OMG this is fresh! I love it! The paragraphs look a little messy but I guess it's just a mistake. I love how you use my nickname. Foxy is a great name.... lol. Great action and suspense. It's great how you build up the suspense and then just blow the scene up. Pm me when you update.
Ok it's good so far but are you trying to write it like a script? You say "Sydney" or "Vaughn" before they speak every time so I was just wondering. But besides that it's pretty good.