whoa whoa wait up!!! how do you all know that shes pregnant??? and why would it be sick if it was Sark's kid? anyways b/c Eva bugged me and i'm not sure when i'll have time to get on tomorrow i'm posting chapter 21 now and again I apologize for the BSB songs....idk why but they seemed to fit when i was writing these chaps.
and thank you as always for reviewing!!!! it makes me want to post more sooner!
Chapter 21
Washed away my sad face,
Flooded all my empty space
You take away life's heartbreak
And I know with you it's gunna be ok
Sydney finished cleaning herself up at the sink. After realizing that the disc could be the key to getting back her dreams with Julian she had decided to go into work. The pregnancy test lay discarded in the trash can, it hurt too much to face the truth of it right now. Right now she needed to get to the office and search through the disc for any information that could lead to the Covenant’s destruction.
You're rushin through me
(Like water from Heaven)
I Feel you movin through me
(Like sand in the sea)
And now I feel so alive
I know that there must be
Something here
(so alive)
Cause you're all the air in my atmosphere
Finally I feel complete cause
You are rushed over me yeah
(over me over me over me)
Her only comfort, only strength in all of this was that Julian may still be out there somewhere and that she was going to find him. She refused to believe that he was really gone. She still felt like he was there with her, urging her to go on and she would be damned if she gave up on him.
There no more blindness
When I cry I'm smilin
You kept me from dyin
And I know with you I'll keep on livin
Julian had saved her and hadn’t given up on her even when she left him willingly and she refused to do anything other than search for him. But first she had to deal with her cover with the CIA. It was too late to protect Julian’s Covenant status. By now Lauren had heard that Sark was her informant, besides if Julian was alive he was most likely being held by the Covenant. No, she couldn’t hide his betrayal from the Covenant but she could fight for his safe return to the CIA.
You're rushin through me
(Like water from Heaven)
I Feel you movin through me
(Like sand in the sea)
And now I feel so alive
I know that there must be
Something here
(so alive)
Cause you're all the air in my atmosphere
Finally I feel complete cause
You are rushed over me
She knew he wouldn’t like it but she needed to tell Dixon about Lauren to ensure that knowledge of the CIA having the disc did not get out. She would also have to convince Dixon that Julian deserved a pardon for his actions. The troubling question was how much could she tell Dixon. Could she tell him that she had let Sark stay with her and work with her? Would he throw her in a cell for treason if she did? Julian hadn’t wanted her to spill too much to the CIA for fear of them locking her up but now she didn’t see any other way to get Julian back.
It's not enough just holding on
Before I met you I was lost
The drive to the JTF was a long one as Sydney tried to collect her thoughts. She refused to believe any longer that Julian was dead. At first when he hadn’t arrived injured at her apartment she had feared the worst but now she had to believe that he was just being held somewhere or staying some place safe for the time being.
I don't want you to go
I know that your love keeps me alive
She strode into the JTF center turning the heads of almost every agent working. She sighed inwardly. Ever since she had ‘died’ and then returned her life was like the front page of a tabloid; everyone gossiped about her and then pretended they hadn’t. But she knew that it didn’t matter because she was going to find Julian and get on with her life.
You're rushin through me
(Like water from Heaven)
I Feel you movin through me
(Like sand in the sea)
And now I feel so alive
I know that there must be
Something here
(so alive)
Cause you're all the air in my atmosphere
Finally I feel complete cause
You are rushed over me
Within minutes of her arrival everyone knew she was there and she had Weiss, Vaughn, Jack, Marshall, and Dixon waiting for her at her desk. She smiled at them, trying to reassure them that they didn’t need to worry about her.
“Hey guys. What’s with the welcome party?” She eyed them as if she was really suspicious. She had decided that it was best to act as though she hadn’t fallen apart four days ago, as though she hadn’t been absent from work and hadn’t been ignoring everyone’s phone calls and visits.
Jack cleared his throat, Weiss choked back a smart remark, Dixon looked at her like he sincerely thought she’d lost it all together, Vaughn stared deep into her eyes to let her know he was there for her and as though he was searching for the truth. Marshall was the only one brave enough, or stupid enough, to speak up(or in case stutter).
“What’s up with us? A Syd, Miss Bristow, Sydney you haven’t been in the office for days and you haven’t even picked up the phone to let anyone know how you’ve been.” He waved his hand in front of her eyes. “Are you okay? Do you remember your mission with your informant and the warehouse blowing up?” Sydney laughed at Marshall. He was definitely unique and sweet but he lacked some socialization skills.
“Yes Marshall I remember my mission. And I was under the impression that I was given time off and didn’t need to check in with a group of babysitters.” She paused noticing the hesisitant and slightly guilty looks on their faces. “Anyway, I’m alright and I’ve come in to do some research and work on bringing the Covenant. I was also wondering if I could have a word with you Dixon? And maybe be debriefed on what you’ve managed to find out since I’ve been away.” Everyone looked a little startled by her brisk manner as if she hadn’t a complete breakdown. Weiss wanted to say something about finding her puffy eyed and throwing up but decided that in front of Jack was not the best place for a heartfelt talk. Vaughn looked at her intently, seriously worried that she was trying to cover up her feelings. Jack simply nodded his head and walked away towards his office. Marshall look between his feet, Syd, and Dixon to see what would happen next.
“Certainly Sydney. Would you like to accompany me to my office?” He stretched out his arm in her direction as though to lead her and give her support. She nodded and glided towards his office allowing his hand to rest against the small of her back. Once inside she took a deep breath as she sat down. Dixon down next to her instead of behind his desk, placing his hands over hers and looking into her eyes. “Sydney, are you sure you’re doing alright? When you left the other day you seemed rather shaken up and Weiss said you seemed more depressed then when you returned from your missing years.”
Sydney inhaled deeply and avoided looking directly into Dixon’s eyes. “Dixon, there’s a lot I need to tell you.” She chanced a glance at his face; he nodded encouraging her to go on. “I’ve known for the past two months that Sark was my informant. I wasn’t sure at first but I had suspicions that I was afraid to reveal for my own reasons but as he contacted me more and more I became sure of it. I thought for security matters it was best not to tell anyone that it was Sark but now that all seems irrelevant. Sark informed me that Lauren was the mole before we were ambushed. I wasn’t sure if I could believe him, I mean he’s Sark. But then I looked at the past two months and I realized that he couldn’t have been lying. All of the information that he has feed to us has been accurate, not a single piece of false information. Lauren was gone when I lost that disc and couldn’t remember what happened, when Lauren’s father died she was even suspected by my father, and since then she has had a lot of trips to see a mother she was never close to. Dixon if you look at everything that has happened, all of the intel that has been leaked and missions that have been compromised you’ll see what I’ve come realize; Lauren is the Covenant mole. She’s been playing all of us all along,” She paused, looking Dixon straight in the eyes, “including Vaughn.”
Dixon looked at her with a grave expression. He tried to process everything that Sydney was telling him. Was it true that she’d known about Sark and kept it a secret? Could Sark really be the informant? What would he stand to gain by helping the CIA? Was Lauren really the mole or did Sydney only want to believe that because of Vaughn? He cleared his throat and looked back at Sydney.
“Sydney I know that you believe what you are saying, I can tell by the look in your eyes but I’m not so sure. First, I can’t believe that you would withhold the knowledge that Sark was your informant. Surely you could have confided your suspicions in me. And even if Sark was the informant and the information he gave us was legitimate that doesn’t mean that he is telling the truth about Lauren. You were after all ambushed by the Covenant and Sark was not taken into custody. I know that it might be easier for you to believe that Vaughn was tricked or forced into marrying Lauren but I’m not sure that I can believe Lauren is the mole. I’m sorry.”
Sydney shook her head and pulled away from Dixon’s grip on her hands. “No. I know I’m right. I’m sorry I didn’t confide in you sooner about Sark but think about what I would have been risking. What if I told you I thought it was Sark and it wasn’t? What if the information that we thought Sark was on our side leaked out and the Covenant had him killed? We would have lost our only valuable informant inside the CIA. Think about it. The Covenant already suspected that Sark was turning against them. If Sark was truly defecting from the Covenant wouldn’t he want to see them brought down, to get his money back? It made perfect sense that he was the informant and if he was revealed the Covenant would have been sure to have him killed. I couldn’t risk the CIA losing that source of information, especially with all of our intel leaks. And I know you think that I would love for Lauren to be the mole because of Vaughn but if anything that’s the exact opposite of how I feel. I would love for me to be wrong and for Lauren to be a faithful agent of the U.S. because I don’t want Vaughn to be hurt like that but I feel strongly that I am right about Lauren.” She put extra emphasis on her last sentence as she stood up to pace the office. Dixon stared at her lost in her words. She made sense but yet he couldn’t grasp that Sark would actually help the CIA, although now that he thought about it he could see how it would benefit Sark.
“Still Sydney have you considered the possibility that Sark wasn’t the informant? That Sark found out about your informant and that’s why he suddenly wanted to meet with you. He could have arranged to have it look like he was there as your informant to inform you of Miss Reed’s status and then have set up the ambush. He could have chosen Lauren as the mole because he would have known of your dislike for her. I think you need to look at the possibility that you’re wrong about Lauren.” Sydney shook her head.
“Dixon I know that I’m asking a lot of you right now and that you have every reason to think I’m wrong but I need you to trust me. I’ve had four days to think about all of this and I am sure that Lauren is the mole. Sark is out there somewhere and I need to find him to prove that he was my informant and to bring the Covenant down. He handed me a disc before he was shot and I’d like to review it, see what information it gives us, and use it if we can to finish bringing the Covenant down. But I need this to all stay between you and me. I can’t risk Lauren or the Covenant knowing that I have this disc or that I believe Sark may still be alive. Talk to my father about his suspicions of Lauren, look into her disappearances, but please keep it quiet. All I ask is that you consider the possibility that she is the mole and that you secretly have her checked out. Keep her debriefed but only with what she really needs to know as the NSC liaison and keep classified information about the Covenant from her. I know we can’t cut back too much on her knowledge level, not only because she is married to Vaughn, but because it will raise suspicions. That is why I do not want Vaughn or Weiss or even my Dad to know about what I am doing. Only you and I can know about this disc. The only I ask is that you bring my Dad in on Lauren. He is one of the best at picking out a mole and I think he will be able to determine if I am right about her.” She stopped pacing and sat back down next to Dixon, prepared to beg him to trust her if she had to. She had to get Julian back and she needed Dixon’s help to do it.
You're rushin through me
(Like water from Heaven)
I Feel you movin through me
(Like sand in the sea)
And now I feel so alive
I know that there must be
Something here
(so alive)
Cause you're all the air in my atmosphere
Finally I feel complete cause
You are rushed over me