so guys i'm having a hard time with something and i was wondering if y'all could advise me and be my moral supporters. i know for a lot of people reading this it's going to sound so shallow but please try to remember that we all have different backgrounds and yours isn't necessarily like mine; please be patient with me and try not to judge. here goes...i really like this guy that i work with. he's great...so smart, funny, gorgeous, and i think he really likes me too. sounds perfect, right? what's holding me back? well, he's black. now i feel like that comes out sounding really terrible. i have nothing against diversity in relationships, i just feel like for us it wouldn't work out. i'm from a pretty small southern rural town and it's just not an acceptable thing to date a black guy. my family would freak out, my friends would freak out, and while i'm not saying that's right (i think it's really not) i feel as though a relationship between the two of us wouldn't make sense. i'm very close to my family and friends and their approval is very important to me. if y'all have feedback or thoughts or criticism (i KNOW there will be some of that) please let me know. i could also use some support. thanks!! ^_^
Dating Question
- Thread starter Kalan
- Start date
I think that you should just ask him out. Not that I should give advice, as I've never asked anybody out, but I think that you should. Maybe your friends and family will actually like him... or maybe he'll say no (just saying what could happen), and nobody will ever have to know about your crush. And if he says yes, maybe it will be worth it.
ALIAS_RULES
Cadet
In my opinion...
Well it really breaks down to this...
Do you like the guy enough to go against everything that your friends and family believe in? If you do, then try to get them to understand. If you don't then i think you shouldn't try and get something to work with him.
Well it really breaks down to this...
Do you like the guy enough to go against everything that your friends and family believe in? If you do, then try to get them to understand. If you don't then i think you shouldn't try and get something to work with him.
crazy spinster
Cadet
i really like you kalan, so i'm not going to judge you (and besides, i wouldn't want to be judged either). you're definitely in a tough spot.
but i would say go for it. well, not right away, but work at it slowly. see if you can't just be friends first. i know, i know, that sounds so cliche, but honestly, if you can at least be friends, who's to say that something more wouldn't work out? don't leap for a relationship right away. just ease into it and try out friendship first. would your friends and family disapprove of a friendship? that would probably be easier for them to accept than a real relationship.
basically, i just wouldn't abandon the whole thing. it sounds like you've got a sweet thing going on. it's a nice feeling isn't it? to like someone and have the feeling that they probably like you back. you're lucky. not most people get to have those feelings. so don't back away. just give it a shot.
but i would say go for it. well, not right away, but work at it slowly. see if you can't just be friends first. i know, i know, that sounds so cliche, but honestly, if you can at least be friends, who's to say that something more wouldn't work out? don't leap for a relationship right away. just ease into it and try out friendship first. would your friends and family disapprove of a friendship? that would probably be easier for them to accept than a real relationship.
basically, i just wouldn't abandon the whole thing. it sounds like you've got a sweet thing going on. it's a nice feeling isn't it? to like someone and have the feeling that they probably like you back. you're lucky. not most people get to have those feelings. so don't back away. just give it a shot.
thanks cs, i always seem to forget that there are other options besides "yes" and "no"...i forget to live in the gray areas. friendships are good and you're right - whether or not a real relationship blossoms, a friendship is something you can have forever. (i appreciate it that you really like me, you're one of my favorite online personalities as well ^_^ ) and thanks to sophie, sarah, and alias rules as well. please continue to comment!
crazy spinster
Cadet
:lol: you like me! you really like me!! but seriously though, thanks! ^_^
and you're one lucky duck. you have a cool job AND you met someone at it!! i'm quite jealous. ^_^
and you're one lucky duck. you have a cool job AND you met someone at it!! i'm quite jealous. ^_^
Scarlet Crystal
Bibbity Rabbity
i think that if he's worth it, who cares what happens?
i care what happens b/c i'm afraid that what would happen is that it would cause a riff with my family and friends...my family mostly...and there would be a lot of tension there. i think this is one of those topics that could forever change your relationship with people that you love - parents, siblings, friendsaliasgirl000 said:
ALIAS_RULES
Cadet
Well maybe you could get your family to change their views. If you really like him a lot, then you should go for it.
crazy spinster
Cadet
i agree. there are consequences to everything which is why i think you should ease into this. there's no use risking everything if there's a large possibility that you may hurt the ones closest to you. but don't give up either.Kalan said:
i do understand your situation somewhat. my parents are very old-fashioned and would prefer me to marry someone of the same ethnicity as me (asian) even though i'd rather not. however, i'm not as close to my parents as you seem to be to yours so i wouldn't be facing the same possible consequences that you would. i can definitely understand not wanting to create tension between yourself and your family though. but, like you said earlier, don't think of this as "choosing" between your family/friends and your crush. there's always the gray area.
ALIAS_RULES
Cadet
If you're family & friends are strongly against this, you g2 find a way to get them to change their minds. You shouldn't just rush into the relationship. How much against this are they?
crazy spinster
Cadet
but it's VERY difficult for people to change their opinions on something like interracial dating. once people are set in their beliefs about anything, you're going to have a very hard time getting them to think differently.
i think you'd be better off trying to show your friends and family what a good person this guy is and how much you like him (as a friend or more, whichever). that's much easier than trying to get them to approve of all interracial relationships in general.
anyway, i gotta go now. kalan, feel free to pm me or e-mail me about this (or anything else) if you want to!!
i think you'd be better off trying to show your friends and family what a good person this guy is and how much you like him (as a friend or more, whichever). that's much easier than trying to get them to approve of all interracial relationships in general.
anyway, i gotta go now. kalan, feel free to pm me or e-mail me about this (or anything else) if you want to!!
ALIAS_RULES
Cadet
Yeah that's very true. My parents are like that too. I don't think I could change their mind. So it all depends on how important this guy is to you.
