20 Most Infuriating Things Computer Illiterate People Say

[Kevin]

Wow, we've all been there at some point. A person says or does something about computers that is just so wrong but we have to quietly go about as if what they are saying & doing makes perfect sense. It can be frustrating.

I've been playing with computers & gadgets since the late 1970's and earning a living from them since the late 1980's -- With the exception of #12, which I think is one of the great online urban myths that seem funny but are totally made up, I think I have experienced some form of each of the scenarios on this list. Items #1, #3, #8, #10 are the reasons why I don't volunteer anymore to help people with their home computer problems. It is a good thing I am developer because I do not think I would have the patience for support.

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Source: Tickled.com

1. From my Mother: "It's not turning on now because you downloaded whatever that Firefox thing is."
   
   
2. "Where's all my stuff?" after reloading her OS and having:
   • Explained at length how EVERYTHING WOULD BE GONE;
   • Offered her a data transfer;
   • Read her the wipe/reload paperwork OUT LOUD;
   • Had her sign the papers that said "EVERYTHING WILL BE GONE";
   • Told her that the computer would only have the things on it that it had when it was brand new.
     
3. "Ever since you fixed that paper jam my computer has been running slower!"
   
   
4. Dad: I need to put some files on my thumb drive.
   Me: OK, remember how we did that last time?
   Dad: No.
   Me: OK, what files?
   Dad: Pictures.
   Me: OK, open your pictures folder, highlight the ones you want and press CTRL+C.
   ...
   Me: Are you doing that?
   Dad: No, I'm in Control Panel.
   Me: Who told you to go to Control Panel?
   Dad: I thought it might help.
   
   
5. My boss calls everything from our website to our printers "database". We do in fact have a document database which we use so every time there she has an issue I have no idea what she is talking about.
   • "I can't connect to the database" = Can't print.
   • "The database crashed, were we hacked?" = Computer unplugged.
     
6. People at my company that refer to everything as "The Server".
   • "Is the server down?" = My screen resolution is set to 800x600.
   • "Is the server up?" = I have somehow erased my hard drive.
   • "Could you put it on the server?" = Why isn't the file magically appearing on my desktop?
     
7. "I was working on this Word document for two hours and I closed it, it asked me to Save and I said 'No'. Get it back!"
   
   
8. Blaming an error on you , when it happens months later, and is completely unrelated to any work you did. Especially if it's a hardware failure when you fixed software problems. Just imagine that with any other technical industry. Have a friend who is an electrician come to your house for free, install an outlet, for free, and next year a light-bulb in the other side of your house burns out, so you call him up and say it is probably his fault, and guilt him into replacing it, for free.
   
   
9. As a kid, my Mom would play this online card game. I would play cartoon games, like Winnie The Pooh, and junk like that. Anyway, one day I come and all of my games are deleted, I was mortified. I asked my Mom what happened and she told me "they were making the computer run slower". About two or three years later I realized that she would download and re-install her stupid card game every single time she wanted to play it.
   
   
10. Reaching over my should and pressing the power button, while I was midway through a registry edit, and saying "Do you think rebooting it will help?".
    
    
11. The other day I was informed that I needed to be make sure the server was up, and it was to be a priority because the customer did have an operating system.
    
    
12. Doing tech support at in ISP, person said "My computer won't turn on, your internet is broken". I asked them to check the back of the computer to see if the plug was, they replied "I can't see the back of the computer, it's dark in here". I said "Well, turn on the light then". Reply was "Well... the power is out".
    
    
13. Mom: Some of my keys on the keyboard are sticking. Can you ask your boyfriend to reprogram it for me?
    Me: No, Mom, that's not how it works. That sounds like a hardware problem.
    Mom: You're not the computer engineer!
    
    
14. My Mother. Her computer crashed one day (presumably due to all the stress). She completely wiped the hard drive then decided to buy a new computer because she likes new things. Next Day: Mom: I can't find any of my files on my new computer. Me: Well, you didn't do a data transfer. Mom: But I put the old on in the new computer! It's sitting right there on the bottom!" At this point she opens the case and shows me the old drive just chillin' on the bottom panel. After I explain how that doesn't do anything, this happens: Mom: Well, I've got some copper wire in the office somewhere. You can attach the new one to the old one. Me: That... won't work. Mom: YES IT WILL, YOU'RE JUST LAZY!
    
15. Where are your files?
    In Word.
    OK, but where are they?
    In WORD!
    But in what folder are they in, My Documents?
    NO, THEY'RE IN WORD DAMMIT!
    
16. That if you get the destination address slightly wrong on an email, someone, like an electronic postman I guess, will know what you mean. My Mom had been giving out her email adding "... or something like that".
    
    
17. Me: Show me exactly how you caused the problem to occur.
    Them: Why can't you do it? You're the computer expert!
    
    
18. My Dad called me a 'Twat' because I opened a new tab.
    
    
19. Them: I know you folks at Best Buy are always trying to confuse people like me. I don't want to hear any bullcrap, just show where the discs of internet are!
    Me: Discs... Ma'am, I don't quite understand, do you already have a provider or...
    Them: CUT THE BULLSHIT, just show me where I can get a disc of internet!
    Me: In the aisle next to the car stereos, Ma'am.
    
    
20. Me: So here's how you can prevent this from happening in the future.
    Them: Don't give me technical mumbo jumbo, just fix it!