Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9)

[superintelligentone]

Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9) - Episode 1

• Rod Blagojevich - Disgraced former Governor of Illinois
• Selita Ebanks - Victoria's Secret model
• Bill Goldberg - WWE Wrestler & Actor
• Carol Leifer - Comedienne (and inspiration for the Elaine character on 'Seinfeld')
• Maria Kanellis - former WWE Wrestler/Model/Singer/Fight Commentator
• Cyndi Lauper - Singer
• Bret Michaels - Singer of the band Poison/Reality Star of "Rock of Love"
• Sharon Osbourne - Music Manager/TV Star of "America's Got Talent"
• Holly Robinson Peete - '21 Jump Street' star
• Summer Sanders - gold medal-winning Olympic swimmer
• Sinbad - Comedian & Actor
• Curtis Stone - Australian Celebrity Chef
• Darryl Strawberry - Retired Baseball Star
• Michael Johnson - Olympic Gold Medal Sprinter

The Men's team named themselves "Rock Steady"
The Woman's team named themselves "Tenacity"

Trump told each team to select the Leader of the opposing team. Brett Michaels was chosen the Project Manager of Rock Steady because the women thought that he was tired from coming in late from a concert. Cyndi Lauper was chosen because the men thought that her voice would annoy the other women.

The task: Run a New York diner with the goal of raising the most money.

- The men decided to price their menu high and have Curtis Stone cook high quality meals, then invite their rich contacts to come in for lunch.
- The women decided to have convention diner items priced at standard prices to appeal to the general public, but also invited their rich contacts to get large donations.

How They Performed
- The Men's Team didn't serve many meals to the general public. Those customers said they couldn't afford the meals. But the wealthy invited contacts did come, and willingly payed the high premium.
- Women's Team did great business with the General Public and they had big lines of people waiting to get into the restaurant and meet the celebrities. Fewer wealthy invited contacts seemed to come. Holly Robinson Peete feared that wealthy invitees were left outside waiting in line with the general public.

Last Year's winner Joan Rivers was sent to assess which team had the better service.

Results

It was revealled that the women had receieved a Bonus 10 Thousand Dollars for having the better service. She reported that the Men's meal got served cold (due to Rod Blagojevich's chatting with customers when he should have been serving the meals).

The Rocksolid team brought in over $20,000 more dollars than Tenacity, despite the $10,000 that went to Tenacity. The tips & donors were better controlled and overall, Rocksolid brought in more money.
The hugh crowds and low prices of Tenacity may have prevented their wealth invitees from getting into the diner.

The Firing

The women were reluctant to criticise each other. Trump complained that was BS, which shocked Cyndi Lauper. Some eventually complained that Carol Leifer was outside handing out flyers to get more customers despite already having a big lineup, and then for getting confused with her customer service when Holly brought her inside to help with the chaos inside the diner. Cyndi refused to pick 2 people to be eligible to vote-out, so Trump decided to chose who would be fired from the entire team. He fired Carol. She talked him into donating $10,000 to her charity before she left.

 

[superintelligentone]

Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9) - Episode 2
- Airdate: March 21, 2010

Task: Run a Kodak Storefront

• Tenacity project manager: Maria Kanellis (WWE Wrestler)
• Rocksolid project manager: Sinbad (Comedian)
• Judges: Donald Trump; Ivanka Trump; Donald Trump, Jr.

Preparation

Rocksolid - The Men's Team had trouble organising. They took a bunch of photos of each of them on the streets of NYC interacting with fans and posing in front of NYC landmarks. Project manager Sinbad chose a photo developer to develop posters of the shots to cover the walls of their store who would have difficulty meeting the deadline the next day. Rod Blagojevich correctly pointed out that it was important to have their balloons in Kodak's shade of yellow to have brand association. Sinbad laughs it off.
- The next day Brett Michaels was 10 minutes late, so the men left without him. He'd arrive by himself but apologise to everyone. Still disorganised, the men are covering the walls with their photos. Sinbad is surprised that a set of wall posters haven't arrived. When he phones the printer, he is forced to settle for a smaller size to try to beat the store opening. Next the men set up in-store photo locations for the public to take photos with each of the more famous team members. Sinbad and Rod would take the photos.

Tenacity - Earlier in the episode, the girls looked like they were going to be weakened by Cyndi Lauper's ignorance of operating a digital camera. It's a good thing the others were able to pull through for her, despite their exasperation with her personality (and voice). Cyndi was willing to to the dirty work by carrying a heavy roll of carpeting to the store (none of the other women bothered to help share the load. Project Manager had a good grasp of setting their display with posters and Kodak logos and merchandise.


How They Performed

Rocksolid - The Men's Team still had trouble organising on the Second day. Sinbad decided that rather than using Kodak instant printers to develop the publics' photos and then have a large crowd jamming the store waiting for their photos, he would give everyone a card containing instructions on how to get their photos made over the Kodak website - that would have been a good idea if it worked.
- No one was assisgned crowd control and to arrange for flow to each station, so the public were confused where to go, missing some of the stations. When the customers did meet with the celebrities at their stations, they did have a great 'meet & greet' photo experience with the well known male celebrities. Due to being disorganised, some customers weren't given cards containing the instructions on how to get their photos from the Kodak website. What was worse, Trump's undercover customers didn't either.
- Not enough Kokak materials made this a "Meet the stars" experience rather than a Kodak promotion.

Tenacity - The women didn't have the same high quality "Meet the stars" experience, but they promoted the product more than the men which is what the Kodak presidents were looking for. The women's decision to use Kodak instant printers seems to have led to numerous power outages that threatened spoil their show. On the other hand, the customers were have to have their photos with them when they left.


Final boardroom: Sinbad, Bret Michaels, Rod Blagojevich

- Sinbad could not fault anyone for the loss. He pointed out Brett's lateness as a fault. Sinbad said that he didn't have problems with Rod, but he chose him for the Final Boardroom simply because they didn't work as well together as the others.
- Sinbad was criticised for not leading the others well. The team members said they self-assigned themselves tasks and carried it out as best as they could.
- When Trump asked if Bret was uncontrollable, he admitted Brett could be led. Trump agreed.
- Sinbad was criticized for not giving everyone the website card and not promoting the Kodak products (which were just sitting off to some corner).

Fired: Sinbad

 

[superintelligentone]

Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9) - Episode 3
- Airdate: March 28, 2010

Task: Create a four page advertorial for Lifelock + Norton 360

Tenacity project manager: Summer Sanders
Rocksolid project manager: Michael Johnson
Judges: Donald Trump; Donald Trump, Jr.; Gavin Maloof

http://www.cliquecla...nutes-for-gold/

The Celebrity Apprentice
- Get back to mining your expired 15 minutes for gold
by Aryeh S.

An advertorial for LifeLock and Norton? The Celebrity Apprentices are asked to apply ingenuity to a subtle task. The result? A disaster.

Another rocky task on The Celebrity Apprentice last night left me a little nonplussed about the point of this game. I've certainly argued before that the "celebrities" can't very well call on their friends and peers week after week for the entire run of the season, but the fun has always been in these people trying to sell their "celebrity" to the man and woman on the street — "buy this cup of lemonade for $1,000 because I sold it to you." That's really where the strength of that aspect of the series lies, and where the bloated heads really come out to play.

A four-page advertorial for LifeLock and Norton? Not so much. And I actually wondered last year who'd want to steal the identity of a Celebrity Apprentice; this year I wasn't even 100% clear on what the product was. But no matter … the task was dull.

As was the matchup of former Olympians Michael Johnson and Summer Sanders, in the pitting of track and field versus swimming. I'm actually rather impressed with Michael as a businessman, which makes him not so exciting to watch in this setting. And the drama for the women was with Cyndi Lauper, which meant that Summer was only kind of blah. At least until the boardroom.

So it was really the little moments that made the episode fun to watch. I puzzle over where the "Bret being a problem" thing came from. It was certainly somewhat evident last week, but last night it completely overshadowed his contributions. Is it that he's only value-add as a project manager? Or on no sleep? Because I can definitely see that he's a distraction … I just can't figure out how that suddenly came to be. We saw a different Bret in week one.

I love how the women handle Cyndi, Summer calling her "extraordinary and unique" in attempting to shuffle her out of the way. I'm not sure what about her Maria Kanellis is so obsessed with, though. She has become Cyndi's biggest fan, and I see Cyndi bungling her way into the Mama Rivers category from last season, with her loyal tribe pitted against the rest. That will suck if it comes to pass.

I wouldn't have gone with Sharon or Curtis Stone as my brand ambassador, although as I admitted above, I'm not completely clear on what the product was. But the idea of Sharon Osbourne "watching over" me would make me think of needing security before thinking that I was secure. And Curtis is just a non-entity as far as selling his "celebrity" is concerned. At least for me. I did love The Govna's computer skills, though. Wow.

The Celebrity Apprentice has two methods of laying the groundwork for "reveals." Either the show subtly provides us with "I guess in retrospect" moments, or it stacks the deck in favor of an alternate conclusion. As far as the latter method is concerned, that's exactly the feeling I got when the women were announced as the winners of the task. There was absolutely no foundation for the victory — the women's advertorial was deemed lacking in data, and missed the point of the task, even if it was more eye-catching. And their presentation was a disaster. So, victory women?

The former was the whole Darryl Strawberry situation. As soon as he started rhapsodizing about how celebrities and athletes can't handle long days, it was obvious that he was ready to go home. It was stupid, and I think he made a mistake, but in the end it was Donald Trump who got lucky on that one. There's no one else he would have wanted to fire in that group. In fact, unless someone really screws the pooch next week on a losing men's team, I can't imagine who he'd decide to send home. There's just too much interesting narrative to the remaining men.

And the Summer/Cyndi thing proves that there's little-to-none to the women. Summer was so ridiculously political in the way she described the Cyndi "problem." And then because Cyndi's feelings were hurt she immediately sought her out, tears streaming down her face, to apologize? Are you kidding me? This is what Cyndi was saved for in week one? No thanks.

The men's boardroom was a total character reversal for some. Bret didn't want to speak his mind. The Govna finally found a spine and took a firm position when advocating for himself. It all seemed a little too choreographed to let Darryl walk out the door. Which he certainly has the right to do, as surprising a decision as it was. But other than Michael making it clear that he didn't want to stay that way, it was just a whole lot of "Methinks thou dost protest too much."

"Cyndi makes me laugh. She's fabulously insane." – Sharon on Cyndi

"I'm not a creepy guy." – Bret, in a talking head

"You can call me whatever you want." – Trump to Darryl, showing a little respect for others' accomplishments

http://www.transworl...id=291211&cat=2

Celebrity Apprentice Episode 3 Recap: Darryl Strawberry Fired
Atlanta, GA 3/29/2010 03:30 PM GMT (TransWorldNews)

This week on Celebrity Apprentice, the teams were asked to create an advertorial for a specially priced package containing identity theft protection by Norton and Life Lock. The companies wanted the advertorial to promote their new partnership. Norton protects internet users while Life Lock protects offline.

Team Tenacity chose Olympian Summer Sanders as their project manager while Rock Solid chose Olympian Michael Johnson.

Tenacity got off to a rough start while talking to the executives. Cindy Lauper angered several of her teammates by asking ridiculous questions and talking too much. During their brainstorming session the women came up with a vague idea for their advertorial but couldn't seem to make any sense of what they wanted.

Over at Rock Solid, the men quickly came up with their concept. Johnson and Brett Michaels clashed over ideas for the design of the advertorial. Johnson decided that he, Curtis Stone and Bill Goldberg would be featured in the ad.

Tenacity's presentation got off to a rough start when the computer would not work properly. Summer handled the mess up with grace. Things were going well until Sharon Osbourne, who was featured in their ad, couldn't stop coughing or cussing in front of the executives. Tenacity's advertorial featured pictures and short messages about the products.

While Rock Solid's presentation went smoothly, their advertorial did not impress the executives. They thought there was too much text.

In the board room, Tenacity was announced the winner. Rock Solid stayed behind for their elimination. Most everyone placed the blame on Johnson. As project manager, he called all the shots and was the one who decided on all the text. Donald Trump seemed ready to fire him until Darryl Strawberry basically asked to be fired. He admitted to being tired and said he just wanted to go home. Trump granted him his wish.

 

[superintelligentone]

Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9) - Episode 4
- Airdate: April 4, 2010

Task: To create a 3D display for the Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Tenacity project manager: Selita Ebanks
Rocksolid project manager: Rod Blagojevich
Judges: Donald Trump; George H. Ross; Erin Burnett

http://www.cliquecla...to-make-me-see/

Illinois was in so much trouble, and I needed The Donald's help to make me see
by Tara Shrodes

- This week on 'The Celebrity Apprentice,' the women bang heads again, and we are led to wonder if there is anything in the head of Rod Blagojevich at all....

I had the pleasure of reviewing last night's Celebrity Apprentice. Usually — and from now on — Aryeh will take over. So while I have this unique opportunity, I'm running with it.

I took eight pages of notes on this episode. The word that kept coming up in these doodlings was "incompetent." Rod Blagojevich is so ridiculously stupid. I'm trying to be kind here, but there is just no other way to describe him.

I've been chuckling at Rod's antics since the beginning of the season. However, you can now color me officially scared for the great state of Illinois. If you haven't heard, Rod was the Governor there from 2003 until 2009, when he was brought up on federal corruption charges. Bummer enough. Now he is awaiting trial, and what better way to spend this time than to try to gather a li'l public sympathy and nice guy people to death on Celebrity Apprentice? I mean, that is the first thing I'd do!

For those of you keeping score, Rod tried to do a reality series before, called I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! That didn't work, because until Rod's trial, he can't travel out of the country. So he sent wife Patty instead. "Go make nice with the folks, Patty, and show them what normal looks like! Fake it if you have to, dear." Alright, I have no proof he said that, but stay with me here.

Since this CA (I'm going to just call the show CA from here on out, because I'm rather exhausted from watching the show) began, Rod has been milking the publicity and camera time like Mrs. O'Leary probably milked her unfortunate cow. Handshaking, smiling, kissing the Donald's rich rear-end, all part of changing that nasty bad image. "Sorry about the fraud for my own personal gain people! Remember, it's all alleged at this point." OK, I have no proof he said that either.

But I do have proof of what I saw with my own eyes last night. And, here, I must defer to his teammate Curtis Stone, who said, "He's a governor. It's f'ing unbelievable!" Out of the mouths of chefs.

Right out of the block, Michael Johnson nominated Rod to be this week's project manager for the guys, and I completely understand why. Michael knew that Rod would make a mess of it and get booted. Nicely done.

The D (my pet name for Trump) sends Rod and the women's manager, Selita Ebanks, to Orlando to learn about this week's task. Separating the PM from the team has never been done before, and phones aren't allowed on the plane. Selita takes the time to research what they have already been told about the task, and, on the return trip, to e-mail the gals. Rod can't do this … literally. He cannot work a computer. Doesn't know how to Google or send even a freaking e-mail or text. Now you understand Curtis's comment; unbelievable, indeed. So he naps on the plane. How did this man get so far in life? And if the allegations against him are true, how did he do it? How can you be an evil mastermind if you can't even send an e-mail? Hmm….

Not surprisingly, when Rod figures out how to use his cell phone, he delegates all responsibility for the creative part of the task to Bret Michaels. Since the task involves constructing a 3-D experience to promote "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter," the weight is pretty heavy on skinny Bret's shoulders. It's all creative. He just takes over, no complaints. Bret does everything. Rod returns and deflects all questions to Bret, or tells his team to "use their best judgment." The guys lose.

The only good thing I say say about Rod is that he doesn't bring Bret back in the boardroom. He acknowledges that Bret did the best he could. And here I think The D is right, when he points out that Rod is in a slippery spot here. Rod's a politician. He's about to have a jury trial of his peers in "real life." Does he boot an African American? Maybe he'll alienate the black community. A guy named Goldberg? You get my drift. That D! He's such an instigator.

So, in the end, Rod gets the boot. Mind you, he dances so fast in the boardroom, that Fred Astaire must have been smiling upon him. It was only right.

One other thing before I let you go. Sharon Osbourne and Holly Robinson Peete no likey each other. Sharon called Holly so dull that being with her is like watching ice melt. This ain't over by a long shot.

Farewell Rod!

 

[superintelligentone]

Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9) - Episode 5
- Airdate: April 11, 2010

Task: To write, produce, and direct a 30-second and 10-second commercial, starring two NBA stars for Right Guard.

Tenacity project manager: Holly Robinson Peete
Rocksolid project manager: Curtis Stone
Judges: Donald Trump; George H. Ross; Erin Burnett

http://www.ew.com/ew...0359946,00.html

'Celebrity Apprentice' recap: Cyndi Lauper Leaves Trump to Hang with her New BFF Obama

Sharon, Michael, and Cyndi all go M.I.A. as the remaining players sweat out the next task -- literally
By Dalton Ross | Apr 12, 2010

What the hell?!? Where did all the celebrities go? We started this week's episode with 10 contestants, but next thing you know, everyone decided to play hooky. Sharon Osbourne claimed she was too sick to compete. Oldest excuse in the world. Michael Johnson claimed he had a ''personal matter'' to attend to and therefore had to leave. Oldest excuse in the world. Cyndi Lauper said that she had to go meet with the President of the United States to celebrate a new law being passed. Oldest excuse in the world. (Seriously, who hasn't been front row at the White House shaking hands with the Commander in Chief at the signing of new legislation?) It got so bad I half expected Curtis Stone to come in complaining that he was also unable to compete because the dog had eaten his homework (or, more likely in this case, his hair gel). Of course, we know the real reason for all these defections: The celebrities just can't find it in their hearts to continue without Rod Blagojevich. His steely leadership. His unwavering vision. His mastery of hand-held technology. The remaining players feel simply lost without these things. And it's hard to blame them. Still, if this mass exodus keeps up there will be no celebrities left. Of course, one could argue that there were no real celebrities to start the season, so....

You know, I get all high and mighty when it comes to rules and issues of fairness on my other reality obsession, Survivor. It's why I hated the Outcasts twist in the Palau season, (when contestants who had already been voted off and were enjoying full meals and showers were able to re-enter the game, with one of them making it all the way to the end). ''You're messing with the integrity of the game!'' I yelled from the highest rooftop. (I don't actually go on rooftops. You could fall and die and that would be bad.) But honestly, when it comes to Celebrity Apprentice, I couldn't care less. And that's one for simple reason: There is no integrity to this game! Sure, the conceit is that Trump fires the least competent person every week, but need I remind you that Blago made it all the way to week four, and even then Trump would have fired Bret Michaels instead had Rob brought him back to the boardroom.

In fact, one of my favorite things about Celebrity Apprentice is when the show attempts to show that there are, in fact, rules governing fairness when every morsel of evidence points to the contrary. I never laughed harder than when Michael Johnson came to tell Trump he was leaving because of a personal issue involving his son, but that he might be able to come back later, and Trump responded with ''I don't think it will help if you come back because you will have missed too much time. You won't be able to compete. It's not fair to the other people because people will be fired in between and that's not fair to the rest of the team, right?'' But it's fair when Sharon Osbourne misses an entire challenge with a cough? Or when The Donald says point blank that he will not fire Cyndi specifically for the reason that she missed 80 percent of the task while attending another matter? IT MAKES NO SENSE! But here's the thing: I don't care! I really don't. Any other show I would be screaming bloody murder — a judge's ''save,'' American Idol? Really? — but when it comes to Celebrity Apprentice this complete lack of any semblance of consistency or logic only makes the show even more entertaining. And ultimately, that's all I care about.

And now, without further ado, the 11 other things I loved about this week's episode of Celebrity Apprentice. Why 11? Because the show, not unlike Spinal Tap, is too awesome to be contained by the number 10.

11. Trump has some game on the basketball court
At first I was convinced that this was all in the magic of editing, or that Trump had taken approximately 329 shots before making a basket, but the way he wanted to make absolutely sure that the cameras had caught his nothing-but-net shot makes me think he may have actually made it! And perhaps even on his first try! That's certainly better than any of the other men on the court, as all four male celebrities failed to even hit the rim. In fact the only contestant competent enough to make a shot was Maria — in six-inch stilettos, no less! Just another reason for me to fall in serious like with her.

10. Bret Michaels just made me cry!
As the lead singer of Poison, Bret Michaels is best known for writing some of the most idiotic sings in rock history (sample lyrics: ''Unskinny bop — just blows me away; unskinny bop, bop — all night and day; unskinny bop, bop, bop, bop — she loves to play; unskinny bop — nothin' more to say''). He's also known for having sex with complete skanks on reality television dating shows. But damn if he didn't completely make me tear up on several occasions throughout this episode as he learned his daughter might have diabetes. For me, this is the one downside of having children: Once you have them, you turn to a complete ball of mush whenever you see anyone dealing with injuries or sickness with their own kin. Seriously, you would not believe how easy I begin to cry now whenever anyone under the age of 18 on TV or in movies is in jeopardy. And that's in scripted, phony-baloney fare. So imagine what a mess I was watching Bret break down as he dealt with this real life situation with his daughter. felgercarb! I'm about to start crying again all over my keyboard. DAMN YOU, MICHAELS!!!

9. Good things happen when celebrities are forced to create their own commercials
One of the finest Celebrity Apprentice episodes ever was last season when the teams were tasked with creating a ''viral'' spot for All detergent. Jesse James (who's been in the news a bit lately) used the opportunity to show himself being beaten up by a bunch of dwarfs, while country superstar Clint Black thought it would be classy to insinuate he uses detergent as a lubricant for masturbation. Unfortunately, this episode did not reach those dizzying heights of success, but it was still amusing in a less completely insane way. The teams were tasked with creating 30- and 10- second spots for Right Guard Total Defense 5. Why 5? I have no idea.

8. Seeing Scottie Pippen looking absurd in a big cape
I'll admit it. I never liked Pippen. Probably because his Bulls always trounced the Knicks back in the 1990s. But it almost made up for it watching him forced into repeatedly rubbing kids armpits. I thought it was appropriate hearing that notorious quitter Pippen talking about leaving the commercial shoot to get to a plane. I thought it would have been even more appropriate to cut him out of the last 1.8 seconds of the commercial in homage to the time he refused to finish a game because the last shot was called for Toni Kukoc and not him. Yes, I'm still mildly bitter.

7. Cyndi does D.C.
There's just something inherently funny about Cyndi Lauper, fresh off a handshake from the President of the United States, standing in front of the White House and yelling into her cell phone about her son hitting puberty. Or, as she likes to call it ''The Big P.'' There's something even funnier about it when no one on the other end of the phone is even listening to a single word she says.

6. Funky Godfathaaaaaaa
Oh. My God. That jingle is so annoying. AND YET I CANNOT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD! ''Funky Godfathaaaaaaa. Ooooh, Funky Godfathaaaa, yeeeeaaaah...'' And the song spread like an infectious disease. At first it was just Holly busy acting like an American Idol reject, singing the song at every turn. But then Cyndi had to get in the act. And then, before you knew it, the entire Team Tenacity (except absentee Sharon, or course) could not resist belting it out ad nauseam. The only good news is that ''Funky Godfathaaaaa'' finally got Annie Duke's insidious Chicken of the Sea jingle out of my head. (''Moms they want it fresh, kids they want it fast'' — dammit! Back again.) Speaking of ''Funky Godfathaaaaa''...

5. Cyndi Lauper warms up her vocal chords by making pig snorting noises
Not sure I can really add anything to that.

4. The Right Guard executives during the RockSolid presentation
Wow, who peed on their bedspread? Have you ever seen more stone-faced executives in your entire life? Granted, the RockSolid spot was not funny in the least, contrary to what Mr. ''I never laugh at anything, I'm not a person that laughs a lot'' Trump might say. But still, can you at least hook the fellas up with a courtesy chuckle? A closed-mouth grin, at the very least? ''It was a look of confusion and stoicness,'' Bret noted of the executives' reaction. ''Stofusion is what was going on.'' I love Stofusion. Sounds like the name of an awesome metal band, meaning a band without Bret Michaels in it.

3. George Ross' personal vendetta against Selita
Is it just me or was George getting a little bent out of shape over Selita not helping carry props in from the van? If you ask me, I think George maybe was a little sweet on Selita and didn't like the fact that she was doting on Scottie Pippen instead of him. (''Hey, where's my ice? I like ice!'') But, then again, why wasn't she giving George a little more attention? Was it age? The fact that he is follicly challenged? Or does he simply need a... Funky Godfathaaaaa?

2. Maria just might be the second coming of Annie Duke
They share much in common, from their red hair, to positions in male-dominated professions, to the fact that I had no idea who either of them were before they came on the show. And now Maria is showing us the toughness that Annie showed us last season as well. I dug the way she stared right at Holly as Holly was talking trash about her, and the way she battled back when Holly put the blame on her for not catching the messed-up audio cue. (I also love her fashion sense even though I know nothing about fashion.) Thankfully, she survived being brought back into the Boardroom by Holly after the men won, and Selita was fired.

1. Adrian the elevator operator!
Best day of his life. Poor guy always has to stand there silently holding the Door Open button while watching all the contestants waving friendly goodbyes to Amanda the hottie receptionist. But not today! Today he got hit on by a Victoria's Secret Model! Sure, she only asked him his name, but let me reiterate something: He's a phony elevator operator on a reality TV show. She's a Victoria's Secret model. The fact that she acknowledged him to any degree is a feat of orgasmic proportions, and hopefully makes up for the time when he was forced to stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do when the Women Rivers (Melissa and Joan) stormed into his elevator ranting and raving about whore pit vipers. Well done, Adrian, you sly dog you. Well, that does it for another brilliantly perplexing edition of Celebrity Apprentice. Who will bow out of the competition next week because they have tickets to the movies or don't feel like getting out of bed? All will be revealed in due time. Until then, what was your favorite moment of this week's episode?

 

[superintelligentone]

Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9) - Episode 6
- Airdate: April 18, 2010

Task: To make over an aspiring country musician (Tenacity - Emily West; Rocksolid - Luke Bryan).

Tenacity project manager: Cyndi Lauper
Rocksolid project manager: Bill Goldberg
Judges: Donald Trump; Trace Adkins; Donald Trump, Jr.

http://www.ew.com/ew...0361922,00.html

'Celebrity Apprentice' recap: Can Someone Please Get Donald Trump a Freakin' Bandanna Already?

Maria and Cyndi fight it out, while The Donald becomes obsessed with a particular fashion accessory
By Dalton Ross | Apr 19, 2010

Rain makes corn. Corn makes whiskey. Whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky. But more than that, whiskey makes me want to watch two hours of Celebrity Apprentice. And two hours of Celebrity Apprentice makes me want to drink whiskey. Which in turn makes me want to watch more Celebrity Apprentice. It's an insidious cycle, people! I'd say this is how I spend 95 percent of my time — chugging whiskey and watching Donald Trump fake-fire people. Well, maybe 87 percent. Actually, more like 70 percent. You know, my math is a little off due to all the brain cells I've killed by drinking whiskey. And watching of Celebrity Apprentice.

But it's worth it! So worth it. Look no further than this week's episode for proof. Let's break it down. The episode began with Trump meeting the contestants at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex in New York City. The Donald informed Cyndi and Bret that they would get in themselves one day after their success on The Apprentice, much the same way that Trace Adkins, who stood beside him ''did really well on Celebrity Apprentice and today he's the biggest country star there is.'' There were a few fantastic elements to this. The first being that Bret and Cyndi will never get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex. Why? Because they insisted on performing songs with the word ''Bop'' in the title (''Unskinny Bop,'' ''She Bop'')? No. Because the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Annex no longer exists! It closed in January. I also adored Trump's insinuation that Trace Adkins only became a big country star after appearing on his reality show, never mind the 20 singles of his that made the country music charts. Classic Trump. I loved it. Of course, Sharon was once again missing from the proceedings, leading Holly to opine that ''I have to say that there's a little bit of preferential treatment going on with Sharon.'' Gee, ya think?!? But don't you dare come within 1,000 miles of this show again, Michael Johnson, because that would simply be unfair. The task was for each team to makeover a country music artist, get him/her ready for a live performance, and prepare him/her for an interview with a People magazine reporter? WHAT?!? PEOPLE MAGAZINE?!? You mean, some other writer from some other magazine is going to be living out my fantasy by appearing and judging on of Celebrity Apprentice? Oh, the pain. It cuts deep.

So let's take the women first. Project Manager Cyndi began by informing Maria that she didn't want to dress their artist like her, causing Maria to enter a task-long cocoon of despair at being spoken down to by one of her idols. Well, Maria, that's what you get when you pick an idol who is a protégé of a guy that was best known for wearing rubber bands in his beard. Cyndi and Holly then later had a fantastic conversation where they kept complaining about cutting each other off while repeatedly cutting each other off. After Team Tenacity saw both country singers (Luke Bryan and Emily West), Cyndi insisted on having Emily. There was much debate on how to best negotiate with the guys to make sure they got the singer they wanted, but it all proved unnecessary as the men turned out to be the worst negotiators on the planet. The tense negotiations basically amounted to this:

Cyndi: ''I want the girl.''
Guys: ''Sure, no problem.''

This negotiating strategy (or lack thereof) by the men became necessary because Goldberg informed us that ''I don't like negotiating with people I can't beat up,'' however if Goldberg can't beat up Holly Robinson-Peete then he may in the wrong career field. Now that the women had their woman, they had to strategize how to best get her ready for her interview. Cyndi felt she knew the best way to handle the media circus. Maria, however, begged to differ, explaining that ''When I did Playboy you know what they used to ask me: Are you shaved or are you hairy?'' I have to admit, I thought this was a bit odd. Why would Playboy care about how often Maria Kanellis is shaving her armpits? She is talking about her armpits, right? What's that? Oooooooooooh. Never mind.

STOP THE PRESSES! We have a Sharon Osbourne sighting! Repeat: We have a Sharon Osbourne sighting! Sickly Sharon showed up and immediately started hugging and handshaking and kissing cheeks, because what better way to help your team than infecting them with your nasty germs. Also nasty? The make-up job Team Tenacity did on poor Emily, making the spunky young singer look like the tranny from Dirty Sexy Money. ''You air brushed her?'' asked Cyndi incredulously? ''You spray painted this kid. She's twentysomething. You don't spray paint them. You spray the old buzzards, not the kids.'' Cyndi, I have no doubts whatsoever that you are completely frustrating to work with, but keep busting out nuggets of wisdom like this and you're A-O-K in my book. Cyndi and Maria continued to irk each other at the photo shoot and then they were.... Wait, what's going on? Someone's visiting Team Tenacity. Who is it? Dammit! It's that dastardly Cynthia Sanz from People magazine! How dare she?! I mean, sure, maybe she's a so-called ''expert'' in the field of ''country music.'' And perhaps she was already ''familiar'' with the careers of Luke and Emily. And okay, she may have ''credentials'' and ''knowledge'' on these sorts of things. But it killed me to see another reporter living out my reality television dream. (My former dream was to be the dude on the mat next to the Amazing Race's Phil Keoghan who would dress like a local court jester and smile like a dog on crack while spitting out the words ''Welcome to (fill in the blank country)'' in their best broken English. But that was before the genius of Celebrity Apprentice came into my life.) Well, forget you, Sanz! You may have been a judge this season, but I am officially applying to be a contestant on the 2011 edition. I realize I am not even remotely close to resembling a celebrity, but hey, neither was that Deal or No Deal briefcase opening broad. (Granted, she looks better in stilettos than I do, which I have a feeling with Mr. Trump is a significant if not overwhelming obstacle to overcome.) When Emily finally performed her phoney-baloney gig in front of a bunch of Celebrity Apprentice production assistants, she sounded pretty good. So good, in fact, that everyone started to cry, even tough guy Trace Adkins. But not People reporter Cynthia Sanz! You couldn't crack that heart of stone with a jackhammer!

So that's essentially how things went for the women. But what about the men? RockSolid was downright soft when it came time to make a decision on which singer they wanted to work with. Bret called several of his music biz pals to get their advice, and still couldn't make up his mind. In the end, they just took whomever the women didn't want, which was Luke Bryan — so accurately described by one of Bret's buddies as ''a perfect mix of Elvis and Gomer Pyle.'' The men took a very unique approach to their makeover by forcing Luke to partake in a gay porno. At least when I see two dudes getting naked in a kitchen together and the production is being put together by a group that calls themselves ''RockSolid,'' I have to assume we're talking gay porno. Although I do have to admit, the plot was a bit confusing on this particular homoerotic epic. It was never clearly spelled out whether Luke or Curtis was the plumber who had to dip into his ''tool box'' to check the other's ''nuts and bolts.'' A little attention to script detail would have been nice, gentlemen! That's all I ask for. In any event, after this shirtless extravaganza, it was no wonder Luke became hesitant to ''step outside his comfort zone'' when the fellas tried to offer up other suggestions, like gel in his hair and a necklace around his neck. Again, RockSolid, people! There definitely was a disconnect between Luke and the team. My favorite part was when Goldberg kept barking, ''SMILE! SMILE! SMILE!'' at Luke during his photo shoot, because if anything is going to make someone joyfully bust out a toothy grin it is being threatened by a giant grunting professional wrestler. Actually, Luke and Goldberg are more alike than they think, at least in the grunting department. Goldberg grunts when he gets stressed out in traffic. Luke grunts when he looks at pictures of himself. The two should have a full-blown Celebrity Apprentice Grunt-Off! It would be awesome. We could put both of them in massive gridlock with a portfolio of Luke photos and then... Wait a minute. There's someone at the door. DAMMIT! It's Cynthia Sanz again. She's relentless, this one! Showing up just to mock me (and in a way, herself, because anyone who appears on this show is likely to get mocked by the majority of America). Let's see what kind of mischief this fiendish black widow has up her sleeves this time. Well, she just made Luke yawn approximately 35 times. This coming after Luke was warned over and over again not to talk or show any indications of being tired in the least. She's good, this Sanz woman. I'll give her that. She cut through all the media training to get an amazing, headline-grabbing scoop. I can see it now: ''Luke Bryan: Serial Yawner!'' Now, that'll some magazines. Oh, poor Luke Bryan. You're career is toast after that little media meltdown, my friend. You may as well just take your rain, your corn, your whiskey, and your baby and just get the hell out of the business, because this business has no room for yawners, mister!

Even with this knowledge that he clearly had no future in music after his disastrous interview, Luke took the stage anyway and I guess he was fine. Don Jr. was tapping his thumb so I guess that's supposed to mean he was good. OFF TO THE BOARDROOM! And what an odd Boardroom it was. Trump rightfully went right at the Cyndi-Maria feud, but next thing you knew, Trace Adkins was discussing the difficulty of performing in ill-fitting underwear. (Perhaps Trace was angling for a part in the next RockSolid film production.) But that wasn't the only odd thing. Sharon Osbourne was in the Boardroom, although I have no idea why since The Donald clearly has no intention of firing her — ever. And after all the build up as to whether Bret's daughter would be diagnosed with diabetes, all we were told is that Bret ''didn't get the answer that we wanted to hear'' but that ''she's fine.'' I have no idea what that means. Good or bad, a little clarification would have been nice.

Another thing that clearly needs clarifying is Donald Trump's obsession with bandannas. The man just wouldn't let up. ''I think bandannas are cool,'' Trump noted for the 316th time. ''I think if I were in that business I'd wear a bandanna.'' That led to Trace's perfect response: ''Lucky for me you're not in this business.'' Trace was awesome in the Boardroom. This was only one of three times he actually talked back to the big boss man. ''Enough with the bandanna!'' he later admonished Donald. Then, after the women won, Trump fired Goldberg and turned to his left for the obligatory ''I think we made the right decision. What do you think?'' This is the point where Ivanka, or Don Jr., or Carolyn, or George, or even that maniac from Mad Money sits there and says, ''Absolutely, sir. Amazing choice! By golly, you've done it again! May I shine your shoes with my tongue, please?'' But not Trace Adkins. Trace's response? ''I don't think so.'' The look on Trump's face was so priceless it was like an entire season's worth of Blagojevich trying to use a computer or understand Harry Potter terminology. Three cheers for Trace! And here's hoping he makes it back to the boardroom again soon. Well, not unlike Goldberg, its time for me to hit the road. But before you go, make sure to share your thoughts on the episode on the message boards, which are now open for business. Who did you like better: Emily or Luke? Whose side were you on: Maria or Cyndi's? And who should have gone home: Bret or Goldberg? Post away!

 

[superintelligentone]

Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9) - Episode 7
- Airdate: April 25, 2010

Task: To create a class for 24 Hour Fitness.

New Rocksolid Team: Bret Michaels, Sharon Osbourne, and Maria Kanellis
New Tenacity Team: Curtis Stone, Holly Robinson Peete, Cyndi Lauper, and Summer Sanders

Tenacity project manager: Holly Robinson Peete
Rocksolid project manager: Sharon Osbourne
Judges: Donald Trump; Ivanka Trump; Donald Trump, Jr.

http://www.ew.com/ew...0363891,00.html

'Celebrity Apprentice' recap: Bret Michaels Introduces Us to the Tour Bus Thrust

Stricken with a brain hemorrhage in real life, the Poison front man has nothin' but a good time on TV as he thrusts his way through another entertaining episode
By Dalton Ross | Apr 26, 2010

Let's just get it out of the way right now: How awkward would that have been if Donald Trump had fired Bret Michaels last night? The rock star is clinging to life, in critical condition after suffering a brain hemorrhage. It's a scary, scary situation, and it made me really apprehensive about watching the latest episode of Celebrity Apprentice. How can we possibly have fun and enjoy ourselves watching two hours of the silliest television program ever recorded when one of its contestants is fighting for his life? But then it hit me: This is Bret Michaels we're talking about! Pursuit of fun is this dude's whole modus operandi, which explains songs with titles like ''Nothin' But a Good Time.'' This is a guy that's all about wanting to entertain, and let me just say this: Bret Michaels was extremely entertaining on this latest episode of Celebrity Apprentice. We'll get to all that in a minute because you know I am simply dying to break down the genius that was ''Pump Up the Weiner,'' but back to what could have been one of the worst-timed exits in reality history: Because Bret's team lost last night, and Bret brought in the least amount of money, Trump could have easily the fired the guy. Keep in mind, this was all taped months ago, so there's obviously no way the Donald could have known it would be coming on the heels of Bret being in the hospital, but it still would have been seriously wince-worthy if he had been tossed out of the Boardroom and forced to take that cold, lonely ride down with Adrian the elevator operator. (After scoring Amanda the receptionist's digits, of course.)

That's why I feel okay about the Donald's cop out of not firing anyone. Normally, when reality shows fail to eliminate someone after an episode, I rail on and on about how we viewers demand fresh meat each and every week. If there is no elimination then there are no stakes. It's why non-elimination legs of The Amazing Race drive me cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs. But knowing what we know about Bret's current situation, this fortuitous timing was much more preferable to seeing him get booted out of Trump Tower. Also, let's not forget: It's Celebrity Apprentice! It doesn't really matter who stays and who goes. The journey is far too entertaining to even worry about the destination. So let's get into this weeks journey, shall we? After skipping pretty much every single task of the entire season, Sharon — clearly inspired by the work ethic of Darryl Strawberry — decided she didn't want to play anymore. But that was before she got a chance to watch Trump's son Barron hit golf balls into a net! Clearly inspired by his athletic prowess (as well as Trump switching up the teams to make Curtis, Cyndi, Summer, and Holly the new Tenacity, and Bret, Sharon, and Maria the new RockSolid) Sharon was completely revitalized. The task was for the teams to create and run a workout class at something called 24 Hour Fitness. They were able to call on their big donor friends for cash, but had to get some poor schlubs to actually take the class in their place.

Team Tenacity immediately set out to.... Wait a minute, where the hell did Cyndi Lauper go? Is she off with her son discussing ''The Big P'' again? By the way, not for nothing but when I hear ''the Big P,'' puberty is not the first word that comes to minds. Naturally, I'm referring to... punctuality. Something far too lacking in modern society if you ask me. It's just common courtesy, people! In any event, turns out Cyndi had another prior engagement, this one involving Lady Gaga (whose name was impressively dropped about 358 times) and some new makeup campaign. So, once again, no Cyndi for the first day of the task. (Don't you dare think about returning, Michael Johnson! We have fairness rules here!) Holly wasn't too psyched about Cyndi getting another ''free pass'' but what Holly failed to realize is that Cyndi is actually, you know, famous. (Not that I don't love me some Jump Street — where art thou, Dustin Nguyen? I sat mesmerized by your work in V.I.P.) With Cyndi out of action for the majority of the prep we were left with Holly, Summer, and Cur…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Whoops, sorry about that. Those three are all so boring I actually just fell asleep typing their names. In charge of the creative and fitness aspects of the task, Summer and Curtis came up with the theme of ''Buns and Guns'' which sounds vaguely like what you might find if Sarah Palin boarded a gay cruise. I will admit to being mildly amused when Summer inquired ''You want that booty, Curtis?'' and to being mildly perplexed as to whether they realized how homoerotic their banner slogan of ''Get ready to blast your buns'' sounded. But leave it to Cyndi to provide the finest moment of hilarity when explaining her efforts to secure money from famous friends. First we learned that Cyndi Lauper apparently stalks David Hasselhoff and David Hasselhoff-lookalikes in her spare time. And then there was this reasoning for not getting money: ''I called Harvey Fierstein, but a dog bit him.'' Literally. A dog bit him. That is the best excuse I have ever heard in my entire life and I plan to use it anytime anyone asks me for money in the future. And that includes my children. First, however, I have to get a dog. The whole ''cat bit me'' thing just doesn't have the same ring to it. At the Team Tenacity workout, Summer handled the buns, Curtis took the guns, and Cyndi must have had the runs because we barely saw her at all. Holly, meanwhile, was obsessing over the fax machine like it was Johnny Depp handing out roles to his former castmates. (Anyone with the last name DeLuise, come quick!) In fact, we almost saw more of Cyndi's mom, Catrine Dominique, than Cyndi herself. Super huge massive props to Cyndi's mom for not only showing up, but attempting to ''blast her buns,'' which actually just made me throw up a bit in mouth. But still, well done, Cyndi's mom. Consider your buns blasted! (Again, gross.)

Now that we've gotten through Tenacity, let's get to what this episode was all about: the Backstage Pass. Or was it the Menage a Trois? Or was it the Groupie Thrust? Or was it the Hot Bunk Thrust? Or was it the Tour Bus Thrust? Here's the best part about it: IT WAS ALL OF THOSE THINGS! Bret, Maria, and Sharon gave 38 different names to the same essential ''workout'' move of simulated pelvic thrusting, most likely to match all the different ways Bret has defiled female Poison fans over the past 25 years. Unfortunately, one move that never made it out of the concept phase was the somewhat curious ''Pump Up the Weiner'' exercise which appeared to consist of Sharon Osbourne, Bret Michaels, and Maria Whatshername each squeezing a pair of human penises for what purpose it was entirely unclear. Honestly, I can't imagine such an arrangement would be comfortable for either the squeezer or the squeezee. In fact, it looked downright painful.

But RockSolid had the sexual innuendo cranked all the way up to 11. If Bret wasn't commenting on the hotness of Mickey the fitness instructor (who looked horrified by all the thrusting on display), he was commenting on the hotness of graphic designer Lindsay. And if he wasn't commenting on the hotness of graphic designer Lindsay, he was ogling teammate Maria when she would contort herself into any sort of position that accentuated her crotch and/or booty. But what else would you expect from a ''gynecological expert''? Yes, Bret was completely in his element and lovin' every minute of it, as we were lovin' watching it go down. But he wasn't the only one all sexed up. One of the groupies that showed up to take the workout informed Mr. Michaels that he was in the ''Top 5 Celebrity Pass'' category for her husband, meaning that she would be allowed to sleep with him (along with, presumably, Kip Winger, David Coverdale, Sebastian Bach and the one-armed Def Leppard drummer) with no consequences whatsoever, except perhaps a stray venereal disease or two. Another thing I loved about her Top 5 Celebrity Pass is that usually such lists are supposed to be filled with completely unattainable celebrities — your Brad Pitts, your Scarlet Johanssons. But filling it with '80s metal stars? Pretty damn possible. Some would even say likely. If I were that husband, I would get that list amended PRONTO! Especially after his wife, apparently determined to use it rather than lose it when it came to her pass, then proceeded to simulate humping Bret on the ground while he performed what was either the Backstage Pass, Hot Bunk Thrust, or Tour Bus Thrust. Perhaps all three. Meanwhile, Sharon Osbourne patrolled the room like a prison guard in a 1980s sexploitation flick, threatening to whip anyone who did not thrust with appropriate vim and vigor. ''It comes very naturally to me to abuse people,'' explained Sharon. Thank you ma'am, may I have another?

So, even though Bret and crew came up with a much more original and fun workout — and got 24 Hour Fitness' $24,000 contribution as a result — they were still hammered by the money-generating machine that is Holly Robinson-Peete. It was interesting in the Boardroom hearing both teams think the other won the $24,000 prize. It was even more interesting hearing how Donald Trump did not know what ''praying to the porcelain God'' meant, giving Bret yet another moment to shine as he illuminated the Trumpster to the ways of rock & roll debauchery. (Unrelated question: Was it a bit creepy hearing Don. Jr. say, ''I want to see Bret perform the Tour Bus Thrust''? Unrelated question #2: Am I the only one even more obsessed and confused by Don Jr.'s hair than his father's? What is going on with that slick-back look? It's like Gordon Gekko meets Pat Riley meets an extra from Grease. It's hypnotizing!) In the end, Tenacity won, but Trump was so impressed by the job done on both sides that he fired no one. ''See, I have a heart,'' he quipped in an episode that was otherwise frustratingly light on Trumpisms. Of course, I figured that at some point we'd have a no-firing episode to make up for losing two contestants in the week where Michael Johnson quit, and it all worked out in that Bret wasn't awkwardly fired right on the heels of his real life medical crisis. Here's wishing Bret all the best and hoping that he's once again doing the Tour Bus Thrust soon. Celebrity Apprentice nation — all five of us — hopes to see you back on your feet soon. After all, there's one lucky lady still waiting to use that Top 5 Celebrity Pass. And Kip Winger is totally ready to hit that!

 

[superintelligentone]

Celebrity Apprentice 3 (aka The Apprentice 9) - Episode 7
- Airdate: May 2, 2010

Task: To create three radio commercials for three different areas of a home repair company.

Rocksolid Team: Bret Michaels, Sharon Osbourne, and Maria Kanellis
Tenacity Team: Curtis Stone, Holly Robinson Peete, Cyndi Lauper, and Summer Sanders

Rocksolid project manager: Bret Michaels
Tenacity project manager: Summer Sanders
Judges: Donald Trump; Ivanka Trump; Eric Trump.

http://www.ew.com/ew...0365931,00.html

'Celebrity Apprentice' recap: Bret Michaels Refuses to Stop Talking About Plumber's Crack

The rocker gets ''hot and sticky'' on some radio spots, but does he offend the corporate execs?
By Dalton Ross | May 03, 2010

Reality television has introduced us to a lot of magnetic, electric personalities, people whose charisma leaped off the screen and turned them into national sensations. Richard Hatch of Survivor was the first, of course, to be followed by Big Brother's Dr. Will, Bachelor Bob, The Apprentice's Omarosa, Charla from The Amazing Race, Project Runway's Christian Soriano, and I would even make a special case for crazy, bug-eyed Toni from Love Cruise/Paradise Hotel. These are people you simply couldn't take your eyes off of. They demanded your attention. They commanded your interest. They were just that riveting. And then there are Jim Abrams and John Young from Clockwork Home Services, or, as I like to call them, Fuddy and Duddy.

Granted, the stuffed shirt corporate execs that usually populate Celebrity Apprentice are not exactly P.T. Barnum, but have you ever seen two men with less of a personality or a sense of humor in your entire life? I mean, hell, they even managed to make that robot Summer Sanders look like a breath of fresh air! I pity poor Clockwork Home Services. They paid all that money to get themselves all over two hours of a network television show (NBC is still considered a network, right?), and then the guys who run it are portrayed as completely joyless. It's actually somewhat shocking that Summer lost this task and was fired because if anyone was capable of living up to the no-fun pledge of a company with as undynamic a title as One Hour Heating and Air Conditioning, it was her. Of course, that turned out to be exactly the problem. Summer would make a fantastic Clockwork Home Services executive. She could attend corporate functions and they could all sit around their conference table figuring out exciting new ways to suck the fun out of every morsel of life. But asking Summer to be creative is like asking Trump to be modest: ain't gonna happen. Bret, on the other hand... This could have been a disaster: Glam metal/debauchery TV star Bret Michaels creating three radio spots for two old dudes who have made it very clear that they want no humor nor anything even remotely risqué in their ads. And it certainly seemed headed that way as Bret's original inspiration for the plumbing spot seemed to consist of him and Sharon Osbounre making various pooping noises. But amazingly, Bret was eventually able to find the middle ground: sexing up his One Hour Heating and Air Conditioning ad with a '70s porn soundtrack and talk of being ''hot and sticky,'' while also creating a 1930's swing sound spot for Mister Sparky (which only sounds like the name of someone's pet vibrator). Of course, Bret had to earn his bad boy stripes, insisting on inserting a crack on plumber's crack into his Benjamin Franklin spot, even after Fuddy and Duddy has expressly warned him not to do so. It had no reason being in there and added nothing to the ad, but sometimes the rocker just needs to rock the boat, baby! He even took time out to mock Fuddy and Duddy's seriousness on the matter, sarcastically proclaiming. ''Listen, I've possessed some plumber's crack a few times in my life and I know how hurtful it is when people make fun of me, so I try to never make fun of plumber's crack. It's a serious matter.'' Say, you feel a little water splashing in? That's because this boat has just officially been ROCKED!

Okay, here are the 10 other things that rocked me about the latest edition of Celebrity Apprentice:

10. Apparently, Cyndi Lauper gets all of her history lessons from watching beer commercials and HBO miniseries. While Cyndi was on to something in suggesting that Ben Franklin would make a lot more sense as a mascot for an electrician (see ya, Mister Sparky!) than a plumber, she latched on to the reasoning that in HBO's John Adams miniseries Franklin was seen in Paris enjoying a bath with a woman. Not bad, Cyndi. Certainly more intellectually stimulating that wasting time watching some brainless drivel like, oh, I don't know, Celebrity Apprentice! Of course, what Franklin was really famous for was taking daily ''air baths'' which consisted of him sitting around in his room for an hour naked. I guess that means what he actually should be a mascot for is some sort of creepy founding father edition of Playgirl, so maybe we should all be happy they decided to just stick with plumber in this case.

9. If I am Rodney Peete, winner of the Johnny Unitas Award as the nation's best senior college quarterback while at USC, and a 16-year NFL QB, I'm probably not too psyched that my wife just informed the entire country that I clog up the toilet with my epic-sized fecal matter on a regular basis. Why would she do that? Do they have some sort of rule in place where if Holly brings into their foundation a check of over $300,000 that she is thereby entitled to go around bragging all about her husband's ginormous poops? Keep your money, woman! Leave my felgercarb alone!

8. Welcome, Eric Trump! (Was Don Jr. suspended for a week after professing a desire to see Bret's ''tour bus thrust''?) First off, let me say that I had no idea your father had sired a giant. But what struck me most was not your freakish height, but rather the way you continually kept bringing your hands in front of you and tapping the fingers together like a maniacal Ernst Stavro Blofeld. It often takes Trump henchmen years to perfect that move, so kudos to you for picking it up on your very first day. Cold-blooded oversight courses through your veins, sir. You wear your last name well.

7. I can't even properly describe what sort of sounds Cyndi was making in the van to warm up her throat, but they clearly were not human. I can't help but wonder if the fluffy white cat that usually resides in Eric Trump's lap had somehow escaped and was being sat on by an oblivious Miss Lauper.

6. The big problem with all six live radio ads is that all of them ended up going too well. Celebrity Apprentice is only truly firing on all cylinders of awesomeness when there is some pure ineptitude going on, and that was sorely lacking here. Team Tenacity's spots were super professional and super boring, while Rock Solid's were mildly entertaining but also ran way too smoothly for my taste. No freaking out. No last second drama (except maybe's Cyndi's voice). And no problems whatsoever during the actual performances.

5. New Celebrity Apprentice drinking game (but in no way, shape, or form meant to replace the original Celebrity Apprentice drinking game of drinking non-stop while you watch Celebrity Apprentice): Shotgun an entire can of Milwaukee's Best every time Trump says in the Boardroom, ''I thought both teams did a great job.''

4. How nice to see Bret, still fighting an uphill battle in real life, win $40,000 for the American Diabetes Association. Could Bret actually make it to the end? He's 2-0 as a Project Manager, one of the most famous people left, and obviously makes for good TV. That all bodes well for him making it to the finals. And wouldn't that make things even more dramatic if he is medically cleared to attend the May 23 live finale?

3. There's nothing better than irrational hate, when you can't stand someone even though they really don't do anything wrong or give you any decent reason to dislike them. Sharon and Maria took Curtis to town in the Boardroom: Sharon said she hated the pretty boy chef for being ''smug,'' and Maria couldn't exactly pinpoint what annoyed her so much about him but explained that ''I look at him and I'm like, I want to punch you for some reason.'' The reason, most likely, is that while Curtis does seem for the most part like an absolutely fine fellow, he also gives off the vibe of being a smidgeon too into himself. (Remember back when Selita made fun of him for constantly wearing his chef's apron?) Of course, Trump likes Curtis, because Curtis is perhaps the only man he knows that spends as much time perfecting his hair as The Donald does.

2. I have a secret shame to report, but I feel it is my duty and I am really hopeful that we can keep this just between the two of us. And that secret shame is this: I think Ivanka Trump is kind of hot. I KNOW! I KNOW! It just seems so wrong on so many levels. I picture myself looking at her and then The Donald looking at me and yelling, ''What the hell are you looking at, loser?'' But, still, did you see her in the Boardroom? The woman looked good! She appeared to have come straight from the set of a music video where she had just slithered off the hood of David Coverdale's car or something and was ready for action. The hair. The makeup. The dress. It was all working. And not only did she have her face on, but she had her game face on as well, asking Summer of her teammates, ''Which was the weakest and which was the strongest, in your opinion? And I know you have an opinion.''

1. But that's exactly the point: Summer never did have an opinion and was perhaps the most frustrating Boardroom participant ever, failing to utter a single interesting word during her entire run. Everyone was great. Nobody was any less great than anyone else. And every time Trump asked her who she thought he should fire — a question he has posed approximately 5,279 times per episode this season — she hemmed and hawed. I'm sure Summer is a lovely lady in real life. She just wasn't very interesting to watch in this environment. She's far too sane and far too grounded and far too nice. In other words, the exact opposite of what we demand from our Celebrity Apprentice contestants. What did you think, dear Celebrity Apprentice recap reader? Were you glad to see Summer go? Is Curtis in love with himself? Were you as offended by Bret's crack on plumber's crack as Fuddy and Duddy? And can Bret actually win this thing and become the next Celebrity Apprentice?!? Hit the message boards and let us know. And for all the Celebrity Apprentice news and views, follow me on Twitter @EWDaltonRoss. See ya next week. Cluck, cluck... splash!