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Give everyone alcohol, have a big cheesy dance number, and maybe throw in a streaker for good measure. Let's be honest -- we're going to have to do something drastic to make the Emmy Awards interesting again. I live for this stuff, and I was bored to tears during Sunday's ceremony.
Some questions:
1. How many comedians does it take to make an Emmy show hilarious? Obviously more than 11. Jon Stewart, Ellen DeGeneres, George Lopez and Martin Short were funny. The others? Not so much.
2. Do Evan Marriott and Ben Affleck go to the same tanning salon?
3. What's with all the kissing? Did Matthew Perry actually think it would be funny if he kissed Doris Roberts? It was ridiculous and I was embarrassed for him. No matter how good he looked.
4. Are bangs back in style and, if so, do we approve? Will bangs help us believe that Kim Bauer is now a member of CTU?
5. How does Matthew Broderick look younger every year?
6. Does anyone outside California think jokes about the governor's race are funny?
7. Only five of my 10 predictions were right. Should I stop trying to predict Emmy winners? Seriously, if they're going to give the award to "The West Wing," how can I ever be right? I'm done. I'm out. Until next year, of course.
And now, for some awards of my own:
Worst Comedian Co-Host: Garry Shandling.
Best Acceptance Speech: Tyne Daly.
Worst Loser: I love Peter Boyle, and I wanted him to win too, but he could barely hide his disappointment.
Worst Hair, Female: Why the tiara, Paula Abdul? Do you actually believe you're the new Queen of Pop?
Worst Dressed, Male: John Spencer. A cream-colored tux is right out.
Funniest Acceptance Speech: Steven Schachter and William H. Macy for "Door to Door."
Best Dressed: Didn't Jennifer Garner look fabulous? If I promise to do Pilates every day, can I look like her when I grow up?
Did you find the Emmys boring? Or did you like the show? Talk about it on the TV Gal message board.
It's Raining Shows, Hallelujah
We've waited patiently, and now the week is finally here. With so many shows to choose from, I decided to break this week's crop into three categories: Click It (Three or more VCRs), Skip It (Less than one and a half VCRs) or Not Yet Sure About It (anywhere in between). For a recap of the TV Gal ratings system, check out my column from Sept. 8.
Click It
"Joan of Arcadia" (CBS, 8 p.m. ET Friday): God keeps appearing to teenager Joan Girardi (Amber Tamblyn) in some very familiar personas (cute teenage boy, sassy cafeteria worker) and asking her to do His (or Her) bidding. I know what you're thinking, because I thought it too: "This show is so not for me." But I was wrong. The CBS drama from Barbara Hall ("Judging Amy") is surprisingly poignant, funny and instantly compelling. Four VCRs.
"Miss Match" (NBC, 8 p.m. Friday): Ah, cruel TV schedule, why must you mock me by pitting two of the best dramas of the new season against each other? Alicia Silverstone returns to her charming "Clueless" persona as matchmaker/divorce attorney Kate Fox. The light-hearted drama from executive producer Darren Star is like "Sex and the City" with less sex and more actual dating mishaps. And don't forget that we'll be seeing Charisma Carpenter in episode two (I've seen it. She's great.). How much do we love the guest casting on this series? As much as you are going to love "Miss Match." I promise. Four VCRs.
"I'm With Her" (ABC, 8:30 p.m. Tuesday): Who knows if this series about a movie star (Teri Polo) who falls for a school teacher (David Sutcliffe, Christopher on "Gilmore Girls") has enough good stuff to make it funny for the entire season. But both stars are charming and the pilot made me giggle. Three VCRs.
"The Handler" (CBS, 10 p.m. Friday): Another show I thought would be ridiculous, but this series about FBI agents who go undercover to bust up crimes was quite gripping. Plus it reunites "Sopranos" stars Joe Pantoliano and Lola Glaudini (who played an undercover agent on the HBO series). Three and a half VCRs.
"The Lyon's Den" (NBC, 10 p.m. Sunday): What would happen if the movie "The Firm" had actually been good? It might have looked a little like this series about a law firm where everything is not as it appears. The show is dark, mysterious and about as far away from "The West Wing" as Rob Lowe could possibly get. Plus I already told you that the playing-against-type Kyle Chandler is positively fabulous. Four VCRs.
Not Yet Sure About It
There's way too much going on this week to waste precious time reviewing these mediocre shows. Maybe they'll get better in time. I promise to talk more about them (if they're still around) in the coming weeks. Here's a quick take:
"Hope & Faith" (ABC, 9 p.m. Friday): Two VCRs.
"Two and a Half Men" (CBS, 9:30 p.m. Monday): Two and a half VCRs.
"Navy NCIS" (CBS, 8 p.m. Tuesday): Two and a half VCRs.
"Las Vegas" (NBC, 10 p.m. Monday; moves to 9 p.m. next week): Two and a half VCRs.
"10-8" (ABC, 8 p.m. Sunday): Two and a half VCRs.
Skip It
"One Tree Hill" (The WB, 9 p.m. Tuesday): I've already made the general announcement (you got that memo, right?) that it is slim pickings as far as new shows go at The WB this season. I keep waiting for a frog of a show to turn into a prince, but no luck. And this dud staring perennially pouty Chad Michael Murray is even worse than "Fearless," the show it replaced. But I don't blame Murray (you know I loved him on "Gilmore Girls"), I blame a really bad script. One VCR.
"The Brotherhood of Poland, New Hampshire" (CBS, 10 p.m. Wednesday): Let the dream go, David. One VCR.
"Cold Case" (CBS, 8 p.m. Sunday): I know I'm in the minority here, but I can't tell you how much Kathyrn Morris bugged me as Detective Lilly Rush. Two VCRs.
"Coupling" (NBC, 9:25 p.m. Thursday): Just a general word of advice to the networks: If you want to push the envelope with bawdy, risque humor, please don't forget that the show actually has to be funny. This show is worth checking out just to see Lindsay Price (Janet on "90210") play a completely different character. But after that, you can do your dishes while waiting for "ER" to start. One VCR.
What do you think of this week's new shows? Talk about it on the TV Gal message boards.
To the TV Gal Reader Belong the Spoils
You know the rules. Don't read if you don't want to know.
Carly Pope, who was in "Popular" with Christopher Gorham, guest stars as a computer hacker on the Wednesday, Oct. 1 episode of "Jake 2.0."
Marcia Cross arrives in "Everwood" on Monday, Sept. 29. She'll want to join her brother's (Dr. Abbott) practice. Don't forget that Dr. Brown will soon be smitten.
Look for Dr. Pratt to flirt with newcomer Parminder Nagra on the season premiere of "ER" (NBC, 10 p.m. Thursday). Maybe he loved her in "Bend It Like Beckham" too. Also by the end of the episode, Dr. Carter will find himself heading back into the Congo.
Carol and Ed finally get to know each other in the biblical sense on the season premiere of "Ed" (NBC, 8 p.m. Wednesday). And everybody hears Rachel and Joey getting busy on the season premiere of "Friends" (NBC, 8 p.m. Thursday).
So I've seen the season premiere of "The West Wing," and you can definitely tell that John Wells is in charge. The opening feels very "ER"-ish, with the White House offices taking the place of operating rooms. Because the season left off with Zoey's kidnapping (and we find out that her French boyfriend was involved. I told you he was up to no good), the season premiere is not exactly a happy hour. The president has stepped down, Zoey may be dead, and the country finds out about the attack on the head of Qumar. With such a downer of an episode, it's difficult to tell how the show is going to fare without Aaron Sorkin.
The third-season premiere of "Alias" (ABC, 9 p.m. Sunday) is called "The Two." Look for Sydney to really show Vaughn how she feels about the fact that he's married. Sark is in CIA custody, Vaughn has left the CIA, Jack's in a bad place emotionally and Sloane seems to be playing for the good guys. Look for Amanda Foreman (Megan on "Felicity") to return as Carrie in the first episode and Melissa George to appear as Vaughn's wife in episode two. That's also the episode that will find Vaughn back at the CIA, but not back in Sydney's arms (sigh).
Daniel Benzali returns as James Sinclair in the second episode of "NYPD Blue." Remember, he has quite a history with Andy. Also, John's honey-loving girlfriend will be around for awhile. Poor Rita.
Dylan McDermott will guest star as Will's new love interest on "Will & Grace." Let's cross our fingers that this means Will might actually get some on-screen action.
Okay, I've also seen the first two episodes of "Angel," which premieres Wednesday, Oct. 1. I thought the first episode was okay, and the second episode was fabulous. Just take a guess which one blondie bear is in. The first episode is a little awkward, since the series is busy setting up its new premise and dealing with the fact that Cordy and Connor are no longer around. I'm not sure if I totally buy the new premise, but I'm clear on two things - the Eve character is beyond annoying (cancel her fast), and I never want to see the gang in a courtroom again. The stuff with Spike (or Casper, as Captain Forehead calls him) is excellent, since it plays into the mythology and history both "Angel" and "Buffy" have been building for seven years.
Highlights of the Week Ahead
All times listed are Eastern Time for Sept. 22-28
Please be advised that basically every show (except for the ones on FOX) premieres this week, so set your TiVo and have your VCR ready.
Ray and Debra go golfing together on the eighth season premiere of "Everybody Loves Raymond" (CBS, 9 p.m. Monday). Let me be the first to say that a spin-off show, sans Raymond and featuring Debra as a single mom, is completely preposterous and is a show I won't watch. I would, however, watch a Robert spin-off. Owing to his brief holdout, Brad Garrett won't be in the premiere. He and Amy return from their honeymoon next week. Bai Ling guest stars as a double agent on "Jake 2.0" (UPN, 9 p.m. Wednesday).
I'm really just looking for a little clarification here. Is being a scout troop leader a full-time job? I'm not sure if I care about the new "Survivor: Pearl Islands" (CBS, 8 p.m. Thursday) yet, do you?
Anyone want to place a bet on how long before "Will & Grace" (NBC, 8:50 p.m. Thursday) makes a reference to "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"? I'm thinking it could happen in this episode.
"Without a Trace" (CBS, 10 p.m. Thursday), one of the best new shows last season, returns for a second season. Look for upcoming guest stars like James Remar (Samantha's boyfriend Richard on "Sex and the City"), Jessalyn Gilsig (the "Boston Public" teacher who recently bedded Christian on "Nip/Tuck") and Hector Elizondo. In the premiere, an entire school bus disappears.
That's all for today. I'll be back next Monday with reviews of "Tarzan" (He Tarzan, me no like), "Karen Sisco," "Married to the Kellys" and "It's All Relative." Have a question, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week? Write me at amytvgal@zap2it.com by clicking on my byline at the top of my column.
Give everyone alcohol, have a big cheesy dance number, and maybe throw in a streaker for good measure. Let's be honest -- we're going to have to do something drastic to make the Emmy Awards interesting again. I live for this stuff, and I was bored to tears during Sunday's ceremony.
Some questions:
1. How many comedians does it take to make an Emmy show hilarious? Obviously more than 11. Jon Stewart, Ellen DeGeneres, George Lopez and Martin Short were funny. The others? Not so much.
2. Do Evan Marriott and Ben Affleck go to the same tanning salon?
3. What's with all the kissing? Did Matthew Perry actually think it would be funny if he kissed Doris Roberts? It was ridiculous and I was embarrassed for him. No matter how good he looked.
4. Are bangs back in style and, if so, do we approve? Will bangs help us believe that Kim Bauer is now a member of CTU?
5. How does Matthew Broderick look younger every year?
6. Does anyone outside California think jokes about the governor's race are funny?
7. Only five of my 10 predictions were right. Should I stop trying to predict Emmy winners? Seriously, if they're going to give the award to "The West Wing," how can I ever be right? I'm done. I'm out. Until next year, of course.
And now, for some awards of my own:
Worst Comedian Co-Host: Garry Shandling.
Best Acceptance Speech: Tyne Daly.
Worst Loser: I love Peter Boyle, and I wanted him to win too, but he could barely hide his disappointment.
Worst Hair, Female: Why the tiara, Paula Abdul? Do you actually believe you're the new Queen of Pop?
Worst Dressed, Male: John Spencer. A cream-colored tux is right out.
Funniest Acceptance Speech: Steven Schachter and William H. Macy for "Door to Door."
Best Dressed: Didn't Jennifer Garner look fabulous? If I promise to do Pilates every day, can I look like her when I grow up?
Did you find the Emmys boring? Or did you like the show? Talk about it on the TV Gal message board.
It's Raining Shows, Hallelujah
We've waited patiently, and now the week is finally here. With so many shows to choose from, I decided to break this week's crop into three categories: Click It (Three or more VCRs), Skip It (Less than one and a half VCRs) or Not Yet Sure About It (anywhere in between). For a recap of the TV Gal ratings system, check out my column from Sept. 8.
Click It
"Joan of Arcadia" (CBS, 8 p.m. ET Friday): God keeps appearing to teenager Joan Girardi (Amber Tamblyn) in some very familiar personas (cute teenage boy, sassy cafeteria worker) and asking her to do His (or Her) bidding. I know what you're thinking, because I thought it too: "This show is so not for me." But I was wrong. The CBS drama from Barbara Hall ("Judging Amy") is surprisingly poignant, funny and instantly compelling. Four VCRs.
"Miss Match" (NBC, 8 p.m. Friday): Ah, cruel TV schedule, why must you mock me by pitting two of the best dramas of the new season against each other? Alicia Silverstone returns to her charming "Clueless" persona as matchmaker/divorce attorney Kate Fox. The light-hearted drama from executive producer Darren Star is like "Sex and the City" with less sex and more actual dating mishaps. And don't forget that we'll be seeing Charisma Carpenter in episode two (I've seen it. She's great.). How much do we love the guest casting on this series? As much as you are going to love "Miss Match." I promise. Four VCRs.
"I'm With Her" (ABC, 8:30 p.m. Tuesday): Who knows if this series about a movie star (Teri Polo) who falls for a school teacher (David Sutcliffe, Christopher on "Gilmore Girls") has enough good stuff to make it funny for the entire season. But both stars are charming and the pilot made me giggle. Three VCRs.
"The Handler" (CBS, 10 p.m. Friday): Another show I thought would be ridiculous, but this series about FBI agents who go undercover to bust up crimes was quite gripping. Plus it reunites "Sopranos" stars Joe Pantoliano and Lola Glaudini (who played an undercover agent on the HBO series). Three and a half VCRs.
"The Lyon's Den" (NBC, 10 p.m. Sunday): What would happen if the movie "The Firm" had actually been good? It might have looked a little like this series about a law firm where everything is not as it appears. The show is dark, mysterious and about as far away from "The West Wing" as Rob Lowe could possibly get. Plus I already told you that the playing-against-type Kyle Chandler is positively fabulous. Four VCRs.
Not Yet Sure About It
There's way too much going on this week to waste precious time reviewing these mediocre shows. Maybe they'll get better in time. I promise to talk more about them (if they're still around) in the coming weeks. Here's a quick take:
"Hope & Faith" (ABC, 9 p.m. Friday): Two VCRs.
"Two and a Half Men" (CBS, 9:30 p.m. Monday): Two and a half VCRs.
"Navy NCIS" (CBS, 8 p.m. Tuesday): Two and a half VCRs.
"Las Vegas" (NBC, 10 p.m. Monday; moves to 9 p.m. next week): Two and a half VCRs.
"10-8" (ABC, 8 p.m. Sunday): Two and a half VCRs.
Skip It
"One Tree Hill" (The WB, 9 p.m. Tuesday): I've already made the general announcement (you got that memo, right?) that it is slim pickings as far as new shows go at The WB this season. I keep waiting for a frog of a show to turn into a prince, but no luck. And this dud staring perennially pouty Chad Michael Murray is even worse than "Fearless," the show it replaced. But I don't blame Murray (you know I loved him on "Gilmore Girls"), I blame a really bad script. One VCR.
"The Brotherhood of Poland, New Hampshire" (CBS, 10 p.m. Wednesday): Let the dream go, David. One VCR.
"Cold Case" (CBS, 8 p.m. Sunday): I know I'm in the minority here, but I can't tell you how much Kathyrn Morris bugged me as Detective Lilly Rush. Two VCRs.
"Coupling" (NBC, 9:25 p.m. Thursday): Just a general word of advice to the networks: If you want to push the envelope with bawdy, risque humor, please don't forget that the show actually has to be funny. This show is worth checking out just to see Lindsay Price (Janet on "90210") play a completely different character. But after that, you can do your dishes while waiting for "ER" to start. One VCR.
What do you think of this week's new shows? Talk about it on the TV Gal message boards.
To the TV Gal Reader Belong the Spoils
You know the rules. Don't read if you don't want to know.
Carly Pope, who was in "Popular" with Christopher Gorham, guest stars as a computer hacker on the Wednesday, Oct. 1 episode of "Jake 2.0."
Marcia Cross arrives in "Everwood" on Monday, Sept. 29. She'll want to join her brother's (Dr. Abbott) practice. Don't forget that Dr. Brown will soon be smitten.
Look for Dr. Pratt to flirt with newcomer Parminder Nagra on the season premiere of "ER" (NBC, 10 p.m. Thursday). Maybe he loved her in "Bend It Like Beckham" too. Also by the end of the episode, Dr. Carter will find himself heading back into the Congo.
Carol and Ed finally get to know each other in the biblical sense on the season premiere of "Ed" (NBC, 8 p.m. Wednesday). And everybody hears Rachel and Joey getting busy on the season premiere of "Friends" (NBC, 8 p.m. Thursday).
So I've seen the season premiere of "The West Wing," and you can definitely tell that John Wells is in charge. The opening feels very "ER"-ish, with the White House offices taking the place of operating rooms. Because the season left off with Zoey's kidnapping (and we find out that her French boyfriend was involved. I told you he was up to no good), the season premiere is not exactly a happy hour. The president has stepped down, Zoey may be dead, and the country finds out about the attack on the head of Qumar. With such a downer of an episode, it's difficult to tell how the show is going to fare without Aaron Sorkin.
The third-season premiere of "Alias" (ABC, 9 p.m. Sunday) is called "The Two." Look for Sydney to really show Vaughn how she feels about the fact that he's married. Sark is in CIA custody, Vaughn has left the CIA, Jack's in a bad place emotionally and Sloane seems to be playing for the good guys. Look for Amanda Foreman (Megan on "Felicity") to return as Carrie in the first episode and Melissa George to appear as Vaughn's wife in episode two. That's also the episode that will find Vaughn back at the CIA, but not back in Sydney's arms (sigh).
Daniel Benzali returns as James Sinclair in the second episode of "NYPD Blue." Remember, he has quite a history with Andy. Also, John's honey-loving girlfriend will be around for awhile. Poor Rita.
Dylan McDermott will guest star as Will's new love interest on "Will & Grace." Let's cross our fingers that this means Will might actually get some on-screen action.
Okay, I've also seen the first two episodes of "Angel," which premieres Wednesday, Oct. 1. I thought the first episode was okay, and the second episode was fabulous. Just take a guess which one blondie bear is in. The first episode is a little awkward, since the series is busy setting up its new premise and dealing with the fact that Cordy and Connor are no longer around. I'm not sure if I totally buy the new premise, but I'm clear on two things - the Eve character is beyond annoying (cancel her fast), and I never want to see the gang in a courtroom again. The stuff with Spike (or Casper, as Captain Forehead calls him) is excellent, since it plays into the mythology and history both "Angel" and "Buffy" have been building for seven years.
Highlights of the Week Ahead
All times listed are Eastern Time for Sept. 22-28
Please be advised that basically every show (except for the ones on FOX) premieres this week, so set your TiVo and have your VCR ready.
Ray and Debra go golfing together on the eighth season premiere of "Everybody Loves Raymond" (CBS, 9 p.m. Monday). Let me be the first to say that a spin-off show, sans Raymond and featuring Debra as a single mom, is completely preposterous and is a show I won't watch. I would, however, watch a Robert spin-off. Owing to his brief holdout, Brad Garrett won't be in the premiere. He and Amy return from their honeymoon next week. Bai Ling guest stars as a double agent on "Jake 2.0" (UPN, 9 p.m. Wednesday).
I'm really just looking for a little clarification here. Is being a scout troop leader a full-time job? I'm not sure if I care about the new "Survivor: Pearl Islands" (CBS, 8 p.m. Thursday) yet, do you?
Anyone want to place a bet on how long before "Will & Grace" (NBC, 8:50 p.m. Thursday) makes a reference to "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"? I'm thinking it could happen in this episode.
"Without a Trace" (CBS, 10 p.m. Thursday), one of the best new shows last season, returns for a second season. Look for upcoming guest stars like James Remar (Samantha's boyfriend Richard on "Sex and the City"), Jessalyn Gilsig (the "Boston Public" teacher who recently bedded Christian on "Nip/Tuck") and Hector Elizondo. In the premiere, an entire school bus disappears.
That's all for today. I'll be back next Monday with reviews of "Tarzan" (He Tarzan, me no like), "Karen Sisco," "Married to the Kellys" and "It's All Relative." Have a question, seen a familiar face, have an inside scoop or want to nominate a quote of the week? Write me at amytvgal@zap2it.com by clicking on my byline at the top of my column.
