Does anyone have abusive parents?

<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>I was pretty taken-back to hear your stories, not only because of what you've all been through but because they're so similar to my story. Growing up for me was kind of a struggle, it still is. I'm sixteen years old, and feel about sixty.

You see, when I was born I was literally almost dead, I wasn't breathing and had no pulse. I had been without oxygen for a few minutes, for anyone who doesn't know how serious that is, I THINK 3 minutes leaves permanent brain damage and at 5 minutes your brain dead. Anyway, it’s a long story so I’ll shorten it. Basically it’s left me with some learning difficulties (for example it takes me longer to learn things) but fortunately I can still do all the normal things everyone else does.

As I’m sure you can appreciate it wasn't easy growing up,
My first memory from my early childhood was me running away, from people, from something scary, I don't know. I just remember running.

At the age of four or five I had been called practically every hurtful word I can think of today. Stupid, waste of time, useless, pathetic, unworthy etc. (you get the idea)

When my younger siblings came along it got worse, because now it wasn’t just me, I had to stand back and watch them take it too. It wasn’t as bad for them, but it still hurt to watch. Ever since I can remember there were financial issues, for example to this day (even though money isn't that big of an issue anymore) I don't even ask for money for a drink when I’m out with my mother. Why? Because I already know the answer.


Existentialist,

When I read that your mum used to hit you with a wooden spoon my heart sank and past memories came flooding back to my mind because I remember when it happened to me. I don't think I got through a week without kneeling down beside my bed a praying to whoever might be listening for a angel to take me away. (Keep in mind I was pretty young still)

Whenever I went to school I would cover up my pain and hurt with a smile, so nobody could see. When my family went out in public, it was just as bad, accept instead of yelling at us when we placed one foot wrong my mother would just stare and give us a scary glad or look, letting us know that when we got home we were in big trouble. My parents never got on, so they would take it out on us, especially me. Why? I don't know, I still don't to this day. Maybe because I let them, or because I was there at the time. While constantly struggling with school, I was expected to keep an eye at all times on my brothers. For example, when they played I had to make sure they didn't get hurt, or they didn't fight over a toy while my mum was on the phone (or something like that) if I failed to do this I was yelled at and reminded how stupid and useless I was. Never mind that I was just a kid too. My mothers was, is a controlling perfectionist everything had to be her way or not at all. From the number of times I brushed my hair each morning to the colour of the clips in my hair, to the way I held a pencil. Everything was controlled. And I was always wrong. No matter how hard I tried, I was always wrong. My life became about following orders to the letter, all I’ve ever wanted to do in life was have people notice me, to have my parents look at me and not see pity reflect in their eye's. I wanted to prove to my parents that I was worth the trouble.

Every wish or dream I’ve ever shared with my mother, she's found a way to discourage me and tell me how pathetic and wrong my idea was. To this day I often do extra things around the house or on birthday spend ridiculous amount of money on presents or anything I can do to get noticed. It never works, at sixteen I find myself waking up each morning, looking at myself in the mirror and have not the slightest clue of who this stranger is staring back at me.

I'm really not sure if any of this classifies as any sort of abuse, I’m not writing this to complain, but rather as a message to anyone and everyone who's ever been physically, emotionally or psychologically abused or put down in anyway. Don’t let them drown you out, if you have to hide who you are, then so be it, just don't EVER forget who you are. I feel for all of you.

I was and still am angry that this had to happen to me. My mother for all of what I’ve said and my father for sitting back and watching it play out. Still, at the end of the day I really can’t blame them because I know that under the circumstance of who they are and the position they were in they probably did the best job they knew how to.

So, to everyone out there with parents who love, respect and accept you for who you are go home and hug them and tell them what they really mean to you. I know some of you will read that last part a probably laugh, and that's ok, because I know for a fact that some people really don't know the value of the people they have in their lives until you contemplate life without them.

I know it’s long, SORRY but I felt compelled to write it.

Thank-you.</span>
 
I read ALL the pages. I never new that there were THIS many ppl who had this problem. Liberty47, I didn't laugh at the last part. My parents love, accept and respect me. I'm not laughing. Every since I found out about one person who had this problem I was focused on trying to be there for her. I even gave her ideas to how she can get out of this mess.

All of you out there who have this problem, you can ALWAYS talk to me. If you don't believe me then talk to some of my friends on here about me being a friend. No, actually, talk to Jo (aliasjgfanaticmv) about me being a friend. You can come to me. If you don't know me that's okay. Ask Jo about me being a friend. I like to help ppl and I WILL find a way to make your lives better. I'm still trying to do this with one person and I found out that I was just by listening to her and acknowledging her and accepting her for who she is. I feel like I need to be there. Heck! When I was (okay, I still am but I'm sneaking on) banned from the computer I felt bad that this one person wouldn't be able to talk to me as much! I can't let this go on! I NEED TO help you or just listen to you. I will read EVERYTHING you have to tell me. I understand but have not gone through what you have but, you can still come to me.

~Erika :godblessamerica:
 
I'm not laughing, either, Liberty47. I am very very fortunate to have wonderful parents, and tell them constantly that I love them.

Everyone's stories brought tears to my eyes, and I can't even tell you all how your stories made my heart break. I want you all to know that I'm praying for you, and hope you will all find happiness despite the sadness that surrounds you!!

GOD BLESS YOU!! :love:
 
SydneyandVaughn said:
I'm not laughing, either, Liberty47. I am very very fortunate to have wonderful parents, and tell them constantly that I love them.

Everyone's stories brought tears to my eyes, and I can't even tell you all how your stories made my heart break. I want you all to know that I'm praying for you, and hope you will all find happiness despite the sadness that surrounds you!!

GOD BLESS YOU!! :love:
You took the words right out of my mouth. I cried too.
 
Libery47, that put tears in my eyes.

I don't have abusive parents, but I almost feel the exact same way. My parents aren't exactly the loving kind. Although we manage to get along, I've grown up learning to not show my love towards my parents--I don't tell them I love them, give them hugs or kisses, or have real talks with them, talk about who I am.

At my Confirmation retreat, I had to write a letter to my parents. I told them that I loved them (first time since I could remember), and that I wanted our realationship to be better. I said that there was a wall between us that I wanted to break. And when my mom read the letter, she denied the existence of the wall. "What's the wall? You're lying." I'm not sure myself what the wall is. But part of it is that my mom can't accept the fact that she is wrong sometimes. That almost controlling me means she loves me, but it's definitely not the best way to show it. It hurts to think that I will never have a real relationship with my parents, and sometimes I even live in fear of them.

All I can do is hope that things get better, but at the moment, I can't even imagine that happening.
 
God bless you all! Such amazingly powerful stories you've all shared!

My parents are always asking me what the heck i read and write on these boards, and if they knew this was what it was like here, with so many caring and helpful people, I'm sure they'd let me go on this site any time I wanted!

But anyway...
When I was about ten years old, my parents were still having issues, even though they divorced when I was six. They were going to court in custody battles, and I remember I just kept telling the judge, my lawyer, everyone that I wanted to live with my mom. I said it in front of my father, and I could tell it broke his heart. But I really felt that I needed my mother more, that should could take better care of me.
But that didn't seem to matter to anyone. No one seemed to understand me except for my mom. So when the police were forced to come get me when I wouldn't come out of my mom's house, I fought back. I was only ten, but I hit one of the officers with a broomstick.
A whole bunch of social workers came after that, and they finally got me out of the house and to my dad's place.
And to this day, at thirteen years old, I'm still angry at the judge, at my father, at the police, at the social workers, at everyone who didn't want me to stay in my mom's custody.
I go to a psychiatrist to try and help me forgive them, but I just can't.

Wow, just told you guys(who i don't really know) more than I've ever even told my best friend. Sorry :blush: -_- :thinking:
 
Liberty47... I feel for you... If you ever need to talk, I'm here too.

The sad thing is, the last bit you put about hugging parents, etc... I've never felt comfortable hugging my parents, really. And while most of my friends, when on the phone with their parents, tell them "i love you" before they hang up, I've never been able to do that. It's weird.

Oh man... when my siblings and I were little, my mom always told us not to do anything to 'embarrass' her. And if we did... she wouldn't really say much in public, but she'd give us the death glare, and when we got back home... My parents hit me and my sibs, but along with it, they'd make us stand and face the wall for periods of time. One time, my mom left the room and left me facing the wall for almost 2 hours! I should have just sat down or something, but I was so afraid of what she'd say to me if she caught me, that I just faced the wall.

Aliaswannabe2... I can't believe they didn't listen to you when you protested so strongly about leaving your mother's custody! And don't worry about telling so much... none of my friends in "real life" or whatever would ever believe that I was hit with a spoon. It's easier to tell these things over the computer, for whatever reason.
 
Facing the wall was definately strange. After a while, I would stare at the little bubbles in the paint and find pictures. Ha, at one point, I had to stand in the same place all the time, and I would see how many of the same pictures I could find each time. Now though, I have a hard time standing without leaning against anything for long periods of time. I guess I was a pretty naughty kid, 'cause I remember facing the wall a lot. I think I talked back a lot... I still do. The last time my dad hit me was 2 years ago, around Christmas, and I yelled at him and threatened to disappear one day. I never ran away when I was little, though I had some pretty vivid dreams about doing so... My sister did once though. She went to her friends house and my dad found her right away, but it was pretty scary. My mom was so mad, she started yelling at me, though I don't know what good that did.
 
Existentialist said:
The sad thing is, the last bit you put about hugging parents, etc... I've never felt comfortable hugging my parents, really. And while most of my friends, when on the phone with their parents, tell them "i love you" before they hang up, I've never been able to do that. It's weird.
I know how you feel. I don't even remember the last time I hugged my parents. My mom does try to hug me alot, but I feel so uncomfortable, I try and get away.
 
alias8000 said:
I read ALL the pages. I never new that there were THIS many ppl who had this problem. Liberty47, I didn't laugh at the last part. My parents love, accept and respect me. I'm not laughing. Every since I found out about one person who had this problem I was focused on trying to be there for her. I even gave her ideas to how she can get out of this mess.

All of you out there who have this problem, you can ALWAYS talk to me. If you don't believe me then talk to some of my friends on here about me being a friend. No, actually, talk to Jo (aliasjgfanaticmv) about me being a friend. You can come to me. If you don't know me that's okay. Ask Jo about me being a friend. I like to help ppl and I WILL find a way to make your lives better. I'm still trying to do this with one person and I found out that I was just by listening to her and acknowledging her and accepting her for who she is. I feel like I need to be there. Heck! When I was (okay, I still am but I'm sneaking on) banned from the computer I felt bad that this one person wouldn't be able to talk to me as much! I can't let this go on! I NEED TO help you or just listen to you. I will read EVERYTHING you have to tell me. I understand but have not gone through what you have but, you can still come to me.

~Erika :godblessamerica:
The same goes for me, if anyone ever wants to talk, I'm always here.
 
Aliasgirl47 said:
alias8000 said:
I read ALL the pages. I never new that there were THIS many ppl who had this problem. Liberty47, I didn't laugh at the last part. My parents love, accept and respect me. I'm not laughing. Every since I found out about one person who had this problem I was focused on trying to be there for her. I even gave her ideas to how she can get out of this mess.

All of you out there who have this problem, you can ALWAYS talk to me. If you don't believe me then talk to some of my friends on here about me being a friend. No, actually, talk to Jo (aliasjgfanaticmv) about me being a friend. You can come to me. If you don't  know me that's okay. Ask Jo about me being a friend. I like to help ppl and I WILL find a way to make your lives better. I'm still trying to do this with one person and I found out that I was just by listening to her and acknowledging her and accepting her for who she is. I feel like I need to be there. Heck! When I was (okay, I still am but I'm sneaking on) banned  from the computer I felt bad that this one person wouldn't be able to talk to me as much! I can't let this go on! I NEED TO help you or just listen to you. I will read EVERYTHING you have to tell me. I understand but have not gone through what you have but, you can still come to me.

~Erika  :godblessamerica:
The same goes for me, if anyone ever wants to talk, I'm always here.
Yes, Mandi and I will be here if you wanna talk.

Aliaswannnabe2, I'm glad you hit them with a brromstick! Anyways, I understand what you mean by saying that you thought your mom could take better care of you. If you can't forgive those officers and your dad then I know you really mean it. If you can't forgive them and no matter how many time you've tried to forgive them but can't then that's okay. If you can't you can't and that's all I need to say.

My mom can sometimes lose her temper and threaten but she never really means them. It can sometimes happen easily but she was a spoiled brat when she was a kid so it was who spoiled her that made her like that. I'm okay with it though. I tell my mom to calm down and I'm like the ONLY person who is calm and I make things better. Other than that, my mom is fine.
 
liberty47 said:
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'>I was pretty taken-back to hear your stories, not only because of what you've all been through but because they're so similar to my story. Growing up for me was kind of a struggle, it still is. I'm sixteen years old, and feel about sixty.

You see, when I was born I was literally almost dead, I wasn't breathing and had no pulse. I had been without oxygen for a few minutes, for anyone who doesn't know how serious that is, I THINK 3 minutes leaves permanent brain damage and at 5 minutes your brain dead. Anyway, it’s a long story so I’ll shorten it. Basically it’s left me with some learning difficulties (for example it takes me longer to learn things) but fortunately I can still do all the normal things everyone else does.

As I’m sure you can appreciate it wasn't easy growing up,
My first memory from my early childhood was me running away, from people, from something scary, I don't know. I just remember running.

At the age of four or five I had been called practically every hurtful word I can think of today. Stupid, waste of time, useless, pathetic, unworthy etc. (you get the idea)

When my younger siblings came along it got worse, because now it wasn’t just me, I had to stand back and watch them take it too. It wasn’t as bad for them, but it still hurt to watch. Ever since I can remember there were financial issues, for example to this day (even though money isn't that big of an issue anymore) I don't even ask for money for a drink when I’m out with my mother. Why? Because I already know the answer.


Existentialist,

When I read that your mum used to hit you with a wooden spoon my heart sank and past memories came flooding back to my mind because I remember when it happened to me. I don't think I got through a week without kneeling down beside my bed a praying to whoever might be listening for a angel to take me away. (Keep in mind I was pretty young still)

Whenever I went to school I would cover up my pain and hurt with a smile, so nobody could see. When my family went out in public, it was just as bad, accept instead of yelling at us when we placed one foot wrong my mother would just stare and give us a scary glad or look, letting us know that when we got home we were in big trouble. My parents never got on, so they would take it out on us, especially me. Why? I don't know, I still don't to this day. Maybe because I let them, or because I was there at the time. While constantly struggling with school, I was expected to keep an eye at all times on my brothers. For example, when they played I had to make sure they didn't get hurt, or they didn't fight over a toy while my mum was on the phone (or something like that) if I failed to do this I was yelled at and reminded how stupid and useless I was. Never mind that I was just a kid too. My mothers was, is a controlling perfectionist everything had to be her way or not at all. From the number of times I brushed my hair each morning to the colour of the clips in my hair, to the way I held a pencil. Everything was controlled. And I was always wrong. No matter how hard I tried, I was always wrong. My life became about following orders to the letter, all I’ve ever wanted to do in life was have people notice me, to have my parents look at me and not see pity reflect in their eye's. I wanted to prove to my parents that I was worth the trouble.

Every wish or dream I’ve ever shared with my mother, she's found a way to discourage me and tell me how pathetic and wrong my idea was. To this day I often do extra things around the house or on birthday spend ridiculous amount of money on presents or anything I can do to get noticed. It never works, at sixteen I find myself waking up each morning, looking at myself in the mirror and have not the slightest clue of who this stranger is staring back at me.

I'm really not sure if any of this classifies as any sort of abuse, I’m not writing this to complain, but rather as a message to anyone and everyone who's ever been physically, emotionally or psychologically abused or put down in anyway. Don’t let them drown you out, if you have to hide who you are, then so be it, just don't EVER forget who you are. I feel for all of you.

I was and still am angry that this had to happen to me. My mother for all of what I’ve said and my father for sitting back and watching it play out. Still, at the end of the day I  really can’t blame them because I know that under the circumstance of who they are and the position they were in they probably did the best job they knew how to.

So, to everyone out there with parents who love, respect and accept you for who you are go home and hug them and tell them what they really mean to you. I know some of you will read that last part a probably laugh, and that's ok, because I know for a fact that some people really don't know the value of the people they have in their lives until you contemplate life without them.

I know it’s long, SORRY but I felt compelled to write it.

    Thank-you.</span>
Wow, you and me, our lives are so alike...our mom's I mean. Of course there's still stuff I don't want to share that's not in there -_- but that sums up some of it. I think that some people who have those parents who love them and accept them for who they are don't realize how lucky they are. I'm not talking about people on this site, I'm talking about people in general. I mean, you see a kid's mom making him lunch or something, I'm like, wow, that kid is so lucky. I don't eve GET lunch most of the time. Other people probably wouldn't give it a second glance. I mean, the normal kids out there take for granted everything they can do, whether it's being able to go to the bathroom when they want, eat when they want, make noises when they want.....I mean...just...if you're one of those people who take all that for granted, please don't anymore....there are so many of us who'd love to do that. If you're parents love you, make sure they know you love them back, because, even if at some times you hate them, nothing is more important than a parent's love....I mean, all my life I've been struggling for acceptance from my parents, for some sort of...praise or acknowledgement that I'm a good kid, that I tried my best, that I did something good....but I just never get it! It's like, WTF DID I DO?! I'm sorry!! GOD!! Okay, too emotionally, I'm stopping now. :smiley:
 
my parents are what youy guys call normal but they are never home never there. Ya maybe they dont yell at me or hurt me but there is no way i take them for granted...i mean i cant because i only see them whnever they are not working or at parties... i just wanted to let you guys know that i think it is wrong to take parents for granted...I am such a strong beliver of making the best out of everything...and i agree with liberty even tho i come from a different point of view no matter what never froget who you are
 
It's okay Jo. I did take things for granted and basically my whole family is great. Once I met you I realized that I was lucky and thought, "What would it be like if my parents were like that?" Heck! If I were your parent I'd feed you and love you and accept you and respect you, etc. etc. Kids need to be loved man! They do! I still have that list I showed you that helped form a kid's personality if the parents did this or that. Jo, you're a great person and you deserve to be loved and everything. Your parents and sister don't. And that's that.
 
<span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'> :angelic: I guess I just wanted to thank-you all so much for all your support, I didn't realise people could be so understanding, I really didn't. So, thank-you so much.

As I continue reading all your stories I’ve begun to realize it really isn't just me, this is a reality for many people that they face everyday.

I'm about to ask you all something that I’ve had on my mind since I can remember, I’m not sure if there's even an answer but here goes, 'why or what do you think it is that causes parents to act this way?' I mean for me, my greatest fear will be that I’ll turn out like my mother, there I said it. So, I want to try and understand what it is, so I can be aware of it.

Anyhow, I guess I just wanted to thank-you all for saying you'll be there. I understand that when we tell our stories we probably leave a good chunk out, I know I do. Maybe it’s too hard to talk about, or maybe you just don't want to remember, I think I’m beginning to understand that. I wanted to tell anyone and everyone reading that it's alright to speak up on this forum. I have got my own problems, so I might be a little opinionated at times, but if you want to talk, I’m always here to listen.

Thanks for everyone’s support, it means a lot. :angelic:
</span>
 
I admire you guys sooooo much!!! you dont kno...I admire that you guys have not thrown your lives away...i admire that you are not filled with hatred...i admire the fact that you are willing to share with others. I think all of us know how you feel even if it is not to the same extent. I kno i went thru a really bad time with my parents when all they did was tell me how much of a dissapointment i was it is so hard the little bit that i experienced so i admire you guys all for being able to handle that on a day to day basis. ya i aagre with erika, Jo you have really helped me realize what is important to me and to look at life differently. thank you so much.
~anneka
 
vaughnmyangel said:
I admire you guys sooooo much!!! you dont kno...I admire that you guys have not thrown your lives away...i admire that you are not filled with hatred...i admire the fact that you are willing to share with others. I think all of us know how you feel even if it is not to the same extent. I kno i went thru a really bad time with my parents when all they did was tell me how much of a dissapointment i was it is so hard the little bit that i experienced so i admire you guys all for being able to handle that on a day to day basis. ya i aagre with erika, Jo you have really helped me realize what is important to me and to look at life differently. thank you so much.
~anneka
I AM filled with hatred, for my parents at least. I'd never throw my life away! And I was NEVER willing to share, but look at me now LMAO! Of course, there IS that huge chunk missing I don't tell you guys (you know who) like Liberty47 said. And it doesn't matter how little of a thing parents do, doing something like that is wrong. Completely, and maybe it's not so big compared to other people, but in it's own way it is. I mean, NO kid should have to go through what some of us have. NO kid should have to go through what you did. I just don't get it....it's like....what horrible thing did I do to get this? I'd really like to know...

At that last bit you posted ::fuzzy feeling:: ^_^
 
first of all some of the things i was talking about in general. I am sayign i admire y'all because you dont show hatred to others you dont take out your anger on aybody...that is admirable i dont care what anyone syas. but jo even if you dont share it with everybody willingly you do talk to people...talking is the best thing to do...talking is the only way to resolve problems i believe in most cases and talking gets you really far. I ddidnt mean sharing personal stroies but more like sharing emotions...that is important...
 
yeah yeah, I know you meant in general, and I know you meant that other stuff too. I was just saying that I DO feel that. I don't like sharing emotions. Makes me feel too vulnerable. I like to keep everything to myself and not really feel any, that way I can't get hurt. My fault I got hurt so many times, it was my fault for trusting people, my fault for thinking I could love someone, my fault for believing someone could change. MY FAULT I GOT HURT SO MANY DAMN TIMES. :angry: So I don't like showing emotions. I don't like talking about them :smiley:
 
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