ALIAS Top Ten Lists (with apologies to Letterman)

From the Security Vault at SD-6...

TOP TEN QUESTIONS THE 2-HOUR EPISODE LEFT HANGING:

10. OK, what the heck is Arvin Sloane up to now, and how the heck can one man be so good and so evil at the same time anyway?

9. Has Director Chase not seen the interdepartmental memo on the subject of 'avoiding sexual harrassment lawsuits'?

8. A signed agreement with Irina Derevko? Why does that sound familiar?

7. OK, are ALL Elena's followers completely insane?

6. Why the heck were there no bug detectors at APO HQ, anyway?

5. What exactly did Milo Rambaldi do for a living, to be able to afford labyrinths under glaciers, underground stained-glass deathtraps, and other fun toys like that?

4. Elena was head of the Covenant, and Katya knew where she was to be found? So why exactly did Katya withhold this tidbit of useful intel until it was too late to make any difference, then whine that Elena was getting away with her Evil Plan?

3. While we're at it, if Elena is the enemy of Irina and Katya, why did Katya stab Vaughn and rescue Lauren, who worked for the Covenant herself?

2. What is Sydney going to do if she ever goes up against an enemy who happens to be gay and/or happily married?

and the number one unanswered question the 2-hour special left hanging...

1. Why doesn't somebody just melt down the damned Rambaldi artifacts and be done with it, anyway?!
 
StAgEpRiNcEsS said:
S4 SPOILER WARNINg YOU BUMHEAD!

sorry about the bumhead.

S4 SPOILER WARNING!

i refuse to be spoiled!

i will not!
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Good point, dealt with.
 
"The eagle has flown repeat the eagle has flown"
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reminds me of something... :Ponder:
did someone watch 2 much of the princess diary 2 ?>
2. What is Sydney going to do if she ever goes up against an enemy who happens to be gay and/or happily married?
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send vaughn?
 
New top 10 list, with spoiler tags since it involves season 4 happenings:

From a personnel requisition order at CIA Headquarters in Langley:

The top 10 reasons why Arvin Sloane would like to keep Arvin Clone around

10. Would always have a ready squash partner.

9. He could always guess his computer passwords, which would make it really easy to hack into his computer and send prank emails to APO personnel.

8. They can dress up as each other for Halloween.

7. Hasn’t had the potential for this deep and meaningful a conversation about Rambaldi’s endgame since Sark killed Conrad the monk.

6. Somehow Arvin Clone always seems to know exactly what Sloane’s thinking.

5. Would enjoy a good towel fight in the APO locker room more than Jack does.

4. Same Rambaldi passion as a Derevko sister without any of those nagging suspicions that he’ll be betrayed.

3. He’s the closest thing to a brother that he hasn’t shot yet.

2. Syd and Nadia are always flaunting being sisters, but having a “clone” would be just that much better.

And the number reason why Arvin Sloane would like to keep Arvin Clone around:

1. Those dashing good looks combined with a personality that can give anyone else the willies.
 
Top Ten Ways To Make S5 Better

10. Irina, Irina, Irina (This should be like number one but oh well)

9. More Sydney kicking guy's arses. We all love seeing guys cower in fear when she comes around :redhair: :Ph34r:

8. A girl baddy. And no not someone like Lauren with the thick makeup and the innocent face. Just a really kick ass girl baddy

7. A major villian. Come on. What ever happend to the S1 and S2 days of bringing down SD?

6. Sark. Need I say more? At least one eppy pleeeeease JJ? ;)

5. More cliffhangers. I'm tired of the episodes not tying into each other in at least one way

4. Better aliases (sp??) and disguises. Come on. Nadia pass as a maid? Right...

3. S/V forever. Vaughn can be bad but they have to stay together! :woot:

2. Not going to Thursdays (Even though this has already been decided but oh well) Lost and Alias rocked with one right after the other!

And the number one way to make S5 better....

1. Let there be a S6. I dont want Alias to end next year :( :( :(
 
Lemon-Krumpitz said:
Top Ten Ways To Make S5 Better

And the number one way to make S5 better....

1. Let there be a S6. I dont want Alias to end next year  :(  :(  :(
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I agree. ^_^
 
labrat said:
New top 10 list, with spoiler tags since it involves season 4 happenings:

From a personnel requisition order at CIA Headquarters in Langley:

The top 10 reasons why Arvin Sloane would like to keep Arvin Clone around



7.  Hasn’t had the potential for this deep and meaningful a conversation about Rambaldi’s endgame since Sark killed Conrad the monk.


4.  Same Rambaldi passion as a Derevko sister without any of those nagging suspicions that he’ll be betrayed.

3.  He’s the closest thing to a brother that he hasn’t shot yet.

2.  Syd and Nadia are always flaunting being sisters, but having a “clone” would be just that much better.

And the number reason why Arvin Sloane would like to keep Arvin Clone around:

1.  Those dashing good looks combined with a personality that can give anyone else the willies.
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(y) :D :cool:

OK, those are just terrific!
 
ams4alias said:
TOP TEN REASONS FOR SYDNEY TO GO TO WORK NAKED...

8. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

6. She wants to see if it's like the dream.

4. People stop stealing her pens after they've seen where she keeps them.

3. Diverts attention from the fact that she also came to work drunk.

2. No one steals her chair.

And the number one reason why Sydney should go to work naked is…

1.Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
TOP 10 REASONS WHY SARK FAVORS HANDGUNS OVER WOMEN

10 - You can trade in an old 44 for a new 22, no questions asked.

9 – you can keep one handgun at home, and have another for when your on the road.

8 – If you admire a friend’s handgun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

7 – Your primary handgun doesn’t mind if you keep another handgun for a back up.

6 – Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

5 - A handgun doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.

4 – Handguns function normally every day of the month.

3 - A handgun doesn’t ask, “Do these new grips make me look fat?”

2 - A handgun doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason Sark favours handguns over women is…

1 – You can buy a silencer for the handgun.
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NumberSix said:
From the DSR Maximum Security Rambaldi Holding Facility...

TOP TEN THINGS WE MIGHT HEAR JACK BRISTOW SAYING IN THE NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE:

9.  Sydney, that reminds me, have you been keeping up your piano practice?

8.  Terrific, Laura and little Sydney and the happiest time of my life are a dream, Sark, Sloane, and the Derevko Demons are the real thing.  I have all the luck.

7.  Arvin Cloane...like one of them wasn't sufficient?!

6.  Katya Derevko pointed a gun at Sydney's head and pulled the trigger last season...somebody remind me, why haven't I terminated her for that?

5.  ANOTHER Derevko?!  They're coming out of the

2.  Why the blinking heck couldn't Milo Rambaldi have just taken up knitting or something if he was that bored?!

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Lemon-Krumpitz said:
Alrighty this my attempt at being funny...

Top Ten Reasons Why Jack Should Have Realized Laura Was A Spy

8. Shadowy people Laura happened to bump into on the street kept saying "Excuse me Irina"

7. When Jack happened to glance at Laura's "secret" diary at the bottom it read

    Till I Write Again Diary... love,
              "The Man"

4. The first time she met Bill Vaughn she asked him "How do you feel about dying?"

And the number one reason....

1. She had alot of special friends
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Lemon-Krumpitz said:
Top Ten Reasons Why Sydney Might Leave APO/CIA/.... everything else....

5. She's tired of her dad always yelling "Are you sure you're decripting that right?"
Just once she'd like to her him say "That's perfect honey" or at least "I love you"

4. She's tired of going to Moscow, Russia. She'd rather go to the one in Kentucky (Yes there is a Moscow, Kentucky...)

3. All these wierd names like The Covenant and APO are starting to confuse her. I mean can we get some cooler rogue agency names?

2. She'd like to see what working at a bank is really like....

1. Before she had Arvin Sloane to deal with. Now she has Arvin Clone to. Soon there's going to be a third one! You know what they say 'Third one's a charm'

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NumberSix said:
From the Security Vault at SD-6...

TOP TEN QUESTIONS THE 2-HOUR EPISODE LEFT HANGING:

9.  Has Director Chase not seen the interdepartmental memo on the subject of 'avoiding sexual harrassment lawsuits'?

8.  A signed agreement with Irina Derevko?  Why does that sound familiar?

7.  OK, are ALL Elena's followers completely insane?

6.  Why the heck were there no bug detectors at APO HQ, anyway?

5.  What exactly did Milo Rambaldi do for a living, to be able to afford labyrinths under glaciers, underground stained-glass deathtraps, and other fun toys like that?

4.  Elena was head of the Covenant, and Katya knew where she was to be found?  So why exactly did Katya withhold this tidbit of useful intel until it was too late to make any difference, then whine that Elena was getting away with her Evil Plan?

3.  While we're at it, if Elena is the enemy of Irina and Katya, why did Katya stab Vaughn and rescue Lauren, who worked for the Covenant herself?

2.  What is Sydney going to do if she ever goes up against an enemy who happens to be gay and/or happily married?

and the number one unanswered question the 2-hour special left hanging...

1.  Why doesn't somebody just melt down the damned Rambaldi artifacts and be done with it, anyway?!
[post="1348103"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​
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labrat said:
New top 10 list, with spoiler tags since it involves season 4 happenings:

From a personnel requisition order at CIA Headquarters in Langley:

The top 10 reasons why Arvin Sloane would like to keep Arvin Clone around

10.  Would always have a ready squash partner.

9.  He could always guess his computer passwords, which would make it really easy to hack into his computer and send prank emails to APO personnel.

8.  They can dress up as each other for Halloween.

7.  Hasn’t had the potential for this deep and meaningful a conversation about Rambaldi’s endgame since Sark killed Conrad the monk.

6.  Somehow Arvin Clone always seems to know exactly what Sloane’s thinking.

5.  Would enjoy a good towel fight in the APO locker room more than Jack does.

4.  Same Rambaldi passion as a Derevko sister without any of those nagging suspicions that he’ll be betrayed.

3.  He’s the closest thing to a brother that he hasn’t shot yet.

2.  Syd and Nadia are always flaunting being sisters, but having a “clone” would be just that much better.

And the number reason why Arvin Sloane would like to keep Arvin Clone around:

1.  Those dashing good looks combined with a personality that can give anyone else the willies.
[post="1364075"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​
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omg those are just hilarious... i haven't laughed that much in like forever :jump:
 
Top ten reasons why a pregnant Sydney will be a great in season five

10) We will get to see SpyDaddy cuddling this little squirming ball in his arms and I know my heart will melt when I see it.

9) We might get a ! Singing ! SpyDaddy trying to calm a fussy squirming ball in his arms.

8) Can you imagine Sydney's hormonal changes? One moment she'll be screaming at Jack that she hates him and wants him out of her life. The next she'll be crying in his arms, saying "Mum left me. Vaughn left me. Will wouldn't come back even with the Covenant gone. Please don't leave me too." If the plot isn't entertaining, at least Syd's moods will be.

7) The Sydney/Vaughn shippers will still have a reason to live.

6) Jack could have a mid-life crisis over becoming a grandfather. And that is gonna be fun.

5) Just so long as he doesn't start dating women in their twenties.

4) Unless it's me! 🤤

3) If its a baby boy, the look on Jack's face when she says "I'm naming him Jonathan".

2) Finding out what presents Irina will be sending her grandaughter. A teddy bear that recites the alphabet in ten languages? A blankie with a hidden compartment for "Baby's first weapon"? A 'child-sized' injectable tracking device in case those troublesome Rambaldi cults come after the baby? A book titled "How to recognise and disarm nuclear weapons from the Cold War arms race?"

1) Sydney's gonna find out just how difficult being a single parent to a stubborn little know-it-all is. "Sorry dad".




Top ten reasons why a pregnant Sydney will be a bad thing in season five

10) Because of it, ABC contracted some new "sexy young thing" (always compulsory) to try and keep the male viewers. I already don't give worth a damn about her.

9) Oh man. If Sydney couldn't stop whimpering about the guy she dated for two months being married to another woman, what is she gonna be like now that she's pregnant and he's gone?

8) Gossip around the water cooler is that the pregnancy is why Vartan is leaving- that he isn't quite over Jennifer. Of course, that's what people would be saying anyway.

7) No action scenes of Sydney kicking butt- it just ain't Alias.

6) What is Syd gonna do? Yell orders at "Sexy Young Thing". Cry about 'Vaughn's' betrayal? Finally acknowledge that she has no friends outside of work collegues, ergo, she has no life. And realising that you have no life even after saving the world... bring back Will!

5) Jennifer Garner's stunt double is gonna be unemployed.

4) Jack may very well have a mid life crisis with a twenty-something who isn't me. Oh heck, I hope it isn't with the "sexy young thing" actress, I'm already jealous enough of her.

3) I wont be able to relate to Pregnant Syd, and being able to relate to her is very important to me as a viewer.

2) Sarkney and S/V shippers going for each other's throats until the DNA tests have been confirmed twice.

1) Just think of Sloan holding the baby at some point- you know he's gonna. Its an image I just don't want in my head. A raving psycotic sociopath with blood dripping down his forehead claiming "She's got my eyes."
 
From the bottom drawer with Arvin kept the Rambaldi Journal that started it all...

TOP TEN 'BRILLIANT' TWISTS AND PLOTS THE WRITERS HAVE IN STORE FOR S5!

10. Sydney learns that Anna Espinoza is a clone of her, not a Helix double but a real from-her-cells clone. The obvious problems with this will be ignored.

9. Vaughn will be dead or absent, but a presence in the story even in the abence of the actor. I mean, that worked so well with Irina Derevko in S3, how could they pass up the chance to do it again!

8. Kendall will reappear, to inform Sydney that he secretly runs Project Black Hole. Sydney will be surprised by this, even though he already told her that in an earlier season.

7. The paternity of Sydney's baby will be in question, leaving viewers hanging as to whether it's Michael's or Sloane's.

6. Irina will appear a few times, in ways that make no sense in light of Season Two. Nobody will notice or care.

5. Dixon will be around, and occasionally talk big, but won't do anything.

4. Previously established Rambaldi prophecies will be changed without explanation. No one will care or notice.

3. We will spend several eps on Sydney's pregnancy, only to have the actual birth happen off-screen. The baby will make 1 appearance in the entire season, in a scene with the new characters.

2. Jack Bristow will be criminally underused, we'll see far too much of characters who have nothing to do with the established plotlines, which will change without warning or reason in the mid-season anyway.

1. Fans will be able to relax, since the show long since stopped making any sense anyway, and just watch the pretty pictures.

Could it be that I am a tad bitter about the direction Alias has taken of late? Oh, I don't know, what makes you ask that?
 
Heh. Sorry Number Six I'm stealing your idea ;o

A page from JJ's desk...

Exciting and just plan wierd things that could happen in S5

10. At very end of the season the episode will suddenly flash to 20 years later and we'll see Sydney's child as a CIA agent. This will then result in an Alias spin-off which the ABC monkies will pit againest Survivor, and then they'll cancel it after 2 episodes.

9. There will a special "Christmas" eppy where Sark is visited by the three ghosts from "A Christmas Carol" and for some reason Sark will listen to them and become good either that or he'll attempt to shoot them :Ph34r:

8. Sloane wil become good then bad then good and then bad again and maybe he'll be good again the writers JUST arent sure.

7. We'll learn that Rambaldi's prophecies we're for a school assignment and that he was really just some teenager that liked to play pranks on future people.

6. Irina will die in an episode and then come back in the next one and say "Did you people actually think that I could die?"

5. Marshall will loose his funniness in a freak mission accident.

4. Sloane and Jack will finally declare their love for each other and viewers wont be shocked....

3. Sydney will realize that she has no more friends except Dixon but it's not like he talks anymore

2. Vaughn will actually be alive and Sydney will find discover him in bed with some blonde girl who isnt Lauren

And the number one exciting and just plan wierd thing that could happen in S5 is....

It will turn out that it is Lauren and before the viewers have time to register what the hell is going on Lauren get shot a million times by Vaughn again (which wont be explained. The writers assume we'll just go with it) and then after a few dramatic, silent minutes Lauren will get up and run out the door. Then Marshall might come in and crack a joke or you know Jack might come in and belt out a Broadway number. Most likely Sydney and Vaughn will start having sex and ABC will be fined. Who knows? This is Alias.
 
TOP TEN REASONS WHY VAUGHN IS 100% ALIVE AND SHOULD RETURN BACK SOON:

10. Jack will recruit the baby to APO if MV won't stop him.

9. Syd is running out of tapes with his voice to play to the kid.

8. There's no one left with sexi wrinkles on his forehead.

7. There can't be any more love triangles without him

6. Weiss ran out of friends so he lef to DC.

5. He survived worse things than 50 bullet wounds to the chest (like a year with Lauren...).

4. He still didn't go to lunch with Marshall.

3. There's no one left to beat up Sark during interogation.

2. Who's gonna buy Syd a new picture frame?


1. Nobody actually dies on Alias, right?
 
7. There can't be any more love triangles without him

5. He survived worse things than 50 bullet wounds to the chest (like a year with Lauren...).

4. He still didn't go to lunch with Marshall.

2. Who's gonna buy Syd a new picture frame?

1. Nobody actually dies on Alias, right?
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:laughbounce: Rofl! Those are so funny!

:D
 
It's been over a year since I last made one, so here's a new list. Spoiler tags in case there is someone out there who might read this before seeing the season finale.

Enjoy! :P

Found buried inside a dusty box in a secret DSO research facility in Arizona:

Top Ten Things for Arvin Sloane to Think About or Do While He's Trapped Underground Under a Really Big Rock:

10. Push.

9. Go crazy (in a literal sense).

8. Watch his fingernails grow.

7. Think of an anagram for "Milo Rambaldi".

6. Count as high as he can by prime numbers.

5. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? Do different flavors take more or less?

4. Reminisce about Dr. Barnett and their forbidden love.

3. Figure out how to make coffee taste as good as it smells.

2. Wonder why bad guys always hesitate to pull the trigger, thus allowing good guys (and girls, in the case of one Sydney Bristow) the chance to devise some sort of escape plan.

And the number one thing for Arvin Sloane to Think About or Do While He's Trapped Underground Under a Really Big Rock:

1. 99 bottles of beer. A wall. Repeat.
 
StAgEpRiNcEsS said:
TOP TEN WAYS TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR Alias/ ESPECIALLY Irina-DEPRIVATION:

10. Scream.
9. Write threatening/demanding/pleading letters to whatever channel it is you have that is being an ignorant ugly bunch of meanie poo nincompoops.
8. Hang up Russian flags all over your house.
7. Draw swirly codes in all your books.
6. Demand that your mother buys you a first-edition copy of Alice in Wonderland.
5. Cry every time you see your mother.
4. Jump out of a train every time your parents fight.
3. Tell your mom you are going to find the nukes she's hidden whether she likes it or not.
2. Request for your mom to be able to walk on the roof for 15 minutes each week.

and the number one way to help you with your Irina-deprivation?

1. Scream.
*this one is mainly for those who actually ARE being deprived of Alias, ie ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* Damn channel 7.
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This list cracked me up!!!
:sideroll:
 
Oh, man, these are great. I started one ages ago, and just finished it so... forgive the lameness. And it's from season 4.

From a pale pink notebook titled ‘SYDNEY STINKS! But Nadia stinks more!’…

Top 10 Reasons Why Nadia Thinks Living With Sydney Sucks

10. Staying up late swapping life stories with Sydney makes having a barium enema look like fun.

9. The statement ‘If you touch my stuff again, I will kill you’ is not just an empty threat.

8. Her shoe closet is monitored by CCTV cameras 24/7 and requires a 7 digit code, retinal scan and biorhythms just to disarm the gun turrets before the nerve gas knocks you out. The actual locking mechanism remains a mystery.

7. Just because her dad killed, like, all of Sydney’s friends it’s a crime to invite him in for coffee. It’s not like Jack is Father of the Year material!

6. Plus, Jack can be kind of… stiff.

5. It was only a suggestion that Sydney and Vaughn stay over at his house; she totally did not deserve to have the knife drawer thrown at her. Stupid hormonal bitch.

4. Every time she gets mad at Sydney for making her miss the first twenty minutes of her favourite show, Syd launches into the whole ‘At least you haven’t missed two years of your life!’ spiel and that gets just a tad tedious.

3. Since Sydney seems to be the singularity in the giant black hole of doom and destruction that affects her nearest and dearest, there’s the ever-increasing chance that she’ll end up as an orchid-water-infected pawn in some convoluted, angst-filled endgame, and really, what has she done to deserve that?

2. Family vacations are a bitch; they always have to pay extra for ‘Emotional Baggage’. (At Baggage Claim: “Oh, look; ‘Elektra complex’! Is that one of your issues?” “Shut up, Nadia.”)

And the Number One Reason why Nadia thinks living with Sydney Sucks…

1. The catfights. They get vicious.
 
Top Ten reasons I loathe channel 7 (with regards to Alias)

10. When they do air Alias episodes they do so at odd times ie.Midday and midnight

9. They put on adds at the beginning of the year for Alias, and fail to actually air the show!!!

8. In previous years they have messed around with the Alias timeslot. ie. Putting double episodes on (ok, as long as you know!!!), changing times, putting repeats in between...etc.

7. STILL not showing season 5

6. Giving fans the impression it would air in August...then when they complain in september, telling them it might not air this year or next (gggrrrrrrrrr)

5. The fact that until it airs on TV we have no hope of getting the box set (making us resort to buying it online, with the risk it may not work on our DVD players)

4. Putting Australian "celebrity" survivor on during Alias' timeslot (well, the timeslot i was hoping it would have). Plus, THEY AREN'T CELEBRITIES!!!! Gosh! Idiots!

3. Putting on double episodes of family guy, or American dad, rather than Alias!!!

2. All the stupid Aussie crime reality shows they have on - come on, give us fiction!!!

And finally,

1. WHERE THE HELL IS SEASON 5!!!!!!!
 
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