Politics Arranged Marriage

[ms.katejones]

This topic came out of what people were discussing in the human rights thread. I know the idea of arranged marriage seems totally foreign to us Westerners, but it is a common practice in other parts of the world. I have a friend who is Indian and she plans on letting her parents arrange a marriage because she says that arranged marriages last more than love matches. What do you think?

 

[noggi16]

I agree. I would never have one but we haven't been brought up in that enviroment. and people I know who've had one and loved it.

Its important to distingush between arranged and forced marriages because they're not the same.

 

[Tanja87]

I think if both agree with it it's ok, but if somebody of them is against it they shouldn't be forced to marry. As long as everybody can marry who they want and aren't forced to marry someone they don't want, everything's ok.

 

[PleaseDrinkMilk]

my Sociology prof said that arranged marriages tend to last longer. if such is true, I'd theorize it's because in our current system, we always imagine there is someone better for us out there. in an arranged marriage, it seems to be a lot less about alternatives.

so if someone's happy with it, GO FER IT! I, personally, could never go for something like that, and I don't think our society will ever go for it unless there's some sort of concrete sociological evidence to show arranged marriage couples are better off.


*EDIT: "Yes, as long as both parties agree to the match."
I'm not sure that would work. if that were the norm, can you imagine the sheer number of marriages that went on simply because one person didn't want to be a jerk and refuse the other one? I know if I were refused, my self esteem would be pretty crushed. it would put a lot of pressure on people, and I think our society is way too touchy to grasp something like that.

 

[Aliasfan13]

I am against arranged marriages. I come from a country where arranged marriages are all the rage Thank God I was born in America! :lol: I just think it's silly.

 

[Natalia]

my Sociology prof said that arranged marriages tend to last longer. if such is true, I'd theorize it's because in our current system, we always imagine there is someone better for us out there. in an arranged marriage, it seems to be a lot less about alternatives.

The society is the reason for this. How many arranged marriages do you see in societies where divorce is acceptable?

My parents live in India (I'm not Indian). Almost every marriage there is arranged. There are ads in newspapers, and there are even events where the potential husbands and wives are paraded onstage like at a cattle show. In these places, if you get divorced you can look forward to being disgraced, abandoned by your family, or worse. Things like domestic violence are almost never reported, and many thousands of wives are murdered every year but it frequently is ignored or written off as suicide. This is largely because of fighting over dowry, which is all a part of arranged marriages.

I know a lot of people who have had arranged marriages. Their matches were determined by horoscopes and holy men. A lot of them are reasonably okay with their spouses. Others are extremely unhappy, but because they aren't allowed to work (wives often aren't allowed to in these societies), they can't support themselves, so they have no choice but to stay with thier husbands.

I have a lot of women's magazines from India that have advice columns. A lot of women write in complaining that their husbands beat them and have affairs, and the people advising them tell them it's the woman's fault, and she should do more to please her husband.

Sure arranged marriages might last, but it certainly isn't because they are happier, or better, marriages.

 

[Sabella]

I don't like the idea, I think it's cheating at love, it's wrong, everyone should find someone their selves and learn to love them not just skip those two stages

 

[Existentialist]

Arranged marriages aren't horrible. A lot of the time, a boy sees a girl he likes in his village, tells his parents, then his parents get together with her parents to allow them to meet, and if they get along, then the parents will arrange the marriage. (nutshell version, sorry)

They're different than forced marriages, obviously... and vastly different than bride-kidnapping.

My best friend's boyfriend's parents were married through an arranged marriage. They're very happy. A friend of a friend was married through an arranged marriage last year. She's also very happy.

It's just very different from what Americans are used to.

 

[ms.katejones]

I have a lot of women's magazines from India that have advice columns. A lot of women write in complaining that their husbands beat them and have affairs, and the people advising them tell them it's the woman's fault, and she should do more to please her husband.

Sure arranged marriages might last, but it certainly isn't because they are happier, or better, marriages.

[post="1206415"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​

Well, women are abused in non-arranged marriages too. I agree that no one should have to stay in a marriage where they are being cheated on or hurt mentally/physically.

 

[noggi16]

Things like domestic violence are almost never reported, and many thousands of wives are murdered every year but it frequently is ignored or written off as suicide. This is largely because of fighting over dowry, which is all a part of arranged marriages.

have a lot of women's magazines from India that have advice columns. A lot of women write in complaining that their husbands beat them and have affairs, and the people advising them tell them it's the woman's fault, and she should do more to please her husband.

Sure arranged marriages might last, but it certainly isn't because they are happier, or better, marriages.

Yeah and two women a week are killed in Britain at the hands of a partner. An act of domestic violence is estimated to happen every 6-20 seconds and one in four women in the UK will be subject to domestic violence at some point.

So picking your own husband doesn't work to well either. You can't make it seem like arranged marriages have worse domestic violence because its not true.

 

[aliasgangster47]

no-i believe that everyone should find their own true love!

 

[aliasgangster47]

p.s.-postscript...good luck you guys (and gals :lol!!

 

[Existentialist]

The society is the reason for this. How many arranged marriages do you see in societies where divorce is acceptable?

My parents live in India (I'm not Indian). Almost every marriage there is arranged. There are ads in newspapers, and there are even events where the potential husbands and wives are paraded onstage like at a cattle show. In these places, if you get divorced you can look forward to being disgraced, abandoned by your family, or worse. Things like domestic violence are almost never reported, and many thousands of wives are murdered every year but it frequently is ignored or written off as suicide. This is largely because of fighting over dowry, which is all a part of arranged marriages.

I know a lot of people who have had arranged marriages. Their matches were determined by horoscopes and holy men. A lot of them are reasonably okay with their spouses. Others are extremely unhappy, but because they aren't allowed to work (wives often aren't allowed to in these societies), they can't support themselves, so they have no choice but to stay with thier husbands.

I have a lot of women's magazines from India that have advice columns. A lot of women write in complaining that their husbands beat them and have affairs, and the people advising them tell them it's the woman's fault, and she should do more to please her husband.

Sure arranged marriages might last, but it certainly isn't because they are happier, or better, marriages.

[post="1206415"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]​

Actually, in India, marriages are slowly starting to change. Most marriages are still arranged, but as more and more children leave their parents to go into the city and lead "western lives," they are also picking their own spouses. Of course, parts of India, and parts of the world, still engage in forced marriages and bride-kidnapping (which occurs mostly in countries where the male-female ratio is greatly unbalanced... meaning, too many men and not enough women for them).

Anyways... domestic abuse exists in all parts of the world. In the US, where most marriages are not arranged, it is at an alarmingly high rate. I'm not sure how it goes in the rest of the world, but in the US, most battered women will not write into advice columns and complain about their abusive spouses or boyfriends. Many will not even report anything to the police... they just silently stay in these relationships. Did you know that in the US, not all states have made forced sex for married couples (essentially rape) illegal? So a husband can rape his wife in the US and not get in trouble.

 

[ashqua]

You know, arranged marriage are widely spread it's not something 'extraordinary'.
It's something normal in some parts of the world, and I don't think we have the right to decide if it's good or not. For us it's not normal but it's their culture and we have to respect it . I just think that it's not up to us to judge them. I know that sometimes Arranged Marriage result of violence, pressure...
But I voted : No, people should choose their own spouses. Because usually marriage are based on love ^_^

Anyways... domestic abuse exists in all parts of the world. In the US, where most marriages are not arranged, it is at an alarmingly high rate. I'm not sure how it goes in the rest of the world, but in the US, most battered women will not write into advice columns and complain about their abusive spouses or boyfriends. Many will not even report anything to the police... they just silently stay in these relationships. Did you know that in the US, not all states have made forced sex for married couples (essentially rape) illegal? So a husband can rape his wife in the US and not get in trouble.

In France if a woman is forced to sleep with her husband it's rape, even if the man is her husband. It doesn't matter who the man who raped her is, a rape is a rape, husband or not!
I also worked on domestic violence, our english teachers gave us a lot of documents and stats about domestic violence in Europe. I don't have the exact number in mind but more then 10 woman die every week killed by their husbands, bf...
I will try to see if I find the link to the website.

Actually, in India, marriages are slowly starting to change. Most marriages are still arranged, but as more and more children leave their parents to go into the city and lead "western lives," they are also picking their own spouses. Of course, parts of India, and parts of the world, still engage in forced marriages and bride-kidnapping (which occurs mostly in countries where the male-female ratio is greatly unbalanced... meaning, too many men and not enough women for them).

I worked on India last year at school in my english class, and it was quite :blink: .
We saw how the indian society was, the weddings were maybe the thing that we work on the most with what happens to the girls (they are abandoned by their parents). And how they outnumber man.

 

[mystery_chick]

I voted for yes, as long as both parties agree to the match.

I mean while it's very different from what the western culture is used to, it has worked before. I mean I knew of a girl who was living in Canada and she wanted to go back to India so that she can get married there. :blink: and she was 17! but ya, i mean it's just different. I don't think it'll necessarily be a baaad thing.
--mandy

 

[()aliasyeah()]

My best friend is Indian and she loves it there--every chance she gets she goes to India, and is then always in a slump when she comes "home" because she misses India soo much

Her family is pretty traditional, and she's kept under pretty strict rules (though she is wearing her parent's down!)

but she told me about how mad she is at her family who is in an arranged marriage to some 30-something yr old guy who her family barely knows. she hates what her cousin is going through, but I also think that she has some worries since she is only a few years behind her cousin in age. i don't know her parents that well to assume anything, and it's hard to bring something like that up, ya know?

but this topic is tricky, because it versus traditional values against newer (dare i say western) ways

but not everybody agrees with arranged marriages, and not everybody sees problems with them either.

vague, i know . . .

 

[Tuulia]

I'm not judging any of the countries that have arranged marriages. I understand that it's their culture and works for them but I myself can't imagine letting my family decide my husband. I should spend the rest of my life with that person and I couldn't say anything about it?! No way..

 

[ms.katejones]

As an American it is hard for me to relate to the idea of arranged marriage. My friend who plans on having one (her parents want her to finish college first) says that the point of marriage is to get to know your partner and that the Western way of doing it ruins all the mystery. So it really does depend on how you look at it.

 

[noggi16]

Everyone knows violence against women is wrong. Non-consensual sexual intercouse in marriage has only been technically illegal in Britain since 1991.

I think if any one was going to pick my husband, my mum and daddy would be the best people to do it. After all they will only have your best interests at heart. Not saying, i'd want one but its a point.

 

[Scarlet Crystal]

i think it's fine if certain people and cultures believe that arranged marriages are acceptable. i personally would not want to be part of one (though it wouldn't kill me), but i have nothing against them.