”
    “What is that ring on your finger?”
    “Sydney I could not live without you I quit the C.I.A then your funeral came and I got closer”
    “What do you mean closer?”
    “Your father and I looked for you for over a year and finally we thought you were dead so we stopped looking”
    “So you gave up on me is that what your saying?”
    “No I am not saying that, I just let go.”
    “Oh! So who did you marry after you let me go?” Sydney said with a tone as if she did not care.
    “Alice….. I am so sorry I never met to hurt you.”
    “Yeah I know” Sydney thought to herself no I do not understand why? Why did you have to do this to me Vaughn?
    “So how long have you and Alice been married?”
    “One week”
    “Were you on your honeymoon?”
    “No just got back”
    “So why did you come and get me and not my father?”
    “Your father is on a mission”
    “Oh”
    “Well we should go so you can get some rest”
    “Vaughn”
    “Yeah Syd?”
    “Are you happy?”
    “Not as happy as I am with you”
    Sydney began to cry she couldn’t help it. Vaughn came over to comfort her and hug her but she would not let him.
    “We should go”
    “Yeah”
    On the plane it was a quiet ride home not a lot of talking.
    Vaughn?”
    “Yeah”
    “Did you ever go to Santa Barbara?”
    “No”
    “Oh”
    “Sydney what do you remember about that night?”
     
  2. alias8000

    alias8000 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    May 26, 2003
    This sounds pretty good. I'm interested to see where this is heading.
     
  3. Jen-Jen

    Jen-Jen Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    May 8, 2003
    Location:
    Oregon
    Chap 2
    "Well that night i went home and talking to Francie and i was talking to Francie and then is was listening to my messages and will left a message telling me that francie was really alison so i got up and got some ice cream and it was coffee and the real Francie doesnt like it so i asked her if she wanted some and she said she did so i went to get changed and got my gun and Allison came in and said that Francie doesnt like coffee ice cream. so then we fought and i shot her two times then it went black."
    "Oh my god"
    "What?"
    "Its just i was coming to get you and when i got there you werent there"
    "Oh" i began to cry
    "Were almost back to La so you should get some sleep so you can be ready for everyone to rush and great you and have Kendell ask you a ton of questions"
    "Alright"
    "When we get back to headquarters i will leave you alone"
    "Why are you going to leave me alone?"
    "Well i thought that you would never want to talk to me again"
    i thought to myself i do want to talk to you but he is with Alice and i cant ever forgive him for giving up on me.
    That night took me home and wanted to know if i wanted to do something but all i wanted to is cry i lost the only person i really loved ever.

    end of chap what do you think tell please reaspond :unsure:
     
  4. Ames47

    Ames47 Amy Strikes Back

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2003
    Location:
    the outskirts of HELL
    this isnt a bad start!! i an curious to see how you play this out!!
     
  5. Betha Bristow

    Betha Bristow Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2003
    Location:
    United States
    hmmm, I wonder what will happen next..
     
  6. krzykty57789

    krzykty57789 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    May 7, 2003
    Location:
    Virginia
    whhaat will happen next...please post soon
     
  7. Syd_Vaughn4ever

    Syd_Vaughn4ever Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2003
    He better get a God dam* divorce from her that is all I have to say!!! Alice!!!!! Ewwwwwww nasty!! Bad mental image!!
     
  8. *SPYnish*

    *SPYnish* Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2003
    Location:
    SPAIN
    Interesting, More Pleaseeee (y)
     
  9. Alias Elle

    Alias Elle Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Well, I think this could have some potential, but there's a few things I need to mention;

    1.) GRAMMAR! I have hounded every writer on this board about grammar, spelling, etc., so don't feel bad. Just, every time before you post, just copy this into Word and run spellcheck. Please!

    2.) The language is slightly premature for two people who haven't seen each other in a while. Also, I feel like it's being hurried along.

    Other than that stuff, I think you've got a good thing here, just work on it a little ;)

    ~Me :angel2:
     
  10. Jen-Jen

    Jen-Jen Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    May 8, 2003
    Location:
    Oregon
    Chap 3

    That night Vaughn was sitting in his office thinking about what he had done to Sydney when Alice came in.
    “Honey is everything alright?”
    “No I had a really bad day” he said it with such anger.
    “Is there anything I could do?”
    “Yeah…..Leave me alone I need to think!”
    “Ok dear if you need me I will be in the living room.”
    With that Alice had left and Vaughn was there to think about how stupid he had been with everything that has been going on. How in the world could he just marry someone else and not even realize that he doesn’t even love his wife he loves Sydney and he had to tell her. So he called
    “Will I need to talk to Sydney?”
    “No”
    “Will I am not asking I am telling you”
    “Fine hold on” will went and got Sydney in her room.
    “Hello”
    “Sydney”
    “Vaughn”
    “Yeah, we need to talk meet me at the where house”
    “Vaughn now?”
    “Yeah”
    “Fine 30 minutes?”
    “Yeah sure”
    Sydney hung up the phone wondering what he wanted and wondered what he was going to say to her.
    “Hi” Vaughn said
    “Hi what do you want?”
    “I need to know one thing”
    ”What”
    “Do you love me?”
    “What?”
    “Do you love me?”
    “Yes of course I do up until yesterday I still thought that we were together come to find out that I have been missing for 2 years!”
    “Good that’s all I need to know now I can go call my layer and tell him to draw up divorce papers!”
    “No you can’t do that”

    hope you all like it will have more tomarrow :D :rolleyes: :sleep:
     
  11. Alias lover

    Alias lover Rocket Ranger

    excellent, it's really really good
    keep going, i gotta go, i'm sorta at school right now
    in english class might i add

    ~Kim~
     
  12. mer_vaughn

    mer_vaughn Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2003
    Location:
    Sacramento, California
    Woo Hoo! Divorce, divorce, divorce!
     
  13. Crawstinium

    Crawstinium Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2003
    this is good, and i know i'm being picky, but i really think that it would make the story better and certainly more comprehensive if you could use more commas and periods and less run-on? just a suggestion, its just easier to read, but i like it! :D
     
  14. Syd_Vaughn4ever

    Syd_Vaughn4ever Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2003
    What do you mean "no you can't"??? Yes YES he can!!
     
  15. Alias Elle

    Alias Elle Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2002
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    I agree with Craw. Half the time I don't know who's talking in this story. And stop rushing! That thing about the divorce papers came straight out of left field! You should lead up to MAJOR climaxes like that instead of just dropping them on a character like it was nothing.

    ~Me :angel2:
     
  16. Alias Fan Gillian

    Alias Fan Gillian Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2003
    Location:
    Scotland
    Great start to your story. Can you pm if you post more.
     
  17. AliasLuver4Ever

    AliasLuver4Ever Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2003
    Location:
    Oklahoma
    Great story can you pm me when you post more?
     
  18. krzykty57789

    krzykty57789 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    May 7, 2003
    Location:
    Virginia
    hehe..his divorcing his evil wife...hehe..could i get a pm?
     
  19. A.I.C.

    A.I.C. Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2003
    Interesting..really interesting...Do you continue this story? ( please do!)
     
  20. Alias_Freak

    Alias_Freak Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    May 28, 2003
    Location:
    Canada
    good! pm me when you update please!
     

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