time cannot erase

Definitely an improvement. Just check spelling, capitalization, and punctuation. I tell all the authors on here, that if they don't check those things, that's a sign they don't respect their readers.

~Me :angel2:
 
thanks alias elle


im not great at speeling or grammar but ill try harder


Ch7 preview
Vaughn pov

Vaughn desperately wants to run after Sydney, but he knows that the kids need to be taken care of.

“Ok class! Lets get started.” Vaughn said cheerfully.

“Where is Sydney?” a little boy named Alan asked.

Her kids call her Sydney, I wondered. Wow. I didn’t know they allowed that.

“So” Alan asked, “where is she?” He yelled, jumping up.

Just then a shot rang out and Alan fell to the ground.

Omg I thought, that must have been aimed for me.

What is that noise, I hear a faint voice, what’s it saying?
 
OMG WHAT JUST HAPPENED!! NO YOU CANT JUST SHOOT RANDOM 5 YEAR OLDS!!!! AND OMG VAUGHN'S NOT MARRIED!!! HE CANT BEE!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!! AND WHY WOULD SYD SHOOT HIM???? NOOOO!!!!! AAAAHHHH OMG DO YOU SEEEEE HOW MUCH I'M INTO THIS???? GREAT!!
 
instersting. i have to agree with Alias Elle, but start was a bit bumpy, but it's so much better now. Keep up the good work.
--Mandy :angelic:
 
ok vaughn thought that the shooter was trying to shoot him, not alan, but that might not be the case, he wasnt going for alan though, more tomarow probably
 
YOU JUST HAD A KID GET SHOT! Sorry, I just lost my cool for a moment.

What are you thinking? You-just-had-a-kid-get-shot... Alright. That was a nice little preview, but I suggest NOT HAVING A KID GET SHOT! Have the bullet break a few things on the wall or something, but I am not in favor of the kid-getting-shot thing.

~Me :angel2:
 
lol. Breath Elle, breath, deep breath, in and out, in and out :rotflmao: :lol: i would actually like to see how you're gonna develop this...
--mandy :angelic:
 
THE KID DIDNT GET SHOT!!!!! sorry i should have explanied it, the point of the spoiler was to make you not know if he got shot or not he just fell its called suspense
 
Sorry, but it would disturb me greatly if one of the writers in my forum was seriously shooting kids in their story. I think I will keep my comments to a minimum until you post the whole chap.

~Me :angel2:
 
chap 7 ctd i can only post half of it cause im supposed to be writing a speech




Ch7 syds pov (IMPORTANT NOTICE---IN AN EARLIER CHAP I SAID JACK WAS DEAD-I MEANT TO SAY WILL WAS DEAD AND HER PARENTS WERE REMARRIED AND LIVING IN NY-SORRY)


I heard the shot and raced back into the classroom, going into full spy mode. What I saw surprised me, Vaughn yelled everyone get down and immediately everyone was laying on the ground and had shutup, I could hear a faint voice saying target missed, target’s mother has entered the room. Vaughn and I looked at each other.

“You have a kid!” Vaughn bellowed.

“No” I said, “her parents were killed when that bank in LA collapsed” I said, stressing bank and hoping he got the idea.

“Oh I’m sorry” He said.

“kids I want you all except for Laura and Alan to go across the hall to Miss Jamie’s room now” I said, and they all walked out the door.

“Alan are you OK?” I asked.

“Yes Sydney” he replied, and I saw that the mirror above the sink had been shattered.

I scribbled a note to the teacher across the hall-J-you know every thing ive been through and some people have found me I have to take laura and go away for awhile I don’t know for how long, see you soon.-s-

“Come on you two, were going to my parents house.’’ I said

“Your parents live together”Vaughn yelled. “Jack Bristow and Irina derevko, who cant go two minutes without tearing each others hair out”

“shhhh” “not near Laura” “and yes they do” I said, still finding I hard to believe that when ever I wanted to I could get into a car, drive two hours and see my parents cuddled on a couch in front of a fire or something, they had been remmaried about 6 months ago and though my dad still worked for the cia, he was a desk agent, and my mother is now a free woman, almost-she is still monitored by Kendall. God I hate that man. And the best part, I was getting a little sister in four months, but then I started worrying, if they treid to hurt who they think is my daughter, what will they do to my mothers new baby. I wish I had never heard of rambaldi or his prophecy, I bet this is what its all about.

~~~~two hours later I walk in to my parents house with Vaughn and Laura in tow, I see the house in shambles but thank goodness my parents are okay. My father tells me to go to the guest room where Laura and I have some things stored and get some bags packed.

“We’re going to LA”
 
Um, I am really starting to like it except for one thing-- if Sydney is supposed to be late thirties, early forties, then her mother must be at the earliest in her early to mid sixties... so you've kinda got your biological clock wrong on the kid she's supposed to be having. If you don't get this post, PM me.

~Me :angel2:
 
this is a good story, but is anyone else confused? i mean, why did Vaughn marry someone else? i mean, if you really love someone, you don't just decide oh well i want to marry someone else. i really don't like vaughn in this story. that's all i can say. i never thought i'd say that.
 
this really funny! i love how everyone freakout about the kid being shot at!! but agree i dont see how syd's mom can still bare children...thats alittle odd.....but hey good story keep goin. (y) 👍
 
HINTS i never said irina was pregnant, i said syd will be getting a little sister in four months, and its been four years since vauhgn left, and since he chose to leave he got married but, he doesnt love her like he loves syd ok?
 
Okay it is good so far, but wouldnt Syd be more shocked that Vaughn was married and wouldnt want to talk to him. I mean if the love of my life left me, came back in 4 years, and told me he was married i would flip and probably slap him depending on if he left me for the other girl. Anyway thats just me, its great keep going! :D
 
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