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the path of darkness

Discussion in 'Creative Writing & Arts' started by Moriel, Apr 7, 2003.

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  1. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    Chapter 1 part 1

    sydney was standing in what was left of the credit daughine building, suddenly a male figure appoched from behind.

    "i hope you didn`t forget."

    sydney turned around only to see sark standing in front of her."what do you want"-sydney
    "i`ve came to tell you that if you do not come with me, i will kill everyone you care about."-sark

    sydney pulled out her gun and pointed it at sark. "you don`t expect me to listen to you do you?"-sydney
    "i want to tell you the truth, i really do, but i`m afraid i can`t or, my master will kill me so how bout you come with me and then maybe i`ll tell you.
    sark pulled out his gun, "drop the gun or i`ll shoot."
    sydney dropped her gun. sark pulled out his cellphone and dialed for asstance. "hello this is mr. sark, the job`s almost done, give me an hour or two and i`ll be finished." with that the line went dead.
    sark put his phone in his pocket and walked over to sydney and grabbed her gun on the floor.
    "please don`t hurt vaughn, please."
    "i can`t promiss you anything, but if you come with me, that won`t be a problem."

    anna walked into the building. "your boss told me to come."
    "i called him and told him everything was ok"-sark
    "is this ms. bristow?"-anna "yes, she apparently won`t come with me, i`m gonna leave, so i want you to try to convince her to come with us."-sark
    "i`ll try."-anna
    sark left the building as anna appoached syd.
     
  2. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    please reply.
     
  3. Chanel

    Chanel Rocket Ranger

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    Feb 26, 2003
    oooo... i like it... i love cliffhangers. please write more! (i love twists in the story)
     
  4. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    Chapter 1 Part 2

    anna stopped walking about a foot away from syd,
    "i see you still haven`t listened to sark, if you don`t i will kill you and all the people who you care about."-anna
    "please, just go away and keep everyone out of this."-sydney
    anna pulled out her gun and pointed in at sydney.
    "if you don`t come with me, i`ll shoot."-anna

    sydney kicked anna in the stomach.
    "you will pay for that"-anna she shot syd in the thigh, and walked away.
    as soon as anna was gone, sydney took her cellphone out of her pocket and dialed vaughn`s number.
    "hello, this is agent vaughn."
    "hi, it`s me, sydney, i need you to come and pick me up, i`m in a warehouse near the cia office."
    "what happened?"-vaughn
    "she shot me in my thigh, i need you to pick me up."-sydney
    "i`ll be right there"-vaughn

    vaughn`s pov
    *is she gonna be ok? what if i never get to see her again?*
    *i hope she doesn`t die.*
    no pov

    vaughn got in his car and drove over to a warehouse near the cia.
     
  5. kleverkitten

    kleverkitten Rocket Ranger

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    Thigh? :blink: Is it just me, or is that kinda weird....I dunno, maybe it is just me.
     
  6. FrEeLaNcEr03

    FrEeLaNcEr03 Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2003
    :oAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. that was scary!! please write nore soon!! :o :eek: :eekhair: :cuss: :cat: :devil: :starwars: :shocked:

    :redwig: :aty: :phaseone: :getaway: these are really scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they dont look like sydney!
     
  7. btvaughn

    btvaughn Rocket Ranger

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    I'm interested, but the parts have been kind of short, so I'm not sure what's going on exactly, but I bet it'll make sense later! Good job so far, but the story is missing something. I don't want that to sound bad, but I'm not sure how else to explain it (I'll try and figure out what I'm talking about)....but really, nice job!
     
  8. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    i know it`s short, but i have been going through a writer`s block, everybody`s been taking over the computer all week so i`m sorry. here`s the next chapt my kind and loyal readers.

    chapter 2

    vaughn got out of his car and ran into the warehouse, (he hoped it was the right warehouse) and he ran inside to see syd on the ground bleeding heavily."it`s gonna be ok"he said as he approched her.

    vaughn`s pov
    i hope she`s gonna be alright, it looks like she`s been through alot.
    no pov

    vaughn sat down beside syd on the ground and carefully tore off a strip from his shirt and applyed presher to her thigh. sydney leaned into him and almost fell asleep.
    "syd, don`t leave me, please."-vaughn syd opened her eyes and looked straight at vaughn. "i`m fine"-syd vaughn got up and carried syd back to his car still applying presure to her thigh. they got to vaughn`s car and he carefully put syd in the seat next to him and got in. "syd, what happened?"
    "sark was trying to get me to come with him and then he left anna incharge."
    vaughn kept applying presure and driving at the same time and he finally got to the cia building.

    he carefully got sydney out of the car and carried her into the cia building.
    "syd, i love you, i want you to know that, alright, you`re gonna be ok."-vaughn "i love you too."
    they finally got to the cia hospitol inside of the building. vaughn walked up to the desk.

    "may i help you?"-doctor "i need you to help me (he pointed at sydney) she needs emediate attention."-vaughn
    he lead vaughn to a room and he layed syd down.
    "i`ll give you a report of her injures as soon as we`re finished."-doctor
    and he shut the door.
     
  9. kate_jones

    kate_jones Rocket Ranger

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    I realy like it so far! It would be great if you could add more details just to drag it out a bit. Keep writing!
     
  10. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    thanks for the replies i should have the next part up tomarrow, i`ll try to make the chapters longer, but until i get my own computer it`s gonna be a little hard.

    cari
     
  11. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    ok here's the next part i hope you like it please reply.

    chapter 2 part 2

    vaughn sat outside the operation room.

    vaughn's pov

    i hope she's gonna be ok i don't want to loose the one person that makes me sane.
    no pov

    the docter came out of the operation room. "mr. vaughn, here's the report of her injuries." he handed vaughn the folder. he opened it. "she's gonna be ok, if you want you can see her."-doctor vaughn put down the folder and followed the doctor back to the room, he entered the room and walked torward syd.

    "so i thought you`d never come back"-syd "what?" "you just took a long time that's all"-syd "oh, the only thing that held me up is that insane doctor." "what`s going on?"-syd "nothing, it`s just that i hate doctors."
    "i want to get out of here as soon as possible."-syd "can she leave now?"-vaughn

    "we're not suposed to let patients out this soon, but yah, have her sign this and she can leave. she should take a few days off too and you're gonna need a pair of crutches to help you walk."-docter vaughn helped sydney up and they left the building.

    the two of them got out to vaughn's car, vaughn helped syd in and they drove away. syd`s phone rang

    "hello?" "you think you can get away from me? i know your every move, and you will not exscape from me."-sark "leave me alone and please leave vaughn out of this."-syd "i will if you come with me, just as i said before." and the line went dead.

    sorry i had to stop there, but i wanted there to be a cliffhanger.
     
  12. aliaschick4mv

    aliaschick4mv Rocket Ranger

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    AAAHHH Damn Sark. Great fic, I can't wait to read more!
     
  13. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    i'll try to post more today of tomarrow, but i'm not going to be home alot this week so please don't kill me for it.

    cari
     
  14. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    ok everyone sorry for the wait here's the next chapt oh and for all of you that think this is gonna be like spywolf's coming home you'll see that it's not like coming home at all.

    chapter 3 part 1

    "who was that?"-vaughn "sark"-syd "what does he want?"-vaughn
    "i'm not sure, he keeps calling me and telling me that he wants me to come with him."-syd "well, no one is gonna take you away from me, ever."

    those exact words peacefully rested in syd's head.
    they finally got to vaughn's house.
    "what is this place?"-syd "my apartment."-vaughn
    the two of them got out of the car and went inside.

    "nice place"-syd "if you want you can stay the night."-vaughn syd sat down on the couch. "sark's a dead man, he'll be as soon as he does anything to you again"-vaughn "come sit down."-syd

    vaughn walked over to the couch and sat down next to her started kissing her. "i wish i could quit the CIA."-syd "maybe someday we both will"-vaughn

    a man came up to the kitchen window and shot through it making a huge hole. syd and vaughn turned around to see a man dressed in a black suit pulling himself through the window.

    "so i see you're still alive"-(the man said with a british acient.)

    i know the chapters are short, but i haven't had alot of time lately, i promiss i'll try to make them longer.

    ~cari~
     
  15. aliaschick4mv

    aliaschick4mv Rocket Ranger

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    AAAAHHH SARK EVIL LITTLE BLOB!!

    Ok, especially when you're writing in somewhat script form, you have to make sure that you don't leave dialogue in one line, because then If you happen to forget a quotation mark, things could get very very messy. It's a common mistake, but I mean instead of:

    "blah"-Vaughn "Blah blah"-Syd "Blahbliddy blah!" Sark

    make it:

    "Blah"-Vaughn
    "Blah blah"- Syd
    "Blahbliddy blah!"-Sark

    Get it? TTFN!

    luve ya,
    aliaschick4mv
     
  16. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    ok thanks for the tip i'm sort of new at this so i'm not the best writer out there.

    ~cari~
     
  17. aliaschick4mv

    aliaschick4mv Rocket Ranger

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    LOL no problem, I've seen it before. It's pretty common with new writers, but then someone (usually me LOL) tells them, and they fix it. Don't worry about it, you live you learn. LMAO I guess I actually learned SOMETHING in English class.
     
  18. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    i probally will be posting tomarrow or sunday, i won't be home saturday and i won't have alot of time this weekend. so please don't kill me if i don't end up posting till monday, i have alot of places i have to be, but i will still try to post sometime soon.

    ~cari~
     
  19. Moriel

    Moriel Banned

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    i should have the next chapt up tomarrow sorry that you
    have to wait.
     
  20. aliaschick4mv

    aliaschick4mv Rocket Ranger

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    LMAO Ok, thanks for the warning! TTFN! Luve ya,

    Dani
     

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