Alias Characters Go for Job Interviews

[DSR<O>]

I'll start with Gordon Dean. Somehow, I just don't think he was up to snuff as a main villain in season 5. Uninspiring. So here's how I see him:


Interviewer: So...Gordon Dean, is it? What have you done in your career as a villain?
Dean: Nothing that the authorities will ever know about, hopefully.
Interviewer: Yes, but what have you accomplished?
Dean: I ran a multinational terrorist organization under the guise of CIA black-ops divisions.
Interviewer: That's old hat. If I had a Rambaldi artifact for every time that's been done, I'd have enough to fill a DSR warehouse. What kind of reputation have you earned on the street?
Dean: I've been referred to as "these people." As in "these people will hunt me down if I betray them."
Interviewer: MmmHmm. Where have I heard that before? Moving on...What specific skills do you bring to the table?
Dean: I'm a terrorist, extortionist, arms dealer, money launderer, assassin, you name it.
Interviewer: But surely you don't do all that by yourself?
Dean: No, I get henchmen to do the dirty work. Part of being a good middle-manager is knowing when to delegate.
Interviewer: Why should I hire you?
Dean: I'll be your go-to guy. I'll be the Man.
Interviewer: Not quite. In this organization, I am "The Man."
Dean: But...you're a woman.
Interviewer: Is that going to be a problem?
Dean: No.
Interviewer: Good. You start Monday. No benefits.
Dean: Not even dental?
Interviewer: I could refer you to Dr. Lee.
Dean: No benefits then.

 

[DSR<O>]

One for the Sarkster...


Interviewer: So you wish to work for me, Mr. Sark?
Sark: More of a partnership, really. My brains, your skill...
Interviewer: You flatter yourself...What practical skills do you have?
Sark: I specialize in escaping from the CIA.
Interviewer: Says here you've done that at least 4 times.
Sark: Yes. The last time with both hands behind my back. Impressive.
Interviewer: Why should I form an alliance with you? Because of your $800 million bankroll?
Sark: No, because of my good looks.
Interviewer: Why do you want to work for me?
Sark: For the bubbly, of course.

 

[DSR<O>]

Marshall...


Interviewer: Why do you want to work for SD-5, Mr. Flinkman?
Marshall: I like working for the good guys. You are the good guys, right? Wait...do good guys normally wear goatees like that? It looks...kind of...sinister-like.... no offense
Interviewer: We aren't recruiting at the moment. How did you hear of us?
Marshall: I hacked your server.
Interviewer: Reallyyy.... (dialing security)
Marshall: Wait! If you get rid of me, you'll never know how to fix your problem!
Interviewer: What problem?
Marshall: Your server is corrupted.
Interviewer: You expect me to hire you to fix a problem you created?
Marshall: No. Well, yeah. Kinda. Did I tell you I'm a tech wiz? You could really use someone like me. I can make all kinds of spy gadgets. For Flinkman, no camera is too small, no laser is too compact, no sound is too loud to deaden. I also make lipstick dartguns in 47 different shades...it's kind of a hobby for me...the dartguns, not the lipstick shades.
Interviewer: Alright...you have 30 seconds to demonstrate a sample of your work.
Marshall: Really? Well, ummm...I wasn't expecting...ok I got it...I have this way cool thingy here...see it looks like a cellphone, it even talks like a cellphone 'Hi honey, I'll be home for the potroast dinner'...but when you flip this panel here and pull this...<*BAM*>
Interviewer:
Marshall: uh oh....oops....guess I'll try SD-6.....

 

[shelby87]

^ These are great!! keep em coming! (unfortunately i don't feel funny enough yet to create my own...let me mellow over it for a while...)

 

[DSR<O>]

Sloane: You and I are destined to work together.
Interviewer: Ok then.

 

[shelby87]

ok, i'm gonna try Jack...


Interviewer: So...(looks at clipboard)Mr Bristow. Could you tell me what kind of skills you have that would make you suitable for this position?
Jack: I am very good at reading and deceiving people. Which makes me an expert on someone like you.
Interviewer: Okay...(pause) I see here you didn't attend our training day last weekend...did you not recieve the invitation?
Jack: It must have been lost in the mail. Unless it was an e-vite. I don't read e-vites.
Interviewer: I see...(Pause)
Jack: I know what your thinking...toaster
Interviewer: Ummm. Not exactly..(pause) What...
Jack: I'm not really into interior decorating. I assume you knew that.
Interviewer: While thats good to know, it won't really be a job requirement here anyway...(pauses and looks at clipboard) I see here that you have one Arvin Sloane as a reference...
Jack: Yes, we shared a similar unsetimental patriotism.
Interviewer: But he is a criminal. Surely you don't expect us to look upon you favourably for working with him...
Jack: Ultimately you will make your own decision. That's what free will is all about. What part of this doesn't have a rational explanation?
Interviewer: Calm down Mr Bristow, I am mearly concerned that you have extensive associations with a known terrorist.
Jack: That is a concern I do not share.
Interviewer: Clearly.
Jack: Tell me, is it really my past that concerns you, or is this retribution for me taking your parking space?
Interviewer: Mr Bristow...
Jack: I will not be used as part of a charming little anecdote you tell your friends at cocktail parties.
Interviewer: That wasn't...
Jack: One thing you are not, and this is something that only time can change, is wise. We will never work together again. I'm not cut out for management anyway. (leaves room)

 

[Syd4Vaughn]

Sloane: You and I are destined to work together.
Interviewer: Ok then.

^ LMAO :lol:

I'll try Vaughn...

*Vaughn walks into office*

Interviewer: ... you hired
Vaughn: :blink: ... Okay great!