Bittersweet Memories
Fear is only an obstacle
Written by: Wondagrl ~elle
Disclaimer: I don’t own alias in any way I just like meddling with the characters lives. Mwhahahahaha *my feeble attempt at Dani’s evil laugh*
Summary: A child which has never met her father. Syd struggles to deal with the fact that the love of her life is never coming back. Can she love again? Can someone else lover her, for who she is and the responsibilities she brings?
Timeline: Set during season two. Syd and Vaughn meet in a different way. Sd-6 is still involved.
A/N
:hi: guys this is my new fic. I was sceptical about writing another fic but all the nice reviews and encouragement from you readers for “Confessions of A Broken Heart,’ ‘Two Words,’ and its sequel ‘Love Is A Gift,’ has really encouraged me to take the plunge to write this. I’ve had this idea for this story since before I wrote ‘Two Words,’ but had no ideas on how to start it, so it is a story which has been put on hold for awhile until recently I got some inspiration to write it. With everything now set in stone I can finally put this fic up. I’ve really wanted to write this one. I’m really excited to hear what you guys think of it, so as always remember to R ‘n’ R because positive and constructive criticism are very welcome. I like to see quotes as they help me give an angle to what you guys really like to read about. oh n wat do u guys think about the wallpaper becuase it virtually is my first one??? Anyway enjoy and I’ll talk to y’all later
Prologue
She came into the world with a loud scream. With ten beautiful fingers and toes. She brang the greatest joy into my life but at the same time I couldn’t help but feel the sorrow. Sorrow for my newborn baby. And sorrow for myself. God I was only eighteen. I was three quarters of the way through my graduating year, when I found out.
Flashback
I open my eyes and I look down at the long stick, which was on the bathroom counter, which was about to decide my fate. I saw the plus indicating my worst fear. What would they think of me? Would my dad kick me out? Would Ryan want anything to do with it?
“No,” I whisper to no one in particular.
End of Flashback
Ryan was ecstatic and promised to support me in anyway. He said he loved me so much. But one thing we couldn’t both figure out was how? How could I possibly fall pregnant if I was on birth control? We never figured it out. There was one thing I did with my father. I was always honest to him about my sexual relationship with Ryan. I told him straight about 6 months into out three year relationship that we’re having unprotected sex. Of course he freaked at first, but I told him I wasn’t stupid, that he actually voluntarily went to the clinic to get a check up. Ryan always wanted to keep me safe. It was dad who figured out that my birth control was out of date. He never blamed me. He never kicked me out. He just accepted that his daughter was pregnant. He told me it was completely not my fault and that he would also support me any way. And that he did.
It was six months into my pregnancy that I lost Ryan forever. He was taken away from me involuntarily. I remember the day as clearly as if it were just yesterday.
Flashback
I hear the soft knocking on my door. “Sydney.” My father’s voice calls me softly. I open the door to see a face, which looked completely grief stricken. I have never seen my father cry. But I see the remnants of his tears at the corners of his eyes.
“Dad…” I say to him in a small voice of a little girl. He just stared at me. I watched as more threatening tears fall down his face. His eyes just staring at me in despair. “No...” I choke out, as the hot tears fall down my face. I grasp my 6-month pregnant body, in total utter despair. “NO!!!” I scream falling to the ground. The tears fall down my face in buckets. “No, no, no, no.” I start beating my fists on the ground.
End of Flashback
All I needed was his look. His eyes told the story before his words. He was driving home from work and a drunk driver was swerving across the road and he came out of nowhere. Ryan didn’t see him in time and the driver slammed into he side of his car, pushing Ryan’s vehicle to slam into a light post wrapping the car around it. He died on impact. Dad wouldn’t let me see him. He said the head injuries were massive. I felt like I lost my life completely on that very day. His death nearly killed me. I went into the state of depression. I stopped eating properly. I refused to come out of my room. I nearly lost Haylee. I nearly lost my pride and joy and I would’ve if it weren’t for Francie and my father. If it weren’t for them I would’ve been dead long ago. It took me a lot to realize that I had a lot to live for. That Ryan never would’ve wanted me to be that way. He never wanted me to feel that way, to grieve in that way. He wanted me to be happy. And it took me awhile to get past the fact that it was okay to love again. I’ve always been afraid of disappointing Ryan and Haylee. It is a fear I still carry around.
I started to date again about a year and a half after Ryan’s death. Every relationship was the same. Things always went smoothly. I would fall in love with them. Everything would be perfect until they met Haylee. Until they found out I had a daughter. No one wants the responsibility. And quite honestly I don’t blame them. But what about me? I just want to be in love again? I want to be sweeped off of my feet. I want to fall endlessly like there is no tomorrow. I want someone to love me for who I am and the responsibilities that come with me. I want someone to love and cherish Haylee. I want Haylee to have a father again. I want her to have a male figure in her life. I want her to actually be able to say that she has a father.
Haylee is my haven. She is the light in my day. I devote as much time to her as I can. I have a demanding job with the CIA but Haylee will always come first no matter what. Even if the whole world is about to be blown up by nuclear explosives. I want what is best for her and I am willing to give up everything to that. Even sacrificing my own happiness.
Here I am standing in front of Ryan’s grave for his four-year anniversary, with Haylee standing in front of me. I see the tears cloud my vision. This day has the biggest impact on me. They say that the pain eventually goes. But why can’t I feel it? I feel as if it were just yesterday that it had happened. I watch as Haylee puts some flowers on his grave. “Hey daddy. Guess what happened to me today? I got a new Barbie doll from mommy and it was the exact one that I wanted. She has blonde hair and she wears sunglasses and she’s wearing swimming togs. I wish you were here daddy because we could play together and you could be ken and mummy could be mummy Barbie and we could be one big happy family. I love you daddy and I miss you so much.” She says to the headstone talking animatedly. The last few lines broke my heart I gripped her shoulders tightly and I made a silent vow. ‘She will have a daddy.’
TBC
:throb: always
~elle
Fear is only an obstacle
Written by: Wondagrl ~elle
Disclaimer: I don’t own alias in any way I just like meddling with the characters lives. Mwhahahahaha *my feeble attempt at Dani’s evil laugh*
Summary: A child which has never met her father. Syd struggles to deal with the fact that the love of her life is never coming back. Can she love again? Can someone else lover her, for who she is and the responsibilities she brings?
Timeline: Set during season two. Syd and Vaughn meet in a different way. Sd-6 is still involved.
A/N
:hi: guys this is my new fic. I was sceptical about writing another fic but all the nice reviews and encouragement from you readers for “Confessions of A Broken Heart,’ ‘Two Words,’ and its sequel ‘Love Is A Gift,’ has really encouraged me to take the plunge to write this. I’ve had this idea for this story since before I wrote ‘Two Words,’ but had no ideas on how to start it, so it is a story which has been put on hold for awhile until recently I got some inspiration to write it. With everything now set in stone I can finally put this fic up. I’ve really wanted to write this one. I’m really excited to hear what you guys think of it, so as always remember to R ‘n’ R because positive and constructive criticism are very welcome. I like to see quotes as they help me give an angle to what you guys really like to read about. oh n wat do u guys think about the wallpaper becuase it virtually is my first one??? Anyway enjoy and I’ll talk to y’all later
Prologue
She came into the world with a loud scream. With ten beautiful fingers and toes. She brang the greatest joy into my life but at the same time I couldn’t help but feel the sorrow. Sorrow for my newborn baby. And sorrow for myself. God I was only eighteen. I was three quarters of the way through my graduating year, when I found out.
Flashback
I open my eyes and I look down at the long stick, which was on the bathroom counter, which was about to decide my fate. I saw the plus indicating my worst fear. What would they think of me? Would my dad kick me out? Would Ryan want anything to do with it?
“No,” I whisper to no one in particular.
End of Flashback
Ryan was ecstatic and promised to support me in anyway. He said he loved me so much. But one thing we couldn’t both figure out was how? How could I possibly fall pregnant if I was on birth control? We never figured it out. There was one thing I did with my father. I was always honest to him about my sexual relationship with Ryan. I told him straight about 6 months into out three year relationship that we’re having unprotected sex. Of course he freaked at first, but I told him I wasn’t stupid, that he actually voluntarily went to the clinic to get a check up. Ryan always wanted to keep me safe. It was dad who figured out that my birth control was out of date. He never blamed me. He never kicked me out. He just accepted that his daughter was pregnant. He told me it was completely not my fault and that he would also support me any way. And that he did.
It was six months into my pregnancy that I lost Ryan forever. He was taken away from me involuntarily. I remember the day as clearly as if it were just yesterday.
Flashback
I hear the soft knocking on my door. “Sydney.” My father’s voice calls me softly. I open the door to see a face, which looked completely grief stricken. I have never seen my father cry. But I see the remnants of his tears at the corners of his eyes.
“Dad…” I say to him in a small voice of a little girl. He just stared at me. I watched as more threatening tears fall down his face. His eyes just staring at me in despair. “No...” I choke out, as the hot tears fall down my face. I grasp my 6-month pregnant body, in total utter despair. “NO!!!” I scream falling to the ground. The tears fall down my face in buckets. “No, no, no, no.” I start beating my fists on the ground.
End of Flashback
All I needed was his look. His eyes told the story before his words. He was driving home from work and a drunk driver was swerving across the road and he came out of nowhere. Ryan didn’t see him in time and the driver slammed into he side of his car, pushing Ryan’s vehicle to slam into a light post wrapping the car around it. He died on impact. Dad wouldn’t let me see him. He said the head injuries were massive. I felt like I lost my life completely on that very day. His death nearly killed me. I went into the state of depression. I stopped eating properly. I refused to come out of my room. I nearly lost Haylee. I nearly lost my pride and joy and I would’ve if it weren’t for Francie and my father. If it weren’t for them I would’ve been dead long ago. It took me a lot to realize that I had a lot to live for. That Ryan never would’ve wanted me to be that way. He never wanted me to feel that way, to grieve in that way. He wanted me to be happy. And it took me awhile to get past the fact that it was okay to love again. I’ve always been afraid of disappointing Ryan and Haylee. It is a fear I still carry around.
I started to date again about a year and a half after Ryan’s death. Every relationship was the same. Things always went smoothly. I would fall in love with them. Everything would be perfect until they met Haylee. Until they found out I had a daughter. No one wants the responsibility. And quite honestly I don’t blame them. But what about me? I just want to be in love again? I want to be sweeped off of my feet. I want to fall endlessly like there is no tomorrow. I want someone to love me for who I am and the responsibilities that come with me. I want someone to love and cherish Haylee. I want Haylee to have a father again. I want her to have a male figure in her life. I want her to actually be able to say that she has a father.
Haylee is my haven. She is the light in my day. I devote as much time to her as I can. I have a demanding job with the CIA but Haylee will always come first no matter what. Even if the whole world is about to be blown up by nuclear explosives. I want what is best for her and I am willing to give up everything to that. Even sacrificing my own happiness.
Here I am standing in front of Ryan’s grave for his four-year anniversary, with Haylee standing in front of me. I see the tears cloud my vision. This day has the biggest impact on me. They say that the pain eventually goes. But why can’t I feel it? I feel as if it were just yesterday that it had happened. I watch as Haylee puts some flowers on his grave. “Hey daddy. Guess what happened to me today? I got a new Barbie doll from mommy and it was the exact one that I wanted. She has blonde hair and she wears sunglasses and she’s wearing swimming togs. I wish you were here daddy because we could play together and you could be ken and mummy could be mummy Barbie and we could be one big happy family. I love you daddy and I miss you so much.” She says to the headstone talking animatedly. The last few lines broke my heart I gripped her shoulders tightly and I made a silent vow. ‘She will have a daddy.’
TBC
:throb: always
~elle