Chat
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1.
>>Addiction and Interruption<<
It all started a month ago. And now she is addicted.
She scans the lines that pop up on the screen almost hungrily, wanting to merge, needing to become, the desire to change throbbing deep inside her heart. She never takes a part in the discussions. She would taint them.
So she only observes, a tiny name on the list of people, forever observing, forever wishing. Hoping against hope that her cell phone or pager won’t call her away from this façade of life that she pretends to have. Normal life.
“Sydney… sometimes I just don’t understand how you can do this.” Michael shook his head, a grin splaying across his face. “You must have at least nine lives because that- that was absolutely incredible.”
She tried to smile and share the enthusiasm that seemingly seared through his body but couldn’t; she was drained, tired, and couldn’t take looking at something that she wasn’t allowed to have, to touch, or even to hold. Life seemed so far away and forbidden fruits were the last thing that she needed.
“—seriously Sydney. That was amazing. You’re a phoenix, Syd. You’re a f****** phoenix.” He laughed and then hugged her, the sudden force of the contact surprising her and bringing her back, vitalizing her for one moment before the realization that she couldn’t have this man, that he was untouchable to her, reached the very depths of her soul and she froze.
“Sydney? Is something the matter?” He’s serious now and she knows that he too is fighting to keep control. She can feel his breath against her ear and she closes her eyes, wishing that it could be simple… wishing that all she had to do was touch his cheek to make him understand.
But she can’t.
“I’m just tired Vaughn. I’m gonna go.”
---you’re a f****** phoenix Sydney. That’s what you are. A bird that lives and lives and lives, burns up, is born again from the ashes, and lives and lives and lives. Destined to forever be alone unless there’s another phoenix out there looking too. Another f****** phoenix—
That was when it started. She got home and turned on the computer out of habit before she realized that she has nothing to work out, that for her accomplishment, she had been given a night off.
And so, with a yearning inside of her to look into normal lives, to talk- no not to talk- to listen… for all the same reasons she liked to watch the people at the train station, she entered the chatroom.
BleedingPhoenix.
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The soft ringing noise strikes her ears and she is confused for a moment before realizing what it is. Someone is talking to her. She should stop right now because her control is going to waver and she’s going to end up like all the teenagers who are addicted to chatrooms but she can’t because after a month of observation, someone who doesn’t know who she is wants to talk to her.
And she feels wanted.
Because the person on the other side thinks she normal and that is the one thing that wants desperately to be.
peoplesay: you never speak
BleedingPhoenix: excuse me?
peoplesay: i see you all the time. you're always there. but you never say anything.
BleedingPhoenix: maybe I don’t have anything to say
peoplesay: everyone has something to say. everyone needs an ally
“You might think you’re alone in this. Like you don’t have an ally. I’m your ally. Never forget that.”
She’s frozen.
BleedingPhoenix: Why do you care?
peoplesay: I’m curious as to why you do it and I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, analyzing you. It’s an interesting hobby.
BleedingPhoenix: i don’t want to be analyzed.
peoplesay: I could tell. Here’s what I think anyway. I think that you feel lost. like you’re alone. so you pretend you’re somebody else.
You’re alone in this. You don’t have an ally.
BleedingPhoenix: then why are you talking to me?
peoplesay: you intrigue me. And I think I like you.
She’s confused. This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. She’s not supposed to undergo some thing to find herself… she’s trying to—she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to do.
BleedingPhoenix: You’re wrong. I’m not trying to be anybody.
peoplesay: fine. but you’re sure as hell not being yourself.
BleedingPhoenix: I could be being myself. How could you know?
peoplesay: because of what you do. You lurk. you disguise yourself because you think that otherwise, someone will hurt you.
BleedingPhoenix: you don’t know anything. Maybe I’m nothing. I hurt others, not the other way around.
peoplesay: i may not know anything but nobody’s nothing
BleedingPhoenix: you should stop talking to me. I’ll probably end up destroying your life.
peoplesay: I can’t stop.
BleedingPhoenix: why not
peoplesay: because you’re bleeding.
She shuddered before she went to sleep that night.
TBC…
Umm… I’m not sure what this is. If you figure it out, can you please tell me? The idea for the beginning and the end just came to me and it’s pretty easy to guess the entire storyline and resolution but it’s kinda creepy to me.
Hoping it’s just me~
Hope it isn’t too terrible.
-Jenn
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1.
>>Addiction and Interruption<<
It all started a month ago. And now she is addicted.
She scans the lines that pop up on the screen almost hungrily, wanting to merge, needing to become, the desire to change throbbing deep inside her heart. She never takes a part in the discussions. She would taint them.
So she only observes, a tiny name on the list of people, forever observing, forever wishing. Hoping against hope that her cell phone or pager won’t call her away from this façade of life that she pretends to have. Normal life.
“Sydney… sometimes I just don’t understand how you can do this.” Michael shook his head, a grin splaying across his face. “You must have at least nine lives because that- that was absolutely incredible.”
She tried to smile and share the enthusiasm that seemingly seared through his body but couldn’t; she was drained, tired, and couldn’t take looking at something that she wasn’t allowed to have, to touch, or even to hold. Life seemed so far away and forbidden fruits were the last thing that she needed.
“—seriously Sydney. That was amazing. You’re a phoenix, Syd. You’re a f****** phoenix.” He laughed and then hugged her, the sudden force of the contact surprising her and bringing her back, vitalizing her for one moment before the realization that she couldn’t have this man, that he was untouchable to her, reached the very depths of her soul and she froze.
“Sydney? Is something the matter?” He’s serious now and she knows that he too is fighting to keep control. She can feel his breath against her ear and she closes her eyes, wishing that it could be simple… wishing that all she had to do was touch his cheek to make him understand.
But she can’t.
“I’m just tired Vaughn. I’m gonna go.”
---you’re a f****** phoenix Sydney. That’s what you are. A bird that lives and lives and lives, burns up, is born again from the ashes, and lives and lives and lives. Destined to forever be alone unless there’s another phoenix out there looking too. Another f****** phoenix—
That was when it started. She got home and turned on the computer out of habit before she realized that she has nothing to work out, that for her accomplishment, she had been given a night off.
And so, with a yearning inside of her to look into normal lives, to talk- no not to talk- to listen… for all the same reasons she liked to watch the people at the train station, she entered the chatroom.
BleedingPhoenix.
~:~
The soft ringing noise strikes her ears and she is confused for a moment before realizing what it is. Someone is talking to her. She should stop right now because her control is going to waver and she’s going to end up like all the teenagers who are addicted to chatrooms but she can’t because after a month of observation, someone who doesn’t know who she is wants to talk to her.
And she feels wanted.
Because the person on the other side thinks she normal and that is the one thing that wants desperately to be.
peoplesay: you never speak
BleedingPhoenix: excuse me?
peoplesay: i see you all the time. you're always there. but you never say anything.
BleedingPhoenix: maybe I don’t have anything to say
peoplesay: everyone has something to say. everyone needs an ally
“You might think you’re alone in this. Like you don’t have an ally. I’m your ally. Never forget that.”
She’s frozen.
BleedingPhoenix: Why do you care?
peoplesay: I’m curious as to why you do it and I’ve been thinking about it for awhile, analyzing you. It’s an interesting hobby.
BleedingPhoenix: i don’t want to be analyzed.
peoplesay: I could tell. Here’s what I think anyway. I think that you feel lost. like you’re alone. so you pretend you’re somebody else.
You’re alone in this. You don’t have an ally.
BleedingPhoenix: then why are you talking to me?
peoplesay: you intrigue me. And I think I like you.
She’s confused. This isn’t what’s supposed to happen. She’s not supposed to undergo some thing to find herself… she’s trying to—she doesn’t even know what she’s trying to do.
BleedingPhoenix: You’re wrong. I’m not trying to be anybody.
peoplesay: fine. but you’re sure as hell not being yourself.
BleedingPhoenix: I could be being myself. How could you know?
peoplesay: because of what you do. You lurk. you disguise yourself because you think that otherwise, someone will hurt you.
BleedingPhoenix: you don’t know anything. Maybe I’m nothing. I hurt others, not the other way around.
peoplesay: i may not know anything but nobody’s nothing
BleedingPhoenix: you should stop talking to me. I’ll probably end up destroying your life.
peoplesay: I can’t stop.
BleedingPhoenix: why not
peoplesay: because you’re bleeding.
She shuddered before she went to sleep that night.
TBC…
Umm… I’m not sure what this is. If you figure it out, can you please tell me? The idea for the beginning and the end just came to me and it’s pretty easy to guess the entire storyline and resolution but it’s kinda creepy to me.
Hoping it’s just me~
Hope it isn’t too terrible.
-Jenn
