Beautiful Disaster

how many people would kill you if you killed Sark?

:shock:

:nonono:

NO WAY IS THAT HAPPENING!

*shoos katrina out of EvilAuthorLand and into FluffBunnyLand*
 
hehehe yay JuJu likes me again b/c I promised fluff!!!! hehehe


Chapter 19
Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night


She curled herself up in her bed, her fingers clutching the picture of Julian and her. They had been so happy the day they had taken it.

“Julian, you really didn’t have to do all of this.” She smiled as he lifted her from her wheelchair and placed her on blanket he had set out under the tree.

“What? I didn’t do anything. Besides, you’re worth the world to me.” He kissed her forehead softly as he sat down beside her wrapping his arm protectively around her waist.

“Julian,” he smiled, loving how she used his first name, “why did you do all of this for me?”

“Because I know how much you hate being couped up in the house and I’ve seen you admiring this tree from your bedroom window so I thought you would enjoy a picnic lunch under it.” She smiled a genuinely happy smile. Julian had been so wonderful once she started being more receptive to him. He had wheelchair lifts installed on all the staircases in the house after she had fallen down the stairs. He had said that he didn’t want her to feel confined to her room and this allowed for her to roam freely. And now on the most gorgeous day he had prepared a delicious picnic lunch outside for her. She hadn’t been outside once in the past two and a half weeks she’d been there.

“Well it’s perfect; I love it. Thank you Julian.” She inched her way closer to him, snuggling up against his masculine frame.

“I’m glad you deserve it. But I also have another surprise for you if you’re ready for it?”

“Another surprise! Julian you shouldn’t have!” She slapped him lightly on the arm, as she giggled in anticipation.

“Now Sydney that’s no way to thank to me.” He teased her, his eyes sparkling in delight.

“Aww I’m sorry.” She pouted as she let her lips brush against his cheek; sending shivers down his spine.

“Besides, it’s really a surprise from the doctor. He said you can try walking on your own for short periods at a time now. You won’t always have to use your wheelchair or the crutches.”

“Really?! You’re going to let me walk around now?” He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at her surprise and enthusiasm.

“As long as you promise to take it easy and not over do yourself. You still need to use your crutches and the wheelchair for stairs and when you’re tired.”

“Ok I promise.” She smiled broadly. “Can I try walking now?”

“I thought you’d want to.” He smirked as he stood and held his hand out to help her stand. As she stood her placed his arms around her waist from the back; steadying her and allowing her to rest against him.


She smiled, remembering how they had walked around the tree before she had become tired. One of his servants had captured them standing there, their arms entwined around her waist. Julian had gotten it framed and given it to her as a present. It had been their perfect day and she always wanted to remember it. It had been the first time they had made love and had finally confronted their true feelings for each other.

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me


Julian’s lips crashed against hers, his hands pulling her closer to him. She didn’t pull away like he feared she might; she responded instead by allowing his tongue entrance to her mouth and kissing him back. Julian pulled back though after a moment; stunned that he had kissed her. One minute they had been laughing over some story from one of her missions and he hadn’t been able to resist the urge to kiss her.

Neither of them spoke for a minute or two, each of them avoiding the others eyes.

“I’m sorry Sydney.” He began slowly, unsure of what else to say. “I didn’t mean to…I mean I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. It was wrong and I promise I won’t do it again.” His voice drifted off as he began to clean up from their picnic and he started moving away from her.

“But what if I want you to kiss me again.” She whispered. She wasn’t sure she was ready to admit that she was falling for him but she definitely knew that one kiss was not enough for her.

“What?” He asked in shock as he stopped and turned to face her.

“I said, what if I want you to kiss me?” She said it somewhat firmer this time; knowing that she wanted much more than kisses from him.

“Do you?” He whispered, barely able to believe that she might be saying what he had dreamed she would someday say.

“Yes.” She smiled as he pulled her onto his lap in a hug and laid a trail of kisses down her neck.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked hesitantly as he pulled away to look into her eyes. She nodded as she pulled him back into a fiery kiss.


Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing, as it many times in the past couple of hours but she just couldn’t bring herself to answer it. There was no one besides Julian that she wanted to talk and he wasn’t going to be calling.

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away


She clutched the picture harder, not wanting to believe that they would never have a day like that again. A day where they could lay in each others arms and not worry about anything else. Their time together had been short and had quickly become busy with fewer romantic afternoons and more frequent fights.

“Julian, I don’t understand why you’re going away again. You just got back from a trip last night.” A tear fell down her cheek and ran off onto her pillow. Julian’s heart broke at the sight and the hurt in her voice but he still had to go.

“Sydney, love, we’ve been over this. I have to go or the Covenant will become more suspicious and I can’t let them find you here.” He sighed running his hands through his hair. “I don’t have a choice; I have to go.” He walked over to the side of the bed they’d been sharing and began to pack his things. Julian heard Sydney half sigh, half whimper as he turned his back to her gathering his things.

“Syd, please don’t make this harder on either of us than it already is.”

“What am I supposed to do Julian?” She shouted. “I’m the one that’s stuck here all day while you’re gone. I can’t go out anywhere for fear of being seen, I can’t call any of my friends because then they’d all know where I was, I can’t do anything. I tired of sitting on the sidelines while you get to run around doing who knows what.” She buried her head in her hands in frustration. What was she supposed to do when Julian wasn’t around? What was she supposed to think? It had been three weeks of him going on mission again and nothing was getting better.

“Syd.” He sat down on the bed and pulled her towards him, smoothing her hair with his fingertips. “I’m sorry. I know all of this is hard on you but I promise you someday it won’t be like this. Someday we won’t have to hide.” He kissed her softly on her forehead in reassurance.

“I know but when? When will that day come Julian? How long can we go on like this? I barely get to see you anymore and I’m, I’m scared of losing you Julian.” She buried her head into his chest not wanting him to see her tears but her pulled her chin up and looked her directly in the eye.

“Sydney, you are not going to lose me. I promise you; you will never lose me.” He kissed her softly before getting up and returning to his packing.


Julian had promised her that she wouldn’t lose him then and he had kept his promise. It had been her that had left. She hadn’t been able to stand the fights and the time apart. When Julian had gotten injured on a mission to keep her from being found she had finally decided to leave and return to the CIA. It wasn’t their time to be together she had tried to tell herself. She had tried to go on without him but she had been fooling herself. Julian was her everything and their time apart had killed her. But then he had come after her with a better plan to free them from the Covenant and she had fooled herself into thinking that maybe someday they wouldn’t have to hide their relationship. But now, now they might never have that.

She glanced down at the picture from their perfect day, wiping the tears that had fallen on it. She couldn’t believe that he was really gone; she had to believe that he was alive and someday they’d have another perfect day. Placing it back on the nightstand she made her way for the bathroom, readying herself to empty her already empty stomach.

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never
end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back
to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never
end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back
to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know



Lyrics: Just Want You to Know by Backstreet Boys
 
well... sad fluff is better than no fluff at all, right?

*stares at screen for a moment before she starts bawling*

:cry:

katrina, he'd better keep that promise :thinking: he IS alive, right?

*whines*

julziepooooooooooooo :sadangel: come back!

and you know what we should do? :woot: have a vaughn/syd scene where she tells him what an a**hole he is :confetti: YAY! and then julian can come back and they can dump vaughn on the side of the road

*giggles*

*sigh* a girl can dream...

luv juju :harp:
 
that was good. i really liked it! and Sark had better NOT be dead! if he is, well, there's a many a thing i'd like to do :rolleyes:.

but overall the sadness, it was good. i like backstories :smiley:
 
awww you guys are so great!!! and its so cute how everyone doesnt believe Sark is dead!!! *evil grin*
and JuJu there is most definitely a syd/vaughn scene in the future!! hehehe

and since i'm not going to have much time to write and update now that school's started for me so i'm spoiling you tonight and tomorrow night with chapters 20 and 21.....maybe we'll finally find out if Syd is pregnant!!! hehehe

Chapter 20

I really miss you
There's something that I gotta say


Sydney stared down at the pregnancy test not knowing what results she wanted to see. It had been the first time in days that she’d gotten dressed in sweats and made her way out of her apartment and she had gone straight to the drugstore to get a pregnancy test. She didn’t know what to expect; she was a little over a week late and every other minute she was emptying her guts out into the toilet or she felt like she needed to. She knew it could all be because of the stress and worry about Julian that was making her sick but she was never late, never; not since puberty anyway. But the chances were slim that she was pregnant. After all, they had been careful most of the time. Still her stomach was twisted into knots as she stared at the test waiting for the results.

The things we did, the things we said
Keep coming back to me and make me smile again
You showed me how to face the truth
Everything that's good in me I owe to you


How could this be happening now? Julian wasn’t even there to be there for her. She didn’t even know if he was still alive. For three days she’d been holed up in her apartment letting the machine get her calls. Dixon had called confirming that she had the week off and that he would keep her posted on any developments. He also called a few times to check up on her and let her know he was there for her if she wanted to talk. Vaughn and Weiss had both left a dozen calls a day in addition to pounding on her door. Weiss had let himself in once but after threatening to castrate him if he ever did it again he left her alone promising to knock first. Her father had even called a couple of times and stopped by to check on her. But she couldn’t face all of them right now. She didn’t have the heart to form another lie and she couldn’t tell them the truth about Julian or what really happened in Prague. She just stayed balled up in her tangled sheets remembering her time with Julian. Occasionally she would move to the sofa after a session with the toilet but rarely did she leave the confines of her bedroom. She didn’t want this nightmare to be real.

Though the distance that's between us
Now may seem to be too far
It will never seperate us
Deep inside I know you are


But no matter how many times she replayed Julian lying on the ground dying in her head she refused to believe that he was gone. He had promised he would find her and he never broke his promises.

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've gotta say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life (yeah)
Never gone


She chanced a glance down at the pregnancy test and sighed when she saw the results weren’t there yet. She didn’t know what she would do if she was pregnant. Could she have the baby? Could she really raise Julian’s child alone? But she knew that not having the baby wasn’t an option either. She tried to think of what Julian would want. They had talked once about having children. She smiled, thinking of how Julian had been adamant about wanting to have a baby with her. But he wasn’t with her now and they had both wanted to wait until the Covenant was gone and their lives weren’t plagued with danger. Nothing was the way it was supposed to be.

No no no
I walk alone these empty streets
There is not a second you're not here with me
The love you gave, the grace you've shown
Will always give me strength and be my cornerstone


Her hand felt its way to her stomach and she wondered if it was possible that it contained a tiny baby already. Was it Julian’s way of forever being with her? Had he given her this one last gift before he left her? But how could she have his child now when even before it was born it would be in danger? The Covenant would surely find out she was pregnant and then they would be after her even more. She had never wanted to live in hiding but if she was pregnant she knew that she would have to; no one could know about her baby. Is that what Julian would want?

(Somehow)
Somehow you found a way
To see the best I have in me
As long as time goes on
I swear to you that you will be
Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've gotta say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life (yeah)
Never gone


Tears spilled from her already puffy eyes. She hated to think about Julian like he was really gone for good. She hated herself for falling apart like she was. She needed to be out looking for him. She needed to be at work working to bring the Covenant down. Suddenly she realized that in her daze she had never handed the disc of the hard drive over to the CIA. The information on that disc could still bring the Covenant down and keep her family safe.

Never gone from me
If there's one thing I believe (I believe)
I will see you somewhere down the road again


There was still a chance she could finish what Julian and her had started. She would bring the Covenant down for him and then she would search for him no matter what it cost her. She would make sure that Lauren was arrested for treason and murder of a government official. She would watch the Covenant fall to the ground and she would interrogate anyone who could bring her closer to finding Julian. She would find a way to make the world safe for the child she might be carrying.

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close (always close)
Everyday (everyday)
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've gotta say goodbye (yeah yeah)
I know you will be forever in my life (in my life)


She checked the pregnancy test again knowing that she couldn’t wait any longer to know. And as she read the results her heart broke all over again. She was happy, sad, relieved, devastated, and scared. And she knew that she needed Julian, she couldn’t do this without him.

Never gone, never far
In my heart (in my heart is where) is where you are (you are)
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are



Lyrics: Never Gone by Backstreet Boys
 
AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! just kidding. i already know what happens! :shh: but i'll never tell!! anyway, great chaps Kat and i can't wait to see the next ones!!! ^_^

--Your Ever Faithful Sarkney, Eva
 
whoa whoa wait up!!! how do you all know that shes pregnant??? and why would it be sick if it was Sark's kid? anyways b/c Eva bugged me and i'm not sure when i'll have time to get on tomorrow i'm posting chapter 21 now and again I apologize for the BSB songs....idk why but they seemed to fit when i was writing these chaps.

and thank you as always for reviewing!!!! it makes me want to post more sooner!


Chapter 21

Washed away my sad face,
Flooded all my empty space
You take away life's heartbreak
And I know with you it's gunna be ok


Sydney finished cleaning herself up at the sink. After realizing that the disc could be the key to getting back her dreams with Julian she had decided to go into work. The pregnancy test lay discarded in the trash can, it hurt too much to face the truth of it right now. Right now she needed to get to the office and search through the disc for any information that could lead to the Covenant’s destruction.

You're rushin through me
(Like water from Heaven)
I Feel you movin through me
(Like sand in the sea)
And now I feel so alive
I know that there must be
Something here
(so alive)
Cause you're all the air in my atmosphere
Finally I feel complete cause
You are rushed over me yeah
(over me over me over me)


Her only comfort, only strength in all of this was that Julian may still be out there somewhere and that she was going to find him. She refused to believe that he was really gone. She still felt like he was there with her, urging her to go on and she would be damned if she gave up on him.

There no more blindness
When I cry I'm smilin
You kept me from dyin
And I know with you I'll keep on livin


Julian had saved her and hadn’t given up on her even when she left him willingly and she refused to do anything other than search for him. But first she had to deal with her cover with the CIA. It was too late to protect Julian’s Covenant status. By now Lauren had heard that Sark was her informant, besides if Julian was alive he was most likely being held by the Covenant. No, she couldn’t hide his betrayal from the Covenant but she could fight for his safe return to the CIA.

You're rushin through me
(Like water from Heaven)
I Feel you movin through me
(Like sand in the sea)
And now I feel so alive
I know that there must be
Something here
(so alive)
Cause you're all the air in my atmosphere
Finally I feel complete cause
You are rushed over me


She knew he wouldn’t like it but she needed to tell Dixon about Lauren to ensure that knowledge of the CIA having the disc did not get out. She would also have to convince Dixon that Julian deserved a pardon for his actions. The troubling question was how much could she tell Dixon. Could she tell him that she had let Sark stay with her and work with her? Would he throw her in a cell for treason if she did? Julian hadn’t wanted her to spill too much to the CIA for fear of them locking her up but now she didn’t see any other way to get Julian back.

It's not enough just holding on
Before I met you I was lost


The drive to the JTF was a long one as Sydney tried to collect her thoughts. She refused to believe any longer that Julian was dead. At first when he hadn’t arrived injured at her apartment she had feared the worst but now she had to believe that he was just being held somewhere or staying some place safe for the time being.

I don't want you to go
I know that your love keeps me alive


She strode into the JTF center turning the heads of almost every agent working. She sighed inwardly. Ever since she had ‘died’ and then returned her life was like the front page of a tabloid; everyone gossiped about her and then pretended they hadn’t. But she knew that it didn’t matter because she was going to find Julian and get on with her life.

You're rushin through me
(Like water from Heaven)
I Feel you movin through me
(Like sand in the sea)
And now I feel so alive
I know that there must be
Something here
(so alive)
Cause you're all the air in my atmosphere
Finally I feel complete cause
You are rushed over me


Within minutes of her arrival everyone knew she was there and she had Weiss, Vaughn, Jack, Marshall, and Dixon waiting for her at her desk. She smiled at them, trying to reassure them that they didn’t need to worry about her.

“Hey guys. What’s with the welcome party?” She eyed them as if she was really suspicious. She had decided that it was best to act as though she hadn’t fallen apart four days ago, as though she hadn’t been absent from work and hadn’t been ignoring everyone’s phone calls and visits.

Jack cleared his throat, Weiss choked back a smart remark, Dixon looked at her like he sincerely thought she’d lost it all together, Vaughn stared deep into her eyes to let her know he was there for her and as though he was searching for the truth. Marshall was the only one brave enough, or stupid enough, to speak up(or in case stutter).

“What’s up with us? A Syd, Miss Bristow, Sydney you haven’t been in the office for days and you haven’t even picked up the phone to let anyone know how you’ve been.” He waved his hand in front of her eyes. “Are you okay? Do you remember your mission with your informant and the warehouse blowing up?” Sydney laughed at Marshall. He was definitely unique and sweet but he lacked some socialization skills.

“Yes Marshall I remember my mission. And I was under the impression that I was given time off and didn’t need to check in with a group of babysitters.” She paused noticing the hesisitant and slightly guilty looks on their faces. “Anyway, I’m alright and I’ve come in to do some research and work on bringing the Covenant. I was also wondering if I could have a word with you Dixon? And maybe be debriefed on what you’ve managed to find out since I’ve been away.” Everyone looked a little startled by her brisk manner as if she hadn’t a complete breakdown. Weiss wanted to say something about finding her puffy eyed and throwing up but decided that in front of Jack was not the best place for a heartfelt talk. Vaughn looked at her intently, seriously worried that she was trying to cover up her feelings. Jack simply nodded his head and walked away towards his office. Marshall look between his feet, Syd, and Dixon to see what would happen next.

“Certainly Sydney. Would you like to accompany me to my office?” He stretched out his arm in her direction as though to lead her and give her support. She nodded and glided towards his office allowing his hand to rest against the small of her back. Once inside she took a deep breath as she sat down. Dixon down next to her instead of behind his desk, placing his hands over hers and looking into her eyes. “Sydney, are you sure you’re doing alright? When you left the other day you seemed rather shaken up and Weiss said you seemed more depressed then when you returned from your missing years.”

Sydney inhaled deeply and avoided looking directly into Dixon’s eyes. “Dixon, there’s a lot I need to tell you.” She chanced a glance at his face; he nodded encouraging her to go on. “I’ve known for the past two months that Sark was my informant. I wasn’t sure at first but I had suspicions that I was afraid to reveal for my own reasons but as he contacted me more and more I became sure of it. I thought for security matters it was best not to tell anyone that it was Sark but now that all seems irrelevant. Sark informed me that Lauren was the mole before we were ambushed. I wasn’t sure if I could believe him, I mean he’s Sark. But then I looked at the past two months and I realized that he couldn’t have been lying. All of the information that he has feed to us has been accurate, not a single piece of false information. Lauren was gone when I lost that disc and couldn’t remember what happened, when Lauren’s father died she was even suspected by my father, and since then she has had a lot of trips to see a mother she was never close to. Dixon if you look at everything that has happened, all of the intel that has been leaked and missions that have been compromised you’ll see what I’ve come realize; Lauren is the Covenant mole. She’s been playing all of us all along,” She paused, looking Dixon straight in the eyes, “including Vaughn.”

Dixon looked at her with a grave expression. He tried to process everything that Sydney was telling him. Was it true that she’d known about Sark and kept it a secret? Could Sark really be the informant? What would he stand to gain by helping the CIA? Was Lauren really the mole or did Sydney only want to believe that because of Vaughn? He cleared his throat and looked back at Sydney.

“Sydney I know that you believe what you are saying, I can tell by the look in your eyes but I’m not so sure. First, I can’t believe that you would withhold the knowledge that Sark was your informant. Surely you could have confided your suspicions in me. And even if Sark was the informant and the information he gave us was legitimate that doesn’t mean that he is telling the truth about Lauren. You were after all ambushed by the Covenant and Sark was not taken into custody. I know that it might be easier for you to believe that Vaughn was tricked or forced into marrying Lauren but I’m not sure that I can believe Lauren is the mole. I’m sorry.”

Sydney shook her head and pulled away from Dixon’s grip on her hands. “No. I know I’m right. I’m sorry I didn’t confide in you sooner about Sark but think about what I would have been risking. What if I told you I thought it was Sark and it wasn’t? What if the information that we thought Sark was on our side leaked out and the Covenant had him killed? We would have lost our only valuable informant inside the CIA. Think about it. The Covenant already suspected that Sark was turning against them. If Sark was truly defecting from the Covenant wouldn’t he want to see them brought down, to get his money back? It made perfect sense that he was the informant and if he was revealed the Covenant would have been sure to have him killed. I couldn’t risk the CIA losing that source of information, especially with all of our intel leaks. And I know you think that I would love for Lauren to be the mole because of Vaughn but if anything that’s the exact opposite of how I feel. I would love for me to be wrong and for Lauren to be a faithful agent of the U.S. because I don’t want Vaughn to be hurt like that but I feel strongly that I am right about Lauren.” She put extra emphasis on her last sentence as she stood up to pace the office. Dixon stared at her lost in her words. She made sense but yet he couldn’t grasp that Sark would actually help the CIA, although now that he thought about it he could see how it would benefit Sark.

“Still Sydney have you considered the possibility that Sark wasn’t the informant? That Sark found out about your informant and that’s why he suddenly wanted to meet with you. He could have arranged to have it look like he was there as your informant to inform you of Miss Reed’s status and then have set up the ambush. He could have chosen Lauren as the mole because he would have known of your dislike for her. I think you need to look at the possibility that you’re wrong about Lauren.” Sydney shook her head.

“Dixon I know that I’m asking a lot of you right now and that you have every reason to think I’m wrong but I need you to trust me. I’ve had four days to think about all of this and I am sure that Lauren is the mole. Sark is out there somewhere and I need to find him to prove that he was my informant and to bring the Covenant down. He handed me a disc before he was shot and I’d like to review it, see what information it gives us, and use it if we can to finish bringing the Covenant down. But I need this to all stay between you and me. I can’t risk Lauren or the Covenant knowing that I have this disc or that I believe Sark may still be alive. Talk to my father about his suspicions of Lauren, look into her disappearances, but please keep it quiet. All I ask is that you consider the possibility that she is the mole and that you secretly have her checked out. Keep her debriefed but only with what she really needs to know as the NSC liaison and keep classified information about the Covenant from her. I know we can’t cut back too much on her knowledge level, not only because she is married to Vaughn, but because it will raise suspicions. That is why I do not want Vaughn or Weiss or even my Dad to know about what I am doing. Only you and I can know about this disc. The only I ask is that you bring my Dad in on Lauren. He is one of the best at picking out a mole and I think he will be able to determine if I am right about her.” She stopped pacing and sat back down next to Dixon, prepared to beg him to trust her if she had to. She had to get Julian back and she needed Dixon’s help to do it.

You're rushin through me
(Like water from Heaven)
I Feel you movin through me
(Like sand in the sea)
And now I feel so alive
I know that there must be
Something here
(so alive)
Cause you're all the air in my atmosphere
Finally I feel complete cause
You are rushed over me
 
:thud:

whoa... i'm like... speechless... literally... duuuuuuuuuuude :poke:

1) is he alive?
2) is she pregnant?

you're EVIL! katwina!! :poke: give us updates like, every second or something!

just one thing though:

Vaughn stared deep into her eyes to let her know he was there for her and as though he was searching for the truth.

GET
OFF
THE
SCREEN

:angry:

*starts chucking things at vaughn*

luv juju :harp:
 
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