Broken Hearts

Sydney47

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Joined
Mar 7, 2004
A/N: Sorry that the chapter's so short, but I wanted to end on a little cliffhanger. I'm also sorry for the lack of S/V so far, but we'll get there eventually. Okay, I'd better stop apologizing and just let you read. Enjoy.



Talking and Walking



Placed in front of Vaughn was his favorite dish – vegetable lasagna – from his favorite restaurant, and all he was really doing was pushing it around the plate with his fork. His mind was too preoccupied with the pain he could feel emanating from his heart, overtaking every part of him.

Weiss noticed that Vaughn wasn’t eating anything and spoke up. “Mike, you’ve got to eat something.”

“I told you I wasn’t hungry,” he responded, irritated. “I’m just… tired.”

“Look, I know how hard this is for you; I was there for part of the last time until you disappeared. The only way you’re going to get through this is by first taking care of yourself. So, eat. Please.”

Vaughn hated to hear the pleading tone in Weiss’s voice. So, he relented and ate some of his food.

Weiss nodded and went back to his own meal. After a few minutes of silence between them, Vaughn glanced up and spoke softly. “I miss her already.”

Weiss look up at him sympathetically. “Yeah,” he said, waiting for Vaughn to continue.

“We’d come to places like this and order completely different meals, and then we’d split them. She’d always let me have more of her half than she’d take of mine. It’s those stupid little things that I’m always going to remember. It’s those things that will remind me of her wherever I am. And it’s killing me already.” He sighed and looked down.

Weiss gulped. He didn’t really know what to say to make Vaughn feel better, but he knew he had to try to say something uplifting. “Those things you remember, they don’t have to be negative now. They remind you of what you had, yes, but they also remind you of her. So, maybe she’ll always be with you.”

“I guess so. I’m just waiting for the pain that goes along with the thought of her to go away. I know and hate that it’s going to take a while.”

“It’s good that you know this is going to take time. Just know that I’m here for you anytime… Although, I’m not sure I’ll be much help at three in the morning, but I guess I can try, okay?”

“All right,” Vaughn smiled.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Weiss paid their check and they left the restaurant, opting to take a walk for a while instead of driving home. Vaughn said he needed some fresh air. The roads were mostly quiet, and a few stars could be seen despite the street lights. After a few minutes of walking quietly, Vaughn spoke up again.

“You know, we used to do this together, Lauren and I. Just after we were married, every night after work when we were in town together, we’d take a walk with Donovan. She loved walking under the stars with hardly anyone around but me and the dog. She used to say that this is what she wanted to do most when we both retired – take long walks at night together. It was romantic for her. I just loved being with her.”

“Yeah, I have the same type of thing with Allen. Although, I don’t have a beautiful wife to walk with, and I’m sure my dog enjoys the walks a whole lot more than I do.”

“Thanks, Eric,” Vaughn said, making no effort to hide the sarcasm in his voice.

“Uh… no problem. Look, I was just trying to relate, you know—“

“I know.” Vaughn stopped. “Let’s go back. It’s getting late.”

“All right. Hey, are you okay?” Weiss regarded him worriedly.

“I’m fine,” Vaughn said curtly.

Weiss could tell Vaughn was withdrawing, but he knew that by prodding him he’d only get his head chewed off, so he said nothing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Home once more, Vaughn wasn’t sure what to do with himself. The last time he had had to do this, it was so easy for him to just to drink until he could forget the pain until it came back some other time. But, he knew he didn’t want to start that cycle again, seeing how hard it was to break that habit. He needed to talk to someone, someone other than Eric – someone who had really been through what he was going through now.

“Hi, it’s Vaughn. I was wondering if you could come to my place. I want to talk.”

He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes as he hung up the phone. All of the reaching out so soon was wearing on him. But he knew it was good for him; at least it was different from when he left everyone he knew behind, isolating himself with his grief.

Half an hour later, he opened his door to the one person he thought would understand his grief the best.

“Hi. Come on in.”



TBC




A/N: So, any guesses on whom Vaughn called? Let me know...
 

Alwazabrat

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Joined
Dec 24, 2003
I think its Dixon hehe ... I guess because they have both lost their wives ... that was great ... love Eric for trying to understand ... thanks for the PM ... more soon please
 

kalias

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Joined
Jan 19, 2005
Location
New York
im definetely betting on Syd...however, you might throw a curve at us and make it be Dixon or Jack who both lost their wives (more so Dixon). I'm hoping it will be Syd though!
 
Joined
Jan 4, 2005
Location
England
Really good chapter.
I don't exactly know who he is visiting. It could be Sydney, but then again it could be Dixon or even Jack! I suppose we will just have to wait for the next chapter to find out.
Thanx for the pm
Update soon.
 

Sydney47

Cadet
Joined
Mar 7, 2004
*Announcement*

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm putting this fic on hold for a (short) while. I'm currently working on a long one-parter, and it's taking all of my attention.

If you don't want to wait to find out who is visiting Vaughn, here is the answer.

Dixon is visiting Vaughn.

If you want to respond, please put your reaction in spoiler tags, so you don't ruin the surprise for everyone else.

See you soon!
 

Sydney47

Cadet
Joined
Mar 7, 2004
A/N: Sorry about the wait for this chapter. Enjoy, and please review.



A Matter of Choice



Previously on ALIAS: Half an hour later, (Vaughn) opened his door to the one person he thought would understand his grief the best.

“Hi, come on in.”


~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dixon nodded and removed his coat as he stepped inside. Vaughn flopped back down onto the couch, waiting for Dixon to join him.

Dixon sat down, faced Vaughn, and spoke quietly. “I assume that you wanted to talk about Lauren.”

Vaughn closed his eyes and nodded. “In a way, yes.”

“Well… I’m listening.” He clasped his hands together and leaned his chin on them as Vaughn prepared himself to speak.

“I just… I have no idea how to even begin getting past this. In some ways, I don’t even want to. I loved her so much.” Vaughn paused and looked down, giving Dixon a chance to break in.

Knowing this could be a long, difficult conversation, Dixon made himself more comfortable and stretched one arm on top of the couch before responding. “I understand. I don’t think anyone ever really gets past these things. They stick with us for life, and to some effect, that’s a blessing. The pain remains, yes, but its sting diminishes with time.”

“That’s the thing that’s killing me right now; having to wait for that time. And I can feel this anger inside of me building up; there’s no sensible outlet for it either. When Sloane… killed Diane, you had someone to blame. For me, there’s no one, nothing, and I don’t know what to do with that.”

Dixon’s brow crinkled, and Vaughn could see the pain he was feeling reflecting in Dixon’s eyes. He removed his arm from the couch and scooted closer to Vaughn. “I may have had an outlet for my anger, but that in no way means I was any more relieved because of it. In case you haven’t noticed, my wife’s murderer hasn’t exactly been brought to justice.”

“I’m sorry…”

Dixon waved his hand slightly. “I know. Forget it. Look,” he sighed, “there’s no getting around feeling like your heart was split in two; it just comes inevitably and stays for a while. It’s what you do with yourself during that time that makes the difference. If you feel the need to take leave from work, then by all means do that; whatever you need to make this easier for you.”

“Thanks, Dixon. I was actually thinking of visiting my mom for a while, maybe this week before the funeral.”

“Well, good. Family can really help in times like these. I don’t know what I would have done without Robin and Stephen to keep me grounded.”

“Lauren and I never really talked about having children.” Vaughn paused for a moment, and when he continued, he seemed to be looking past Dixon into his own world of memories. “Not long after we were married, I brought up the subject, but she dismissed it, saying that she wanted us to have time by ourselves for a while. I tried again a couple of weeks ago, but she said that our jobs would get in the way of really getting to watch our children grow up. She may have been right, but I guess I’ll never know now.”

He looked back at Dixon wistfully, returning from his thoughts of the past. “I guess I’m glad that we didn’t have children who would’ve had to experience the pain of their mother dying, but still… I really wanted to have children, and I could see myself doing that with Lauren.”

“You don’t have to give up on your dream of having kids. You were once close with Sydney, weren’t you? Maybe she’s the next right person for you,” Dixon offered, hoping to cheer Vaughn up a little.

Vaughn ran a hand through his hair. “I love Sydney. But, it’s complicated. It’s always been complicated, and I don’t think I’m ready to carry that baggage again yet.”

“But isn’t denying your feelings for her complicated too? If you know that you love her now, you shouldn’t put off acting on it. Who knows what other messes time will bring? Sometimes it’s best to follow what your heart tells you instead of your head.”

Vaughn raised his brows slightly in surprise. “Are you saying that I should get back together with Sydney right away?”

Dixon shook his head. “All I’m saying is listen to your gut instincts. And don’t put off happiness when it’s waiting for you to grab it.”

“But, I feel like my instincts are wrong. Wanting to go back to Sydney so soon after Lauren’s death just doesn’t seem right to me. It seems disrespectful.

“But…” Vaughn paused, shocked at himself for actually revealing this to another person. “Even when Lauren was alive, I can’t deny that I thought about Sydney, about what we would’ve had together had she not disappeared, and what we could’ve had when she came back. My thoughts weren’t exactly faithful to Lauren while we were married. So, maybe you could say that I was never truly respectful of Lauren. But does that give me the right to continue that now? What kind of a husband would that make me? I just…” He ran a hand down his face in frustration. “I don’t know what to do.

“There’s this part of me that wants desperately to jump back into Sydney’s arms, letting my love of her dilute my pain, and there’s this other part that wants to stay true to Lauren, to give her a proper mourning.”

“Respectfully, Vaughn,” Dixon broke in, “trying to give the memory of Lauren a ‘proper’ mourning – whatever you think that is – will not make up for how good or bad your marriage was. Your wife is dead. Nothing you do now will change that.”

Getting upset, Vaughn set his jaw. “I realize that, thank you, and I’m not trying to change that fact. I just don’t the memory of her to be a haunting one due to my not getting proper closure.”

“Then, if that’s the most important thing to you right now, go with that thought,” Dixon said simply.

Vaughn shook his head, seemingly disappointed in himself. “I don’t know what’s most important anymore.” He paused and looked up at Dixon again. “I guess I’m back where I started.”

“I wouldn’t say that. I think you’ve talked through most of your confusion. The only thing to do now is make your choice.”

Vaughn nodded, not having anything else to say. “Thank you for coming over.” He shook Dixon’s hand and saw him to the door.



TBC
 

freckles3706

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Joined
Nov 17, 2003
Location
San Diego, originally, now Vegas
First or Second???

YAY!! First! I can understand Vaughn needing closure, but I really hope that everything works out okay! For him and for him and Syd! Vaughn would make a great father! I am so glad that he didn't pursue that with Lauren....he has my blessing to with Syd though ;) !!!

Great chapter! Update soon!

Megan
 

Alwazabrat

Cadet
Joined
Dec 24, 2003
That was great ... think Vaughn sould go to Syd and tell her he wants to be with her but right now he just needs time to mourn Lauren ... thanks for the PM ... more soon please
 
Joined
Jan 4, 2005
Location
England
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww Poor Vaughn. :(
I think he need to mourn Lauren before falling back into Sydneys arms, however much he still loves Syd.
Thanx for the pm
Update soon.
 
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