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Bush Joke

Discussion in 'Open Chat' started by Azhria Lilu, Jun 28, 2003.

  1. Azhria Lilu

    Azhria Lilu Rocket Ranger

    Nov 18, 2002
    Derbyshire, UK
    I did not write this, but someone emailed it to me:

    Q. Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
    A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.

    Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.
    A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

    Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
    A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

    Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of
    mass destruction, did we?
    A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll
    find something, probably right before the 2004 election.

    Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
    A: To use them in a war, silly.

    Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to
    use in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we
    went to war with them?
    A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those
    weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend

    Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had
    all those big weapons with which they could have fought back?
    A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

    Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those
    weapons our government said they did.
    A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those
    weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

    Q: And what was that?
    A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam
    Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade
    another country.

    Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
    A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

    Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
    A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic
    country, where millions of people work for slave wages in
    sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.

    Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
    corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures
    A: Right.

    Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
    A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government.
    People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and

    Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
    A: I told you, China is different.

    Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
    A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while
    China is Communist.

    Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
    A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

    Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
    A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba
    are sent to prison and tortured.

    Q: Like in Iraq?
    A: Exactly.

    Q: And like in China, too?
    A: I told you, China's a good economic country. Cuba, on the
    other hand, is not.

    Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic country?
    A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed
    some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any
    business with Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started
    being capitalists like us.

    Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and
    started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans
    become capitalists?
    A: Don't be a smart-ass.

    Q: I didn't think I was being one.
    A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

    Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
    A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam
    Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a
    legitimate leader anyway.

    Q: What's a military coup?
    A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a
    country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in
    the United States.

    Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
    A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan
    is our friend.

    Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
    A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

    Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by
    forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an
    illegitimate leader?
    A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he
    helped us invade Afghanistan.

    Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
    A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

    Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
    A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi
    Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into
    buildings in New York and Washington, killing 3,000 innocent people.

    Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
    A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive
    rule of the Taliban.

    Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off
    people's heads and hands?
    A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off
    people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

    Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million
    dollars back in May of 2001?
    A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
    fighting drugs.

    Q: Fighting drugs?
    A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from
    growing opium poppies.

    Q: How did they do such a good job?
    A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban
    would have their hands and heads cut off.

    Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
    opium flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands
    off for other reasons?
    A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off
    people's hands for growing opium flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off
    people's hands for stealing bread.

    Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
    A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical
    patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas
    whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty
    for women who did not comply.

    Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
    A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

    Q: What's the difference?
    A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest
    yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for
    her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool
    of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except
    for her eyes and fingers.

    Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
    A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis
    are our friends.

    Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th
    were from Saudi Arabia.
    A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

    Q: Who trained them?
    A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

    Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
    A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a
    very bad man.

    Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
    A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet
    invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

    Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald
    Reagan talked about?
    A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
    thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We
    call them Russians now.

    Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?
    A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years
    after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to
    support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also
    mad at the French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade
    Iraq either.

    Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
    A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename
    French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

    Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do
    what we want them to do?
    A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

    Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
    A: Well, yeah. For a while.

    Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
    A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him
    our friend, temporarily.

    Q: Why did that make him our friend?
    A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

    Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
    A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we
    looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.

    Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically
    becomes our friend?
    A: Most of the time, yes.

    Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically
    an enemy?
    A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
    profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the

    Q: Why?
    A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for
    America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes
    war is a godless unAmerican Communist. Do you understand now why we
    attacked Iraq?

    Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
    A: Yes.

    Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
    A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells
    him what to do.

    Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because
    George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
    A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your
    eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

    Q : Good night, Daddy !
  2. smegheadalways

    smegheadalways Rocket Ranger

    Mar 29, 2003
    U.K, Liverpool
    Hell, that was long but I read it anyway, I liked this bit:

    And the ending ^_^
  3. K. Ackles

    K. Ackles Rocket Ranger

    Apr 26, 2003
    South Africa
    That is exactly what I was thinking!!!! For ages. I like that. Thanx Charlie!
  4. LightTraveller

    LightTraveller Rocket Ranger

    Jun 5, 2003
    that's really funny mind if i send it to some of my friends?
  5. Sophie

    Sophie in love

    Mar 5, 2003
    I read it, and I translated it to my mom. I'll do the same for my dad.
  6. Sophie

    Sophie in love

    Mar 5, 2003
    Yeah, really funny !! Same question : can I send it to my friends ?
  7. Lilly

    Lilly Rocket Ranger

    Feb 26, 2003
    that is so clever!

    i wouldn't mind sending to a friend either, it shows how everything is gone, and how some reasons for war are silly!!! i wonder if there is one like that about blair! i hope so!
  8. SydB_JenG

    SydB_JenG Rocket Ranger

    Mar 1, 2003
    USA, Virginia/Utah
    LMAO!!! That cracked me up! Can I send it to friends too?
  9. Kara

    Kara eternally nostalgic

    Apr 26, 2003
    under your bed
    :LOL: That was great!
  10. AliasALIAS

    AliasALIAS Guest

    :LOL: Funny how it's true yet twisted
  11. feeling_like_a_spy

    feeling_like_a_spy Rocket Ranger

    May 9, 2003
    LOL that was hilarious!!
  12. Marlene

    Marlene Guest

    hehe!!! i love the ending...but alot of the points are true....
  13. a.k.a.Kate_Jones

    a.k.a.Kate_Jones Rocket Ranger

    Dec 13, 2002
    behind you.
  14. Azhria Lilu

    Azhria Lilu Rocket Ranger

    Nov 18, 2002
    Derbyshire, UK
    Of course you can send it around. :)

    (again, I didn't even write it)
  15. AliasHombre

    AliasHombre Rocket Ranger

    Mar 2, 2003
    How un-funny!
  16. Vaughn_Lovah

    Vaughn_Lovah Vaughn's Chin Fondler

    Feb 27, 2003
    my mama
    hahaha that just proves even further tht nothing in this world makes any since. lol

    now that was great ^_^
  17. SecretAgentMan

    SecretAgentMan Caution: Beware of Male

    Jun 10, 2003
    lmao, good stuff
  18. Roxy

    Roxy Rocket Ranger

    Jun 7, 2003
    lmao, that was great!
  19. VaughnFan13

    VaughnFan13 Rocket Ranger

    Feb 28, 2003
    Lol! That was funny!
  20. Chanel

    Chanel Rocket Ranger

    Feb 26, 2003
    lmao! that was funny. it is now being emailed to lotsa friends. thanks charlie!

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