Yanksluver
Cadet
I usually post my fics at another forum, but I've posted a few here. Someone suggested I post this here so I figured I might as well.
Title: Bless the Broken Road
Author: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)
Rating: PG
POV: Sydney/Vaughn
Pairing: Syd/Vaughn, Syd/Will, Weiss/Vaughn friendship
Category: Romance/Drama
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for the show. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: General season 5.
Summary: After five years, Vaughn returns from the dead to find Sydney married and raising their daughter with Will.
Note: This is going to be five parts long. It switches back and forth between Sydney and Vaughn's POV. Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. Thanks! ~Steph
* * * Bless the Broken Road: Part 1/5 * * *
I watch as she chases a butterfly, her soft brown curls flowing behind her. She smiles as she catches it in her tiny hands. She runs over to her mother to share her prize. Her mother smiles, one that reaches her eyes, and pulls her daughter onto her lap.
God, they're beautiful together. More beautiful than I ever imagined they could be. And I've had a lot of time to imagine.
Sydney strokes our daughter's hair, as she rocks her back and forth. Isabel peeks at the treasure in her hands and then opens them, allowing the creature freedom.
I came here to make sure they were okay. I needed to know they're okay. They seem happy. That's all I ever wanted for them.
I should leave it at that. I have no right to interrupt their lives after all this time. It was never my intention to. But now that I've seen them, seen Sydney again, my daughter for the first time, I know I can't just walk away from them.
It's selfish, I know. Sydney's moved on. She's made a life for herself and our daughter. I know a little about moving on. I know how hard it is. And I know how difficult it can be to have your past resurface. I also know that no matter how hard it was having Sydney come back into my life, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. The day I found out she was alive was the happiest of my life.
I want to know my daughter. I've spent five years dreaming about her. I tried to imagine what she looked like. She had Sydney's brown hair and beautiful smile and my green eyes. The little girl sitting yards away from me looks as if she was lifted from my dreams.
I tried to imagine what she was like. If she was funny, what she liked to do. I've waited so long for this.
But can I do it? Can I just blow apart their lives? Is it fair to them? Isabel has a right to know her real father. From the information I've gathered since my release, I know Sydney got married two years ago, when Isabel was three. He's the only father she's ever known. And his name is Will Tippin.
Sydney married Will. The thought makes my insides burn. I wonder if she fell in love with him or if she just wanted a nice, stable life for her and her daughter with someone she trusted and cared for. She never felt that way about Will, even though he'd always been in love with her. Could that have changed? After Sydney came back and we were sorting through our problems, she paid Will a visit. She told me later that they slept together. So maybe there was something there.
It doesn't really matter. They're married and I have to respect that. But Isabel's my daughter and I can't ignore that. I can't walk away from her, no matter how hard this may prove to be.
* * *
"Isabel!" I yell through the bathroom door. "Honey, hurry up. We're going to be late."
"I'm making myself beautiful," she replies.
I raise an eyebrow at Will. "Is it possible she's already a teenager?"
Will smiles. "I've heard five is the new fifteen." He then raises his hand to knock on the door. "Come on, sweetheart. You're going to be late for school."
The door opens to reveal Isabel dressed in a plaid skirt and polka dot shirt. She rolls her eyes, "Who cares? Kindergarten is so boring. They make us sing all of these stupid alphabet songs."
I sigh. What a character. Smart as a whip, wise beyond her years, and stubborn as a goat.
"Sweetie, we've been through this. You just have to give it a chance."
"It's been a month, Mom, and we're still on the letter 'A'."
I shake my head and take her hand in mine. "Come on, let's go."
"No, I want to go to work with you."
Will sighs. "Isabel, you can't go to work with Mommy. She needs to concentrate so she can teach college kids."
"I'll take you with me the next time you have a day off," I reply. "I promise."
"Okay," she says grudgingly.
"Go get your lunch and backpack and meet me at the front door."
Isabel runs off and I turn to Will. "If this is five what exactly can we expect from her teenage years?"
"This but a whole lot worse?" he replies.
I smile, "Great." I then give him a quick kiss on the lips. "See you tonight."
I walk downstairs to the kitchen in search of my purse and keys. Just then, the doorbell rings. "Isabel, honey, answer that for Mommy please."
"Okay," she says.
I hear the door creak open. Isabel appears in the kitchen doorway a moment later.
"Mommy, there's some man at the door. He says he's an old friend of yours."
Oh great, like I have time for old friends right now.
"He looks kind of familiar, Mommy. I think I've seen him before."
I finally locate my purse and keys. I take Isabel's hand in mine and head towards the foyer. I don't make it more than a few feet before the sight of him stops me in my tracks.
"Vaughn," I breathe.
"Hello, Sydney," he says, his lips forming into the smile I thought was lost forever.
"Hey, Syd, who was at the-..." Will stops halfway down the stairs, looking up from his task of tying his tie, his eyes landing on Vaughn.
"Oh my God," he says.
Is it possible? Can this actually be him standing in front of me?
I drop my purse and keys and rush towards the door. I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze my eyes shut, hoping he isn't a figment of my imagination. I feel his strong arms wrap around me and it's as if they never let go.
"I can't believe it's really you," I whisper, as I bury my face into his neck and inhale his scent. God, I've missed him. How is this even possible?
I slowly release my hold on him when I feel a tug at my shirt.
"Mommy, I'm going to be late for school."
I look down at my...our...daughter and wipe a tear from cheek. "Honey, you're not going to school today."
Her face lights up. "Yes!"
* * *
God, I can't believe I got to hold her in my arms again. Nothing has ever felt so good. And I got to come face-to-face with my little girl.
Sydney backs up and shakes her head. "I'm sorry. Please, come in."
I enter the house, taking in my surroundings as I do so. It's a simple home, decorated in warm earth tones and comfortable furniture. There are family pictures on the walls. It feels like a happy home.
Will makes his way all the way down the stairs and stretches his hand out to me. "Vaughn...Man, I can't believe it."
I nod. I feel guilty for how I feel towards Will now. I always liked him. I even felt bad for him, loving Sydney and not have it reciprocated. And now here he is living the life that should have been mine. I should be grateful to him for taking care of my daughter, for helping Sydney move on. But I can't find it in me. I can't help but resent him, no matter how unfair that may be.
Sydney touches my arm to gain my attention. "Let's go talk in the living room. Isabel, please go to your room and play."
"But I want to know who he is."
"We'll talk later, honey."
"I want to know now!" I smile as I realize our daughter inherited Sydney's stubborn streak, too.
"Isabel," Sydney says warningly.
"Fine," she relents begrudgingly and runs up the stairs.
Will shifts his feet uncomfortably and hooks his thumb in the direction Isabel went in. "You know what? You guys deserve your privacy. I'm going to go play with Isabel."
I shake my head. "Will, you don't have to do that. This concerns you, too."
Will looks down at this feet. "No, you guys need to be alone," he replies. He then looks up at me and smiles. He somehow manages to make it seem genuine. "I'm really glad you're back." He then walks off.
* * *
I can't stop staring at him. I can't take my eyes off of him. I've missed his face so much. His knee-weakening smile, his piercing green eyes. I had long ago resigned myself to the fact that I would only see that smile and those eyes in my dreams and photographs.
I slip my hand into his, marveling at how well it still fits. He meets my eyes, apparently surprised by the gesture. I lead him into the living room and we sit down on the couch. I keep my hand entwined with his, unwilling to let go.
I look up into his eyes. "How is this possible, Vaughn?"
He swallows hard and lowers his eyes. "Remember at the hospital when they brought me that thing to drink?" I nod. "Well, apparently whatever it was mimics death. It brought my vitals so low I flatlined and it looked as if I had died. The Prophet Five guys then came in and switched my body with a look-a-like."
I shake my head. "Why? What did they want?"
"They took me to some underground hell hole. They questioned me, tortured me, ran all kinds of tests. They were convinced that my father had implanted information about Prophet Five into my subconscious before he died." He shakes his head and rubs at his eyes tiredly. "Five years, Syd. They did this to me for five years."
I squeeze his hand in mine, as I blink back tears. I place my hand on his cheek and caress it. "Oh my God, Vaughn. I am so sorry." I pause and then eye him. "So how did you get away?"
He shakes his head. "I didn't. They let me go two weeks ago."
I shake my head. "I don't understand. They held you for five years and then they let you go just like that."
He nods. "I guess they decided that if they hadn't found anything in five years then there must be nothing to find. My father never would have done that to me, Syd. Implant information to keep it safe from them. He never would have endangered my life like that."
"I don't understand. Why didn't they just kill you then?"
He shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe they're not completely satisfied that I don't know anything, so they kept me alive just in case. I've spent the last two weeks making sure I'm not being surveilled. I didn't want to endanger you and Isabel."
I shake my head and wipe at a tear. "I can't believe you're really here. You have no idea how much I've missed you."
He smiles sadly. "I think I have some idea."
I nod, remembering how he had to deal with my apparent death all of those years ago. I guess we've reversed roles now. I'm the one who's moved on and now he's the one who has to deal with it. The difference being this time there's a child involved.
* * *
I swallow around the lump in my throat. "I missed you so much, Sydney. The only thing that got me through those five years was thinking of you and our daughter. I can't believe I've missed out on so much of her life. I was so excited about going through each stage of pregnancy with you, watching our daughter grow inside of you. I've missed so much. Her birth, her first word, her first step, her first day of school."
I blink back tears and look at Sydney, "Is she happy? That's all I've ever wanted for you two."
Sydney nods. "She is. We both are."
My heart drops and I hate myself for it. I told myself that it was enough to know they were happy. But knowing they're happy with Will instead of me feels like a knife slicing right through my heart.
I take a deep breath. "Good, I'm glad. I'm glad Will helped you move on."
"He's been great. He adores Isabel and she adores him," she says, her eyes unable to meet mine and see them flood with hurt.
I nod and clear my throat. I touch her face so she'll look at me. "Syd, I want you to know that I didn't come back here to interrupt your life. I can see you and Isabel are happy. In fact, I considered not letting you know I was alive at all. I needed to see you and Isabel, to make sure you were really okay. So I watched you in the park. I told myself that would have to be enough. That it wasn't fair to do this to you two after all this time. But I couldn't walk away."
Sydney's eyes darken and her jaw tightens. "How could you even consider not letting us know you're alive?! God, Vaughn, after all we've been through. Yes, we've moved on, I've moved on. But it's not like I had a choice. I had a daughter to think about. But that doesn't mean I haven't missed you everyday for the last five years."
I'm surprised by her reaction. I swallow hard. "I was thinking of you and Isabel. About what was best for you."
"And how could you think that believing you were dead was best for us?"
"Sydney, I remembered what you coming back did to me. I was married, but seeing you again...The feelings I felt for you came rushing back, but there was nothing I could do about them. I know how much it hurt me to have to deny all of that and it killed me to hurt you. You're married, Syd. I guess I just didn't want to put you through the same thing. And maybe I didn't want to put myself through it either."
She shakes her head, unable to understand. "What changed your mind?"
"When I saw you and Isabel, I knew I couldn't walk away. I remembered that despite all of the pain we went through back then, the day I found out you were still alive was the happiest of my life. I couldn't decide what was best for you and Isabel."
I pause and meet her gaze. "I want to know my daughter. I realize Will is the only father she's ever known and I respect that. I'm grateful to him for what he's done for her. But I want to spend time with her, get to know her. You don't have to tell her I'm her father. You could just say I'm a family friend. I want to disrupt her life as little as possible."
Sydney shakes her head. "Will's not the only father she's ever known. I've told her about you since before she was born. I tell her stories and show her pictures."
My brow furrows. "But she didn't know it was me at the door."
Sydney smiles. "She said you looked familiar. She's five and I don't think she expected you to show up on her doorstep. She hasn't made the connection yet. You're her father, Vaughn, and she deserves to know you as that."
I nod.
* * *
I watch as he clears his throat and looks down at his hands. "So, you and Will. You've been married two years, right?"
I bob my head. "Our anniversary was last week."
He nods uncomfortably. "Not that it's any of my business, but how did that come about?"
I pause. I don't want to hurt him. And seeing him again has made everything I felt for him come rushing back. But I am married.
"I left APO after Isabel was born. It was determined that there was no longer any threat to Will's safety, so he moved back here. We resumed our friendship. He was very supportive. I was scared about raising Isabel on my own and Will helped me see I could do it. He helped me through a lot. I wanted Isabel to have the stable family life I never had. I wanted her to have a loving home with a father and a mother. I've always trusted Will, so we decided to get married."
His gaze focuses on mine and he asks softly, "Are you in love with him?"
I lower my eyes. I love Will. I always have. But I've never been in love with him. I've never felt for him what I felt for Vaughn. After Vaughn died, I resigned myself to the fact that I'd never find that kind of love again. It only happens once in a lifetime. He was my soulmate and I thought I'd lost him forever. So, I decided it was best to focus on what was best for my daughter. I married Will. Will knew I wasn't in love with him, but I think he thought that in time I might fall in love with him. I felt bad because I knew Will had always been in love with me. I felt like I was taking advantage of that. I felt like I was using him. But we have built a happy life together, a life filled with love. It's not the kind of love I had and it's not the kind of love Will deserves, but it's love all the same.
"He's my husband," I reply.
His lips curl into the tiniest of smiles and I notice his chest deflate, as if in relief.
* * *
I guess I have my answer. She's not in love with him. I remember saying the same thing when asked about Lauren. I was never in love with Lauren. I thought I was, but Sydney made me remember what really being in love feels like. Sydney may love Will, but she's not in love with him. And that fills me with hope.
Maybe that's wrong, but I can't help it. I can't act like my feelings for Sydney have disappeared and I know hers for me haven't either. We were engaged. We were going to have a baby together. We'd be a family right now if circumstances beyond our control hadn't changed all of that. How can I not hope when hope's the only thing that saw me through this?
They never gave me any updates on her life, except for one. They told me she gave birth to our daughter, Isabel, because I asked. I didn't know she married Will until I was released. I didn't expect her to just sit around mourning my 'death'. I knew she'd move on eventually, but I didn't allow myself to think about it. I couldn't. I had to believe she was out there waiting or I never would have made it out.
It's different than what Sydney went through when she came back. She had no memory of her two years. It was as if she had just woken up after a night's sleep. Not for me. I spent more than five years thinking about her, dreaming about our child.
"Vaughn," she says softly, pulling me from my thoughts.
I shake my head to clear it. "Yeah?"
She smiles. "Do you want to meet your daughter?"
My eyes widen. "Are you sure this is what's best for her?"
"You're her father. I think you've both lost enough time, don't you?"
I nod and swallow hard. I've waited so long for this and now I'm nervous. What if she doesn't like me? What if she can't accept the fact that I'm her father?
Sydney stands up and walks to the stairs. "Will, can you please bring Isabel down?"
A few moments later, I hear them walking down the stairs.
"Is he an old friend of yours, too, Daddy?" I hear her ask Will.
My heart sinks. I'm not surprised she calls him that, but hearing it just about kills me. I force myself to smile and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants.
Will and Isabel appear in the doorway. Sydney takes her hand and leads her to the couch. Isabel sits down next to me and Sydney sits on her other side.
Sydney begins slowly. "Isabel, you know how Mommy always tells you about your biological Daddy?"
"Yes. You said he went to heaven before I was born."
"That's right, I did. I also told you stories about him and showed you pictures."
"You said he liked to play hockey."
I smile.
"That's right."
Sydney picks up a photo album from the coffee table and turns to a picture of me. I'm standing on the hockey rink with all my gear on, smiling at the camera. I remember that day. It was the last time Sydney and I played hockey together.
"Yup, that's him," Isabel says. Her brow then wrinkles and she puts her little face closer to the picture. She then looks up at me. Her eyes widen.
"Hey, I knew you looked familiar. What are you? Like his twin or something."
Will, Sydney, and I can't help but laugh at that one. Leave it to a child to lighten a tense moment.
Sydney shakes her head. "No, sweetie, he's your daddy."
Her nose wrinkles in confusion. She shakes her brown curls back and forth. "I don't get it. You can't just come back from heaven. It's not like vacation."
Sydney nods. "You're right. You see, Mommy thought Daddy was in heaven, but it was all just a mistake."
Isabel snorts. "A mistake? Come on, Mommy, I know about mistakes. That's why pencils have erasers. How can thinking Daddy's in heaven be a mistake?"
I smile. Wow, she's a little character. So smart.
I clear my throat and look at Sydney. "Let me try." Isabel looks up at me with her big green eyes. "There were some bad guys who made it seem like Daddy went to heaven. But I didn't. They let me go and I came to find you."
Isabel stares at me for a few moments. "So where have you been all this time?"
"It wasn't a very nice place and I missed you the whole time."
Her brow crinkles. "How could you miss me? We never met before."
A smile pulls at my lips. "We didn't have to. You're my daughter. I loved you the moment I found out about you."
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Will move his gaze to the floor.
I swallow hard. "I know you already have a really good daddy. So I was thinking maybe we could try being friends, getting to know each other."
Isabel looks at Sydney, then Will, as if to make sure this is okay. They both offer her smiles. She shrugs her shoulders. "Okay."
I smile. "Okay. If it's all right with your mom, maybe we could spend some time together this weekend. Maybe Saturday."
We both look at Sydney. She nods. "Sure. How does 1 o'clock sound?"
I bob my head. "That sounds great."
We all fall into an uncomfortable silence, unsure of what to say or do next. Isabel breaks it. "Well, nice to meet you. I'm going to go get a snack."
She then walks out of the room. I smile at Sydney. "She's pretty resilient, huh? Like her mother."
Sydney smiles and nods. "Nothing really phases her."
I stand up then, feeling as if it's time to go. I catch Will's eyes and feel the need to say something to him.
"Will, I just wanted to thank you for taking such good care of my daughter. I can see how happy she is."
"You don't need to thank me, Vaughn. It's been a pleasure. That little girl's brought nothing but joy to my life." He pauses and then adds softly, as he turns to look at Sydney, "So has her mother."
Sydney removes her eyes from his and I have to swallow around the lump in my throat. "You're the only father Isabel's ever known and I respect that. I just want to get to know her."
Will nods. "She deserves that."
I clear my throat and then move towards the door. "Well, I better get going. I'm sure you guys have things to do." I look at Sydney, "So, uh, I guess I'll see you Saturday then...when I come to pick up Isabel."
Sydney follows me to the door. "Saturday."
I walk out the door and down the steps, but I can feel her eyes on me.
* * *
End Part 1
More soon.
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought. ~Steph
Title: Bless the Broken Road
Author: Steph (ILUVNYYANK@aol.com)
Rating: PG
POV: Sydney/Vaughn
Pairing: Syd/Vaughn, Syd/Will, Weiss/Vaughn friendship
Category: Romance/Drama
Disclaimer: I do this out of a love for the show. No infringement is intended.
Spoilers: General season 5.
Summary: After five years, Vaughn returns from the dead to find Sydney married and raising their daughter with Will.
Note: This is going to be five parts long. It switches back and forth between Sydney and Vaughn's POV. Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you thought. Thanks! ~Steph
* * * Bless the Broken Road: Part 1/5 * * *
I watch as she chases a butterfly, her soft brown curls flowing behind her. She smiles as she catches it in her tiny hands. She runs over to her mother to share her prize. Her mother smiles, one that reaches her eyes, and pulls her daughter onto her lap.
God, they're beautiful together. More beautiful than I ever imagined they could be. And I've had a lot of time to imagine.
Sydney strokes our daughter's hair, as she rocks her back and forth. Isabel peeks at the treasure in her hands and then opens them, allowing the creature freedom.
I came here to make sure they were okay. I needed to know they're okay. They seem happy. That's all I ever wanted for them.
I should leave it at that. I have no right to interrupt their lives after all this time. It was never my intention to. But now that I've seen them, seen Sydney again, my daughter for the first time, I know I can't just walk away from them.
It's selfish, I know. Sydney's moved on. She's made a life for herself and our daughter. I know a little about moving on. I know how hard it is. And I know how difficult it can be to have your past resurface. I also know that no matter how hard it was having Sydney come back into my life, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. The day I found out she was alive was the happiest of my life.
I want to know my daughter. I've spent five years dreaming about her. I tried to imagine what she looked like. She had Sydney's brown hair and beautiful smile and my green eyes. The little girl sitting yards away from me looks as if she was lifted from my dreams.
I tried to imagine what she was like. If she was funny, what she liked to do. I've waited so long for this.
But can I do it? Can I just blow apart their lives? Is it fair to them? Isabel has a right to know her real father. From the information I've gathered since my release, I know Sydney got married two years ago, when Isabel was three. He's the only father she's ever known. And his name is Will Tippin.
Sydney married Will. The thought makes my insides burn. I wonder if she fell in love with him or if she just wanted a nice, stable life for her and her daughter with someone she trusted and cared for. She never felt that way about Will, even though he'd always been in love with her. Could that have changed? After Sydney came back and we were sorting through our problems, she paid Will a visit. She told me later that they slept together. So maybe there was something there.
It doesn't really matter. They're married and I have to respect that. But Isabel's my daughter and I can't ignore that. I can't walk away from her, no matter how hard this may prove to be.
* * *
"Isabel!" I yell through the bathroom door. "Honey, hurry up. We're going to be late."
"I'm making myself beautiful," she replies.
I raise an eyebrow at Will. "Is it possible she's already a teenager?"
Will smiles. "I've heard five is the new fifteen." He then raises his hand to knock on the door. "Come on, sweetheart. You're going to be late for school."
The door opens to reveal Isabel dressed in a plaid skirt and polka dot shirt. She rolls her eyes, "Who cares? Kindergarten is so boring. They make us sing all of these stupid alphabet songs."
I sigh. What a character. Smart as a whip, wise beyond her years, and stubborn as a goat.
"Sweetie, we've been through this. You just have to give it a chance."
"It's been a month, Mom, and we're still on the letter 'A'."
I shake my head and take her hand in mine. "Come on, let's go."
"No, I want to go to work with you."
Will sighs. "Isabel, you can't go to work with Mommy. She needs to concentrate so she can teach college kids."
"I'll take you with me the next time you have a day off," I reply. "I promise."
"Okay," she says grudgingly.
"Go get your lunch and backpack and meet me at the front door."
Isabel runs off and I turn to Will. "If this is five what exactly can we expect from her teenage years?"
"This but a whole lot worse?" he replies.
I smile, "Great." I then give him a quick kiss on the lips. "See you tonight."
I walk downstairs to the kitchen in search of my purse and keys. Just then, the doorbell rings. "Isabel, honey, answer that for Mommy please."
"Okay," she says.
I hear the door creak open. Isabel appears in the kitchen doorway a moment later.
"Mommy, there's some man at the door. He says he's an old friend of yours."
Oh great, like I have time for old friends right now.
"He looks kind of familiar, Mommy. I think I've seen him before."
I finally locate my purse and keys. I take Isabel's hand in mine and head towards the foyer. I don't make it more than a few feet before the sight of him stops me in my tracks.
"Vaughn," I breathe.
"Hello, Sydney," he says, his lips forming into the smile I thought was lost forever.
"Hey, Syd, who was at the-..." Will stops halfway down the stairs, looking up from his task of tying his tie, his eyes landing on Vaughn.
"Oh my God," he says.
Is it possible? Can this actually be him standing in front of me?
I drop my purse and keys and rush towards the door. I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze my eyes shut, hoping he isn't a figment of my imagination. I feel his strong arms wrap around me and it's as if they never let go.
"I can't believe it's really you," I whisper, as I bury my face into his neck and inhale his scent. God, I've missed him. How is this even possible?
I slowly release my hold on him when I feel a tug at my shirt.
"Mommy, I'm going to be late for school."
I look down at my...our...daughter and wipe a tear from cheek. "Honey, you're not going to school today."
Her face lights up. "Yes!"
* * *
God, I can't believe I got to hold her in my arms again. Nothing has ever felt so good. And I got to come face-to-face with my little girl.
Sydney backs up and shakes her head. "I'm sorry. Please, come in."
I enter the house, taking in my surroundings as I do so. It's a simple home, decorated in warm earth tones and comfortable furniture. There are family pictures on the walls. It feels like a happy home.
Will makes his way all the way down the stairs and stretches his hand out to me. "Vaughn...Man, I can't believe it."
I nod. I feel guilty for how I feel towards Will now. I always liked him. I even felt bad for him, loving Sydney and not have it reciprocated. And now here he is living the life that should have been mine. I should be grateful to him for taking care of my daughter, for helping Sydney move on. But I can't find it in me. I can't help but resent him, no matter how unfair that may be.
Sydney touches my arm to gain my attention. "Let's go talk in the living room. Isabel, please go to your room and play."
"But I want to know who he is."
"We'll talk later, honey."
"I want to know now!" I smile as I realize our daughter inherited Sydney's stubborn streak, too.
"Isabel," Sydney says warningly.
"Fine," she relents begrudgingly and runs up the stairs.
Will shifts his feet uncomfortably and hooks his thumb in the direction Isabel went in. "You know what? You guys deserve your privacy. I'm going to go play with Isabel."
I shake my head. "Will, you don't have to do that. This concerns you, too."
Will looks down at this feet. "No, you guys need to be alone," he replies. He then looks up at me and smiles. He somehow manages to make it seem genuine. "I'm really glad you're back." He then walks off.
* * *
I can't stop staring at him. I can't take my eyes off of him. I've missed his face so much. His knee-weakening smile, his piercing green eyes. I had long ago resigned myself to the fact that I would only see that smile and those eyes in my dreams and photographs.
I slip my hand into his, marveling at how well it still fits. He meets my eyes, apparently surprised by the gesture. I lead him into the living room and we sit down on the couch. I keep my hand entwined with his, unwilling to let go.
I look up into his eyes. "How is this possible, Vaughn?"
He swallows hard and lowers his eyes. "Remember at the hospital when they brought me that thing to drink?" I nod. "Well, apparently whatever it was mimics death. It brought my vitals so low I flatlined and it looked as if I had died. The Prophet Five guys then came in and switched my body with a look-a-like."
I shake my head. "Why? What did they want?"
"They took me to some underground hell hole. They questioned me, tortured me, ran all kinds of tests. They were convinced that my father had implanted information about Prophet Five into my subconscious before he died." He shakes his head and rubs at his eyes tiredly. "Five years, Syd. They did this to me for five years."
I squeeze his hand in mine, as I blink back tears. I place my hand on his cheek and caress it. "Oh my God, Vaughn. I am so sorry." I pause and then eye him. "So how did you get away?"
He shakes his head. "I didn't. They let me go two weeks ago."
I shake my head. "I don't understand. They held you for five years and then they let you go just like that."
He nods. "I guess they decided that if they hadn't found anything in five years then there must be nothing to find. My father never would have done that to me, Syd. Implant information to keep it safe from them. He never would have endangered my life like that."
"I don't understand. Why didn't they just kill you then?"
He shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe they're not completely satisfied that I don't know anything, so they kept me alive just in case. I've spent the last two weeks making sure I'm not being surveilled. I didn't want to endanger you and Isabel."
I shake my head and wipe at a tear. "I can't believe you're really here. You have no idea how much I've missed you."
He smiles sadly. "I think I have some idea."
I nod, remembering how he had to deal with my apparent death all of those years ago. I guess we've reversed roles now. I'm the one who's moved on and now he's the one who has to deal with it. The difference being this time there's a child involved.
* * *
I swallow around the lump in my throat. "I missed you so much, Sydney. The only thing that got me through those five years was thinking of you and our daughter. I can't believe I've missed out on so much of her life. I was so excited about going through each stage of pregnancy with you, watching our daughter grow inside of you. I've missed so much. Her birth, her first word, her first step, her first day of school."
I blink back tears and look at Sydney, "Is she happy? That's all I've ever wanted for you two."
Sydney nods. "She is. We both are."
My heart drops and I hate myself for it. I told myself that it was enough to know they were happy. But knowing they're happy with Will instead of me feels like a knife slicing right through my heart.
I take a deep breath. "Good, I'm glad. I'm glad Will helped you move on."
"He's been great. He adores Isabel and she adores him," she says, her eyes unable to meet mine and see them flood with hurt.
I nod and clear my throat. I touch her face so she'll look at me. "Syd, I want you to know that I didn't come back here to interrupt your life. I can see you and Isabel are happy. In fact, I considered not letting you know I was alive at all. I needed to see you and Isabel, to make sure you were really okay. So I watched you in the park. I told myself that would have to be enough. That it wasn't fair to do this to you two after all this time. But I couldn't walk away."
Sydney's eyes darken and her jaw tightens. "How could you even consider not letting us know you're alive?! God, Vaughn, after all we've been through. Yes, we've moved on, I've moved on. But it's not like I had a choice. I had a daughter to think about. But that doesn't mean I haven't missed you everyday for the last five years."
I'm surprised by her reaction. I swallow hard. "I was thinking of you and Isabel. About what was best for you."
"And how could you think that believing you were dead was best for us?"
"Sydney, I remembered what you coming back did to me. I was married, but seeing you again...The feelings I felt for you came rushing back, but there was nothing I could do about them. I know how much it hurt me to have to deny all of that and it killed me to hurt you. You're married, Syd. I guess I just didn't want to put you through the same thing. And maybe I didn't want to put myself through it either."
She shakes her head, unable to understand. "What changed your mind?"
"When I saw you and Isabel, I knew I couldn't walk away. I remembered that despite all of the pain we went through back then, the day I found out you were still alive was the happiest of my life. I couldn't decide what was best for you and Isabel."
I pause and meet her gaze. "I want to know my daughter. I realize Will is the only father she's ever known and I respect that. I'm grateful to him for what he's done for her. But I want to spend time with her, get to know her. You don't have to tell her I'm her father. You could just say I'm a family friend. I want to disrupt her life as little as possible."
Sydney shakes her head. "Will's not the only father she's ever known. I've told her about you since before she was born. I tell her stories and show her pictures."
My brow furrows. "But she didn't know it was me at the door."
Sydney smiles. "She said you looked familiar. She's five and I don't think she expected you to show up on her doorstep. She hasn't made the connection yet. You're her father, Vaughn, and she deserves to know you as that."
I nod.
* * *
I watch as he clears his throat and looks down at his hands. "So, you and Will. You've been married two years, right?"
I bob my head. "Our anniversary was last week."
He nods uncomfortably. "Not that it's any of my business, but how did that come about?"
I pause. I don't want to hurt him. And seeing him again has made everything I felt for him come rushing back. But I am married.
"I left APO after Isabel was born. It was determined that there was no longer any threat to Will's safety, so he moved back here. We resumed our friendship. He was very supportive. I was scared about raising Isabel on my own and Will helped me see I could do it. He helped me through a lot. I wanted Isabel to have the stable family life I never had. I wanted her to have a loving home with a father and a mother. I've always trusted Will, so we decided to get married."
His gaze focuses on mine and he asks softly, "Are you in love with him?"
I lower my eyes. I love Will. I always have. But I've never been in love with him. I've never felt for him what I felt for Vaughn. After Vaughn died, I resigned myself to the fact that I'd never find that kind of love again. It only happens once in a lifetime. He was my soulmate and I thought I'd lost him forever. So, I decided it was best to focus on what was best for my daughter. I married Will. Will knew I wasn't in love with him, but I think he thought that in time I might fall in love with him. I felt bad because I knew Will had always been in love with me. I felt like I was taking advantage of that. I felt like I was using him. But we have built a happy life together, a life filled with love. It's not the kind of love I had and it's not the kind of love Will deserves, but it's love all the same.
"He's my husband," I reply.
His lips curl into the tiniest of smiles and I notice his chest deflate, as if in relief.
* * *
I guess I have my answer. She's not in love with him. I remember saying the same thing when asked about Lauren. I was never in love with Lauren. I thought I was, but Sydney made me remember what really being in love feels like. Sydney may love Will, but she's not in love with him. And that fills me with hope.
Maybe that's wrong, but I can't help it. I can't act like my feelings for Sydney have disappeared and I know hers for me haven't either. We were engaged. We were going to have a baby together. We'd be a family right now if circumstances beyond our control hadn't changed all of that. How can I not hope when hope's the only thing that saw me through this?
They never gave me any updates on her life, except for one. They told me she gave birth to our daughter, Isabel, because I asked. I didn't know she married Will until I was released. I didn't expect her to just sit around mourning my 'death'. I knew she'd move on eventually, but I didn't allow myself to think about it. I couldn't. I had to believe she was out there waiting or I never would have made it out.
It's different than what Sydney went through when she came back. She had no memory of her two years. It was as if she had just woken up after a night's sleep. Not for me. I spent more than five years thinking about her, dreaming about our child.
"Vaughn," she says softly, pulling me from my thoughts.
I shake my head to clear it. "Yeah?"
She smiles. "Do you want to meet your daughter?"
My eyes widen. "Are you sure this is what's best for her?"
"You're her father. I think you've both lost enough time, don't you?"
I nod and swallow hard. I've waited so long for this and now I'm nervous. What if she doesn't like me? What if she can't accept the fact that I'm her father?
Sydney stands up and walks to the stairs. "Will, can you please bring Isabel down?"
A few moments later, I hear them walking down the stairs.
"Is he an old friend of yours, too, Daddy?" I hear her ask Will.
My heart sinks. I'm not surprised she calls him that, but hearing it just about kills me. I force myself to smile and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants.
Will and Isabel appear in the doorway. Sydney takes her hand and leads her to the couch. Isabel sits down next to me and Sydney sits on her other side.
Sydney begins slowly. "Isabel, you know how Mommy always tells you about your biological Daddy?"
"Yes. You said he went to heaven before I was born."
"That's right, I did. I also told you stories about him and showed you pictures."
"You said he liked to play hockey."
I smile.
"That's right."
Sydney picks up a photo album from the coffee table and turns to a picture of me. I'm standing on the hockey rink with all my gear on, smiling at the camera. I remember that day. It was the last time Sydney and I played hockey together.
"Yup, that's him," Isabel says. Her brow then wrinkles and she puts her little face closer to the picture. She then looks up at me. Her eyes widen.
"Hey, I knew you looked familiar. What are you? Like his twin or something."
Will, Sydney, and I can't help but laugh at that one. Leave it to a child to lighten a tense moment.
Sydney shakes her head. "No, sweetie, he's your daddy."
Her nose wrinkles in confusion. She shakes her brown curls back and forth. "I don't get it. You can't just come back from heaven. It's not like vacation."
Sydney nods. "You're right. You see, Mommy thought Daddy was in heaven, but it was all just a mistake."
Isabel snorts. "A mistake? Come on, Mommy, I know about mistakes. That's why pencils have erasers. How can thinking Daddy's in heaven be a mistake?"
I smile. Wow, she's a little character. So smart.
I clear my throat and look at Sydney. "Let me try." Isabel looks up at me with her big green eyes. "There were some bad guys who made it seem like Daddy went to heaven. But I didn't. They let me go and I came to find you."
Isabel stares at me for a few moments. "So where have you been all this time?"
"It wasn't a very nice place and I missed you the whole time."
Her brow crinkles. "How could you miss me? We never met before."
A smile pulls at my lips. "We didn't have to. You're my daughter. I loved you the moment I found out about you."
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Will move his gaze to the floor.
I swallow hard. "I know you already have a really good daddy. So I was thinking maybe we could try being friends, getting to know each other."
Isabel looks at Sydney, then Will, as if to make sure this is okay. They both offer her smiles. She shrugs her shoulders. "Okay."
I smile. "Okay. If it's all right with your mom, maybe we could spend some time together this weekend. Maybe Saturday."
We both look at Sydney. She nods. "Sure. How does 1 o'clock sound?"
I bob my head. "That sounds great."
We all fall into an uncomfortable silence, unsure of what to say or do next. Isabel breaks it. "Well, nice to meet you. I'm going to go get a snack."
She then walks out of the room. I smile at Sydney. "She's pretty resilient, huh? Like her mother."
Sydney smiles and nods. "Nothing really phases her."
I stand up then, feeling as if it's time to go. I catch Will's eyes and feel the need to say something to him.
"Will, I just wanted to thank you for taking such good care of my daughter. I can see how happy she is."
"You don't need to thank me, Vaughn. It's been a pleasure. That little girl's brought nothing but joy to my life." He pauses and then adds softly, as he turns to look at Sydney, "So has her mother."
Sydney removes her eyes from his and I have to swallow around the lump in my throat. "You're the only father Isabel's ever known and I respect that. I just want to get to know her."
Will nods. "She deserves that."
I clear my throat and then move towards the door. "Well, I better get going. I'm sure you guys have things to do." I look at Sydney, "So, uh, I guess I'll see you Saturday then...when I come to pick up Isabel."
Sydney follows me to the door. "Saturday."
I walk out the door and down the steps, but I can feel her eyes on me.
* * *
End Part 1
More soon.
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought. ~Steph
