Everything And Nothing

[Itz tha Dreila]

Everything And Nothing

As I walked into the house, the walls bled of red sand and stone. The blood flowed through the windows and into the backyard. Something evil had happened here, I knew. As I walked through the rooms, the air was chilly and the sun had vanished into darkness as if nothing was to stay alive. I had known for some time that this was to come but I wasn’t warned, I had dreamed of it. As if nothing was to become anything ever again.

I had walked outside once again only to see the darkness. The creepy old darkness which covered the ground with ashes and burned the trees down to Earth. The grass was now orange, the sky was now blackened and the trees were now red - as burnt as hell. Sooner or later we would all be damned into hell, cursed I said. Cursed.

I walked back into the house and opened the closet which my coat must fit in. As I opened the door, the body of a girl fell out. She had black hair and pure red eyes. The chill in the air was beginning to creep me out. I shoved the body back into the closet and left the house.

I was scared, I was beginning to lose my balance and slowly, I fell to the ground. But I was not dying, though I had seen something quite disturbing. I awakened the next morning with blood covering my body. But it was not my blood, it was the blood of Satan’s wife, who had died and been placed in my closet only for me to see.

I went to the backyard to find a hose to wash myself off with. The hose was missing. I went inside to take a shower, and as I turned the water on, all that fell on me was blood. Nothing was left to be saved. Satan had returned from Hell. There was nothing that could’ve possibly brought this upon me but him. I was scared, as I left the house and began to walk down the road.

As I left, a girl followed me. She followed me into my own path of darkness. She didn't know about me and how Satan's wife would come to kill me and probably her too.

"Hey."

"Go away."

"Why?"

"Satan's wife is going to kill me, and she'll kill you too."

"You're frackin mad!"

"No, I'm not, and you're mad if you don't believe me."

"I don't believe you."

"Fine."

I walked away and she continued following me.

 

[Itz tha Dreila]

I walked to the market, looking for some kind of hope to get by on, but it wasn’t worth it. All my friends were dead, and soon I would be too. They all were stabbed and left to drown in their own blood, like there was some kind of message being sent to the victims’ lovers. I didn’t know what to think of it, I was just lost in it. But no one else would believe me if I told them the truth of what was happening to me.

As I entered the market, there she was. I didn’t know what to do. I was scared and all I could do was run, so I did. I was running from the devil’s wife. I began to think I was crazy myself, but everything I was experiencing was too real.

As she followed me, I began to run even faster. Soon I was in a forest and then everything around me began to turn to ashes. I sank through the ground. Soon I was in a new place. The air was burning hot. I could feel the blood red sand against my feet. It hurt as I walked through it and my feet began to bleed.

I saw people around me. They were dressed in black and had bright red eyes. Satan’s wife was nowhere to be seen. These must be her servants, I assumed, as I walked through hell.

 

[Itz tha Dreila]

Part 2

I woke up in an asylum, in a straitjacket, in a padded room. I began to fall asleep. The next morning I awakened to see myself in a puddle of blood, though this time, Satan’s wife was in the room with me. She sat, tied to a chair, screaming. I started screaming to the nurse to let me out, but she wouldn’t. She said I was having an episode and I needed to stay in there. I didn’t believe her.

Satan’s wife was bleeding out of her eyes and soon the whole room was covered in blood. I fell asleep again and soon I felt as if I was dying and the whole world was disappearing from sight.

The next morning I woke up and to my surprise, I had no straitjacket on. A nurse came in and escorted me to the doctor’s office. As I walked in, I felt safe, not afraid like before.

“So how are you doing today?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know why the frack I’ve been in a padded room. I want out.”

“You need to be here. You were admitted by a woman, and she asked us to take care of you.”

“No, you don’t understand, she is evil.”

“Evil?” She laughs. “Think rationally, please, if you want to get out of here.”

“Get me out of here!” I screamed, as she began to move towards me. I was scared now, of her. I hated shrinks, anything to do with them was trouble.

“Remove him.”

The nurse came in and I followed her back to my padded room. I was doomed.
The moment I was back in that old padded room, I saw her again. Satan’s wife was right beside me, restrained to her chair. She was still screaming, and bleeding all over the floor. She must’ve had a painful death, I thought, as I began asking her questions.

“Where did you come from?”

“I’m gonna kill you, you better stay away.”

I started to scream. The nurse came.

“What’s the matter?”

“Satan’s wife is gonna kill me!”

“Doctor! He’s having an episode again!”

The doctor came in and saw me on the floor screaming.

“I see this isn’t going to be easy.”

“Satan’s wife is here! She’s after me! She going to kill me tonight!”

“We have medication that can help you.”

“I don’t need your felgercarb.”

“Here, take this. It’ll make you better.”

“I’m not taking anything!”

“You must take this.”

“Okay.” I took it and I began to fall asleep again on the floor of the padded room.

I couldn’t remember what had brought me here, and I was tired of it already. I grew sick of the way the people were treated and how the nurses didn’t give a frack if I were even alive the next day.

Somehow everything seemed so real to me, even when it seemed I’d only been there for 3 days.

Seconds later, I was on the ground again. Satan’s wife was here. She wanted me. She wanted to kill me. She wanted to drive her wicked pitchfork right through me and kill me with it. She wanted me to drown in my own blood. I went over to her and begged her for my life. As I did this, the nurse came over to me and laughed. She laughed so hard, I began to feel nauseous. I passed out on the floor and as I did so, Satan’s wife stabbed me in the eyes with her pitchfork, pulled it out and then stabbed me in my chest. I was gone, and so was she.

 

[Itz tha Dreila]

Part 3

The nurse came over to my padded room and laughed.

“What the frack is so frackin funny?”

“You.”

“Get the frack away from me.”

“You’re in maximum security now, for trying to kill yourself.”

“I did not!”

The nurse walked away.

I was confused and afraid, I didn’t know what to do. Would I die or stay alive? I didn’t know, and I didn’t want to find out.

Satan’s wife came into the room.

“Why won’t you go away?”

“I can’t, not until you face your death.”

“Please, doctor! Save me!”

“No one can save you.” She laughed.

“Doctor! She’s trying to kill me!”

“No one is trying to kill you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

And now the bells are ringing, the birds are singing, the voices are calling my name
And now the days are passing, the world is spinning, the air is gone
And now I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to say to you
And now I hear your voice call my name, and I don’t know anymore if this is real

I found myself in a garden, walking into a place of nothing. A place I no longer know or remember as my own. My home. It is my home.

Wake up, you’re lost within yourself
This whole world you see,
Right before your eyes
It’s not real,
And you know it,
It was never real
You’ve known it forever
But you’ve never admitted it to yourself

Since when did I know this place? Was it always here? Did I live there? I had so many questions, why I returned here every time I felt afraid.

I began to walk through the darkness, into a house. A woman greeted me. I told her I didn’t know where I was and why she wanted me there. She told me it was best for me to lay down. So I did, on her couch. I awoke the next morning back in the asylum. I could not explain it, though it was my new home. The woman was nowhere to be found.

 

[Itz tha Dreila]

Part 4

I needed someone to tell me everything I was experiencing was real. I needed to know there was some purpose left in this life I was living. I was slowly fading away. Everywhere I went, demons followed me. These demons wanted to kill me and take away ever last bit of life I had left in me.

A nurse approached my padded room. “The doctor wants to see you.”

“Go away.”

“She wants to see you.”

“Tell her to frack off. I don’t want to be here. It isn’t my fault I’m here. Whoever suggested I be put here is frackin insane!”

“This wasn’t a mistake, you need help. You’re delusional, you’re hallucinating, and you’re frackin sick.”

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to be!”

“How was it supposed to be, then?”

“I was supposed to be there, with someone, who isn’t you.”

“Well, you can’t be with her now.” She laughed and walked away.

What was this, some kind of dream? I didn’t know anymore. I didn’t think it was right for them to treat me like some sort of crazy person. I didn’t belong here, being treated like a piece of felgercarb on the ground. But they didn’t care, they just continued forcing me into it like there was no tomorrow.

Being left all alone,
To suffer in the cold
What happened,
To everything I used to know
It was all here,
And now it’s all gone
I can’t explain to you how it happened
But now all these people,
They think they know me
They think they know everything that’s happened to me
But they don’t,
They just pretend
‘Cause they, they think they know everything about me
They think they can destroy me,
Break me into a million pieces
Maybe I do belong here,
I don’t really know
But this isn’t my home,
My home is far away,
In another world

I began to fall asleep once again, losing myself in the darkness of the padded room. I didn’t know what to expect now, where I would wake up the next morning. But as I woke up the next morning, I was just alone in the padded room, like before. Nothing had changed, I had gone nowhere.

The nurse came in and told me I needed to see the doctor. I followed her slowly to the office, and this time I wasn’t resisting it. I just walked in and sat down on the couch.

“So, how are you today?”

“What do you mean, how am I? Why am I here?”

“Avivia brought you here.”

“Why? What do you people want with me?”

“Nothing, we want to help you.”

“With what? I’m not frackin crazy.”

“Who is “Satan’s wife”?”

“She’s the person I see. She wants to kill me and the rest of humanity.”

“How do you know you aren’t hallucinating?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. The truth is I don’t know, and I just don’t want to admit it to myself.”

“What’s your name?”

“Julie.”
“Well, Julie, I want to go home.”

“You can’t go home, for a whole year.”

“What? You can’t be serious.”

“I am serious. And when you’re released, you must seek treatment.”

“For what?”

“Schizophrenia.”

“What?”

“You’re schizophrenic, I believe.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You have delusions. You have hallucinations.”

“I want to go back to my room.”

“No, we need to discuss this. You can’t run away forever.”

“I’m not running away from anything!”

“You belong here whether or not you believe you do. It’s up to you now to get yourself out of this disaster you’ve created for yourself. You’ve been violent. You’ve hurt your girlfriend. Now it’s my turn to show you the way.”

“I’d rather be in jail than be here.”

“It’s up to you now.”

“I don’t want this.”

“This is your last chance. If you fail now, you will be here possibly forever.”

“What must I do?”

“Prove to us you can free yourself. Stop denying the truth, and you can have your life back.”

I wanted to run. I wanted to run far away. I wanted to be untouchable. I wanted to escape.

Suddenly I was on the front porch of a house, smoking a joint. I felt free and alive, once again. I imagined myself being there, and the longer I did, the more it seemed real. I wondered how long I’d be there, before my mind got weak once again and awakened to see myself laying on the floor of that same padded room.

Take you to a better place,
Give you some faith
Fly away tonight
Into paradise
No more problems,
Nothing more, nothing less
Just happiness
Pure happiness
Let the wind take you away tonight,
Let it show you you’re new destiny
As you had never been free before
As you had never seen it yet,
How it feels to be free

I was again, in my padded room. Drugged and happy. Nothing could make me love life anymore. I had forgotten my old life, and nothing mattered anymore. Whatever they had given me, it made me feel free. Free of the pain of being in this dead place of nothing. Everything was slowly fading, and nothing kept me alive. Everything was in the past, and nothing was here now.

Part 5

As I woke up the next day, I realized I was no longer alone. I was sharing a padded room with Satan’s wife again. Why was she here? I didn’t understand. I wanted to end this, end this life - forget the pain, forget the misery, forget everything.

As I’m walking through this life,
I know that things aren’t right
Falling down along the way,
Doesn’t matter what they say
Nothing’s changing,
It’s not getting any better,
I’m not getting stronger
They all act like everything is great
While I’m sitting here,
In this pit of hell
All these people think they know,
They think this is how it’s supposed to go
Well, if they knew my plot,
They’d be running for their lives

I needed a weapon, a gun, or even a knife. Something I could kill my doctor with. The nurse. All the staff. Something must save me, I thought.

I was let out of my padded room to use the bathroom. I looked and looked for a window, a door, somewhere to escape from. I cried more and more as I ran across the building looking for something to save me. ‘Cause there was no way I was taking drugs any longer, it was the treatment I didn’t need.

Suddenly I was home, I was covered in blood, in my bedroom, with my dead girlfriend on the floor.

Something had happened. Something terrible.

I loved her. I needed her. She meant everything to me. I had lost control once again. My mind was spinning in several different directions. I had lost my ability to think rationally. Suddenly, my vision was a complete blur.

Flash back

I loved my girlfriend, I needed her, but I wasn’t about to allow her to have a drug addicted baby. There was no way I was going to allow that to happen, especially since the baby was mine. I would have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. I couldn’t take it anymore. Suddenly I reached for a knife on the kitchen counter and stabbed my girlfriend with it. I could no longer resist the urge to kill. Tears fell from my cheeks as a pool of blood began to slowly cover the white kitchen floor. My hands were now stained red. The crimson sea began to kill the room. Not completely, but it continued to grow larger every second. I wrapped my arms around her body. I wished I hadn’t killed her. I was sorry. I had sinned. I deserved the death sentence for taking such a wonderful woman’s life. I began to wish I was dead. I felt the cold air surround me and slowly, it began to freeze my soul.

I was gone, and so was she.

End flash back

I was crazy, and I knew that. My world was coming to an end. I knew that too. I was slowly disappearing from my home into a world I hated so much I could not survive.

Flash back

I was at my shrink’s office. I was covered in blood, and she was afraid of me. I took advantage of this, I pulled out a gun.

“I did it, I killed her. Are you happy now?”

“Well, at least you admit it.”

“frack you.”

“Stop it, you’re insane.”

“I hate bitches, Claire, so bitches belong in hell.”

I took out my gun and shot her in the head. Suddenly everything turned to a blur.

Part 6

I was in my padded room again, and Julie opened the door and came in.

"What do you want, again?"

"I want to help you."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"Than get me out of here."

"I can't do that."

"frack you."

"Come with me, to my office."

I followed her to her office, scared of what was to come. I didn't know when I would finally get out of here, and I was scared that when I did, I'd end up in jail.

Don't let me down,
This is my last chance
Don't screw me over,
Before I can fix my mistakes
Don't tell me it's over
I need a chance to start over once again
I'll tell you what I did,
If only you keep it a secret
No one is to know
I need one last session of therapy
I need one last good night of sleep
I need one last day of rest
Then I will be on the road,
With a new journey to come
And I will never return

“So how are you today?”

“Not good.”

“Why not?”

“I think I may have killed two people.”

“Yes, I know…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted you to remember for yourself what you have done.”

“I wish I could do something about it.”

“You can’t. You’re second chances are over now. They’ve been over since you killed Claire Stone.”

“But, Julie!”

“No, it’s over now. Your game is over.”

“It isn’t my fault!”

“I know, you belong here.”

“No, I don’t!”

“Fine, don’t believe me.”

Have another nice day,
With your paperwork by your side
Have another perfect moment,
With nothing left to hide
Have another weekend,
Full of work and death
Your life was great,
Mine was hell

“No, I don’t believe you. I’m jealous of you.”

 

[Itz tha Dreila]

Part 7

Look how much has happened,
Everything is changing
And now you’ve become caught up in between
Right and wrong and everything else
Where will we ever be again,
What will become of our lies,
Everything you despise
‘Cause all I need now is your guidance,
And you’ve shut me out
Thrown me away,
Like a little boy who can’t control himself
What do you want from me,
I’m not your enemy
Look what you’ve done
You’ve destroyed everything,
You’ve taken away my home

I couldn’t believe it, I had told my doctor the truth for once, that I was jealous of her. And I’m sure she knew it all along, but I had to say it. But now revenge would occur. She would not leave me alone, anymore.

I had disappeared into another world again. I felt lost, afraid, but this time it was self-inflicted. I wanted to be there. I needed to escape from the fact that I told the truth. I wasn’t sure what would happen, now that I was somewhere else.

Oh, no
Everything just falls apart again
Right in my face
Every time I try to get away
I was losing myself
To something else
But now I’m getting away
Don’t you tell me it’s wrong,
Just tell me it’s right
I don’t need anything but a change tonight
A change from this asylum,
This place of misery
I was losing myself
To something else
But now I’m getting away

I walked through the forest, only to see a woman at the end of the path. She was yelling “stop”, I didn’t think anything of it and instantly came back to my own reality.

Oh, you’re so perfect
And no one measures up
Oh, you’re so perfect
I wish I was you,
Oh, what could I do
If I was you
If I was you
If I was you
Oh, you’re so perfect
And no one measures up
Oh, you’re so perfect
I wish I was you,
Oh, what could I do
If I was you
If I was you
If I was you
Oh, you’re so perfect
And no one measures up
Oh you’re so perfect,
I wish I was you,
Oh, what could I do
If I was you
If I was you
If I was you

I sat in my padded room, looking at the wall. I felt sick and I wanted to know when I would be able to leave this place. I felt sad, remembering that I had killed my girlfriend and my shrink. This was the first sign of emotion I had shown since then. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but I wasn’t afraid. It seemed I was coming closer to getting out of this hell hole I had put myself in.

I was released from my padded room, only to be allowed to go to the lounge. There I saw people who were staring at the ceiling, others who were watching TV, and someone who was screaming very loudly. At first, I was a bit scared, but then I realized they were all just like me.

Part 8

I was in my doctor’s office. Alone. With nowhere to go. I found myself crying, as for I was unhappy because of everything I had done. I had destroyed so many good things, and as I accepted this, I knew I belonged to be put away in this hell hole forever.

Look, look what you’ve done
You’ve made a fool of yourself
You got in your car,
You ran away forever
Now they only made it easier
For you to get away
From the rest of reality
You’ve got no second chances left anymore
Now your live is filled with nothing,
Nothing of importance,
And everything you ever had is gone
Somehow you threw it away
And now you’ll never get it back
Before you fade away

Julie came in. “So how long do you plan on being here?”

“Forever.”

She just nodded.

“I need your help.”

“You need to help yourself.”

“Don’t you notice anything changing?”

“Yes, but, you see, I can’t let you leave. You were ordered by the court to stay here for 5 years. It’s only been 3 months.”

“Well, you see, I don’t belong here.”

“Now, stop denying yourself the truth. You know as well as I do, that you do belong here.”

“Yes, I do know that.”

“It’s come time for you to start being honest.”

“Or what?”

“You don’t want to see my bad side.”

“And what is that?”

“Oh, I’m sure you’ll see.”

Scared to death, I left her office and went into the lounge.

“So who knows what Julie’s gonna do to me next?”

“The doctor has no evil plans for you,” shouted the nurse.

“Come back in here,” Julie demanded.

I went back to her office and closed the door.

Part 9

“Don’t run away from me.”

“Why not?”

“I’m a doctor. Doctors are supposed to help you.”

“You’re not helping me, you’re hurting me.”

“How am I hurting you?”

“You’re scaring me to death. This place gives me the creeps.”

“You belong here.”

Those words made me burn inside the way a little girl’s song made my ears ring. The sound of her voice scared me. It was high-pitched and evil. I thought, there’s Satan’s wife again, but she wasn’t there.

A nightmare had become of me. I had longed for my home. A world I had once forgotten. Now I knew it was gone. How was I to return there? I wondered, as I began to walk down the hall.

Shattered on the ground,
Broken again the wall
Like a hated mirror
It gives you the truths,
About everything you don’t want to know
And you’ve been lost for so long,
Waiting for someone to save you
This life isn’t yours to take,
Look for the next one before you break
Falling apart at the last minute
Nothing left for us to hold onto
Nothing left to save you
Nothing lasts forever,
Nothing stays the same

Nobody knew the true world the way I did, and they didn’t dare to give a sh!t either. Everyone laughed at me as I entered the lounge, as I had been waiting outside for them to leave before I entered. They are crazy too, I remembered, as I walked over to the empty couch and sat down to rest my legs before I walked up and down the stairs and around the ward again.

I didn’t know how to explain it, the thought of being tortured in my sleep. I was always afraid of this, so I never slept. And in the morning, I just walked around like a dead person who escaped from their grave.

Everything slowly turned to blur. I could no longer see where I was going. I began to walk faster, and suddenly I walked right into a wall.

As I walk outside,
The darkness never seems to fade away
I can't remember the last time,
I saw the light shine down on me
As I walk through the path
Broken glass cuts my feet
And they begin to bleed
As I walk down the road,
Everything seems to fade away
The rain falls down on me,
Let it wash away the blood on the ground
Let it take me away to another land
Tell me, tell me
Am I gonna live forever
I want to know
'Cause it seems I've never died
Just one wish and it comes true,
Just one lie and it's all gone
Walk home in the night,
The darkness is still here
As I walk inside,
I begin to see the light
Everything now seems clearer than before

I woke up in my padded room. My head hurt very bad. I got up and I began to feel dizzy. Everything began to turn to blur again. I laid back down and suddenly a girl came into my room.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Christina.”

“You’re here?”

“Yeah, in this sh!t pit, I know, I hate it here.”
“Why you here?”

“I went crazy and crashed a car into a tree, tried to kill myself.”

“Oh okay.”

“Why you here?”

“The doctor says I’m crazy too.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, Julie’s not so bad after all.”

“Yeah, but this place is. I hate it here.”

“Don’t we all.”

I fell unconscious, forgetting about everything that had happened. I felt as though I was dying, but I didn’t care. The world was spinning around me, the girl was gone, and so was I. I was gone forever. No more torture, no more pain, no more mental hospital. I was free, free at last.

The End