mandylouise
Cadet
Title: A Vulnerability to be Exploited
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
A/N: This is a short reflection piece that I ultimately ended up weaving into another story of mine. However, I feel that it does hold some merit on its own. Basically, it's written in the second person and centers on Jack Bristow, with a very vague touch of J/I at the end. This is my interpretation of how he deals with emotions after the dramatic events of his life.
A Vulnerability to be Exploited
“Opening up to people is a weakness, it is a vulnerability to be exploited.”
When this is your belief, you know that you’re broken, that you’re damaged goods, and that from this point forward, nothing will be the same. All is for naught, and trying to deny the knowledge that all emotion and feelings that you once may have had, have been sucked dry does nothing for you. There is no joy in your feelings any longer. Instead there is only the stony facade that remains. This becomes your shield, your protection from yourself. You know that while a loss of control once left you with nothing, your stern countenance will allow you to go day to day, finding strategic opportunities and exploiting them to your advantage. This continues until you have become the very thing you hated to begin with.
The words from a broken soul have no satisfaction for you. Only utter desolation and the absence of that which broke you might allow a slight glimmer of what once was to escape the grips of your pain. And even then, it is not enough. Nothing ever will be. There is nothing left for you save the frost that has consumed your soul.
Imagine a time when things were better, when lust and love were confused, and the fatal mistake was made. The powerful knowledge that you no longer see the beauty in life that once sang to you, your heart beating in tune, is an Armageddon of sorts. That which destroyed you may still be revealed to be your salvation. Grace has not been bestowed upon you, the path of virtue having been long abandoned. Life is merely a mockery of that which you appreciated. When it is gone, what will remain?
While the future may be lost for you, the power to affect that of others remains in your possession. What will you do?
Often times, hiding one’s emotions allows for the truth to also remain hidden. The hidden passions and desires that threaten to drive one insane are typically best not shared. The memory of the trouble revealing your desires once got you in serves as an excellent deterrent to committing the same mistake more than once. However, at the same time, withholding these secret passions may prove to be more damaging than it would be to reveal them. One thing has certainly changed, your need and thirst for an emotional connection no longer fuels and drives your passions. Instead your physical desires are animalistic and brutal. Your humanity is all but lost. Primitive wants invade your mind and only gratification and fulfillment will allow them to be vanquished. And so you become entangled with your destroyer once again. This time, however, you thirst for the most basic of needs, detesting and despising the weakness in you that once would have sought for an emotional connection with your own private Shiva. Your lips curl upwards, almost a smile, the unused muscles in your stony face cracking, but the loss of innocence in your eyes reveals the true nature of your facial expression--a smirk. You realize now that sexual gratification best comes served without a side of emotional attachment. Thus the twisted tango begins once more, and you and your annihilator dance the same familiar steps with the same familiar faces. All that is different is the tune. It is a bizarre mating ritual. This time, though, your former weakness, your heart, having been stilled, will perhaps allow for a new victor to emerge from the spinning and swirling steps of your sultry and intoxicating relationship.
1/1
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
A/N: This is a short reflection piece that I ultimately ended up weaving into another story of mine. However, I feel that it does hold some merit on its own. Basically, it's written in the second person and centers on Jack Bristow, with a very vague touch of J/I at the end. This is my interpretation of how he deals with emotions after the dramatic events of his life.
A Vulnerability to be Exploited
“Opening up to people is a weakness, it is a vulnerability to be exploited.”
When this is your belief, you know that you’re broken, that you’re damaged goods, and that from this point forward, nothing will be the same. All is for naught, and trying to deny the knowledge that all emotion and feelings that you once may have had, have been sucked dry does nothing for you. There is no joy in your feelings any longer. Instead there is only the stony facade that remains. This becomes your shield, your protection from yourself. You know that while a loss of control once left you with nothing, your stern countenance will allow you to go day to day, finding strategic opportunities and exploiting them to your advantage. This continues until you have become the very thing you hated to begin with.
The words from a broken soul have no satisfaction for you. Only utter desolation and the absence of that which broke you might allow a slight glimmer of what once was to escape the grips of your pain. And even then, it is not enough. Nothing ever will be. There is nothing left for you save the frost that has consumed your soul.
Imagine a time when things were better, when lust and love were confused, and the fatal mistake was made. The powerful knowledge that you no longer see the beauty in life that once sang to you, your heart beating in tune, is an Armageddon of sorts. That which destroyed you may still be revealed to be your salvation. Grace has not been bestowed upon you, the path of virtue having been long abandoned. Life is merely a mockery of that which you appreciated. When it is gone, what will remain?
While the future may be lost for you, the power to affect that of others remains in your possession. What will you do?
Often times, hiding one’s emotions allows for the truth to also remain hidden. The hidden passions and desires that threaten to drive one insane are typically best not shared. The memory of the trouble revealing your desires once got you in serves as an excellent deterrent to committing the same mistake more than once. However, at the same time, withholding these secret passions may prove to be more damaging than it would be to reveal them. One thing has certainly changed, your need and thirst for an emotional connection no longer fuels and drives your passions. Instead your physical desires are animalistic and brutal. Your humanity is all but lost. Primitive wants invade your mind and only gratification and fulfillment will allow them to be vanquished. And so you become entangled with your destroyer once again. This time, however, you thirst for the most basic of needs, detesting and despising the weakness in you that once would have sought for an emotional connection with your own private Shiva. Your lips curl upwards, almost a smile, the unused muscles in your stony face cracking, but the loss of innocence in your eyes reveals the true nature of your facial expression--a smirk. You realize now that sexual gratification best comes served without a side of emotional attachment. Thus the twisted tango begins once more, and you and your annihilator dance the same familiar steps with the same familiar faces. All that is different is the tune. It is a bizarre mating ritual. This time, though, your former weakness, your heart, having been stilled, will perhaps allow for a new victor to emerge from the spinning and swirling steps of your sultry and intoxicating relationship.
1/1
