Alias Meets the Simpsons

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Alias Meets the Simpsons - An Alias Spoof
By alias_freakazoid


The scene opens inside the Central Intelligence Agency debriefing room. Director Dixon enters and all eyes snap forward in attention.
* * *

Dixon: I bet you are all wondering why I gathered you all here this morning.

Vaughn: Actually, why else would we be in here unless you weren’t explaining a new mission to us?

Dixon: Yeah, but every time someone important enters a room like this one, they always say, “ I bet you’re wondering why I called you all here.” It makes me feel important.

Jack: Just get on with it, Dixon.

Dixon: Right, well, as you all may have guessed, I am here to explain your new mission to you.

Sydney: (Looking bored) That was a given.

Dixon: (Now annoyed) Anyway, Sark and the rest of the Covenant are trying to find a certain object that we don’t want them to get. Syd, Vaughn, your job will be to find out what and where it is, using the help of an undercover family, living in a town called Springfield. Syd, you’ll be undercover as their Swedish cousin, Astrid FloogleMcGoober.

*Vaughn, found this amusing, and snorted into his fist, followed by a chuckle*

Dixon: I wouldn’t be laughing. You’ll be going undercover as their grandfather’s personal assistant, Dexter.

Syd: Ha...HA!

Vaughn: Well, excuse me, Miss FloogleMcGoober!

Syd: Shut-up!

Dixon: (clearing his throat loudly for attention) A helicopter will come by, and you, Sydney, will parachute onto their property. Vaughn, you’ll be on the same chopper, but you’ll be in a fish crate.

Sydney: What happened to a normal, international airplane?

Vaughn: Yeah, and why do I have to be in a crate??

Dixon: We could do it the easy way, but we’re getting low ratings, so this is ABC’s idea of making the show more exciting, plus it’s extremely entertaining for me!!
* * *

*Time passes, and finally we come to Sydney, sitting on a helicopter with Vaughn sitting beside her in a crate on the floor.*

Vaughn: (voice muffled) Can I come out now??

Sydney: No! You have to wait until you hit the ground, and Grandpa Simpson opens the crate. Gosh, were you listening to Dixon’s instructions at all??

Vaughn: No offence, but it’s a little hard to hear inside a little crate!

Sydney: You heard me a minute ago.

*Silence*

Vaughn: So. You’re not supposed to realize that.

Sydney: (under her breath) Moron.

Vaughn: I heard that!!

*They approach the old folks’ home, and Sydney prepares to push the crate, holding Vaughn, out the open door of the helicopter*.

Vaughn: Now remember. Let me down gently.

Sydney: Okie Dokie!!

*She throws the crate violently to the ground witch results in a loud thud, and a groan*

Sydney:(Yelling down from the chopper) Shhhhh, we’re supposed to keep a low profile!! Moron.

*The chopper than approaches the Simpsons’ property, and Sydney prepares to jump*

Sydney:(To the flight attendant) When should I jump??

Flight Attendant: NOW!!

*He pushes her off and she lands with a thud onto the roof of the Simpsons’ home*

Sydney:(Yelling up to the Flight Attendant, sarcastically) Thanks, Buddy! Maybe next time, you could warn me!!

Flight Attendant:(chuckling and shrugging, sarcastically) Sorry. English me no speak!!

*Meanwhile, back at the front lawn of the old folks’ home...*

Vaughn:(from inside the crate) Hello? Anybody out there??

*The Simpsons’ dog, Santa’s-Little-Helper, is sniffing around the outside of the crate*

Vaughn: Oh, thank-gosh!! Now listen to me; get a crow-bar, and bust me out of here! Can you do that??

*Santa’s-Little-Helper soon loses interest and walks away*

Vaughn: Hello? Hhhhhheeeeeellllooooooo??

*Grandpa Simpson walks out of the building to find the crate*

Grandpa S.:(reading the postage label) ‘To Grandpa Simpson; regarding Operation Peppermint Denture.’ I thought I told them to filter out my junk mail?

Vaughn: Grandpa Simpson, I am CIA Agent Michael Vaughn. I’m here on a mission, let me out.

Grandpa S.: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!

*Grandpa Simpson than has a heart-attack, and keels over*

Vaughn: Hello? Aww, s***!!

*Meanwhile, at the Simpsons’ house, Sydney is not having much better luck*

*The Simpsons’ neighbor, Flanders, enters the front lawn, only to look up to see Sydney up on the roof*

Flanders: Hi-diddly, hoe, neighborino!!

Sydney: Could you help me down? I’m afraid of heights!!

Flanders: Well, I could, but you are trespassing on private property, and I just couldn’t do that to my friends and neighbors, the Simpsons!

*Homer enters the front lawn from inside the house*

Homer: Go home Flanders!

Flanders: Okilly, Dokilly!!

Sydney:(After Flanders is out of ear shot) Thank-you. Gosh, that man is annoying! Now help me down!

Homer: I don’t want any.

Sydney: I’m not selling anything. I’m your cousin, Astrid FloogleMcGoober. From Sweden, remember?

*Homer has a blank expression on his face*

Sydney: We have to find The Object that The Covenant wants, remember?? Operation Peppermint Denture??

Homer: Huh?..........OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!

Sydney: Understand?

Homer: No.

Sydney: Look, just help me down and let me talk to you wife.

Homer: Okay.

*Meanwhile, at the CIA HQ.*

Dixon:(talking into a communicator) Vaughn, are you okay? Are you in the oldies’ home??

Vaughn:(through a communicator) Not exactly.

Dixon: What happened?

Vaughn: I’m still stuck in the crate.

Dixon: Well, bust yourself out of it!

Vaughn: Weeeeeellllllllll. Excuuuuuuuuuse me for not being Harold Houdini!!

Dixon: We’ll send someone to get you out.

Vaughn: That would be appreciated.

Dixon:(Through another communicator) Sydney, is phase one complete?

Sydney:(Sitting in the living room of the Simpsons’ house, speaking through a communicator) Yes, I’m talking to Marge Simpson now. But I have a question.
Dixon: What?

Sydney: Why is everything in cartoon?

Dixon: We do not question the minds of the ABC network.

Sydney:(Sarcastically) Thanks, you’re a load of help!

Dixon: Just doing my job!!

Sydney:(To Marge) Now, do you have any idea what the object is? Or where it is?

Marge:(Trying to be subtle) Why Astrid, I have no idea what your talking about! *wink, wink*

*Lisa and Bart enter the room*

Bart:(Acting sly) You wanna’ know where and what the object is?

Sydney: Yes, that’s kinda’ the entire point to this mission.

Bart: Who’s asking?

Sydney: ME!!

Bart: Jeez, don’t have a cow, man!!

Lisa:(Stepping in) We’ve set up a series of computers to help us pinpoint the location of The Object, and exactly what it is.

Sydney: Where are these computers?

Lisa: The Basement. Dad’s guarding them.

Sydney: Well, let’s go see them.

*The enter the basement to find Homer leaning back in his chair, with his feet up and donut box, half empty on top of the desk next to two computers*

Lisa: Wake up, dad!

Homer:(Wakes with a start) What donuts? I don’t see donuts!!

Lisa: Dad, this is our help, sent by the Central Intelligence Agency. This is Sydney Bristow.

Homer: You again!!
Sydney: Yes, me again, can we get back to business? Do you have ant lead on where or what The Objet is?

Lisa:(Taking control again) Not yet, but we think we’re getting close.

Sydney: I guess we’ll just have to wait until some piece of information comes up.

*Meanwhile, back at the old folks home...*

Vaughn:(Still in the crate) 99 bottles of beer on the wall; 99 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall!

*Back at the house, the computer monitor begins to beep loud and rapidly*

Sydney: What does that mean?

Homer: FIRE!! Everybody out of the house!!

Lisa: Actually, it means that we’ve found the location of The Object.

*Everyone is staring at the computer, watching to red dot intently*

Bart: That can’t be right. The dot’s moving.

Sydney: The Covenant must have gotten a hold of it!

Marge: What do we do?

Lisa: There’s only one thing we can do.

Homer: The Simpsons are going around the world in 80 days!! 80 days, more or less.

*Vaughn is still in the crate*

Vaughn: 89 bottles of beer on the wall; 89 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around; 88 bottles of beer on the wall!

*Back at the house*

Marge: Well what are we waiting for?? Let’s go!

Bart: But where do we start?

Lisa: The Airport!

Sydney: Let’s go then. We’ve no time to lose!

*Meanwhile, back at HQ*

Dixon:(To Marshal) Do you have the location?

Marshal: Yeah, but it looks like Sark’s got it.

Dixon:(Into a Communicator) Sydney, where are you now?

Sydney:(Into a communicator) We’re on our way to the airport.

Dixon: What about Vaughn?

Sydney: I don’t know. He’s on his own, now.

Dixon: Sark has the object.

Sydney: We know, that’s why we’re going to the airport. To find him and take the object.

Dixon: Good luck, then.

Sydney: Thanks, we’ll need it, with this bunch of loonies!

*Meanwhile, at the airport...*

Lauren:(To Sark) Hurry up, someone must have figured out that we have the object, by now.

Sark: I know. I can sense someone’s presence.

Lauren: for the last time; you’re NOT Spiderman!

Sark:(With determination) You don’t know that for sure!

*Vaughn is, meanwhile, still in the crate.*

Vaughn: 79 bottles of beer on the wall; 79 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around; 78 bottles of beer on the wall!

*The Simpsons make it to the airport to see Sark and Lauren board a flight to Hawaii*

Marge:(Running with the rest of the group) Hurry up, Homer. We haven’t got all day!!

Homer:(In front of a donut stand) Hey, car rides make me hungry!

Bart: Everything makes you hungry!

Sydney: We have to make that flight!!

Lisa:(Approaching a desk) We need five tickets for that flight to Hawaii.

Desk Clerk: Sorry, those two just got the last tickets.

Lisa: When’s the next flight?

Desk Clerk: In half an hour.

Lisa: We’ll take five tickets for that flight.

*Meanwhile, on the first flight*

Lauren: Why are you wearing that thing?

Sark: It’s my disguise.

*Sark is wearing a Spidey Suit*

Lauren: For a disguise, it’s sure attracting a lot of attention.

Sark: You’ll thank me later.

*Back in Springfield...*

Vaughn:(Still in the crate) 69 bottles of beer on the wall; 69 bottle of beer. Take one down, pass it around; 68 bottles of beer on the wall!

*The Simpsons and Sydney, step onto their plane.*

Sydney: Hopefully the two of them won’t get far after they land.

Bart: Even if they do, this is TV, the good guys always win.

Lisa: Not necessarily.

Bart: Yeah, they do.

Lisa: Nuh, uh!

Bart: Uh, huh!


Lisa: Nuh, uh!

Bart: Uh, huh!

Sydney: Guys, please just shut-up!

*The group takes their seats and prepares for a long flight*

*Meanwhile, in Springfield*

Vaughn: 59 bottles of beer on the wall; 59 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around; 58 bottles of beer on the wall!

*Sark and Lauren’s plane has landed in Hawaii, and they are getting ready to exit*

Lauren: Do you think they spotted us? Sark. Sark?

*Sark is flirting with a Hawaiian lady*

Lauren:(dragging Sark away by the arm) Oh, come on! We don’t want to waste time! And get that stupid disguise off!

Sark: Fine. Party Pooper!

*Half an hour later, Sark is in the bathroom still trying to get the suit off and meanwhile the other plane lands*

Sydney:(exiting the plane with the others) Do you think they’ve gone far?

Bart: Sark? Ha! Unlikely!

Marge:(Pointing at Lauren, waiting outside the mens’ bathroom) There! Do you see?

Homer: Yeah, let’s get her!

Sydney: Not yet. We have to wait until she least suspects us.

*With that said, Lauren spots the group*

Lauren:(banging on the door) Sark! Hurry up! We got company!

Sark:(exiting the bathroom with black pants and a black turtleneck on) Ooh, I love company! Is grandmother coming to visit us?

Lauren: No! It’s goody-two-shoes, Sydney, and the undercover spy family, the Simpsons.
Sydney:(To the group) She spotted us! Let’s move!

*Sydney and the Simpsons begin the chase*

*After hours of running around, chasing Sark and Lauren, Sydney thought of something*

Sydney: Wait a minute. (The group stops running) This is an island. Where are they going to run to?

Bart: You’re right! But then how do we catch them?

Lisa: I have an idea! We’ll-

*She was interrupted by the loud sound of a splash*

Marge: They’re planning to swim away!

Sydney: Swim away? They won’t get too far!

Bart: Not when we use this Super-compacted Water Raft! It’ll only take me a couple of days to blow up.

Lisa: We don’t have time. Look, let’s ask if we could borrow that guy’s fishing boat.

Homer: (approaching the man and his boat) Can we borrow your boat without giving it back?

Fisherman: Okey-dokey!

Homer: Come on everybody!

Fisherman: Wait. I must warn you. The boat will only hold the weight of two people.

Homer: Ohhhhh, we’re good yet!

Fisherman:(under his breath) Your funeral.

*The group boards the boat and they set off.*

Bart:(a fishing pole in his hand) Fishing for Sark, Ooooooh, I’m fishing for Sark!!

Homer: There, there boy; shut-up!

Marge: What are you using for bait?

Bart: A very rare Rambaldi artifact.

Sydney: Good thinking. He just can’t resist Rambaldi!

*No sooner had she said this when there was a tug on the fishing rope*

Bart: Wait. It’s ...

Sydney: Sloane!!

Bart: I knew we should have used a spidey-suit!

Marge: But, what do we do with him?

Sydney: I know. We’ll tie him up bellow deck and then, when we catch Sark and Lauren and retrieve The Object, we’ll sink the boat, with him in it. Ooooooh, I like that!

Homer: But won’t he be needed for the new season of the show?

Sydney: The man’s a crazed psycho-maniac. No one will care! Nor notice for that matter.

*Just then, creator J.J. Abrams sky dives onto the boat*

J.J. Abrams: You cannot kill Arvin Sloane.

Homer: Well, you heard the man. Let’s throw him back overboard.

Sydney: (pouting) Fine.

*With that, creator J.J. Abrams dives off the side of the boat, and out of the picture*

Sydney: Now. Let’s find Sark and Lauren.

Lisa: According to my tracking system, they’re swimming to California!

Homer: Than the Simpsons are going to California!

*Meanwhile, back in Springfeild*

Vaughn:(still in the crate) 32 bottles of beer on the wall; 32 bottles of beer. You take one down, pass it around, 31 bottles of beer on the wall!

*Sark and Lauren soon wash up on a California beach*

Sark: Where are we now?

Lauren: Los Angeles, California.

Sark: Oh, no. Here comes the Simpsons and that goody-two-shoes Sydney.

Lauren: Where should we hide?

Sark: Don’t ask me.

Lauren: Here. Behind those outhouses over there!

*While they were getting into their great hiding places, The Simpsons’ and Sydney’s boat docked*

Bart: (muttering to Lisa, sarcastically) Wow. Aren’t they ace hiders!

Homer: (In a very mocking voice) We see you, we see you!! Hee hee hee!

Lauren: (to Sark) Run, you moron, run!!

*The chase was on again, and Lauren and Sark jumped into a nearby cab*

*The group approached a biker who was casually sitting on a big motorcycle*

Marge: Excuse me sir, but can we borrow your bike, please.

Sydney: (to Marge) You’ll never get anything by asking politely. (She takes out her hand gun) Yo, dude, hand over the bike and no one gets hurt!

Biker: (now crying like a baby) Yeah, okay. Here!

*The entire group mounted the bike one by one. They collected quite a few stairs from passers by,
what with Sydney in the front, driving, and then Lisa, Bart, Marge, and Homer bringing up the rear*

Bart: (yelling over the rumbling of the motor) Where are we going?

Sydney:(also yelling) Following that cab.

*It took about an hour to realize that they had been following the wrong cab entirely, and so they
had to stop*

Sydney: Where are they now, Lisa?

Lisa: My hand-held tracking system says Phoenix, Arizona!

Bart: Let’s ride!

*The group crossed the boarder into Arizona where watched Sark and Lauren entered a small Restaurant*


Sark: Do you think they’ll notice us, hiding so conspicuously behind these menus?

Lauren: I don’t know. You peek over the top of yours. You’re taller than me.

*Sark peeks over the top of his menu only to see Sydney and the group standing in front of them*

Sydney: Aha! We’ve found you. Now hand over The Object!

Sark: No.

Sydney: Yes.

Sark: No.

Sydney: Yes.

Sark: No.

Sydney: Yes.

Lauren: Sark, just run!

*Sark and Lauren dodge the group and run out of the restaurant, and onto a couple of horses*

Bart: Aw, s***!

Homer: After them!!

*Sydney and the group run outside, only to find that the owner of the motorcycle stole it back*

Marge: Now what do we do?

Lisa: Look! More horses for rent!

Bart: Let’s go!

*Meanwhile, back in Springfield*

Vaughn:(Still in the damn crate) 21 bottles of beer on the wall; 21 bottles of beer. You take one down, pass it around, 20 bottles of beer on the wall!

*Back in Arizona, the chase is on again, but this time, on horseback*

Homer:(galloping on his horse) Must ... they ... bounce ... when ... they ... run?

Quick Note:
Normally it would take hours to cross an entire state, but because I can only write so much before boring you to death; We shall fast forward a couple of miles.

Homer: Oh ... look! We’re ... already ... approaching ... the ... border! We ... can ... finally ... ditch ... these ... horses!

*It’s true. The group could see the border into Lordsburg, New Mexico in the distance. Here they got off the horses to take a rest, as well as find some smoother way of transportation*

Bart: Man. My a** is totally asleep right now. What? It really is! (He points to his horse, who is passed out on the ground)

Sark:(a couple of miles ahead of the group) Lauren, let’s get a taxi, and get out of here!

Lauren: Good thinking!

Sydney:(to the rest of the group) We need to get a taxi and catch them!

*Unfortunately, no one could find a taxi, and so the chase continued on foot. You know how time flies when you’re having fun? Well the group had just run through New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida, where they had to stop at a dock*

Marge: Where to we go from here?

Sydney: We must follow them onto that boat.

Bart: But the boat’s already leaving.

Sydney: Well! Aren’t you Mister The Glass Is Half Empty!

Lisa: We’ll have to make a jump for it.

*So they all leap into the air . . . and into the water. So they get back up on the dock to wait for the next boat leaving Florida. Exactly half an hour later another boat departs. Unfortunately, the group wasn’t paying attention, so the boat left without them. Then, a half hour after that, another boat departs, this time with the group on it.*

Sydney: So, Lisa; where are they heading now?

Lisa: Paris, France.

Homer: The Simpsons are going to France!

*Meanwhile, in France*
Sark: Where do you think they are now?

Lauren:(looking through binoculars) Well, if I’m not mistaken, they’ve just boarded a boat to cross the North Atlantic Ocean, to arrive here in about, oh, a couple hours.

Sark: Well, since we have a head start, shouldn’t we leave, so they can’t catch us?

Lauren: No! That’ll just suck the fun out of watching them so disappointed when we escape out of their clutches.

Sark: Oh, so let me get this straight. We’re running away from them...

Lauren: Right.

Sark: ...because they want The Object, that we also want...

Lauren: Right.

Sark: ...and yet, here we are, waiting for them...

Lauren: Right.

Sark: ...so that we can laugh in their faces when we run off.

Lauren: Exactly.

Sark: So what do we do in the meantime?

Lauren: I don’t know. Let’s go get ice cream!

Sark: Okay!

*Meanwhile, back in Springfield*

Vaughn:(still in the crate) 10 bottles of beer on the wall; 10 bottles of beer. You take one down, pass it around. 9 bottles of beer on the wall.

*Back on the Atlantic*

Homer: How much longer? I’m getting seasick!

Lisa: In reality it would take a couple of hours, but I expect it will take around five more minutes.

*The boat was just beginning to dock, and so Sark and Lauren were right there, to greet them*

Lauren:(yelling up to the boat) Hello! I must say, I quite enjoy this game of tag!

Sark:(also yelling up to the boat) Run, run, as fast as you can, you can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread man!

Sydney:(to the group) Come on, we’ve go to catch them!!

*The chase was on again*

Marge: We’ll have to get a taxi, if we want to catch them!

*Sydney signals a taxi, and says something to the driver in french, while pointing to Lauren and Sark who had just hopped into another taxi up ahead*

Sydney: Come on, everybody, let’s go!

*They followed Sark and Lauren all the way to the Eiffel Tower, where Sark and Lauren got out*

Marge: What are they doing?

Bart: They’re climbing the Eiffel Tower!

Sydney: Well, let’s follow them then!

Homer: You’ve got to be kidding me!

Sydney: Oh, come on!

*Sydney, Marge, Bart and Lisa begin climbing the Eiffel Tower after Sark and Lauren*

Lauren:(from the top yelling down) You’ll never catch us! HA HA!!

Sydney:(yelling up from the middle) I wouldn’t be so sure. You’ve got nowhere to run to!!

Sark: Wanna, bet?!

*Just then a helicopter flies by and lowers a ladder, and Sark and Lauren get on*

Bart: What do we do now?

Lisa: We should call for the CIA to get us a copter too, so we can follow them.

Marge: But Homer has the phone.

Sydney:(yelling down to Homer) Call the CIA, and tell them to get us a helicopter!

*Homer shrugs, showing that he cannot hear her, so Sydney starts making signs with her hands*

Sydney: Call ... CIA ... helicopter!

*Homer nods and pulls out the CIA phone. A minute later he hangs up, signaling that they are going to send one*

Marge: What do we do in the meantime?

Bart: I have cards in my pocket!

Lisa: Ooh! Let’s play Crazy Eights!

*So there they were, up on the top of the Eiffel Tower, playing Crazy Eights, While Homer sat on the ground playing the games on the CIA untraceable phone. Five minutes later a chopper came by and the four on the tower got in. Then it had o swoop down to pick up Homer who was now so absorbed in his game of tetris that he almost missed the first wrung*

Sydney: Where are Lauren and Sark now, Lisa?

Lisa: They have gone all the way to Russia by now.

Homer:(raising a fist in the air) The Simpsons are going to Russia!

*Meanwhile, in Russia*

Sark: So we’re going to wait for them again, then?

Lauren: Don’t be ridiculous, that would be stupid. The plan is to find a hiding place, wait there, and then when they come we’ll make a run for it.

Sark: And that’s different from waiting for them, how?

Lauren: Look. I’m the boss of this mission, and we’ll do as I say. Got it?

Sark: Whatever. You’re the criminal mastermind.

Lauren: That’s right!

*Meanwhile, back in Sringfield*

Vaughn:(having finished 99 bottles of beer on the wall) This is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because...

*Off in Russia, the chopper lands and The Group gets out, looking around*

Lauren:(from behind a large crate labeled, ‘Caution: Do not come within ten feet of this crate’) Sark, You ready? We’ll run on my go. And...

Lisa:(from a couple feet away from the two) Look. I think that’s Lauren.

Lauren: Ready...

Sydney: let’s get ‘em!!

Lauren: GO!

*The chase had resumed, once again. The Group followed Sark and Lauren into a really big museum*

Lauren: Sark, Come on. Quickly. Over here.

*Lauren and Sark hid amongst a group of statues, when The Group ran up beside them*

Bart: Where could they have gone to?

Lisa: Not far. My G.P.S. says that they are right here.

Sydney: Wait a minute. Those two statues right there, look an awful lot like Sark and Lauren.

Homer: That IS Sark and Lauren. Oh, wait. I’M looking at a painting.

Lauren: Sark! Run!

Sydney: Come on! We’ve got to follow them!!

*The Group chased Sark and Lauren all over Russia, to end up at a train station, where they watched the two board*

Lisa: Let’s go!

*The Group also boarded the train, and began to chase Sark and Lauren up and down the isles. This continued for some time, until the train stopped in China, where The Group got off*

Sydney: Where did they go?

Bart: Over there!

Sydney: Where?

Homer: They’re trying to slip away unnoticed using that parade for camouflage.

Marge: How will we be able to spot them?

Lisa: it can’t be hard. I mean, what with all these Chinese people all around.

Bart: There they are. I see them!

Homer: Let’s go!

*The chase resumed, though it had resulted in chaos, what with them dodging in and out of the parade.*

Lauren: Sark! Jump on to that float over there. We’ve got to use it to get away.

Sark: How do you drive a float?

Lauren: I don’t know. Figure it out!

Sark: Jeeze, what crawled up your butt?

Lauren: just do it!

Sydney:(a fair distance away) What are they doing?

Marge: They’re stealing a float!

Bart: Than we have to too!

*The Group boarded one of the floats and, in the process, pushed everyone that was on it, off*

Lisa: Who here knows how to drive a float?

Bart: Don’t look at me. I specialize in stealing good old American cars.

Sydney: Oh, move over!!

*The chase resumed much like it had before, but with the exception of a number of Chinese people yelling at them in disgust. They kept going on like this until they came to the boarder between China and India.*

Guy at the boarder: I am sorry, you cannot drive this through the boarder into India.

Lauren: Why not? It’s an emergency!

Guy at the boarder: I am sorry. You and your mentally retarded boyfriend will have to go on on foot.

Lauren: Well then, what do we do with this parade float?

Guy at the boarder: Well, by the looks of it, those parade people want their float back.

*Sure enough, a mob of Chinese mafia were running up brandishing samurai swords, So Lauren and Sark had to jump out off the float, and began running, only to look back to see Sydney and the Simpsons do the same thing*

Guy at the boarder: Excuse me sirs and misses, you need to exchange your currency!

Sydney:( Yelling back) That’s okay, we’re good!

*Meanwhile, back in Springfield*

Vaughn:(still in the damn crate) This is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. Some people, started singing it, not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because...

*Back in India...*

Lauren: Sark, hurry up!

Sark: But I want to get my fortune told!

Lauren: But they’re gaining on us!

Sark: Come on. Pleeeeaaaaaase!!

Lauren: Fine. But make it quick.

*The two of them entered a small tent witch housed a small Indian man and a small round table*

Indian Man: It would be much appreciated if you two would sit down quickly. I am afraid you are ruining the feng shui energy flow.

Sark: Sorry sir.

Indian Man: Come, give me your palm, and I shall tell you your future. I see ... that you two ... will be visited ... by some old friends.

*No sooner was that said than Sydney and the Simpsons entered the tent*

Lauren: Sorry sir, gotta’ run!
Indian Man:(yelling after them as they ran out of the tent) But sir and miss, you forgot to pay! (Under his breath) Stupid Americans!

Homer: Oooh, a fortune teller!

Sydney:(grabbing his arm) Oh, come on!

Lauren:(far ahead of them) Out of my way, Street Rat!

Aladdin: I am not a street rat! Stupid Americans!

Sark: They’re pretty far behind us, I think we can rest.

Marketplace Salesman: Would you like to buy my lamp?

Sark: Oooh! Does it have a gene inside?

Marketplace Salesman: Buy it and find out!

Sark: Okay. How much.

Marketplace Salesman: For you sir, on the house! I would be only too happy to get rid of it.

*Sark picks up the lamp and rubs it’s side, and lo and behold, a gene pops out!*

Gene: I am the gene of the lamp, You may have three wishes. What is your first wish, sir?

Sark: Oooh, I’ve never been to Australia!

*With a poof, Sark and Lauren popped out of India, and landed in Australia*

Sydney:(approaching the stand with The Group) Sir, where did they go?

Marketplace Salesman: They wished themselves to Sydney, Australia.

Lisa: Is there a boat of some sort that is going to Australia?

Marketplace Salesman: Yes. But not from India.

Gene: You can wish yourselves there. That couple didn’t use their other two wishes.

Sydney: Okay, I wish we could all go to Sydney, Australia.

*With a pop, The Group found themselves in Sydney Australia, as well as the marketplace salesman and the gene.*
Marketplace Salesman:(impatiently) Gene, I wish me to be back in India.

*With a pop they were gone*

Homer: Okay, so where do we start looking for them?

Sydney: Well, the last time they entered another country before us, they waited for us, so I’d say that they’re still somewhere around here.

Sark:(from semi-far away) See, Lauren? I told you we should have just run for it!

Lauren: But what’s the fun in being evil if you can’t let them catch up to you, and then run away at the last minute, laughing in their faces?!

Bart: I can here them talking! Over there!! They’re over there!

Sydney: Let’s go!!

*Sark and Lauren begin running, Sydney and the rest of the group hot on their heels*

*the scene skips over a little ways away, where the mens’ Olympic Triathlon is taking place*

Announcer: And their off, it’s the Kenyan in front followed closely by the American and the Aussie. Wait a minute, two other people have entered the water! It looks like a man and a woman, and they’re catching up quick! They’re now in the lead! What a strange occurrence! Another group have people have also entered the water! Two woman, two children, and a walrus, no, wait, my bad, it’s a man, are now swimming catching up the rest of the competitors. They seem to be trying to follow the other man and women who have entered the water earlier! The Olympians have now reached the shore and are getting ready to grab their bikes for the second part of this event. The man and woman that had entered the water earlier are stealing two of the athletes’ bikes, looks like the Kenyan’s and the American’s. This is not going to go down well for them. The other group are doing the same and seem to be catching up to the couple. What incredible speed! This must have broken some record. Never in Olympic history has anyone interrupted the race. The man and the woman are approaching the last part of the race, closely followed by the other group, but wait, they just seem to be biking through the running portion of the triathlon. This is history in the making!! They’ve finished the race and just keep going. What a day!

*We zoom back in to Lauren and Sark, still riding those bikes*

Sark: Lauren, you have a flat!

Lauren: Fine, then come closer so I can sit on your handlebars!

Sark: What-

*before he could complain, Lauren was already seated on his handlebars*

Sydney: (from not too far away) What are they doing?

Bart: It looks like Lauren got a flat.

Homer:(from far behind) Guys *pant, pant* wait *pant, pant* Up!

Bart: Oh, hurry up, Homer!

Lisa: Uh, oh!

Homer: What!

Lisa: Looks like we’re headed for the Indian Ocean.

Sydney: What are we going to do?

Marge: Looks like Sark and Lauren are hitching a ride in a submarine.

Sydney: Come on. We’ve got to get there first.

*While our heros were discussing their plans to get to the sub on time, Sark and Lauren were getting in*

Lauren: Hurry up, sailor, we need to get out of here before the freak show behind us does.

Driver: Aye, mates!

*For a fleeting moment it looked as though Sydney and the Simpsons were not going to make it, and just as the hatch was closing, the group made a giant leap...and just made it inside. Sark and Lauren, having no where to run, stood there, staring at the new arrivals*

Lauren: Well, Sydney. We meet again.

Sydney: Unfortunately.

Bart: Hand over the object, Pretty Boy!

Sark: Make me!

Sydney: Sark, you have no where to run. Just give it to us and no one gets hurt.

Sark: Oh, I’m sure!

Lauren: You’ve caught up with us fair and square.

Lisa: Well, it wasn’t hard what with you waiting for us every couple countries.

Lauren: Sark, hand over the object.

Sark: What!? After all this work of running away from them!? No way!

*If everyone wasn’t so focused on acquiring the object, they might have noticed Sark was backing up, getting slowly closer to the hatch. With a swift movement, Sark busted the hatch open and icy water flooded into the tiny submarine.*

Lauren: Good job @$$ hole! No we’ve got a bigger problem on hand!

Sark: Didn’t think about that!

*The water continued to flow down into the sub as, one by one, Sark, Lauren, Sydney, and the Simpsons were swept outside into the ocean.*

Sydney:(sarcastically) Well, this is just great!

Homer: Yeah, good thing all this water was here to keep us afloat!

Lauren: Now what do we do?

Lisa: Land! I see land!

Sydney: Come on, our only hope is to swim there before sharks decide to come along and eat us!

*The entire bunch of them, besides the driver, who we will discuss no further, made it to the small, deserted island*

Sark: Now what?

Sydney: We wait for a rescue boat to come and save us all.

(Music begins playing)

Just sit right back and you’ll here a tale,
a tale of a fateful chase,
They started from Los Angeles,
Inside the CIA base.

Syd was a mighty fighting spy,
The Simpsons brave and stark,
Five agents had set out that day,
In search of Lauren and Sark, in search of Lauren and Sark.

The chase had started getting rough,
Loyalties got tossed,
If not for the courage of this group,
They would have gotten lost, they would have gotten lost. (Side note: they did get lost)

The group set ground on the shore of this deserted Isle,
With Sydney B.,
And Lisa too,
Homer S, and his wife,
The evil Sark,
Lauren and Bart,
Here on Sydney’s Ile!


THE END


(PS: Is it the end? Is it ever the end...............)
 
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