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3 little regrets

Discussion in 'Creative Writing & Arts' started by mystery_chick, Jun 9, 2003.

  1. okay so there's a little history to this one. at first it was something for my co-written fic Time Telling, and then i fixed it up and submitted it for my school's literary journal. all alias related things have been taken out except for the name Sydney. so i hope you guys like it and enjoy :D

    3 Little Regrets

    It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
    ~ Samuel Butler

    I catch sight of the woman beside me. With my dying breath, there was one thing that I wanted to say, one thing that I was never able to say. 3 little words.

    As I look outside my small window, flowers bloom under the warm, light drizzle, first signs of new life. Living signs of the beginning of good weather.

    As I turn my head away from that world to the inside, I see a man and a woman, myself and a woman. The air between us is thick and gloomy. Neither of us want to talk, but we can feel something uneasy, bone chilling. We can feel the end coming, so we force ourselves to say something. The love between us was immense, worth dying for, but neither of us can say it.

    It’s scary sometimes, how much you can love somebody. You would love them so much that it hurts, both mentally and physically. Here I am, in a hospital that smells like the sterilizers that they use, in a room, in a bed. My death bed. Beside me a woman, not just any woman but the woman that caused me all of this pain.

    The pain that blinds you, making it difficult to see anything but her. It numbs you until you can’t feel anything else but her soft touches that drives you insane. It deafens you so that nothing will reach your ear unless it be her voice. It makes you oblivious to the taste of the finest wine or the sweetest honey, just the taste of her sugary lips on yours. But most of all it makes it hard to breath. It’s hard to breath when you’re away from her because your crave the sight of her, but it’s also difficult to breath when she’s near you, your close proximities makes your head light, her sweet scent sends you to heaven. Yet no air, no life. You fear her, yet you can’t stand living with out her. So you’re her willing slave, trying to keep your life, at the same time fearing the worst for the one that keeps you alive.

    The woman, she was my goddess, my angel, my life, my soul mate, my lover, my obsession, my idol, my every heartbeat, my every breath, my motive to wake up and get out of bed every morning, my comfort every night when I fall asleep, my reassurance when I’m down, my reason to be happy, my girlfriend, My Sydney.

    I can’t even remember when I fell for her. Perhaps it was the day when she called me to meet at the Pier. But the love I had for her even then was immense. Maybe it was the day that I first saw her, the first impression that she made upon me. Yet that day, the day we met, it seemed that there was a connection, the instinct that I had about her, it was too deep, to strong for it to be love at first sight. It was like I fell for her even before we met, even before we knew each other, even before we were born.

    Call it destiny, call it fate, whatever it is, I pray to god that it will always be there, letting another man realized who he was meant to be with. Letting him feel the joy that I felt. Yet like the old saying no pain, no gain, joy did not come without the price of pain. So many times I have risked my life to save hers, but that’s not the pain that I’m talking about. It’s lying in bed at night, staring up at the ceiling, counting sheep to try to make yourself fall asleep. Your worries turns to boredom, boredom turns to annoyance, annoyance turn to anger, and anger slowly dissolves back into worry again, there on continuing the never ending cycle. Your brain hurts at the thought of different ways that she might not come back to you. Your eyes hurt the next morning from the lack of sleep you had. Your whole body is sore from the tossing and turning you did last night that’s equivalent to a full time workout. The envy that you will feel when she has to do something with another guy for her job, your job; the urge that tempts you to grab her by the arm and just claim her yours to the whole entire world; the beat of your heart at a thousand miles per second when you see her doing something dangerous, and the pain that shoot through you when she doesn’t want to talk about what’s wrong.

    Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.
    ~ William Jennings Bryan

    So many stories have been told about love. True love, love at first sight, love through loss, love that was meant to be, love that wasn’t meant to be, love loss and love gained. We have shared all of those and so much more. Those who knew us thought we were insane, falling in love with the jobs that we had. Yet the wounds that we have gained by day were healed with the nights that we shared. Whispers of innocent and naughty words, words of love and lust, words of fury and anger, words of frustration, seduction, disappointment, happiness, and excitement. But only 3 little words actually meant something to both of us. Three little words that neither of us were brave enough to say. Maybe it was the fear for loss, for pain. But I know, for her, it’s the fear of re-living the past. A past filled with enough fear and pain to kill someone. Yet she was strong and she pulled through. Something more to add to the long list of qualities that I admire about her:

    Her beauty, her strength, her laughter, her eyes, her abilities to hide her emotions, her abilities to forge emotions, her loyalties to her friends, her clear and precise definitions of right and wrong, of good and evil. But most of all her capacity to love. To love her friend who went against her will. To love her parents, who had no hand in raising this incredibly beautiful and strong woman. And especially her love for me. I know it may sound arrogant or unwise for me to think that when she has’t said it, but I can feel it. I can feel it in her every touch, every brush of finger, every hug, every kiss. I sense it in every look she give me, every little secret glance, and every gaze. I hear it in every word she has said to me, every whisper in the dark, every word of seduction, every sentence of worry and anxiety. Love that I return and cherish.

    Your life flashes in front of you when you realize your ultimate destiny. The fate that you have to embrace, what time had in store for you all along. When you look back, all the fears that you had were foolish, all the mistakes you’ve made were out of ignorance, all of the lies you’ve said were painful, all of your happiness were triumphant, through all thick and thin of you life, the thing that will haunt you the most are you regrets. You would think, why didn’t I do it? Or I could’ve at least tried, or maybe I can try again next time. What crushes you is that there will be no next time, there will be no try agains, no what ifs, no buts, no can, no can’t, there will be only one thing. Period. The sign of the end, of what stops.

    The woman sitting beside my bed, the woman that I admire, worship, the love of my life is beside me holding my hand, asking me not to leave. I myself, am lying in the bed preparing for what’s to come, taking in my last few breath on earth, taking in my last few sights of her, hearing the last few words that she will ever say to me, taking the last few scents of her that I’ll ever smell, and savouring the last few touches that we’ll ever share. Her tears stained her face and they broke my heart, but her love numbed me a long time ago, along with my heart. I can’t feel the pain, the only pain I feel is of regret. I don’t know how long I can stay anymore, and the thing that’s killing me is the fact that I didn’t say those three little words that meant the world to her, to us.
    “I love you.”

    The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
    ~ Helen Rowland

    Her eyes closed and one last tears slipped over the brim of her puffy eyes. He has been with her through all paths of life, all pain and loss, all love and gain. They thought they were meant to be, but fate thought other wise. Through all the darkness, through all the confusion, through all the chaos, through all the pain, he has finally reached an end, an end filled with light, happiness, love, peace. Light that he has worked for through all the time that he has been with her. Happiness that he deserved, happiness that she couldn’t give him. Love that was never filled to their full capacity, and peace. Peace from all the unspeakable evil in this world, peace from the rough turmoil of life, peace from her. She has worked through so many havocs in her life, yet one thing that she couldn’t get over, the one thing that she regret, one thing that will haunt her, one thing that will slowly kill her is those three little words. The three little words that she couldn’t say, that she was too scared to say. The three little words that broke her heart for the first time, for the second time, and for the last time. Three little words that meant the world to him. Three little words that she will only utter now, when it’s too late.
    “I love you.”

    Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
    ~ Sidney J. Harris

    What she doesn’t realized is that it’s not too late, it’s only too late when you never say what’s in your heart. What she can’t know, what she can’t see, what she can’t feel, what she can only sense, is that now she have an guardian angel, watching over her, protecting her, soothing her, showering her with what was only meant to be. Love.

    Love is patient, love is kind.
    It does not envy.
    Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
    It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
    It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
    It does not delight in evil,
    But rejoices in the truth.
    It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.
    There is nothing love cannot face;
    There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
    In a word, there are three things that last forever:
    Faith, hope, and love;
    But the greatest of them all is love.
    ~ The Holy Bible 1 Corinthians 1:4-7

    :unsure: what do you think???
    --mandy :angelic:
  2. sark's girl

    sark's girl Rocket Ranger

    May 11, 2003
    (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y)
    (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y)
    (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y)
    (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y)
    (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y)
    (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y) (y)

    write more! ( obviously )
  3. aliasgirl89

    aliasgirl89 Rocket Ranger

    Feb 28, 2003
    Ontario, Canada
    That was really good even without names you couldtell who they were! If you post more could you PM me!
  4. tell you what. when i get into a really really depressed mood. i'll write some. but this was meant to be a one parter, but if i find a way to continue it. I will.... when i find time. dunno when that will be. ugh!
    --Mandy :angelic:
  5. pasta_sauce385

    pasta_sauce385 Rocket Ranger

    Dec 21, 2002
    Oh my god, that was amazing!!!!
  6. aliasjgfanaticmv

    aliasjgfanaticmv Rocket Ranger

    Jan 9, 2003
    shouldn't matter to you where I live
    I remember this!!! I was impressed when I first read it, and I'm still impressed ^_^ wonderful job Mandy
  7. krzykty57789

    krzykty57789 Rocket Ranger

    May 7, 2003
    yea i remember reading this..it brings a tear to my eye to read it and i have read it before its great..i hope u fdo write more
  8. Victoria King

    Victoria King Rocket Ranger

    Jan 21, 2003
    that was so sad!!! i loved how he was her guardian angel! very good, thanks for posting!
  9. aliaschick4mv

    aliaschick4mv Rocket Ranger

    Feb 26, 2003
    East Coast
    Ok, for those of you who DON'T know, I'm the co-president of the insanely long reviews club on sd-1. And I've never written one of my reviews here, cuz I just didn't... but this one I wrote one over at sd-1, so I might as well post it here, so you can see that I really am insane. So, Mandy, here ya go.

    :sob: This is so sad. Vaughn's here, lying on his death bed, and wants nothing more than to tell the woman he loves just that, that he loves her. But he can't, he's too weak. And outside, new life is starting, when his is about to end. Life continues long after his death, is what he realizes. But he can't tell the woman he loves to continue with her own life, to remember him, to LIVE. :sob:

    I loved this. How he's willing to give Sydney up to another, if only it makes her happy. And he thinks about all the pain he's gone through, and it isn't the bullets, or the fire, or the torture. He's willing to take that. Its the nightly worrying, the thought that she MIGHT NOT be coming home, the jealousy, EMOTIONS, that's what kills him. Then when you put the Destiny thing in there, I personally thought of Danny and Noah who um... died. And now Vaughn's dying too. Was it his destiny to be with Sydney, even for a moment? He chose the risks involved, chose what would, in the end, kill him. Angstyness heaven my friend.

    :sob: More Danny/Noah/Vaughn death references. That hurt to read.

    Well, I'm glad you had a SEMI-happy ending. She's realized that, and I hate to quote my own fic, but it works, "True love is never lost, but waiting to be found"-Mirror, mirror, on the Wall.

    :clapping: Great fic Mandy!! I loved it! Not my best review ever, but whatevr...


    PS Yeah, i know this is non-Alias fiction, but it was in the regular fan fic section over at sd-1, so... Eh.
  10. ya ya. i know, but i'ts like half half, it could be non it could be alias. *shrugs* who knows.
    --Mandy :angelic:
  11. Ms.MichaelVaughn

    Ms.MichaelVaughn Rocket Ranger

    Mar 11, 2003
    I really loved it... :)
    It was so amazing (y)
    Nice job!!!! :woot:
  12. BristowBabe782

    BristowBabe782 Rocket Ranger

    Apr 17, 2003
    thats really good!!


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