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Alone.

Discussion in 'Creative Writing & Arts' started by Victoria King, Jun 12, 2003.

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  1. Victoria King

    Victoria King Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2003
    Location:
    USA
    okay i just made this up now and am going to post it!lmao! sorry if its absolutely horrible!be kind! i have never written poetry(and i dont even know if you would call this poetry..its like free verse! ^_^ )

    A soft reassuring drizzle descends upon the world, giving everything the quiet illusion of a dream or fairytale. But this is no happy ending, sadly. I stand alone with my palms spread wide open reaching and waiting for something, someone. Streams of mascara twist and turn poetically on my fragile features. A harsh wind kicks up my skirts and dances with my hair, a flurry of blonde in the black of night.
    He walks away from me, slowly without turning around to see me shed tears of pain. I am alone. I can feel him near me, can smell him distinctly, yet I know I am alone. His caressing touch lingers on my flushed cheeks where tears now rest. I want to scream; I want to run after him, hear the pounding of my heels towards him.
    But I can’t move. I will never be able to move, this I know for certain. His eyes held no emotion, no love, no hate, no betrayal. Numb from disappointment or from being ashamed, I don’t know. Just numb, lifeless no trace of any passion or regret.
    I know he will not return. Even though I am saying over and over in my mind that any moment now he will turn around and say “I’m sorry” with a flicker of love in his eyes, I know that I am alone. I hang my head, my chin resting on my heaving chest from the ripping of my heart. I know I should turn sharply and walk out arrogantly with my head held high. But I can’t. I never will, this I also know. I will skulk with my shoulders hunched and my head to my knees, practically.
    And he will not care. I am alone. He is alone. We are alone. Just turn around, I can do this. I can turn its elementary. But how can I do anything without him? After hours, even though im sure its only a few meaningless seconds, i hear the scraping of my feet turn on the gravel and my legs begin to move towards darkness.
    I am alone.

    so what do you think?! i know its really -_- but thanks for reading! i appreciate it! ;)
     
  2. Flames24

    Flames24 Rocket Ranger

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    Dec 2, 2002
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    [N]orth [C]arolina aka NASCAR Country
    That was great, Vicki.
     
  3. aliaschick4mv

    aliaschick4mv Rocket Ranger

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    Feb 26, 2003
    Location:
    East Coast
    That was great Vicki! More?

    Dani
     
  4. Betha Bristow

    Betha Bristow Rocket Ranger

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    Mar 18, 2003
    Location:
    United States
    What r u crazy?! That was great!
     
  5. Victoria King

    Victoria King Rocket Ranger

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    Jan 21, 2003
    Location:
    USA
    thanks guys!! and dani, i might but it was just something i just decided to write up!
     
  6. Existentialist

    Existentialist Entertainment Moderator

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2002
    Location:
    IL
    Oooo I like it, Vicki!

    Sounds like something Dar Williams would put to music.
     
  7. Victoria King

    Victoria King Rocket Ranger

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    Jan 21, 2003
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    lol! dar williams, i should send it to her! lol!i love her music!thanks leah!
     
  8. btvaughn

    btvaughn Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2002
    Location:
    Ohio
    Vic.....you couldn't astound me any more with your talent with writing. But then I read your untitled, your Ethan Frome piece, and now this.....I'm wrong, you have an amazing description sense, that I have yet to see ANYWHERE else of writers our age the kind of talent you have. I truly was inside the story...visualizing the heartache and sadness of the girl. Picturesque in the sense of a dark night and rain....wow.
     
  9. Victoria King

    Victoria King Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2003
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    THANKS!!!!!really bridget!your too kind but you made me feel very very happy!!! :D :shamefullyembarrased: ^_^ :D thanks!
    really it helps me write more! and i really want to show some of this to my literary advisor but im afraid she wont like it.... so this helps me get the courage to print it up and take it to her!

    and yeah! you felt like you were her, thats great! :D
     
  10. nance

    nance TUMS

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2003
    :o wow... that was really good. it's very descriptive and i can really visualize it :o
     
  11. Victoria King

    Victoria King Rocket Ranger

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    thanks nance!!!
     
  12. Chanel

    Chanel Rocket Ranger

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    Feb 26, 2003
    O wowo!!!!! viki that was great! as bridget said you couldnt astound me either! excellent! keep writing!!!
     
  13. Victoria King

    Victoria King Rocket Ranger

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2003
    Location:
    USA
    i was writing some yesterday in my journal and some of it fit this shorty story/ fic/ whatever it is! :LOL: so i changed some of it and am here to post it!!! please review!!!

    I am alone. I must let him go as easily as he let me go. The wind still whips at my ankles and slices at my sides. All the streetlamps, bright and alluring..fake and imposing..try to guide me home but i have no home anymore. My feet are now bare, my shoes having been discarded along side the desolate dirt roads hours ago in frustration.

    I want to make sense of this. Make sense of the stabbing in my soul that is causing me to bleed tears. Is it possible to die from crying internally? Isnt crying the same as bleeding? Trying to heal a wound so thick and so deep that scars up the body and soul forever? Can one ever be saved or even relieved of this torture? Even if only momentary?

    I dont really want answers to these questions. I dont even care to ask them to anybody or even to myself, i just want him back. I just want him to love me again like before. I can remember when i first met him and he smiled at me. Not just any smile, but a grin so wide and so carefree i thought there was nothing to worry about. No cares in the world......nothing at all to cause me pain. Just him.

    I can see the front light of my porch calling out to me now, welcoming me home, dangling in front of my weary eyes in comfort. I look down at my feet, tiny scratches weave in and out like trampled vines in an orchard. Four hours ago, hard to believe, he was in my arms. His hand had fondly brushed aside my unruly hair that had fallen haphazardly into my sparkling eyes. Now the only sparkle left in my eyes is from the fading stars catching off of the glaze of my tears.

    If he doesnt love me, who will? I stare up into the face of the moon and continue to walk past my house with the green shutters in need of a painting and the swing door slighty ajar from the cat slinkly past it to greet me at the front step. I want to say something anything. A goodbye or just a simple statement of why, but the cold harsh tears are choking me, knocking me out like a sudden gust of wind smacking my face.

    I am alone.
     
  14. btvaughn

    btvaughn Rocket Ranger

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    Dec 7, 2002
    Location:
    Ohio
    Oh dear goodness...that was fabulous Vic!!! I jumped from feeling sorrow to the happiness of the memory in seconds. If only I could have the answer to those questions as well. Amazing job...I hope you do add on more, b/c I'm starting to know this character so well already. Suffering....loneliness....wanting the love that has left her....she is alone in her heart and wants the pain to end as the tears overwhelm her....I'm astounded at how well this went!!! Fabulous job!!!
    (maybe I should call her Vicki...;))
     
  15. Betha Bristow

    Betha Bristow Rocket Ranger

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    Mar 18, 2003
    Location:
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    I like how the title is brought up evrey now and then.... Great job Vikki!
     
  16. WhatcaLookinat?

    WhatcaLookinat? Ensign

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2004
    I'm new to this so I am not that expirenced but that was frickin good. Good job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! daisy
     

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