kellslawells
Cadet
That is so true. And so hilarious. What the HELL kind of a name is Arvin anyway? And he pulls it off!!! Well done Sloane! Well done!!
ALIAS Top Ten Lists (with apologies to Letterman)
- Thread starter NumberSix
- Start date
That is so true. And so hilarious. What the HELL kind of a name is Arvin anyway? And he pulls it off!!! Well done Sloane! Well done!!
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
Huh me?? No, they don't suck. What do u mean my excuse?? Sorry, my brains seem to work a little slower todayStAgEpRiNcEsS said:
From Katya Derevko's Private Love Nest...
TOP TEN REASONS ERIC WIESS SHOULD NOT MARRY NADIA SANTOS:
10. Her mother shot him in the neck.
9. He used to have a crush on her sister, that's asking for trouble.
8. Her father is a psychopathic liar, killer, soiopath, manipulator, and is at the center of a 500-year old swirling vortex of prophecy, intrigue, and death.
7. Boss's daughter. Enough said.
6. He works for the CIA, she might very well be secretly working for Argentine Intelligence. Never mix business and pleasure.
5. She might someday try to kill Sydney Bristow, and then he'd have to defend his wife against Jack Bristow, and there's no percentage in dying today.
4. She might someday try to kill Sydney, and then he'll have to make a choice between them, and he loses either way.
3. She just can't control herself around the green goo.
2. Look how well dating a coworker's gone for his best friend!
1. Sure getting involved with her is a good idea, look how well it worked out for the other men who got involved with Derevko women!
TOP TEN REASONS ERIC WIESS SHOULD NOT MARRY NADIA SANTOS:
10. Her mother shot him in the neck.
9. He used to have a crush on her sister, that's asking for trouble.
8. Her father is a psychopathic liar, killer, soiopath, manipulator, and is at the center of a 500-year old swirling vortex of prophecy, intrigue, and death.
7. Boss's daughter. Enough said.
6. He works for the CIA, she might very well be secretly working for Argentine Intelligence. Never mix business and pleasure.
5. She might someday try to kill Sydney Bristow, and then he'd have to defend his wife against Jack Bristow, and there's no percentage in dying today.
4. She might someday try to kill Sydney, and then he'll have to make a choice between them, and he loses either way.
3. She just can't control herself around the green goo.
2. Look how well dating a coworker's gone for his best friend!
1. Sure getting involved with her is a good idea, look how well it worked out for the other men who got involved with Derevko women!
Another good one, NumberSix. Here's my first stab:
Found buried deep in a server pulled for maintenance:
Top 10 things Marshall dislikes about working for the CIA
10. Nobody understands just how serious it is when the server kicks back “Stop 0x00000077 KERNEL_STACK_INPAGE_ERROR.”
9. The only way to get a kiss from your favorite agent is to get shot by a tranquilizer while trying to solve an insanely complex computer algorithm.
8. Spend all day making a cool gadget to help rid the world of bad guys and some idiot agent leaves it in a marketplace in Casablanca.
7. When your Dungeons and Dragons gnome gets killed because some hacker put a tap in your server, causing your game to skip frames and run slow.
6. Can’t take a lunch break without someone asking “Hey Marshall - got a minute? My computer’s . . .”
5. Can’t go in the field without being tranq’d, kidnapped, or having an allergic reaction to your fake mustache.
4. Getting the offer of a lifetime from a notorious criminal, but she can’t provide health insurance.
3. Has to spend all his time, resources, and technical expertise trying to stop some guy who died 500 years ago.
2. Agents go out into the field with all sorts of devices and backup protocols to deal with any number of possible situations, yet he gets funny looks for stitching a parachute into the lining of his jacket before getting on an airplane.
And the number one thing Marshall dislikes about working for the CIA:
1. Just for once, would it kill somebody to at least pretend that they saw that documentary on monkeys?
Found buried deep in a server pulled for maintenance:
Top 10 things Marshall dislikes about working for the CIA
10. Nobody understands just how serious it is when the server kicks back “Stop 0x00000077 KERNEL_STACK_INPAGE_ERROR.”
9. The only way to get a kiss from your favorite agent is to get shot by a tranquilizer while trying to solve an insanely complex computer algorithm.
8. Spend all day making a cool gadget to help rid the world of bad guys and some idiot agent leaves it in a marketplace in Casablanca.
7. When your Dungeons and Dragons gnome gets killed because some hacker put a tap in your server, causing your game to skip frames and run slow.
6. Can’t take a lunch break without someone asking “Hey Marshall - got a minute? My computer’s . . .”
5. Can’t go in the field without being tranq’d, kidnapped, or having an allergic reaction to your fake mustache.
4. Getting the offer of a lifetime from a notorious criminal, but she can’t provide health insurance.
3. Has to spend all his time, resources, and technical expertise trying to stop some guy who died 500 years ago.
2. Agents go out into the field with all sorts of devices and backup protocols to deal with any number of possible situations, yet he gets funny looks for stitching a parachute into the lining of his jacket before getting on an airplane.
And the number one thing Marshall dislikes about working for the CIA:
1. Just for once, would it kill somebody to at least pretend that they saw that documentary on monkeys?
StAgEpRiNcEsS
Cadet
lOVE iT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
keep writing!
keep writing!
From a recycling bin inside Sloane’s office:
Top 10 least celebrated or observed holidays/calendar dates at APO
10. Arbor Day
9. Be Kind to Humankind Week
8. National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month
7. National Mole Day (Avogadro's number just can’t compete with 47)
6. National Play Day for Health
5. National Clean Off Your Desk Day (definitely not a Marshall favorite)
4. Pi Day (same as Mole Day)
3. Take Your Daughter to Work Day
2. Workplace Eye Health and Safety Awareness Month
And the number one least observed day at APO:
1. Boss Appreciation Day
Top 10 least celebrated or observed holidays/calendar dates at APO
10. Arbor Day
9. Be Kind to Humankind Week
8. National Stress-Free Family Holiday Month
7. National Mole Day (Avogadro's number just can’t compete with 47)
6. National Play Day for Health
5. National Clean Off Your Desk Day (definitely not a Marshall favorite)
4. Pi Day (same as Mole Day)
3. Take Your Daughter to Work Day
2. Workplace Eye Health and Safety Awareness Month
And the number one least observed day at APO:
1. Boss Appreciation Day
Mole day... (shakes head) :lol: I love it! AHHHH!!! Chemistry is evil! But, I suppose that moles are cute. The furry kind that is, not the 6.02 x10 to the 23 kind. Cause you know, that whole gram-mole-molecule thing is sorta confusing and well, not very useless unless you're playing with unstable chemicals, which I suppose could be fun, and my friends tell me that it is.
Oops. I'm babbling. Sorry.
Guess I've been watching too many Marshall episodes of Alias, eh?
Great job everybody! They're all really hilarious! :rotflmao:
Oops. I'm babbling. Sorry.
Guess I've been watching too many Marshall episodes of Alias, eh? Now is that in November or December?
Great job everybody! They're all really hilarious! :rotflmao:
sparkling_sapphire89
Cadet
NumberSix said:
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!labrat said:
Discovered in a forgotten tool kit labeled "Jonah Nemec" at a construction site in Wisconsin...
TOP TEN REASONS WHY I MISS WORKING FOR THE CIA
10. The watercooler converstions. It was always amusing listening to the latest gossip on Syd and Vaughn (even if I was a little jealous of him), and finding out about the on-goings of the Bristow clan, the most dysfunctional family to grace this planet since...well...ever. Ah, how I miss those moments.
9. My one claim to fame - working with the direct descendent of Houdini - is gone for good. As are the cool magic tricks.
8. They get to have champagne on the job. Between being a former drug addict and living in Wisconsin, the fanciest I've gotten in awhile is a Budweiser a month.
7. I've had to start eating pickels again. And to tell you the truth, I actually think they're gross.
6. Let's face it - Jonah has about as much of a chance of being "the next big thing" as I do of eventually winning Sydney over. Which is slim to none.
5. I'm not on Jack Bristow's side anymore. And when your not allied with Jack, only bad things can happen. Wait a minute, he can do bad things to you even if you are working together. So either way I'm screwed.
4. Just when I'd finally gotten around to buying a real suit (that fit me), I don't need it anymore. What a waste.
3. Even an analyst gets better pay than a construction worker, so once again I have bad credit. But now I don't even have a car to sell. At least Jonah doesn't have a crimnal record (like I did for my "heroin addiction").
2. As scary as Sark is, he has nothing on Green Bay Packers fans. Those guys are die-hard and deadly.
But the number one reason why I miss working for the CIA:
1. I don't get health insurance anymore. Not even dental coverage.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY I MISS WORKING FOR THE CIA
10. The watercooler converstions. It was always amusing listening to the latest gossip on Syd and Vaughn (even if I was a little jealous of him), and finding out about the on-goings of the Bristow clan, the most dysfunctional family to grace this planet since...well...ever. Ah, how I miss those moments.
9. My one claim to fame - working with the direct descendent of Houdini - is gone for good. As are the cool magic tricks.
8. They get to have champagne on the job. Between being a former drug addict and living in Wisconsin, the fanciest I've gotten in awhile is a Budweiser a month.
7. I've had to start eating pickels again. And to tell you the truth, I actually think they're gross.
6. Let's face it - Jonah has about as much of a chance of being "the next big thing" as I do of eventually winning Sydney over. Which is slim to none.
5. I'm not on Jack Bristow's side anymore. And when your not allied with Jack, only bad things can happen. Wait a minute, he can do bad things to you even if you are working together. So either way I'm screwed.
4. Just when I'd finally gotten around to buying a real suit (that fit me), I don't need it anymore. What a waste.
3. Even an analyst gets better pay than a construction worker, so once again I have bad credit. But now I don't even have a car to sell. At least Jonah doesn't have a crimnal record (like I did for my "heroin addiction").
2. As scary as Sark is, he has nothing on Green Bay Packers fans. Those guys are die-hard and deadly.
But the number one reason why I miss working for the CIA:
1. I don't get health insurance anymore. Not even dental coverage.
MeganGarnerBristow
Cadet
NumberSix said:
Weiss had a crush on Syd? When did it say that? Why do I miss things like this! haha
StAgEpRiNcEsS
Cadet
TOP TEN WAYS TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR IRINA/LENA-DEPRIVATION:
10. Scream.
9. Write threatening/demanding/pleading letters to Lena Olin
8. Hang up Russian flags all over your house.
7. Draw swirly codes in all your books.
6. Demand that your mother buys you a first-edition copy of Alice in Wonderland.
5. Cry every time you see your mother.
4. Jump out of a train every time your parents fight.
3. Tell your mom you are going to find the nukes she's hidden whether she likes it or not.
2. Request for your mom to be able to walk on the roof for 15 minutes each week.
and the number one way to help you with your Irina-deprivation?
1. Scream.
10. Scream.
9. Write threatening/demanding/pleading letters to Lena Olin
8. Hang up Russian flags all over your house.
7. Draw swirly codes in all your books.
6. Demand that your mother buys you a first-edition copy of Alice in Wonderland.
5. Cry every time you see your mother.
4. Jump out of a train every time your parents fight.
3. Tell your mom you are going to find the nukes she's hidden whether she likes it or not.
2. Request for your mom to be able to walk on the roof for 15 minutes each week.
and the number one way to help you with your Irina-deprivation?
1. Scream.
sydneyluvsvaughn4eva
Cadet
Top Ten Reasons Why Vaughn Should Have Known Lauren Was evil and Married him to Steal Secrets:
10. She slept with a loaded gun under her pillow.
9. Whenever he talked to someone about CIA stuff on the cordless phone, he occasionally heard giggling.
8. She always ordered steak without pickles.
7. She screamed bloody murder when he got near her laptop.
6. She turned Sydney in to Lyndsey (sorry but that was just uncalled for)
5. She got random phone calls at odd hours, said "wrong number" and then told Vaughn she was going out for a run. Lord knows there's no way that girl runs.
4. She licked her lips and started fanning herself when anyone mentioned Sark.
3. The random "those bastards" comments she made under her breathe when someone mentioned the CIA.
2. The obviously fake orgies.
The number one reason Vaughn should have known all that felgercarb i mentioned to begin with:
1. Duh, he's not an idiot...or so we all thought.
10. She slept with a loaded gun under her pillow.
9. Whenever he talked to someone about CIA stuff on the cordless phone, he occasionally heard giggling.
8. She always ordered steak without pickles.
7. She screamed bloody murder when he got near her laptop.
6. She turned Sydney in to Lyndsey (sorry but that was just uncalled for)
5. She got random phone calls at odd hours, said "wrong number" and then told Vaughn she was going out for a run. Lord knows there's no way that girl runs.
4. She licked her lips and started fanning herself when anyone mentioned Sark.
3. The random "those bastards" comments she made under her breathe when someone mentioned the CIA.
2. The obviously fake orgies.
The number one reason Vaughn should have known all that felgercarb i mentioned to begin with:
1. Duh, he's not an idiot...or so we all thought.
MissingSark
Cadet
Top Ten Signs that the Alias Writers Have Gone Too Far:
10. If any character ever utters those deadly words: "Dude, where's my car?"
9. Dixon turns out to be Sloane and Katya's love child.
8. Weiss is abducted by aliens and made their ambassador to the human race.
7. Rambaldi is discovered to actually still be alive and is currently taking residence in the Bahamas with Emily and Diane Dixon.
6. Marshall turns out to be a Rambaldi android which we should have known because no one can do math in their head that fast.
5. Sloane reveals that the Sphere of Life, Rambaldi's greatest achievement, is actually a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
4. Sydney discovers that she has the power to make herself invisible but only on Thursdays.
3. It's revealed that Jack really isn't Jack but Irina disguised as Jack and that Jack is really masquerading as Sloane who, as it turns out, really did die in the S3 episode "Hourglass".
2. Marshall builds a time machine out of a Hybrid and it actually works.
1. Three Words: Alias The Musical
10. If any character ever utters those deadly words: "Dude, where's my car?"
9. Dixon turns out to be Sloane and Katya's love child.
8. Weiss is abducted by aliens and made their ambassador to the human race.
7. Rambaldi is discovered to actually still be alive and is currently taking residence in the Bahamas with Emily and Diane Dixon.
6. Marshall turns out to be a Rambaldi android which we should have known because no one can do math in their head that fast.
5. Sloane reveals that the Sphere of Life, Rambaldi's greatest achievement, is actually a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
4. Sydney discovers that she has the power to make herself invisible but only on Thursdays.
3. It's revealed that Jack really isn't Jack but Irina disguised as Jack and that Jack is really masquerading as Sloane who, as it turns out, really did die in the S3 episode "Hourglass".
2. Marshall builds a time machine out of a Hybrid and it actually works.
1. Three Words: Alias The Musical
DreamOutLoud
Cadet
10. If any character ever utters those deadly words: "Dude, where's my car?"
9. Dixon turns out to be Sloane and Katya's love child.
8. Weiss is abducted by aliens and made their ambassador to the human race.
7. Rambaldi is discovered to actually still be alive and is currently taking residence in the Bahamas with Emily and Diane Dixon.
6. Marshall turns out to be a Rambaldi android which we should have known because no one can do math in their head that fast.
5. Sloane reveals that the Sphere of Life, Rambaldi's greatest achievement, is actually a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
4. Sydney discovers that she has the power to make herself invisible but only on Thursdays.
3. It's revealed that Jack really isn't Jack but Irina disguised as Jack and that Jack is really masquerading as Sloane who, as it turns out, really did die in the S3 episode "Hourglass".
2. Marshall builds a time machine out of a Hybrid and it actually works.
1. Three Words: Alias The Musical
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Alias the musical! How would that be?
9. Dixon turns out to be Sloane and Katya's love child.
8. Weiss is abducted by aliens and made their ambassador to the human race.
7. Rambaldi is discovered to actually still be alive and is currently taking residence in the Bahamas with Emily and Diane Dixon.
6. Marshall turns out to be a Rambaldi android which we should have known because no one can do math in their head that fast.
5. Sloane reveals that the Sphere of Life, Rambaldi's greatest achievement, is actually a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
4. Sydney discovers that she has the power to make herself invisible but only on Thursdays.
3. It's revealed that Jack really isn't Jack but Irina disguised as Jack and that Jack is really masquerading as Sloane who, as it turns out, really did die in the S3 episode "Hourglass".
2. Marshall builds a time machine out of a Hybrid and it actually works.
1. Three Words: Alias The Musical
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Alias the musical! How would that be?
meg_loves_Alias
Cadet
Top Ten reason's Sark is hot. In no specific order.
10. The accent.
9. The hair.
8. The name. Say it with me "Mr. Julian Sark."
7. The eyes.
6. The smirk.
5. Only one that can pull off a bright orange prison jumpsuit.
4. Bad ass attitude.
3. Cockiness
2. The hot body.
1. The Lime-Kiss.
10. The accent.
9. The hair.
8. The name. Say it with me "Mr. Julian Sark."
7. The eyes.
6. The smirk.
5. Only one that can pull off a bright orange prison jumpsuit.
4. Bad ass attitude.
3. Cockiness
2. The hot body.
1. The Lime-Kiss.
From a piece of paper found glowing in the dark outside of APO headquarters
Top 10 things Jack Bristow likes about having a serious radiation-induced mutation
10. He finally will have actual eyes in the back of his head.
9. Three arms are really useful in hand-to-hand combat.
8. He now has a great chance for an Alias spin-off show on the WB.
7. Who needs Rimbaldi’s formulas? He can regenerate himself after being shot.
6. He can now cook dinner without even using the microwave.
5. You thought he had a piercing stare before? Now he actually can see right through you.
4. He already has his Halloween costume picked out for this year: Radioactive Man from the Simpsons.
3. He’s got an inside advantage in the APO betting pool on which Marvel superhero he’ll most resemble when everything’s said and done.
2. Two heads are always better than one.
And the number 1 thing Jack Bristow likes about having a serious radiation-induced mutation:
1. Nuclear farts that can be used to end Sloane’s insufferable briefings.
Top 10 things Jack Bristow likes about having a serious radiation-induced mutation
10. He finally will have actual eyes in the back of his head.
9. Three arms are really useful in hand-to-hand combat.
8. He now has a great chance for an Alias spin-off show on the WB.
7. Who needs Rimbaldi’s formulas? He can regenerate himself after being shot.
6. He can now cook dinner without even using the microwave.
5. You thought he had a piercing stare before? Now he actually can see right through you.
4. He already has his Halloween costume picked out for this year: Radioactive Man from the Simpsons.
3. He’s got an inside advantage in the APO betting pool on which Marvel superhero he’ll most resemble when everything’s said and done.
2. Two heads are always better than one.
And the number 1 thing Jack Bristow likes about having a serious radiation-induced mutation:
1. Nuclear farts that can be used to end Sloane’s insufferable briefings.
From a container labeled "Biohazardous" inside Marshall's office:
Top 10 things Jack Bristow dislikes about having a serious radiation-induced mutation
10. He needs to wear lead underwear now.
9. Now that his genes are all screwed up, Sloane keeps referring to him as “that human-monkey-mutant-hybrid thing.”
8. Newbie agents keep trying to defuse him instead of the actual nuclear bomb.
7. By some fluke, his DNA sequence now matches the one from the Rimbaldi manuscript.
6. Marshall keeps following him everywhere and taking notes of his changes.
5. Senator Robert Kelly keeps trying to get him to register under the Mutant Registration Act.
4. Now that he’s got that second head, he realizes how incredibly difficult he is to deal with.
3. Didn’t get that mutation to turn into the Incredible Hulk like he’d hoped for.
2. It’s hard to stay hidden on a nighttime stakeout when you glow in the dark.
And the number 1 thing Jack Bristow dislikes about having a serious radiation-induced mutation:
1. Can no longer use the pickup line “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”
Top 10 things Jack Bristow dislikes about having a serious radiation-induced mutation
10. He needs to wear lead underwear now.
9. Now that his genes are all screwed up, Sloane keeps referring to him as “that human-monkey-mutant-hybrid thing.”
8. Newbie agents keep trying to defuse him instead of the actual nuclear bomb.
7. By some fluke, his DNA sequence now matches the one from the Rimbaldi manuscript.
6. Marshall keeps following him everywhere and taking notes of his changes.
5. Senator Robert Kelly keeps trying to get him to register under the Mutant Registration Act.
4. Now that he’s got that second head, he realizes how incredibly difficult he is to deal with.
3. Didn’t get that mutation to turn into the Incredible Hulk like he’d hoped for.
2. It’s hard to stay hidden on a nighttime stakeout when you glow in the dark.
And the number 1 thing Jack Bristow dislikes about having a serious radiation-induced mutation:
1. Can no longer use the pickup line “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”