Webmistress Eh?
Cadet
Yeah. That's the only problem. But, it's not so bad if it's only a minor high school paper.
Editing (Grammar, etc.)
- Thread starter Azhria Lilu
- Start date
IsabellaOfSweden
Cadet
Hi all native english speakers! I would be soooo happy if someone could help me correct my summary of a Swedish article, that I have written in English and also to help me find a suitable title! And I need to hurry with this summary too.. thanks! /Bella
Summary
According to a questionnaire carried out by Sif (a Swedish trade union), Sweden is losing thousands of jobs when the enterprises are moving parts of or the entire organization abroad.
During the last couple of years, this has been a big problem for companies in Småland, where about 2000 jobs have been lost in only five years. With Electrolux moving to Hungary, Autoliv to Estonia and Continental to Portugal, the region is losing a lot of jobs, but it is not only the big companies that move abroad. The small companies have a lot to gain by moving parts of their production out of the country (primarily to China, the Baltic and Eastern Europe), where the production expenses are lower.
26 % of the companies that took part in the questionnaire stated that they had moved parts of their activities abroad and 27 % that they had set up new offices in another country during the past 5 years. The number one reason for moving is to lower the expenses, but also the nearness to the market.
One of the things Sif is working for is to make Sweden more competitive in the business world and they also cooperate with the educational system and the government as well as the parliament. The education has to be adapted to the needs in the companies. Sif suggests that the Swedish companies should collaborate more to make Sweden a more competitive nation and a better nation to work in.
Summary
According to a questionnaire carried out by Sif (a Swedish trade union), Sweden is losing thousands of jobs when the enterprises are moving parts of or the entire organization abroad.
During the last couple of years, this has been a big problem for companies in Småland, where about 2000 jobs have been lost in only five years. With Electrolux moving to Hungary, Autoliv to Estonia and Continental to Portugal, the region is losing a lot of jobs, but it is not only the big companies that move abroad. The small companies have a lot to gain by moving parts of their production out of the country (primarily to China, the Baltic and Eastern Europe), where the production expenses are lower.
26 % of the companies that took part in the questionnaire stated that they had moved parts of their activities abroad and 27 % that they had set up new offices in another country during the past 5 years. The number one reason for moving is to lower the expenses, but also the nearness to the market.
One of the things Sif is working for is to make Sweden more competitive in the business world and they also cooperate with the educational system and the government as well as the parliament. The education has to be adapted to the needs in the companies. Sif suggests that the Swedish companies should collaborate more to make Sweden a more competitive nation and a better nation to work in.
Here,
Try this. I didn't have too much time to look it over. So I just glanced at it and made a few cursory changes:
According to a questionnaire carried out by Sif (a Swedish trade union), Sweden is losing thousands of jobs through outsourcing.
In the last 5 years, outsourcing has emerged as a tremendous problem for companies in Småland, a country that has lost over 2000 jobs. With Electrolux moving to Hungary, Autoliv to Estonia and Continental to Portugal, the region is quickly losing its economic livelihood. The problem is not confined to the larger enterprises. Small companies too have much to gain by moving parts of their production chain abroad (primarily to China, the Baltic and Eastern Europe), where expenses are far lower.
Lower expenses and proximity to target market are the leading incentives driving the mass economic exodus. 26 % of the companies in the survey had migrated parts of their business process abroad. 27% had set up new offices abroad during the past 5 years.
Through close cooperation and coordination with the educational institutions, and relevant governmental institutions, including the parliament, Sif hopes to make Sweden far more competitive in today's cutthroat global economy. One important step is to tailor the educational cirriculum to serve the business needs of today's enterprises. Such sweeping educational reforms, Sif suggests, cannot succeed without equal participation from the companies themselves.
Try this. I didn't have too much time to look it over. So I just glanced at it and made a few cursory changes:
According to a questionnaire carried out by Sif (a Swedish trade union), Sweden is losing thousands of jobs through outsourcing.
In the last 5 years, outsourcing has emerged as a tremendous problem for companies in Småland, a country that has lost over 2000 jobs. With Electrolux moving to Hungary, Autoliv to Estonia and Continental to Portugal, the region is quickly losing its economic livelihood. The problem is not confined to the larger enterprises. Small companies too have much to gain by moving parts of their production chain abroad (primarily to China, the Baltic and Eastern Europe), where expenses are far lower.
Lower expenses and proximity to target market are the leading incentives driving the mass economic exodus. 26 % of the companies in the survey had migrated parts of their business process abroad. 27% had set up new offices abroad during the past 5 years.
Through close cooperation and coordination with the educational institutions, and relevant governmental institutions, including the parliament, Sif hopes to make Sweden far more competitive in today's cutthroat global economy. One important step is to tailor the educational cirriculum to serve the business needs of today's enterprises. Such sweeping educational reforms, Sif suggests, cannot succeed without equal participation from the companies themselves.
IsabellaOfSweden
Cadet
Thank you xinli11 and Bubbles.. !! unfortunately I've already handed it in.. 
/Bella
/Bella
IsabellaOfSweden
Cadet
Bubbles said:
i don't mind
i actually LIKE editing :blink: strange i know...
[post="1160031"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post]
Nice
I have a lot to write in English at school right now.. heheHi,
I'm in need of someone to help me with my English paper. I had to write the sequel of a short story we read and here's what I wrote :
Can you please check out the grammar?lease:
Thank you
After Lexintion's parents death, he went to live with his uncle and aunt who tried to do all the could to make him feel at home with them. They raised him like they raised their own children, never making a difference between them. Even if he didn't look like them or had the same blood running trough his veins, he was a part of the family.
Growing up Lexi, as his family likes to call him, had his father's mind and his mother beauty. People around him slowly stopped looking at him with pity in their eyes by starting to look at him with respect and also as if his parents were still around. In some ways they were, they were present trough him, they just had to take a look at Lexington to see them.
Just like his father he attended to the famous law school of Harvard where he got the best grades and met his wife. A woman as beautiful and intelligent as him, she was perfect for him. After they graduated he proposed and shortly after that they got married.
Lexington followed his father's footsteps by taking over the important firm he had left him where he was only 12 day old. At the age of 35 he had already 10,000,000 dollars on his bank account, part of that money being what he got after his parents' death. For a lot of people he had the perfect life, but from his point of view it wasn't as perfect as they'd like to think.
When his wife got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named after his mother, all his fears and nightmares came back. It took him some time to realize that what happened to his parents wasn't going to happen to him. And that he couldn't change what happened to his parents and it wasn't by always thinking to the tragedy that changed his life forever that he was going to make his life better.
Before living the fairy tale he is currently living Lexington went trough hell and came back.
I'm in need of someone to help me with my English paper. I had to write the sequel of a short story we read and here's what I wrote :
Can you please check out the grammar?
lease:Thank you
After Lexintion's parents death, he went to live with his uncle and aunt who tried to do all the could to make him feel at home with them. They raised him like they raised their own children, never making a difference between them. Even if he didn't look like them or had the same blood running trough his veins, he was a part of the family.
Growing up Lexi, as his family likes to call him, had his father's mind and his mother beauty. People around him slowly stopped looking at him with pity in their eyes by starting to look at him with respect and also as if his parents were still around. In some ways they were, they were present trough him, they just had to take a look at Lexington to see them.
Just like his father he attended to the famous law school of Harvard where he got the best grades and met his wife. A woman as beautiful and intelligent as him, she was perfect for him. After they graduated he proposed and shortly after that they got married.
Lexington followed his father's footsteps by taking over the important firm he had left him where he was only 12 day old. At the age of 35 he had already 10,000,000 dollars on his bank account, part of that money being what he got after his parents' death. For a lot of people he had the perfect life, but from his point of view it wasn't as perfect as they'd like to think.
When his wife got pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named after his mother, all his fears and nightmares came back. It took him some time to realize that what happened to his parents wasn't going to happen to him. And that he couldn't change what happened to his parents and it wasn't by always thinking to the tragedy that changed his life forever that he was going to make his life better.
Before living the fairy tale he is currently living Lexington went trough hell and came back.
After Lexintion's parents death, he went to live with his uncle and aunt who tried to do all they could to make him feel at home with them. They raised him like they raised their own children, never making a difference between them. I don't think making is a good word for it. You might want to try something like "never showing he was different from them". Even if he didn't look like them or had have instead of hadthe same blood running trough his veins, he was a part of the family.
Growing upcomma Lexi, as his family likes liked instead of likes to call him, had his father's mind and his mother beauty. People around him slowly stopped looking at him with pity in their eyes by I would change 'by' to 'and' starting to look at him with respect and I would take out and and use a full stop. Then say 'They also looked at him as if..." also as if his parents were still around. In some ways they were, they were present through him, they just had to take a look at Lexington to see them.
Just like his father comma he attended to take out tothe famous law school of Harvard where he gotI would replace got with earned the best grades and met his wife. A woman as beautiful and intelligent as him, she was perfect for him. After they graduated he proposed and shortly after that they gotyou could take out got married.
Lexington followed his father's footsteps by taking over the important firm he had left him where he was only 12 day old. At the age of 35 he had alreadyyou should take out already 10,000,000 dollars on his bank account, part of that money being what he gotI would replace got with inherited after his parents' death. For a lot of people he had the perfect life, but from his point of view it wasn't as perfect as they'd like to think.
When his Lexington's instead of his wife got I would change got to becamepregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named after his mother, all his fears and nightmares came back.long sentence. It's slightly confusing so I would try to break it into two. ie: Eventually his wife became pregnant. Nine months later she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl--they decided to name her after his mother. Her birth brought back his fear and nightmares, he was afraid that his baby girl would end up like his mother. It took him some time to realize that what happened to his parents wasn't going to happen to him. And that he couldn't change what happened to his parents and it wasn't by always thinking to the tragedy that changed his life forever that he was going to make his life better.
Before living the fairy tale he is currently living Lexington went trough hell and came back.this sentence is repetitive. The double use of living doesn't work very well.
----
One thing you have to work on is using the word 'got' too much. Got isn't very descriptive, so its better to try to replace it with something else.
Something I was told recently was to use the characters name at the start of each new paragraph.
Let me know if you need more help.
Kewii
Growing upcomma Lexi, as his family likes liked instead of likes to call him, had his father's mind and his mother beauty. People around him slowly stopped looking at him with pity in their eyes by I would change 'by' to 'and' starting to look at him with respect and I would take out and and use a full stop. Then say 'They also looked at him as if..." also as if his parents were still around. In some ways they were, they were present through him, they just had to take a look at Lexington to see them.
Just like his father comma he attended to take out tothe famous law school of Harvard where he gotI would replace got with earned the best grades and met his wife. A woman as beautiful and intelligent as him, she was perfect for him. After they graduated he proposed and shortly after that they gotyou could take out got married.
Lexington followed his father's footsteps by taking over the important firm he had left him where he was only 12 day old. At the age of 35 he had alreadyyou should take out already 10,000,000 dollars on his bank account, part of that money being what he gotI would replace got with inherited after his parents' death. For a lot of people he had the perfect life, but from his point of view it wasn't as perfect as they'd like to think.
When his Lexington's instead of his wife got I would change got to becamepregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named after his mother, all his fears and nightmares came back.long sentence. It's slightly confusing so I would try to break it into two. ie: Eventually his wife became pregnant. Nine months later she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl--they decided to name her after his mother. Her birth brought back his fear and nightmares, he was afraid that his baby girl would end up like his mother. It took him some time to realize that what happened to his parents wasn't going to happen to him. And that he couldn't change what happened to his parents and it wasn't by always thinking to the tragedy that changed his life forever that he was going to make his life better.
Before living the fairy tale he is currently living Lexington went trough hell and came back.this sentence is repetitive. The double use of living doesn't work very well.
----
One thing you have to work on is using the word 'got' too much. Got isn't very descriptive, so its better to try to replace it with something else.
Something I was told recently was to use the characters name at the start of each new paragraph.
Let me know if you need more help.
Kewii
hello, I finished my short story and I need some help editing.
I awoke with a jolt, but the ability of movement was lost. I was paralyzed, like a frozen fish in a pond in the winter. I just stared at the light, a light that wasn’t too bright, but bright enough to make me wince. There was a tube in my nose and tubes that were releasing liquid in my blood stream, the thought of it gave me a high of anxiety of wanting to know what was going in my veins. There was an elongated beeping sound; it went along with my heart rate, the only sound in the room. The smell was clean, like a freshly cleaned kitchen in the spring. There are footsteps and people talking; they were close if I could just yell or say something, nothing, no sound came from my mouth but I said something, I could have sworn it. I was alone; no one heard me, no one came.
The door opened, a nurse walked in. She was sad, you could tell, she had a look on her face, that there was something terrible happening. What was she doing? I watched her go to the heart rate monitor she turned it off. Hello? I’m still alive, I’m not dead, what are you doing? No answer. She moves to my bed and starts wheeling me out of the room. There are doctors, nurses and other patients out here, all staring at me.
The hallways were brighter than in my room and I had to close my eyes when she wheeled me past the windows. The walls were a pale blue with an oak trim, about a meter high. We passed a cluttered nurses station with many clipboards, diagnosis sheets and four black computers with stationed nurses sitting at each one. They all looked up when we passed, all with a sad look.
“Another one, that’s the third one today?” A female nurse in hospital green scrubs said.
“Yeah, it’s sad.” The nurse pushing the gurney said. “This one’s only 16, it’s a shame.”
“What’s a shame, I’m not dead I’m still moving can you not see, hello?” I tried to exclaim, but they didn’t look at me.
She pushed on to the elevators, with a large number four on the doors, painted purple. We got in the large white elevator and the nurse pressed the basement level. There was a sign on the wall of the elevator explaining what was on each floor; the fourth floor: critical care, third floor: O.R., second floor: recovery, first floor: E.R. and reception, Basement: MORGUE.
“We’re going to the morgue and I’m not dead, how smart is this nurse?” I thought. She was muttering something, I couldn’t hear. Was she praying? If so what for? Was it for another patient or for me? She concluded as we stopped on the basement floor. She wheeled us out of the elevator down a poorly lit hallway. This hallway was not like the other’s it was sad looking the paint and the trim was the same, but there was no life, no happiness, not like the other hallways; full of hope, love and care. There were empty gurneys by the wall were waiting to be cleaned and brought back up to the hospital.
We pushed through two doors that said “MORGUE”. In there, there were bodies with thin, blue cloth draped over them. Two men were on opposite sides of the room, one in a lab coat, and the other in street clothes; must have just gotten in for his shift. The one in the lab coat was about 6 feet with brown hair and glasses, he was clean-shaven and was lanky and didn’t have much muscle mass. The guy was a little bit taller with blonde hair and had the muscle mass of a runner. They both turned around and looked at the nurse, then at me. The man in the lab coat came over to the gurney and wheeled me over to a stainless-steel table and rolled me on to it.
“What are you doing, I am not dead.” I tried to exclaim again. The coroner opened my mouth.
“Yes, you are.” The blond man said. The nurse and the other coroner didn’t take notice to him, only me.
I was relieved to hear someone talk to me, but at the same time I didn’t know how to feel, I was dead, but how?
“How am I dead, how did I die?” I tried to say, but it was muffled.
“Well, it says here,” pointing at the chart, “that you died due to complications from an injury.” His eyes widened. “A very bad one at that.” The coroner closed my mouth and went on to examine the incisions the doctors made in my head to try and drain blood.
“Well, come on tell me what kind of injury and where did I get it?” I demanded, getting annoyed with the both of them.
“You got it from playing hockey.” He trailed off to say something else but I didn’t listen.
The word ‘hockey’ was ringing through my ears. It came to me, the accident; the crosscheck from behind I saw it like it was happening right before me. I was going for the puck about four meters from the boards and there he was, a player from the other team, he was right behind me and I got crosschecked in the back at full speed. I fell forwards on to the ice and into the boards, my helmet went flying from my head and I lay there, no movement, lifeless.
I blinked and everything was gone, I was in a white, sterile room, than out of nowhere I saw a nurse moving towards a table. I was on it; there were doctors and nurses now trying to stop the bleeding coming from my head. Minutes passed, too much blood was lost, they couldn’t do anything, and I was dead. I believed it, I knew it, but how am I still able to talk?
“I know I am dead but why can I still talk, and why only to you?” I wondered.
“This happens when you are not ready to leave earth, you dwell here until you have come to terms with yourself and what happened. You can talk to others, like your self, people who are still dwelling here who haven’t realized they have died or to those who have unfinished business. I am just a messenger and a delivery person. I am supposed to bring you to your resting place.” He opened his mouth to speak.
“To heaven?” I paused “or to hell?” I paused again for a response. Nothing.
“I guess your ready, let’s go.” He grabbed my hand, and pulled me to my feet. It felt weird, like I was getting ripped out of my body, I looked back, and I was, I was out of my body. He spread wings, appearing out of nowhere and we left the morgue, the hospital, the city and the earth.
I awoke with a jolt, but the ability of movement was lost. I was paralyzed, like a frozen fish in a pond in the winter. I just stared at the light, a light that wasn’t too bright, but bright enough to make me wince. There was a tube in my nose and tubes that were releasing liquid in my blood stream, the thought of it gave me a high of anxiety of wanting to know what was going in my veins. There was an elongated beeping sound; it went along with my heart rate, the only sound in the room. The smell was clean, like a freshly cleaned kitchen in the spring. There are footsteps and people talking; they were close if I could just yell or say something, nothing, no sound came from my mouth but I said something, I could have sworn it. I was alone; no one heard me, no one came.
The door opened, a nurse walked in. She was sad, you could tell, she had a look on her face, that there was something terrible happening. What was she doing? I watched her go to the heart rate monitor she turned it off. Hello? I’m still alive, I’m not dead, what are you doing? No answer. She moves to my bed and starts wheeling me out of the room. There are doctors, nurses and other patients out here, all staring at me.
The hallways were brighter than in my room and I had to close my eyes when she wheeled me past the windows. The walls were a pale blue with an oak trim, about a meter high. We passed a cluttered nurses station with many clipboards, diagnosis sheets and four black computers with stationed nurses sitting at each one. They all looked up when we passed, all with a sad look.
“Another one, that’s the third one today?” A female nurse in hospital green scrubs said.
“Yeah, it’s sad.” The nurse pushing the gurney said. “This one’s only 16, it’s a shame.”
“What’s a shame, I’m not dead I’m still moving can you not see, hello?” I tried to exclaim, but they didn’t look at me.
She pushed on to the elevators, with a large number four on the doors, painted purple. We got in the large white elevator and the nurse pressed the basement level. There was a sign on the wall of the elevator explaining what was on each floor; the fourth floor: critical care, third floor: O.R., second floor: recovery, first floor: E.R. and reception, Basement: MORGUE.
“We’re going to the morgue and I’m not dead, how smart is this nurse?” I thought. She was muttering something, I couldn’t hear. Was she praying? If so what for? Was it for another patient or for me? She concluded as we stopped on the basement floor. She wheeled us out of the elevator down a poorly lit hallway. This hallway was not like the other’s it was sad looking the paint and the trim was the same, but there was no life, no happiness, not like the other hallways; full of hope, love and care. There were empty gurneys by the wall were waiting to be cleaned and brought back up to the hospital.
We pushed through two doors that said “MORGUE”. In there, there were bodies with thin, blue cloth draped over them. Two men were on opposite sides of the room, one in a lab coat, and the other in street clothes; must have just gotten in for his shift. The one in the lab coat was about 6 feet with brown hair and glasses, he was clean-shaven and was lanky and didn’t have much muscle mass. The guy was a little bit taller with blonde hair and had the muscle mass of a runner. They both turned around and looked at the nurse, then at me. The man in the lab coat came over to the gurney and wheeled me over to a stainless-steel table and rolled me on to it.
“What are you doing, I am not dead.” I tried to exclaim again. The coroner opened my mouth.
“Yes, you are.” The blond man said. The nurse and the other coroner didn’t take notice to him, only me.
I was relieved to hear someone talk to me, but at the same time I didn’t know how to feel, I was dead, but how?
“How am I dead, how did I die?” I tried to say, but it was muffled.
“Well, it says here,” pointing at the chart, “that you died due to complications from an injury.” His eyes widened. “A very bad one at that.” The coroner closed my mouth and went on to examine the incisions the doctors made in my head to try and drain blood.
“Well, come on tell me what kind of injury and where did I get it?” I demanded, getting annoyed with the both of them.
“You got it from playing hockey.” He trailed off to say something else but I didn’t listen.
The word ‘hockey’ was ringing through my ears. It came to me, the accident; the crosscheck from behind I saw it like it was happening right before me. I was going for the puck about four meters from the boards and there he was, a player from the other team, he was right behind me and I got crosschecked in the back at full speed. I fell forwards on to the ice and into the boards, my helmet went flying from my head and I lay there, no movement, lifeless.
I blinked and everything was gone, I was in a white, sterile room, than out of nowhere I saw a nurse moving towards a table. I was on it; there were doctors and nurses now trying to stop the bleeding coming from my head. Minutes passed, too much blood was lost, they couldn’t do anything, and I was dead. I believed it, I knew it, but how am I still able to talk?
“I know I am dead but why can I still talk, and why only to you?” I wondered.
“This happens when you are not ready to leave earth, you dwell here until you have come to terms with yourself and what happened. You can talk to others, like your self, people who are still dwelling here who haven’t realized they have died or to those who have unfinished business. I am just a messenger and a delivery person. I am supposed to bring you to your resting place.” He opened his mouth to speak.
“To heaven?” I paused “or to hell?” I paused again for a response. Nothing.
“I guess your ready, let’s go.” He grabbed my hand, and pulled me to my feet. It felt weird, like I was getting ripped out of my body, I looked back, and I was, I was out of my body. He spread wings, appearing out of nowhere and we left the morgue, the hospital, the city and the earth.