Break the Silence (formerly Lies in Silence)
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fivetoesonefoot
Cadet
oh man...i just finished reading it.
:sigh: 
unkrock: :stretcher: :rockon: :coolthumb:
even though you posted it a few days ago i on;y now read it b/c there is always so many distractions and i like to be focused when i'm reading your work, so i can be totally emersed in the story
i can't wait for the prequel...and i'm telling you, we need to get JJ over here to read your stuff (and who knows maybe it will show up one day, which would rock my socks off!!!)
YOU ARE AWSOME!!!
:sigh: unkrock: :stretcher: :rockon: :coolthumb: even though you posted it a few days ago i on;y now read it b/c there is always so many distractions and i like to be focused when i'm reading your work, so i can be totally emersed in the story
i can't wait for the prequel...and i'm telling you, we need to get JJ over here to read your stuff (and who knows maybe it will show up one day, which would rock my socks off!!!)
YOU ARE AWSOME!!!
kidblink83
Cadet
I was very happy to see a staple of R-rated fics. The shower scene. Every good one has to have some sort of in the shower or just gotten out of the shower encounter. It helps make this a nicely rounded piece!
I'm glad to hear I pushed you to get the smut out to the readers! Let me keep on pushing for MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad to hear I pushed you to get the smut out to the readers! Let me keep on pushing for MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!
fivetoesonefoot
Cadet
i read it again...mmmmmm....shower scene (i've always wanted one, tee hee)
agentjbristow47
Cadet
could you PM me too? Im lovin this story im a s/v shipper all the way, but im slowly shifting...keep up the good work!
Okay everyone -
The Good News: This is a pretty big update. I was thinking about breaking it up, but it wouldn't go together right if I did - so I hope you enjoy long updates cause you are in for another! :lol:
The Bad News: There are only two more chapters left to post. My next update will be the last one for this. I have a couple chapters written for the sequel (which is tentatively titled Name the Stakes), but nothing typed up yet.
I'm going to be pretty busy with school (damn you real world responsibilities!), so hopefully I can find the time to type them up! At least, I know what I want to write - that always helps ^_^ So enough rambling!
I do believe Colin Firth was spotted on the set of this eppy :lol:
The shower had been a wonderful thing until the freezing cold water on his warm skin interrupted it. Once relaxed, Sark now felt tense wishing he had one of those lovely hotel robes he grew accustomed to wearing after his showers. However, all that he had now was one of the custom suits he had ordered from New York. Worn the day before, it had been delicately placed over a chair while he slept. If he would have thought about it, he would have stolen a hanger from Sydney’s bedroom closet, but he never got the chance. A hanger for his suit paled in comparison to what had already transpired now twice between the two of them.
The towel wrapped around his waist, he shivered as he went to go get his suit from the living room. Before going, he noticed that Sydney’s hands were paused on something by the dresser. He then realized what it was; her last set of clothes his handler had supplied her with. Only one more outfit to wear, and it was to be the one she wore home. As he walked over towards her, she shook her head slightly shaking whatever thought was on her mind free.
When he had informed his handler of what he was about to do by helping Sydney, Colin had not encouraged the move. Sark convinced him that if he did not get her out of there, his cover would be blown. He sensed his handler did not enjoy being ordered around by his asset, but at least he was beginning to come to terms with the way Sark worked. One of the requests (My polite term for orders, he mused) he had given was to get Sydney some things to wear and Sark had to admit, he would surely thank his handler for the satin sleep set. On second thought, that might not be the best idea.
A line had been crossed, that was for sure. Both Sark and Sydney lived in a world with harsh realities, and as much as he wished he could stay in this safe house (Well, not this one exactly, surely there is a nicer one somewhere he thought) with her forever, the reality was – they could not. Yet, they found comfort in one another and once that was accepted they realized it was all about time and circumstance. Their time would come later after they took care of the job they had to do. In the meantime, they would have to do their best to separate their emotion for each other from the task at hand.
Sydney now dressed in dark washed jeans and light gray v-neck top, turned to face Sark as he came up behind her. Smiling, she placed her hand on his abdomen glancing at the towel then back up to his eyes. “Are you ever going to get dressed?”
Sark moved his hands to her waist and looked down studying her face for any emotion she might be attempting to veil. He had seen that look when she realized there was only one set of clothes left. “I’m actually quite comfortable.” Lies. He was freezing his ass off.
She laughed before bringing her hand down to playfully tug at his towel before he moved his hands to catch it from falling. “Are you?” A shiver came over Sark causing his flesh to goose pimple.
Shooting a look down at her hands still on the towel, he gave in. “Actually, it’s bloody freezing in here. Mind if I go out to the other room and get dressed?”
She smiled knowingly at him as she quickly brought her lips up to meet his. “Hurry back.”
He grinned at her before turning and leaving the bedroom. Walking back towards the living room, he suddenly heard a light drumming sound coming from in front of him. The one time he is caught without his weapon and in a towel no less.
Stopping in the hall, he strained to make out the location from where the sound was coming. It seemed to be in the direction of the kitchen when he remembered his handler said he was going to come back. Last night. Oh, bullocks. Sark nonchalantly strode over to the chair his suit was laid over and glanced into the kitchen. Indeed, there was his handler sitting at the formica kitchen table drumming his fingers against the surface.
“Well, good morning Colin.” Sark said cheerfully reaching for his pants.
“Actually, it’s past noon now Julian.” Sark paused at the mention of his real name. His handler knew better than to call him by that. He looked up at the man and started to say something when he noticed his pants pocket was vibrating. Pulling out his cell phone, he realized he had five new voicemails.
“It’s been going off all morning,” his handler informed him. The look on his face seemed to imply that the cell phone vibrating had not been the only thing he had heard while sitting in the kitchen.
“You didn’t happen to pick up any tea while you were out, did you?”
Colin said nothing for a moment giving Sark a chance to get dressed. It was then he realized he had no clean shorts to put on. Slightly vexed, he studied the pants. They had been custom made, but he was not about to put on dirty shorts. Could perhaps turn the others inside out. He shook his head. Absolutely not. Shrugging, he grabbed them as he gave his handler a small nod to look away. Commando it is.
“Can I ask if you have any idea what you are doing? Do you know that Sloane is pulling back from Lima now? He thinks he’s been compromised completely because of her!”
Sark smirked as he fastened his belt. “He’ll find another location. The man always does.” He reached over for his dress shirt also lying over the back of the chair.
“You do realize this pushes back the timetable? Now, his pardon will be s*** and he’ll go under again!”
“What are you so bleeding worried about? If he goes under, I’ll be right there with him.” Buttoning up the shirt, he flicked up the shirt collar reaching over for his tie.
Sark’s handler snorted and shook his head. “You are unbelievable. How long have you been on this assignment now? Nine years? Sometimes, I wonder if you ever want it to end or if you rather enjoy the role you’re playing…”
Sark looked up coldly from knotting his tie to stare down his handler. “Colin, take a moment to appreciate this Windsor knot I am in the middle of here. It is the only thing keeping me from coming over there and punching you square in the face.” Colin was unfazed by the statement seemingly used to Sark’s ways.
“Do you realize you could have blown your whole cover because of her?” Sark wished he had not left his gun in the bedroom. It would probably take nothing less from him to withdraw it and aim at his handler for the man to realize to keep quiet.
Pulling his jacket on, he shrugged his shoulders into it pulling at the cuffs of his shirt. “Chances are, my cover would have been compromised had I not gotten Sydney out of there.” Presence might be a factor in getting him to be quiet, Sark thought as he moved towards Colin.
He shifted slightly in his chair with Sark being a mere three feet away from him, but he still continued. “You could have handled it yourself,” he muttered.
Sark smirked at him. “And how do you propose I should have done that? With Sloane watching the whole time?”
“Sloane wanted you to take care of her, right? You should have taken him up on his offer.”
Sark inhaled slowly as he moved to stand directly next to Colin. “I am not in the habit of killing innocent agents to keep my cover.”
Bravely, Colin dared to look up at Sark “No, but it would not have been the first time.”
Quickly, Sark’s hand flew to the back of his handler’s head slamming him face first down on the table. Colin flailed his arm hitting at Sark’s leg, but Sark held him firmly in place.
“Handler is merely a fancy title bestowed upon you to give feelings of superiority over an asset. I am not your asset. I do not work for you and you do not question my actions. Is that clear?”
Colin glared up at him. This was not the first time there had been a power struggle between Sark and his handler nor would it be the last. He was about to illustrate his point further, but was cut short by the sound of Sydney’s voice.
“What’s taking you so long?” Sydney asked as Sark saw her walk into the living room. Quickly, he released Colin.
“I’m in here, Sydney.” He glared down again at Colin now staring up at him in angrily as Sydney came into the kitchen. Don’t look at me like that you horse’s ass.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were here,” Sydney said looking at Colin. He smirked at her standing from his chair.
He rubbed his face slightly glancing at Sark. “This conversation is far from finished.” Casting one more heated glance at Sydney, he walked out of the house slamming the door shut behind him.
“What was that all about?” Sydney asked walking over to the refrigerator to check its contents.
Sark began to open up the cabinet doors grumbling over the lack of tea. “He questions my judgment on helping you.”
Sydney paused as she took out a carton of eggs from the fridge. “Why exactly is that?”
“He thinks I put my cover too much at risk.”
“Honestly Sark, you know you did.” She turned to look at him, the carton of eggs still in her hands. His back was to her, but she still saw his shoulders fall as he sighed softly.
“I doubt Sloane would have gone forth with killing you. I just know that I needed to help you…” he trailed off as he turned to meet her gaze. “He would have forced you to work with him again and I couldn’t stand to see you go through that torture.”
Sydney briefly thought back to the first bout of torture she was made to suffer at the hands of the Covenant. From what Kendall had told her, they never had known she did not truly turn into Julia Thorne. This time had it happened, she would have known she had an ally in Sark.
He had told her how alone he had felt in all of his life as a deep-cover assassin, she wondered why he hadn’t allowed her the opportunity to become a double agent again. Then, together they would have taken Sloane down from the inside. Sydney’s two options Sark originally presented her with: death or work for the man. What if she had chosen to work for Sloane again?
“Why didn’t you give me a chance to work for him?”
Sark looked at her disbelieving. “I can’t believe you would consider that option.” She looked at him unmoving as if now the thought of returning to work for Sloane was somewhat appealing to her. “Sydney, you killed his daughter. Sloane no longer feels the same way about you as he did before.”
Sydney squinted at him confused. “His daughter? He and Emily…”
“Lauren was his daughter.” Sydney gasped as the carton of eggs fell from her hand crashing to the floor. “Some bizarre mistake at the hospital made Sloane wind up with Reed’s rightful daughter. Somehow, Sloane came about Lauren’s records and found out the truth.”
Sydney stunned braced herself against the kitchen chair trying to comprehend what Sark was saying to her. He turned grabbing a glass from the cupboard. Filling it with water, he handed it to Sydney.
“When did he find out Lauren was his daughter?”
Sark closed his eyes briefly. “I presume not until after her death.” Sydney took a sip of the water and shook her head. Sloane had never found out about his rightful daughter until it was too late.
Sark bent over the egg carton mess on the floor trying his best to clean it up without getting yolk on his suit. “I take it you wanted them scrambled?” He glanced up at Sydney hoping she would see the small smile on his face.
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Sydney said numbly.
Throwing the carton into the trash, Sark went back over to the refrigerator. “Nonsense. You will feel better if you eat something.” Looking into the fridge, he was surprised to find another carton of eggs. “Excellent, how would you like them?”
Sydney sat unmoving at the table. Sark had to admit he never understood how was able to compartmentalize so much, but still be taken over with such emotions over certain things. That was never much of a problem for him for there wasn’t much for him to care about in this line of work. He was beginning to realize he was only truly weak when it came to one thing, and that would be a secret he would need to guard with his life.
Grabbing the skillet and dusting it off, he went over to the stove igniting the gas. “Well, I guess I will go with scrambled then.”
Sydney smiled suddenly. “No, make mine over easy.” Cracking the eggs in the pan, Sark smiled as he continued to make Sydney her late breakfast.
~~~
This is not goodbye she said -It is just time for me to rest my head - She does not walk she runs instead - Down these jagged streets and into my bed ~ Maroon 5
Sark was sitting across the table from Sydney while she finished up her eggs. Conversation had definitely slowed to a halt between the two of them and Sark couldn’t stand it any longer. Usually, he found silence comforting, but not with her.
“There really is no sense in dwelling over things you cannot change Sydney.”
She stopped pushing the last bit of egg around on her plate to look up at him. “I realize that. Had I known Lauren was Sloane’s daughter I might not…”
Sark cut her off not allowing her to finish. “What? You wouldn’t have pulled the trigger? You know as well as I do, she wouldn’t have hesitated for you.” She took in his words as she pursed her lips together. “In fact, if I had been in your place, that knowledge might have inspired me to pull it a little sooner. Say, the first time you ever met her?”
Sydney chuckled at that recalling the first time she met Lauren in Dixon’s office and being informed she was Vaughn’s wife right after she went into a dialogue about how much she was missing him. All of that seemed so long ago now.
“I don’t think I wanted to kill her the first time I met her, but definitely after our first debriefing together. If she worked on Sloane’s pardon, I knew something was wrong with her.”
Sark laughed happy to see Sydney returning to her old self. It was thing he learned in his life. The past is a thing to put behind you. There is no changing it and dwelling on it would drive a man insane wasting nothing but the future before him. The vibrating of his cellular phone in his pocket interrupted his thoughts. Motioning Sydney to be quiet, he flipped it open.
“Yes?”
“Why haven’t you returned my calls?” This question amused Sark. It was as if Sloane were his lover angry at being ignored. This whole business with Sydney must be throwing the old man for a loop.
“It’s the damndest thing. I just realized an hour ago, I had it on silence while it was charging. The pager never went off, so I assumed you must not need anything too terribly important.”
He heard Sloane scoff at the other end. “I am going back to Zurich before Sydney resurfaces. I want you to meet with Cole tomorrow in Los Angeles. There you will wait for Sydney to arrive and we will figure out our next step as far as she goes. Your flight leaves tonight at 7:00”
Sark glanced at Sydney looking up at him unmoving. My time with her being brought to a close so I can meet with a man to discuss her possible demise, he thought. “Mr. Sark, is that understood?”
“Yes, of course.” Once again, he was going to have to do his best to keep Cole away from Sydney. Momentarily, he cursed himself for everything he had gotten himself into by helping her. It quickly was gone as soon it came when he looked at her staring cautiously at him only imagining what Sloane might be relying to him. Helping Sydney and any subsequent covering up he would have to do on her behalf although a inconvenience and possible misstep, he would never take back. He wasn’t the assassin around her anymore and he wouldn’t change that for the world.
“Good.”
With that Sloane disconnected and Sark flipped his phone shut. Sighing, he picked up her clean plate and placed it in the sink. Standing in front of the sink, he now looked out the window into the small backyard. Sydney came up from behind wrapping her arms around him.
She laid her head against his back. “Leaving me already?”
Her voice sounded small and distant. Sark hated it. He turned around putting his back against the counter now facing her. One thing he did not have much in his life were good-byes, but he hated them none the same. Long-ones especially were torturous. It was one thing he might have over a fine wine and custom suit any day, and that was a clean break. With the new task at hand, you are already reverting to your old self, he thought.
“Yes, Sydney. I am.” He brought his hands down to cup her face lowering his lips gently to hers. The kiss was soft and accepting. In this good-bye, they would not challenge one another. It was understood that there was only enough time for acceptance.
Pulling him towards her, Sydney ran her hands down his silken shirt. One last time, she thought before Sark broke from the kiss. They looked at each one another their eyes searching the other’s face.
“When?”
“My flight leaves in five hours.” No sooner where the words past his lips, her lips were on his. Grabbing him by the jacket, she pulled him close as he ran his hands over her back. He felt her moving away from him. The thought of her lips leaving his made him bring one foot forward to match her step.
Sydney brought her hands up to his jacket pushing it off in the living room. Her hands went instinctively to his tie while he lowered his hands to the button on her jeans. There had been a way in her mind, how she wanted to leave things with Sark. Trying to summon whatever professionalism was left, she would merely hug him and briefly kiss him goodbye. She had been a fool to believe that would happen.
All of her life, she had been the protector of most causes. Anyone who knows her well knew that being protected was what she wanted most. It was one thing to always be the strong one who never needs anything, but there is only so much of that she could manage. She had Vaughn and lost him. Now the sight of Sark perplexed at the thought of her torture and the risks he took to free her from Sloane could not stop her from wanting to tear off that impeccable suit and perfectly knotted tie.
The tie was off, dropped in the hallway as Sark momentarily bumped her into the wall. He held her there as he unzipped her pants and slowly pulled them down off her hips. Dragging a hand over her body, he slowly began to crouch in front of her pulling her pants off with him. Sydney was breathing heavy as he lifted her foot one by one to pull them completely off. Now making his ascent back up to meet her gaze, he his ran his hand over her leg turning in as he reached her thigh.
Moaning softly, she began working the buttons of his shirt while he ran his fingers over her swollen clit. He pressed himself into her as he snaked his hand around her back first unclasping her bra then pulling her away from the wall. They continued back to the bedroom as Sydney finally finished unbuttoning his shirt. Peeling it back from off his lean shoulders, she deposited it in the hallway with the remaining trail of clothes.
As Sark was running his hands through her hair with his lips passionately moving against hers, all she could do was take in the feel of him against her. Her hands running over his naked back littered with scars, the soft spikes of his blonde hair on her fingertips, and when she pulled back from the kiss to look at him, it was his eyes that still got her every time. Even now, they seemed to be pulsing in time with the feeling of her own excitement beating within her. It was a moment she stole away to quickly lock in her mind forever.
Brazenly, she took a small step back from him. Smiling at her, Sark matched her step knowing the game they played all too well. If she wanted to lead, he would be happy to oblige again. Her hands immediately went to undo his belt as Sark went to move his lips to hers. Turning her head slightly, she moved away from the kiss. A small look of surprise came across Sark’s face as she brought her gaze to his.
Knowing the truth about Sark, she realized he had two sides of himself. There was the lie and the truth – although it was the true Sark that had rescued her and was standing before her, it would be the lie that was leaving her. Sark would be returning to his old ways, and she realized she was not going to send him off with something to hold him back. She had stored her memory of how she wanted to recall it. In Sark’s case, it wouldn’t be tenderness or parting sorrow he remembered her by – it would be unbridled lust.
Sark saw the glint in her eyes and he understood. If this were to be the end, he did not want to be sent off thinking back on more things he would miss in his life. His hand went up her shirt and roughly grabbed at her breast while she unzipped his pants. Pulling at them, they easily fell off his waist and for the first time she realized Sark had not been wearing anything underneath them.
“This is a pleasant surprise.” Running a hand over his taut abdomen down to stroke his hardened c***, she slowly began to stroke him never taking her eyes off his. Sark’s eyes continued to bore into her as he ran his own hands over her as if he were taking his turn to memorize every feature and curve of her flesh.
Sark was trying to suppress his moans while Sydney continued to stroke him, but it was no use. Instinctively, his hand went down to her own sensitive area beginning to lightly rub her through her satin panties. Sydney let out a small growl as she suddenly released her grasp of him. Bringing her hands up to his shoulders, she pushed him down onto the bed. He looked up at her, the look of desire mixed with awe on his face completely unmistakable. Enticingly, she pulled of her v-neck shirt and slowly let her bra slide from off her shoulders as Sark laid in wait taking in the whole sight.
Sliding her panties off her hips, she thought of the dream she had while in the cell. Sark had crawled to her and she was about to do the same. Slowly, she climbed on the bed never taking her eyes off of him while he continued to look her body over.
“Sydney…” he moaned softly bringing a hand to her thigh.
She lightly slapped it away. “I don’t want this to be a sad goodbye Sark.”
The awe came over him again as he stared at her longingly. “I am not unhappy about any of this in the least bit Sydney.” Daring to raise his hand to her thigh again, he smiled.
“Good.” Straddling him now, she took hold of him and gently guided it inside of her. Sark drew in his breath at the feeling of Sydney taking him over. She slid herself completely onto him causing them both to gasp. He submitted to her pace as she slowly writhed on top of him. Holding his hand to the back of Sydney was almost all he could do to maintain control of himself.
In his wildest dreams, he never imagined anything like this coming from her. As it were, Sydney and he would always fight to the death until one was the victor one way or another, but now for they would each get their turn. As her pace quickened on him, he grabbed her hips pulling her onto him. The waves of her orgasm spread over him as she slowed her pace stunned as the rush of pleasure came over her.
Leaning towards him her breasts now pressed against his chest, he quickly rolled over. Sydney now underneath him, he moved quickly in and out of her setting his own pace. He felt her muscles tighten against him as he reached his own climax. Lightly calling out her name, his head collapsed by hers.
She smiled lazily at him. “I’m going to miss you.” Sydney couldn’t help herself.
“Me too, Sydney. Me too.” She smiled appreciatively at his honesty and candor.
Curling up beside him, she rested her head on his chest. Sark’s heart was beating a mile a minute, she was quite sure hers was doing the exact same thing. Sark brought his hand up to her hair and softly began to pet it. Before she realized it, Sydney had fallen fast asleep.
Okay, am sending off the PM's now --- btw I'm renaming this fic to Break the Silence ^_^
The Good News: This is a pretty big update. I was thinking about breaking it up, but it wouldn't go together right if I did - so I hope you enjoy long updates cause you are in for another! :lol:
The Bad News: There are only two more chapters left to post. My next update will be the last one for this. I have a couple chapters written for the sequel (which is tentatively titled Name the Stakes), but nothing typed up yet.
I'm going to be pretty busy with school (damn you real world responsibilities!), so hopefully I can find the time to type them up! At least, I know what I want to write - that always helps ^_^ So enough rambling!
I do believe Colin Firth was spotted on the set of this eppy :lol: The shower had been a wonderful thing until the freezing cold water on his warm skin interrupted it. Once relaxed, Sark now felt tense wishing he had one of those lovely hotel robes he grew accustomed to wearing after his showers. However, all that he had now was one of the custom suits he had ordered from New York. Worn the day before, it had been delicately placed over a chair while he slept. If he would have thought about it, he would have stolen a hanger from Sydney’s bedroom closet, but he never got the chance. A hanger for his suit paled in comparison to what had already transpired now twice between the two of them.
The towel wrapped around his waist, he shivered as he went to go get his suit from the living room. Before going, he noticed that Sydney’s hands were paused on something by the dresser. He then realized what it was; her last set of clothes his handler had supplied her with. Only one more outfit to wear, and it was to be the one she wore home. As he walked over towards her, she shook her head slightly shaking whatever thought was on her mind free.
When he had informed his handler of what he was about to do by helping Sydney, Colin had not encouraged the move. Sark convinced him that if he did not get her out of there, his cover would be blown. He sensed his handler did not enjoy being ordered around by his asset, but at least he was beginning to come to terms with the way Sark worked. One of the requests (My polite term for orders, he mused) he had given was to get Sydney some things to wear and Sark had to admit, he would surely thank his handler for the satin sleep set. On second thought, that might not be the best idea.
A line had been crossed, that was for sure. Both Sark and Sydney lived in a world with harsh realities, and as much as he wished he could stay in this safe house (Well, not this one exactly, surely there is a nicer one somewhere he thought) with her forever, the reality was – they could not. Yet, they found comfort in one another and once that was accepted they realized it was all about time and circumstance. Their time would come later after they took care of the job they had to do. In the meantime, they would have to do their best to separate their emotion for each other from the task at hand.
Sydney now dressed in dark washed jeans and light gray v-neck top, turned to face Sark as he came up behind her. Smiling, she placed her hand on his abdomen glancing at the towel then back up to his eyes. “Are you ever going to get dressed?”
Sark moved his hands to her waist and looked down studying her face for any emotion she might be attempting to veil. He had seen that look when she realized there was only one set of clothes left. “I’m actually quite comfortable.” Lies. He was freezing his ass off.
She laughed before bringing her hand down to playfully tug at his towel before he moved his hands to catch it from falling. “Are you?” A shiver came over Sark causing his flesh to goose pimple.
Shooting a look down at her hands still on the towel, he gave in. “Actually, it’s bloody freezing in here. Mind if I go out to the other room and get dressed?”
She smiled knowingly at him as she quickly brought her lips up to meet his. “Hurry back.”
He grinned at her before turning and leaving the bedroom. Walking back towards the living room, he suddenly heard a light drumming sound coming from in front of him. The one time he is caught without his weapon and in a towel no less.
Stopping in the hall, he strained to make out the location from where the sound was coming. It seemed to be in the direction of the kitchen when he remembered his handler said he was going to come back. Last night. Oh, bullocks. Sark nonchalantly strode over to the chair his suit was laid over and glanced into the kitchen. Indeed, there was his handler sitting at the formica kitchen table drumming his fingers against the surface.
“Well, good morning Colin.” Sark said cheerfully reaching for his pants.
“Actually, it’s past noon now Julian.” Sark paused at the mention of his real name. His handler knew better than to call him by that. He looked up at the man and started to say something when he noticed his pants pocket was vibrating. Pulling out his cell phone, he realized he had five new voicemails.
“It’s been going off all morning,” his handler informed him. The look on his face seemed to imply that the cell phone vibrating had not been the only thing he had heard while sitting in the kitchen.
“You didn’t happen to pick up any tea while you were out, did you?”
Colin said nothing for a moment giving Sark a chance to get dressed. It was then he realized he had no clean shorts to put on. Slightly vexed, he studied the pants. They had been custom made, but he was not about to put on dirty shorts. Could perhaps turn the others inside out. He shook his head. Absolutely not. Shrugging, he grabbed them as he gave his handler a small nod to look away. Commando it is.
“Can I ask if you have any idea what you are doing? Do you know that Sloane is pulling back from Lima now? He thinks he’s been compromised completely because of her!”
Sark smirked as he fastened his belt. “He’ll find another location. The man always does.” He reached over for his dress shirt also lying over the back of the chair.
“You do realize this pushes back the timetable? Now, his pardon will be s*** and he’ll go under again!”
“What are you so bleeding worried about? If he goes under, I’ll be right there with him.” Buttoning up the shirt, he flicked up the shirt collar reaching over for his tie.
Sark’s handler snorted and shook his head. “You are unbelievable. How long have you been on this assignment now? Nine years? Sometimes, I wonder if you ever want it to end or if you rather enjoy the role you’re playing…”
Sark looked up coldly from knotting his tie to stare down his handler. “Colin, take a moment to appreciate this Windsor knot I am in the middle of here. It is the only thing keeping me from coming over there and punching you square in the face.” Colin was unfazed by the statement seemingly used to Sark’s ways.
“Do you realize you could have blown your whole cover because of her?” Sark wished he had not left his gun in the bedroom. It would probably take nothing less from him to withdraw it and aim at his handler for the man to realize to keep quiet.
Pulling his jacket on, he shrugged his shoulders into it pulling at the cuffs of his shirt. “Chances are, my cover would have been compromised had I not gotten Sydney out of there.” Presence might be a factor in getting him to be quiet, Sark thought as he moved towards Colin.
He shifted slightly in his chair with Sark being a mere three feet away from him, but he still continued. “You could have handled it yourself,” he muttered.
Sark smirked at him. “And how do you propose I should have done that? With Sloane watching the whole time?”
“Sloane wanted you to take care of her, right? You should have taken him up on his offer.”
Sark inhaled slowly as he moved to stand directly next to Colin. “I am not in the habit of killing innocent agents to keep my cover.”
Bravely, Colin dared to look up at Sark “No, but it would not have been the first time.”
Quickly, Sark’s hand flew to the back of his handler’s head slamming him face first down on the table. Colin flailed his arm hitting at Sark’s leg, but Sark held him firmly in place.
“Handler is merely a fancy title bestowed upon you to give feelings of superiority over an asset. I am not your asset. I do not work for you and you do not question my actions. Is that clear?”
Colin glared up at him. This was not the first time there had been a power struggle between Sark and his handler nor would it be the last. He was about to illustrate his point further, but was cut short by the sound of Sydney’s voice.
“What’s taking you so long?” Sydney asked as Sark saw her walk into the living room. Quickly, he released Colin.
“I’m in here, Sydney.” He glared down again at Colin now staring up at him in angrily as Sydney came into the kitchen. Don’t look at me like that you horse’s ass.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were here,” Sydney said looking at Colin. He smirked at her standing from his chair.
He rubbed his face slightly glancing at Sark. “This conversation is far from finished.” Casting one more heated glance at Sydney, he walked out of the house slamming the door shut behind him.
“What was that all about?” Sydney asked walking over to the refrigerator to check its contents.
Sark began to open up the cabinet doors grumbling over the lack of tea. “He questions my judgment on helping you.”
Sydney paused as she took out a carton of eggs from the fridge. “Why exactly is that?”
“He thinks I put my cover too much at risk.”
“Honestly Sark, you know you did.” She turned to look at him, the carton of eggs still in her hands. His back was to her, but she still saw his shoulders fall as he sighed softly.
“I doubt Sloane would have gone forth with killing you. I just know that I needed to help you…” he trailed off as he turned to meet her gaze. “He would have forced you to work with him again and I couldn’t stand to see you go through that torture.”
Sydney briefly thought back to the first bout of torture she was made to suffer at the hands of the Covenant. From what Kendall had told her, they never had known she did not truly turn into Julia Thorne. This time had it happened, she would have known she had an ally in Sark.
He had told her how alone he had felt in all of his life as a deep-cover assassin, she wondered why he hadn’t allowed her the opportunity to become a double agent again. Then, together they would have taken Sloane down from the inside. Sydney’s two options Sark originally presented her with: death or work for the man. What if she had chosen to work for Sloane again?
“Why didn’t you give me a chance to work for him?”
Sark looked at her disbelieving. “I can’t believe you would consider that option.” She looked at him unmoving as if now the thought of returning to work for Sloane was somewhat appealing to her. “Sydney, you killed his daughter. Sloane no longer feels the same way about you as he did before.”
Sydney squinted at him confused. “His daughter? He and Emily…”
“Lauren was his daughter.” Sydney gasped as the carton of eggs fell from her hand crashing to the floor. “Some bizarre mistake at the hospital made Sloane wind up with Reed’s rightful daughter. Somehow, Sloane came about Lauren’s records and found out the truth.”
Sydney stunned braced herself against the kitchen chair trying to comprehend what Sark was saying to her. He turned grabbing a glass from the cupboard. Filling it with water, he handed it to Sydney.
“When did he find out Lauren was his daughter?”
Sark closed his eyes briefly. “I presume not until after her death.” Sydney took a sip of the water and shook her head. Sloane had never found out about his rightful daughter until it was too late.
Sark bent over the egg carton mess on the floor trying his best to clean it up without getting yolk on his suit. “I take it you wanted them scrambled?” He glanced up at Sydney hoping she would see the small smile on his face.
“I’m not hungry anymore.” Sydney said numbly.
Throwing the carton into the trash, Sark went back over to the refrigerator. “Nonsense. You will feel better if you eat something.” Looking into the fridge, he was surprised to find another carton of eggs. “Excellent, how would you like them?”
Sydney sat unmoving at the table. Sark had to admit he never understood how was able to compartmentalize so much, but still be taken over with such emotions over certain things. That was never much of a problem for him for there wasn’t much for him to care about in this line of work. He was beginning to realize he was only truly weak when it came to one thing, and that would be a secret he would need to guard with his life.
Grabbing the skillet and dusting it off, he went over to the stove igniting the gas. “Well, I guess I will go with scrambled then.”
Sydney smiled suddenly. “No, make mine over easy.” Cracking the eggs in the pan, Sark smiled as he continued to make Sydney her late breakfast.
~~~
This is not goodbye she said -It is just time for me to rest my head - She does not walk she runs instead - Down these jagged streets and into my bed ~ Maroon 5
Sark was sitting across the table from Sydney while she finished up her eggs. Conversation had definitely slowed to a halt between the two of them and Sark couldn’t stand it any longer. Usually, he found silence comforting, but not with her.
“There really is no sense in dwelling over things you cannot change Sydney.”
She stopped pushing the last bit of egg around on her plate to look up at him. “I realize that. Had I known Lauren was Sloane’s daughter I might not…”
Sark cut her off not allowing her to finish. “What? You wouldn’t have pulled the trigger? You know as well as I do, she wouldn’t have hesitated for you.” She took in his words as she pursed her lips together. “In fact, if I had been in your place, that knowledge might have inspired me to pull it a little sooner. Say, the first time you ever met her?”
Sydney chuckled at that recalling the first time she met Lauren in Dixon’s office and being informed she was Vaughn’s wife right after she went into a dialogue about how much she was missing him. All of that seemed so long ago now.
“I don’t think I wanted to kill her the first time I met her, but definitely after our first debriefing together. If she worked on Sloane’s pardon, I knew something was wrong with her.”
Sark laughed happy to see Sydney returning to her old self. It was thing he learned in his life. The past is a thing to put behind you. There is no changing it and dwelling on it would drive a man insane wasting nothing but the future before him. The vibrating of his cellular phone in his pocket interrupted his thoughts. Motioning Sydney to be quiet, he flipped it open.
“Yes?”
“Why haven’t you returned my calls?” This question amused Sark. It was as if Sloane were his lover angry at being ignored. This whole business with Sydney must be throwing the old man for a loop.
“It’s the damndest thing. I just realized an hour ago, I had it on silence while it was charging. The pager never went off, so I assumed you must not need anything too terribly important.”
He heard Sloane scoff at the other end. “I am going back to Zurich before Sydney resurfaces. I want you to meet with Cole tomorrow in Los Angeles. There you will wait for Sydney to arrive and we will figure out our next step as far as she goes. Your flight leaves tonight at 7:00”
Sark glanced at Sydney looking up at him unmoving. My time with her being brought to a close so I can meet with a man to discuss her possible demise, he thought. “Mr. Sark, is that understood?”
“Yes, of course.” Once again, he was going to have to do his best to keep Cole away from Sydney. Momentarily, he cursed himself for everything he had gotten himself into by helping her. It quickly was gone as soon it came when he looked at her staring cautiously at him only imagining what Sloane might be relying to him. Helping Sydney and any subsequent covering up he would have to do on her behalf although a inconvenience and possible misstep, he would never take back. He wasn’t the assassin around her anymore and he wouldn’t change that for the world.
“Good.”
With that Sloane disconnected and Sark flipped his phone shut. Sighing, he picked up her clean plate and placed it in the sink. Standing in front of the sink, he now looked out the window into the small backyard. Sydney came up from behind wrapping her arms around him.
She laid her head against his back. “Leaving me already?”
Her voice sounded small and distant. Sark hated it. He turned around putting his back against the counter now facing her. One thing he did not have much in his life were good-byes, but he hated them none the same. Long-ones especially were torturous. It was one thing he might have over a fine wine and custom suit any day, and that was a clean break. With the new task at hand, you are already reverting to your old self, he thought.
“Yes, Sydney. I am.” He brought his hands down to cup her face lowering his lips gently to hers. The kiss was soft and accepting. In this good-bye, they would not challenge one another. It was understood that there was only enough time for acceptance.
Pulling him towards her, Sydney ran her hands down his silken shirt. One last time, she thought before Sark broke from the kiss. They looked at each one another their eyes searching the other’s face.
“When?”
“My flight leaves in five hours.” No sooner where the words past his lips, her lips were on his. Grabbing him by the jacket, she pulled him close as he ran his hands over her back. He felt her moving away from him. The thought of her lips leaving his made him bring one foot forward to match her step.
Sydney brought her hands up to his jacket pushing it off in the living room. Her hands went instinctively to his tie while he lowered his hands to the button on her jeans. There had been a way in her mind, how she wanted to leave things with Sark. Trying to summon whatever professionalism was left, she would merely hug him and briefly kiss him goodbye. She had been a fool to believe that would happen.
All of her life, she had been the protector of most causes. Anyone who knows her well knew that being protected was what she wanted most. It was one thing to always be the strong one who never needs anything, but there is only so much of that she could manage. She had Vaughn and lost him. Now the sight of Sark perplexed at the thought of her torture and the risks he took to free her from Sloane could not stop her from wanting to tear off that impeccable suit and perfectly knotted tie.
The tie was off, dropped in the hallway as Sark momentarily bumped her into the wall. He held her there as he unzipped her pants and slowly pulled them down off her hips. Dragging a hand over her body, he slowly began to crouch in front of her pulling her pants off with him. Sydney was breathing heavy as he lifted her foot one by one to pull them completely off. Now making his ascent back up to meet her gaze, he his ran his hand over her leg turning in as he reached her thigh.
Moaning softly, she began working the buttons of his shirt while he ran his fingers over her swollen clit. He pressed himself into her as he snaked his hand around her back first unclasping her bra then pulling her away from the wall. They continued back to the bedroom as Sydney finally finished unbuttoning his shirt. Peeling it back from off his lean shoulders, she deposited it in the hallway with the remaining trail of clothes.
As Sark was running his hands through her hair with his lips passionately moving against hers, all she could do was take in the feel of him against her. Her hands running over his naked back littered with scars, the soft spikes of his blonde hair on her fingertips, and when she pulled back from the kiss to look at him, it was his eyes that still got her every time. Even now, they seemed to be pulsing in time with the feeling of her own excitement beating within her. It was a moment she stole away to quickly lock in her mind forever.
Brazenly, she took a small step back from him. Smiling at her, Sark matched her step knowing the game they played all too well. If she wanted to lead, he would be happy to oblige again. Her hands immediately went to undo his belt as Sark went to move his lips to hers. Turning her head slightly, she moved away from the kiss. A small look of surprise came across Sark’s face as she brought her gaze to his.
Knowing the truth about Sark, she realized he had two sides of himself. There was the lie and the truth – although it was the true Sark that had rescued her and was standing before her, it would be the lie that was leaving her. Sark would be returning to his old ways, and she realized she was not going to send him off with something to hold him back. She had stored her memory of how she wanted to recall it. In Sark’s case, it wouldn’t be tenderness or parting sorrow he remembered her by – it would be unbridled lust.
Sark saw the glint in her eyes and he understood. If this were to be the end, he did not want to be sent off thinking back on more things he would miss in his life. His hand went up her shirt and roughly grabbed at her breast while she unzipped his pants. Pulling at them, they easily fell off his waist and for the first time she realized Sark had not been wearing anything underneath them.
“This is a pleasant surprise.” Running a hand over his taut abdomen down to stroke his hardened c***, she slowly began to stroke him never taking her eyes off his. Sark’s eyes continued to bore into her as he ran his own hands over her as if he were taking his turn to memorize every feature and curve of her flesh.
Sark was trying to suppress his moans while Sydney continued to stroke him, but it was no use. Instinctively, his hand went down to her own sensitive area beginning to lightly rub her through her satin panties. Sydney let out a small growl as she suddenly released her grasp of him. Bringing her hands up to his shoulders, she pushed him down onto the bed. He looked up at her, the look of desire mixed with awe on his face completely unmistakable. Enticingly, she pulled of her v-neck shirt and slowly let her bra slide from off her shoulders as Sark laid in wait taking in the whole sight.
Sliding her panties off her hips, she thought of the dream she had while in the cell. Sark had crawled to her and she was about to do the same. Slowly, she climbed on the bed never taking her eyes off of him while he continued to look her body over.
“Sydney…” he moaned softly bringing a hand to her thigh.
She lightly slapped it away. “I don’t want this to be a sad goodbye Sark.”
The awe came over him again as he stared at her longingly. “I am not unhappy about any of this in the least bit Sydney.” Daring to raise his hand to her thigh again, he smiled.
“Good.” Straddling him now, she took hold of him and gently guided it inside of her. Sark drew in his breath at the feeling of Sydney taking him over. She slid herself completely onto him causing them both to gasp. He submitted to her pace as she slowly writhed on top of him. Holding his hand to the back of Sydney was almost all he could do to maintain control of himself.
In his wildest dreams, he never imagined anything like this coming from her. As it were, Sydney and he would always fight to the death until one was the victor one way or another, but now for they would each get their turn. As her pace quickened on him, he grabbed her hips pulling her onto him. The waves of her orgasm spread over him as she slowed her pace stunned as the rush of pleasure came over her.
Leaning towards him her breasts now pressed against his chest, he quickly rolled over. Sydney now underneath him, he moved quickly in and out of her setting his own pace. He felt her muscles tighten against him as he reached his own climax. Lightly calling out her name, his head collapsed by hers.
She smiled lazily at him. “I’m going to miss you.” Sydney couldn’t help herself.
“Me too, Sydney. Me too.” She smiled appreciatively at his honesty and candor.
Curling up beside him, she rested her head on his chest. Sark’s heart was beating a mile a minute, she was quite sure hers was doing the exact same thing. Sark brought his hand up to her hair and softly began to pet it. Before she realized it, Sydney had fallen fast asleep.
Okay, am sending off the PM's now --- btw I'm renaming this fic to Break the Silence ^_^
Quiet Disaster
I heart Chris Carrabba
Turning them inside out... :rotflmao: Sark going commando.hotpot said:
:thud: :sideroll:And oooh, Sark roughed up Colin just a bit. :lol:
Seriously, we need a contented sighing smiley! :lol:
I can't believe the next update will be the last already...
But ooh, Name the Stakes sounds intriguing!!And Break the Silence... :rotflmao:
Once again, Suzi, that was absolutely fantastic!!!
Sark going commando!! :lol: Loved that!
I loved the goodbye scene! :thud:
Hee hee...he roughed up his handler! That's so Sark. :lol:
I love how you made Sark undercover British Intelligence, but yet he's still cocky, snarky Sark! Very good job!!
Sark going commando!! :lol: Loved that!
I loved the goodbye scene! :thud:
Hee hee...he roughed up his handler! That's so Sark. :lol:
I love how you made Sark undercover British Intelligence, but yet he's still cocky, snarky Sark! Very good job!!
kidblink83
Cadet
Thumbs up for more Colin Firth!!!
And this was so bittersweet. I totally enjoyed it, but the whole time I was like "No!!! They're going to have to leave each other!" I have faith, though. If there's a way, Syd and Sark will find it somehow...
Keep on updating!!! And I can't wait for a sequel, even though this one's not even fully done yet!
And this was so bittersweet. I totally enjoyed it, but the whole time I was like "No!!! They're going to have to leave each other!"
I have faith, though. If there's a way, Syd and Sark will find it somehow...Keep on updating!!! And I can't wait for a sequel, even though this one's not even fully done yet!
Aaaahhhhh!!!!! Just when I thought that it couldn't get any better....
Sark going commando?!?!?!?! :run: :run: I'm soooooo there!
And Sark not taking any s*** from his handler??--vintage Sark!
You've done a GREAT job!!! I loooove this story. And now Cole's in it; absolutely awesome! I can totally picture this story like it's happening on the show.
Oh yeah, the last hurrah before he leaves....loved that too
btw, this is post #47
Sark going commando?!?!?!?! :run: :run: I'm soooooo there!
And Sark not taking any s*** from his handler??--vintage Sark!
You've done a GREAT job!!! I loooove this story. And now Cole's in it; absolutely awesome! I can totally picture this story like it's happening on the show.
Oh yeah, the last hurrah before he leaves....loved that too
btw, this is post #47
AliasFanSweden
Cadet
Woaw, this is so great, I can't find the right words. But the story i so vivid and really gave me clear, extremly clear , pictures in my head, as if it almost was on TV.... Sarks eyes, they are truly intense...
And Colin, just love him!
And a really small detail gave the story a nice touch-Sarks suit! The little details when he put it on, and when it slowly came off again, I loved it!!
, pictures in my head, as if it almost was on TV.... Sarks eyes, they are truly intense...And Colin, just love him!
And a really small detail gave the story a nice touch-Sarks suit! The little details when he put it on, and when it slowly came off again, I loved it!!
Galicdreamer
These Words, From My Heart...
Lord God in heaven.....there is nothing esle I want in this world right now thant to be those custom made pants. :lol: I can't beleive that the ending is coming up...no, no!! You need to keep writting. It's much to good to stop.
fivetoesonefoot
Cadet
once again suzi you never cease to amaze me
and.....THE END CAN'T BE SOON!!! I don't know what I will do w/out your great writing...r-rated or not
don't stop *sniff sniff*lease: :nonono:
and.....THE END CAN'T BE SOON!!! I don't know what I will do w/out your great writing...r-rated or not
don't stop *sniff sniff*
lease: :nonono:YoungStarsOwner
Cadet
Whew!!!! Hot!!!!
almost over already?
that sucks!
but there is a sequel Yay!!!!!!
almost over already?
that sucks!
but there is a sequel Yay!!!!!!
A Dark Turn
I Was Made to Love You
OMG... So fabulous, Suzi. I just stumbled onto this last night and couldn't help but read the whole thing!!! 
to your great writing. It's actually like an episode of Alias, which is awesome, and all the characters stay in character... Esp. Sark which is HOT.So great. Would you mind adding me to your PM list?? Thanks.
It had to happen. The end...or is it? *insert menacing laugh here* I've got a couple chapters of the sequel typed (hurrah for an escape from the real world!), so I'll probably put them up next week sometime. I'll go ahead and assume everyone who wanted a PM for this story would like one for the sequel ^_^ In true season finale style, these final chapters will take Syd in a whole new direction for the sequel.
Without further ado - enjoy the end of Break the Silence
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye - But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn - The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn, - Already I'm so lonesome I could cry. - So kiss me and smile for me, - Tell me that you'll wait for me, - Hold me like you'll never let me go. - 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane - Don't know when I'll be back again ~John Denver
Hours later, Sydney found herself wrapped in the blankets of an empty bed. Sitting up gathering the blankets around her, she called out Sark’s name. Nothing. Moving forward to the end of the bed, she looked down to see Sark’s pants gone. She scanned the room hoping to hear the sound of water running in the shower. Still nothing. Now, she noted that her clothes she had been wearing before were neatly folded in the chair next to the dresser. A sinking feeling came over as she realized she was alone. Sydney glanced over to the clock on the nightstand; it was then she saw it. A letter propped in front of the clock simply addressed to “Sydney.” She reached over to pick it up. Slowly pulling the letter from the envelope, she held her breath as she read it.
Dear Sydney,
I sit at the edge of the bed at a loss wondering whether I should you wake you or not. A small smile is on your face, I am only imagining your dreams for once may now be pleasant. Although I feel like a bit of a cad leaving you this way, it would be selfish of me to wake you from your greatly needed slumber. I will write you this letter instead.
Today, you asked me why I never considered giving you the opportunity to work for Sloane again. Here is my answer – you have a great life Sydney. No life is without its up’s and down’s, but there is still reason for you to stay where you are Your father loves you, your colleagues appreciate you, your work is honorable – coming back to work with Sloane as a double agent again would cause you to lose all of that. Something if I remember correctly, you longed for most of your time at SD-6.
In my recruitment, they gave me the following words to live by: “It is only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything**” I started this task with nothing, that thought in mind keeping me going. Now I realize when I lose everything that this lie is built upon, I will be free from everything it holds me to. I will have one more thing that can never be taken from me besides the memory of our brief time together.
So you see Sydney, you cannot go back to the life of a double agent. The things you still have in this world would be foolish to throw away. Tomorrow morning, my handler will drive you to the airport and you will return home. Never doubt the path you have chosen Sydney, we are all on our own for many reasons. In time, I am sure you will see why you are on yours.
~JL
Sydney reread the letter over and over. Something about it stood out at her, although she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Her eyes scanned over the part about Sark’s words to live by and it hit her. All at once, memories of her time as Julia Thorne flooded over her. Waking to see her funeral at the beach, attempts at brainwashing her, killing Daniel Ryan’s brother as Sloane and Cole watched, escaping and Kendall convincing her to return and be a double, even memories of Simon overtook her – it was a trigger. This phrase brought her memories back to her. Sitting in the bed alone, she began to sob uncontrollably as it everything flashed in front of her eyes. Sydney found herself almost paralyzed by the recollection of things she was unable to push from her mind.
Though she had mental images going through her thoughts, questions were now forming as well. Had Sark put that in there on purpose? If so, why? It was a truth she had not wanted to know. Bringing her hands up to hold against her eyes, she tried shutting it off. The memories refused to relent. Vaughn walking out of his apartment kissing Lauren, meeting with Lazarey and discovering the cube – there was nothing she could do to stop them from coming over her.
Laying back in the bed still holding the letter, she felt herself pulling in her legs toward her. Now lying in a fetal position, Sydney’s tears continued to run down her face as the memories ran through her mind. No coherent thoughts could be formed now as she tried to escape the playback in her mind. Trying to think of something else would trigger another memory of something similarly related to her attempt at distraction. It was no use. At this point, Sydney feared she might never sleep again.
~~
Sunlight streamed into the room as Sydney awoke to a small knocking at the bedroom door. She glanced at the clock seeing it read 8:30. After what felt like reliving two years of her life in small flashes in her mind, she had managed two hours of sleep. Hearing Sark’s handler mutter something about getting up to leave soon for the airport, she pulled herself out of the bed and made her way to the bathroom.
The one thing she could not understand was why Sark put that single phrase in the letter to her. It didn’t make any sense. Had he known it was a trigger and was giving her memory back? Or had the same thing been used on him once as well? The memory of being programmed to remember everything at the formation of those words was among others that she revisited the night before. She had gone over those words a million times now before they no longer triggered some memory to resurface. It’s only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything. Truer words were never spoken that was for sure, she thought.
In the beginning, her life had been ideal. Naively working for SD-6, engaged to a wonderful man, incredible friendships and so much more. Now what was she left with? Sark said she had too much to go home for and now she was beginning to see it differently. A job that was never ending and no longer satisfying, the man she once loved deeply had died, her father was on extended assignment, Weiss was putting in for transfer out of the Los Angeles office, and she had no one else. What exactly was waiting at home for her? Nothing. Anything that remotely felt like it had some promise to it was Sark. The sooner Sloane was brought down, the sooner they both could resume a normal life possibly together. Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, her past no longer a mystery and her future even more uncertain, Sydney made a decision that would likely change her for the rest of her life.
***
Everywhere I go - Everything that I do and I say now - Nothing ringing true - It don't matter how hard that I try - Cause all I want is you - So I wish and I wish and I pray now - To see you coming hunny - With that sunny sky ~David Gray
Sydney was in the backseat of a small Honda sedan being driven to the airport by Sark’s handler. The long ride there had been mainly quiet except for the background music of a mariachi tape Colin seemed to be enjoying. He had come into her room earlier with a small suitcase appropriate for a carryon and told her to be ready in a half hour. That had been the extent of their conversation.
Pulling around to drop her off at her departure gate, he glanced back in the rearview mirror at her. Colin seemed to study her for a moment attempting to get a read on any emotions she was deftly concealing. Sydney caught his stare and returned it with a bemused look on her face. Sark had crossed a line with his handler and now it was to be taken out on Sydney. Figures. Looking away, the handler resumed the expression that Sydney did decide came natural to British men, the habitual smirk.
She stepped out of the car turning to grab her luggage out of the trunk when Colin unexpectedly got out as well. Showing her the keys that were necessary to open the older model Honda, he popped the trunk and reached in for her suitcase. As he handed it to her, a small withdrawn look came across his face.
“Thank you,” she said taking it from him.
He smiled slightly stepping closer to her. “You know, I don’t necessarily agree with the way he does things, but he is very committed to this life.”
Sydney smiled politely thankful for the sunglasses she was wearing. “I realize that.”
The handler nodded faintly and put his hand on the trunk pulling it shut. Sydney suddenly reached into the small zippered compartment on her suitcase pulling out a letter. “Can you do me a favor?”
Colin seeing the letter eyed it suspiciously certain of whom its intended recipient was to be.
“I would go ahead and mail it off myself,” she glanced at her watch, “ but I’ve got to hurry as it is.”
Colin reached for the letter taking it from Sydney’s hands and accepting it with a small nod.
“Thank you. Well…” she began.
“Have a safe trip Ms. Parker.”
Sydney nodded at him. “Thank you.” With that she turned away from him and walked into the airline terminal.
Colin put the keys back in the ignition of the car and cast a glance back at the gate satisfied to see her go. What a messy situation his asset had almost gotten himself into, he had never seen Sark act so recklessly. Granted, Sydney Bristow did seem a force to be reckoned with, so it was not surprising Sark had been attracted to her.
Colin glanced over at the letter he had tossed into the passenger seat. He found himself unusually curious at what the profound effect Ms. Bristow had on his asset might have been. Grabbing the letter, he was surprised when he caught sight of the intended addressee. It was addressed to Jack Bristow care of CIA Headquarters, Los Angeles. Why would she have sent a letter to what was to be her destination?
While Colin was pondering the meaning behind Sydney’s letter to her father, Sydney was at the airport ticket counter cashing in her ticket to Los Angeles. She was pleased to find a connecting flight to Zurich would be leaving only slightly after her original flight was intended to depart. It would not be long now, Sydney thought. There were a few things she needed to figure out before she got there, but she was prepared for she knew there was no turning back now.
**‘It’s only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything’ is a quote from the movie Fight Club.
Sending out PM's now if flood control doesn't stop me first!!
I've got a couple chapters of the sequel typed (hurrah for an escape from the real world!), so I'll probably put them up next week sometime. I'll go ahead and assume everyone who wanted a PM for this story would like one for the sequel ^_^ In true season finale style, these final chapters will take Syd in a whole new direction for the sequel.Without further ado - enjoy the end of Break the Silence
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye - But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn - The taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn, - Already I'm so lonesome I could cry. - So kiss me and smile for me, - Tell me that you'll wait for me, - Hold me like you'll never let me go. - 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane - Don't know when I'll be back again ~John Denver
Hours later, Sydney found herself wrapped in the blankets of an empty bed. Sitting up gathering the blankets around her, she called out Sark’s name. Nothing. Moving forward to the end of the bed, she looked down to see Sark’s pants gone. She scanned the room hoping to hear the sound of water running in the shower. Still nothing. Now, she noted that her clothes she had been wearing before were neatly folded in the chair next to the dresser. A sinking feeling came over as she realized she was alone. Sydney glanced over to the clock on the nightstand; it was then she saw it. A letter propped in front of the clock simply addressed to “Sydney.” She reached over to pick it up. Slowly pulling the letter from the envelope, she held her breath as she read it.
Dear Sydney,
I sit at the edge of the bed at a loss wondering whether I should you wake you or not. A small smile is on your face, I am only imagining your dreams for once may now be pleasant. Although I feel like a bit of a cad leaving you this way, it would be selfish of me to wake you from your greatly needed slumber. I will write you this letter instead.
Today, you asked me why I never considered giving you the opportunity to work for Sloane again. Here is my answer – you have a great life Sydney. No life is without its up’s and down’s, but there is still reason for you to stay where you are Your father loves you, your colleagues appreciate you, your work is honorable – coming back to work with Sloane as a double agent again would cause you to lose all of that. Something if I remember correctly, you longed for most of your time at SD-6.
In my recruitment, they gave me the following words to live by: “It is only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything**” I started this task with nothing, that thought in mind keeping me going. Now I realize when I lose everything that this lie is built upon, I will be free from everything it holds me to. I will have one more thing that can never be taken from me besides the memory of our brief time together.
So you see Sydney, you cannot go back to the life of a double agent. The things you still have in this world would be foolish to throw away. Tomorrow morning, my handler will drive you to the airport and you will return home. Never doubt the path you have chosen Sydney, we are all on our own for many reasons. In time, I am sure you will see why you are on yours.
~JL
Sydney reread the letter over and over. Something about it stood out at her, although she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Her eyes scanned over the part about Sark’s words to live by and it hit her. All at once, memories of her time as Julia Thorne flooded over her. Waking to see her funeral at the beach, attempts at brainwashing her, killing Daniel Ryan’s brother as Sloane and Cole watched, escaping and Kendall convincing her to return and be a double, even memories of Simon overtook her – it was a trigger. This phrase brought her memories back to her. Sitting in the bed alone, she began to sob uncontrollably as it everything flashed in front of her eyes. Sydney found herself almost paralyzed by the recollection of things she was unable to push from her mind.
Though she had mental images going through her thoughts, questions were now forming as well. Had Sark put that in there on purpose? If so, why? It was a truth she had not wanted to know. Bringing her hands up to hold against her eyes, she tried shutting it off. The memories refused to relent. Vaughn walking out of his apartment kissing Lauren, meeting with Lazarey and discovering the cube – there was nothing she could do to stop them from coming over her.
Laying back in the bed still holding the letter, she felt herself pulling in her legs toward her. Now lying in a fetal position, Sydney’s tears continued to run down her face as the memories ran through her mind. No coherent thoughts could be formed now as she tried to escape the playback in her mind. Trying to think of something else would trigger another memory of something similarly related to her attempt at distraction. It was no use. At this point, Sydney feared she might never sleep again.
~~
Sunlight streamed into the room as Sydney awoke to a small knocking at the bedroom door. She glanced at the clock seeing it read 8:30. After what felt like reliving two years of her life in small flashes in her mind, she had managed two hours of sleep. Hearing Sark’s handler mutter something about getting up to leave soon for the airport, she pulled herself out of the bed and made her way to the bathroom.
The one thing she could not understand was why Sark put that single phrase in the letter to her. It didn’t make any sense. Had he known it was a trigger and was giving her memory back? Or had the same thing been used on him once as well? The memory of being programmed to remember everything at the formation of those words was among others that she revisited the night before. She had gone over those words a million times now before they no longer triggered some memory to resurface. It’s only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything. Truer words were never spoken that was for sure, she thought.
In the beginning, her life had been ideal. Naively working for SD-6, engaged to a wonderful man, incredible friendships and so much more. Now what was she left with? Sark said she had too much to go home for and now she was beginning to see it differently. A job that was never ending and no longer satisfying, the man she once loved deeply had died, her father was on extended assignment, Weiss was putting in for transfer out of the Los Angeles office, and she had no one else. What exactly was waiting at home for her? Nothing. Anything that remotely felt like it had some promise to it was Sark. The sooner Sloane was brought down, the sooner they both could resume a normal life possibly together. Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, her past no longer a mystery and her future even more uncertain, Sydney made a decision that would likely change her for the rest of her life.
***
Everywhere I go - Everything that I do and I say now - Nothing ringing true - It don't matter how hard that I try - Cause all I want is you - So I wish and I wish and I pray now - To see you coming hunny - With that sunny sky ~David Gray
Sydney was in the backseat of a small Honda sedan being driven to the airport by Sark’s handler. The long ride there had been mainly quiet except for the background music of a mariachi tape Colin seemed to be enjoying. He had come into her room earlier with a small suitcase appropriate for a carryon and told her to be ready in a half hour. That had been the extent of their conversation.
Pulling around to drop her off at her departure gate, he glanced back in the rearview mirror at her. Colin seemed to study her for a moment attempting to get a read on any emotions she was deftly concealing. Sydney caught his stare and returned it with a bemused look on her face. Sark had crossed a line with his handler and now it was to be taken out on Sydney. Figures. Looking away, the handler resumed the expression that Sydney did decide came natural to British men, the habitual smirk.
She stepped out of the car turning to grab her luggage out of the trunk when Colin unexpectedly got out as well. Showing her the keys that were necessary to open the older model Honda, he popped the trunk and reached in for her suitcase. As he handed it to her, a small withdrawn look came across his face.
“Thank you,” she said taking it from him.
He smiled slightly stepping closer to her. “You know, I don’t necessarily agree with the way he does things, but he is very committed to this life.”
Sydney smiled politely thankful for the sunglasses she was wearing. “I realize that.”
The handler nodded faintly and put his hand on the trunk pulling it shut. Sydney suddenly reached into the small zippered compartment on her suitcase pulling out a letter. “Can you do me a favor?”
Colin seeing the letter eyed it suspiciously certain of whom its intended recipient was to be.
“I would go ahead and mail it off myself,” she glanced at her watch, “ but I’ve got to hurry as it is.”
Colin reached for the letter taking it from Sydney’s hands and accepting it with a small nod.
“Thank you. Well…” she began.
“Have a safe trip Ms. Parker.”
Sydney nodded at him. “Thank you.” With that she turned away from him and walked into the airline terminal.
Colin put the keys back in the ignition of the car and cast a glance back at the gate satisfied to see her go. What a messy situation his asset had almost gotten himself into, he had never seen Sark act so recklessly. Granted, Sydney Bristow did seem a force to be reckoned with, so it was not surprising Sark had been attracted to her.
Colin glanced over at the letter he had tossed into the passenger seat. He found himself unusually curious at what the profound effect Ms. Bristow had on his asset might have been. Grabbing the letter, he was surprised when he caught sight of the intended addressee. It was addressed to Jack Bristow care of CIA Headquarters, Los Angeles. Why would she have sent a letter to what was to be her destination?
While Colin was pondering the meaning behind Sydney’s letter to her father, Sydney was at the airport ticket counter cashing in her ticket to Los Angeles. She was pleased to find a connecting flight to Zurich would be leaving only slightly after her original flight was intended to depart. It would not be long now, Sydney thought. There were a few things she needed to figure out before she got there, but she was prepared for she knew there was no turning back now.
**‘It’s only after you lose everything that you are free to do anything’ is a quote from the movie Fight Club.
Sending out PM's now if flood control doesn't stop me first!!
kidblink83
Cadet
Woo hoo!!! That was so an Alias ending! And you're damn right I want a PM for the sequel!!!
Our Sydney Bristow, she's an independent kind of woman, isn't she? Can't wait to see where you're going with that little cliffhanger!
Our Sydney Bristow, she's an independent kind of woman, isn't she?
Can't wait to see where you're going with that little cliffhanger!