Vaughnlover15
Cadet
Title: Faith
Author: Jen (Vaugnhlover15)
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Summary: Sydney has cancer and is dealing with it in her own way. One day everything changes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Syd & Vaughn. JJ Abrams does.
Genre: Angst, Sadness, Death.
Ship: S/V
One of these things really happened to my grandmother who had pancreatic (sp?) cancer last year and passed. Its actually really sad.
Length-2,460 words.
Believe
Three years ago today, I was told I had leukemia. I began to take Chemotherapy, and it worked for me. They said i had about 5 years left. I spent it all with Michael Vaughn, the love of my life, and my caring parents, Jack and Laura Bristow. I was so taken aback by Vaughn. I thought he was going to give up on me. I thought he would leave me to rot here. I was bald. I didn't think he would want to be around me anymore. But he was. He stayed by my side through the past three years, dealing with all the s*** I've been through, he was there. We would walk through the stores at the mall and I would feel so embarassed. Kids would laugh at me. They would be like, "Hey, there's that woman with no hair!" They didn't even realize that I had a disease. Sometimes I would dread going out, if Vaughn wanted to take me out to dinner, I wouldn't wear a hat because that would attract even more attention. Sometimes I would even come home in tears because I would feel so empty and feel like any second I could die and go into another life. Without Vaughn.
I get scared alot. I cry more then I should. Most of the time I try to keep myself busy. Clean up the house mostly though. Like I said, I hate going out. Sometimes I'd just curl up with a good book, or watch a happy movie. I can't stand romance movies anymore, they make me cry and I cry enough. When Vaughn comes home from work is the best part of my day. We talk and we just do what couples do. We watch movies together, cook for each other, everything I could ever ask for. He is truly my guardian angel, the one I've always been looking for.
But today was different. I had my doctor's appointment. I cried most of the way there. Vaughn even had to pull over because I was sobbing so hard. He put my face in his hands and told me everything was going to be okay. That nothing was going to happen to me. I smiled at those beautiful eyes of his and we kept driving to the doctors office. When we got there there was no one there so I was happy.
"Bristow, Sydney."
"Yes," Said the nurse. "He'll be with you shortly."
"Thank you" I took a seat next to Vaughn and clutched his hand tightly.
"Why don't you grab a magazine or something. Take your mind off things." Vaughn whispered in my ear.
"Sounds like a plan." I got up and grabbed a magazine and began to read it. 15 minutes later, the nurse came out and said it was my turn. I clutched Vaughn's hand even harder as we walked down the hallway. My heart felt like it was about to pound out of my chest.
"You can take a seat. He'll be here in a sec." The nurse smiled as she shut the door and walked out.
Vaughn and I sat there in silence. He could probably hear the beating of my heart. I was sweating franticly, and I was trembling. Vaughhn could tell. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me softly. After that I felt 3,000 times better. That's why I love him. After that, the doctor came in and sat down.
"Hi Sydney, how have you been in the past couple weeks? I know we saw you and things seemed fine."
"Pretty well. I seem fine. No more headaches or anything."
"I see. Well we ran some tests with everything. I have some bad news."
"Bad news?" My heart dropped.
"I know we said you had about 5 years, but the cancer spread, Sydney. I'm guessing you only have about a couple weeks left."
"Wait. Weeks? Doctor this can't be-" Vaughn cut in.
"I'm so sorry. We tried to do everything we could."
I just sat there as a tear slipped down my cheek. I was so amazed by how things could change in a few weeks. First I had 5 years, and now, at the beginning of my 3rd year, they tell me I have a week left. I just sat there, looking like a deer in headlights, as the doctor excused himself, leaving me and Vaughn to sit alone.
"Syd.." Vaughn began to caress my back.
"I-I can't believe this. Vaughn, I was supposed to have two more years left!" I began to sob now. I couldn't hold my emotions back. I never had been able to control them, but I always cried at home. I was in a doctor's office.
"Syd, lets just go home."
"Home? And do what? Rot away for the next couple weeks?"
"Don't say that."
"Vaughn, don't do this."
"Do what? Try to make you have a little bit of faith?"
"Faith? Vaughn, my faith left me a long time ago."
"Please Sydney. Just keep the faith, keep it for me."
As soon as Vaughn said that I broke down into tears into his shirt. I was there just sobbing and screaming into his chest. I felt like I was going to die right then in his arms.
Two weeks later, I felt like I was about to die completely. I had faith though. But it was drying out quickly. I was on so many antibiotics and such I didn't know what to do anymore. I was crying 24/7 now, I didn't leave the house unless it was an emergency, or Vaughn wanting to take me out once a week to dinner, or go to the park or something, otherwise, I would stay home and weep away my life. I knew I should have been being more active though. I was just losing my strength day by day. It got hard to breathe at time, and it was tough.
One morning, at about 7 am, (Vaughn had left at 6:30) I woke up very early and decided to take a shower. I didnt put the water on yet, but as soon as I was about to get in, I slipped. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. All I was thinking was "kill me now". I didn't want to live my life anymore at that point. The phone rang a bunch of times, it was probably Vaughn or my parents since no one ever called me. I sat in the tub for who know's how long, and soon enough, Vaughn barged through the door and got me. I had a bruise on my head, all over my legs and probably did alot of damage. Vaughn wanted to call the doctor, but I wouldn't let him.
That night, I was in so much pain. I couldn't sleep at all. Out of the 4 pills I was on, not one of them f***ing worked. I couldn't stand it anymore. I was about to do what I've been wanting to do for the past 3 years.
"Vaughn?"
"Yes."
"I love you. So much. You know that right?"
"Of course I do."
I leaned over, giving him a kiss that would kill me forever.
~~~~
Vaughn woke up the next morning as he woke up to no Sydney. He immediatley got up and ran downstairs. What he saw made him break down. He screamed and threw things and just went balistic. He then saw the letter with a red rose attached.
My dearest Vaughn,
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. Say goodbye. I'm trembling to death as I write this. Vaughn, you kept me alive through this whole process. If it wasn't for you who told me to hold on a little longer, or if it wasn't for you who held my hand all the many times we went to the doctors office, or letting me cry into your chest for hours and hours at a time, I would have been long gone by now. You kept me going. I kept this picture of us under my pillow, do you know that? You were the one constant thing in my life. I know this is going to crush you, turn you life upsidedown, but Vaughn, as you once told me, you told me to have faith, faith for you, so now I'm telling you, have a little faith for me. I love you Michael Vaughn, you were the love of my life, and I will always love you. You will always, always, have my heart, I don't ever want it back. I, well, I'll be your angel from above, for always. And you, well you, Vaughn, will always be my guardian angel. I love you.
Love, forever and always,
Sydney.
Vaughn buried me underneath our special tree outside of our house. Next to the old swingset we used to play on as kids and next to that, our flowergarden. Vaughn was so strong, he had faith, and I loved him for it. He kept the promise I asked him to keep. Now, I look down on him from heaven, watching him grow older, until one day, we will be re-united once again.
Author: Jen (Vaugnhlover15)
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Summary: Sydney has cancer and is dealing with it in her own way. One day everything changes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Syd & Vaughn. JJ Abrams does.
Genre: Angst, Sadness, Death.
Ship: S/V
One of these things really happened to my grandmother who had pancreatic (sp?) cancer last year and passed. Its actually really sad.
Length-2,460 words.
Believe
Three years ago today, I was told I had leukemia. I began to take Chemotherapy, and it worked for me. They said i had about 5 years left. I spent it all with Michael Vaughn, the love of my life, and my caring parents, Jack and Laura Bristow. I was so taken aback by Vaughn. I thought he was going to give up on me. I thought he would leave me to rot here. I was bald. I didn't think he would want to be around me anymore. But he was. He stayed by my side through the past three years, dealing with all the s*** I've been through, he was there. We would walk through the stores at the mall and I would feel so embarassed. Kids would laugh at me. They would be like, "Hey, there's that woman with no hair!" They didn't even realize that I had a disease. Sometimes I would dread going out, if Vaughn wanted to take me out to dinner, I wouldn't wear a hat because that would attract even more attention. Sometimes I would even come home in tears because I would feel so empty and feel like any second I could die and go into another life. Without Vaughn.
I get scared alot. I cry more then I should. Most of the time I try to keep myself busy. Clean up the house mostly though. Like I said, I hate going out. Sometimes I'd just curl up with a good book, or watch a happy movie. I can't stand romance movies anymore, they make me cry and I cry enough. When Vaughn comes home from work is the best part of my day. We talk and we just do what couples do. We watch movies together, cook for each other, everything I could ever ask for. He is truly my guardian angel, the one I've always been looking for.
But today was different. I had my doctor's appointment. I cried most of the way there. Vaughn even had to pull over because I was sobbing so hard. He put my face in his hands and told me everything was going to be okay. That nothing was going to happen to me. I smiled at those beautiful eyes of his and we kept driving to the doctors office. When we got there there was no one there so I was happy.
"Bristow, Sydney."
"Yes," Said the nurse. "He'll be with you shortly."
"Thank you" I took a seat next to Vaughn and clutched his hand tightly.
"Why don't you grab a magazine or something. Take your mind off things." Vaughn whispered in my ear.
"Sounds like a plan." I got up and grabbed a magazine and began to read it. 15 minutes later, the nurse came out and said it was my turn. I clutched Vaughn's hand even harder as we walked down the hallway. My heart felt like it was about to pound out of my chest.
"You can take a seat. He'll be here in a sec." The nurse smiled as she shut the door and walked out.
Vaughn and I sat there in silence. He could probably hear the beating of my heart. I was sweating franticly, and I was trembling. Vaughhn could tell. He cupped my face in his hands and kissed me softly. After that I felt 3,000 times better. That's why I love him. After that, the doctor came in and sat down.
"Hi Sydney, how have you been in the past couple weeks? I know we saw you and things seemed fine."
"Pretty well. I seem fine. No more headaches or anything."
"I see. Well we ran some tests with everything. I have some bad news."
"Bad news?" My heart dropped.
"I know we said you had about 5 years, but the cancer spread, Sydney. I'm guessing you only have about a couple weeks left."
"Wait. Weeks? Doctor this can't be-" Vaughn cut in.
"I'm so sorry. We tried to do everything we could."
I just sat there as a tear slipped down my cheek. I was so amazed by how things could change in a few weeks. First I had 5 years, and now, at the beginning of my 3rd year, they tell me I have a week left. I just sat there, looking like a deer in headlights, as the doctor excused himself, leaving me and Vaughn to sit alone.
"Syd.." Vaughn began to caress my back.
"I-I can't believe this. Vaughn, I was supposed to have two more years left!" I began to sob now. I couldn't hold my emotions back. I never had been able to control them, but I always cried at home. I was in a doctor's office.
"Syd, lets just go home."
"Home? And do what? Rot away for the next couple weeks?"
"Don't say that."
"Vaughn, don't do this."
"Do what? Try to make you have a little bit of faith?"
"Faith? Vaughn, my faith left me a long time ago."
"Please Sydney. Just keep the faith, keep it for me."
As soon as Vaughn said that I broke down into tears into his shirt. I was there just sobbing and screaming into his chest. I felt like I was going to die right then in his arms.
Two weeks later, I felt like I was about to die completely. I had faith though. But it was drying out quickly. I was on so many antibiotics and such I didn't know what to do anymore. I was crying 24/7 now, I didn't leave the house unless it was an emergency, or Vaughn wanting to take me out once a week to dinner, or go to the park or something, otherwise, I would stay home and weep away my life. I knew I should have been being more active though. I was just losing my strength day by day. It got hard to breathe at time, and it was tough.
One morning, at about 7 am, (Vaughn had left at 6:30) I woke up very early and decided to take a shower. I didnt put the water on yet, but as soon as I was about to get in, I slipped. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. All I was thinking was "kill me now". I didn't want to live my life anymore at that point. The phone rang a bunch of times, it was probably Vaughn or my parents since no one ever called me. I sat in the tub for who know's how long, and soon enough, Vaughn barged through the door and got me. I had a bruise on my head, all over my legs and probably did alot of damage. Vaughn wanted to call the doctor, but I wouldn't let him.
That night, I was in so much pain. I couldn't sleep at all. Out of the 4 pills I was on, not one of them f***ing worked. I couldn't stand it anymore. I was about to do what I've been wanting to do for the past 3 years.
"Vaughn?"
"Yes."
"I love you. So much. You know that right?"
"Of course I do."
I leaned over, giving him a kiss that would kill me forever.
~~~~
Vaughn woke up the next morning as he woke up to no Sydney. He immediatley got up and ran downstairs. What he saw made him break down. He screamed and threw things and just went balistic. He then saw the letter with a red rose attached.
My dearest Vaughn,
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. Say goodbye. I'm trembling to death as I write this. Vaughn, you kept me alive through this whole process. If it wasn't for you who told me to hold on a little longer, or if it wasn't for you who held my hand all the many times we went to the doctors office, or letting me cry into your chest for hours and hours at a time, I would have been long gone by now. You kept me going. I kept this picture of us under my pillow, do you know that? You were the one constant thing in my life. I know this is going to crush you, turn you life upsidedown, but Vaughn, as you once told me, you told me to have faith, faith for you, so now I'm telling you, have a little faith for me. I love you Michael Vaughn, you were the love of my life, and I will always love you. You will always, always, have my heart, I don't ever want it back. I, well, I'll be your angel from above, for always. And you, well you, Vaughn, will always be my guardian angel. I love you.
Love, forever and always,
Sydney.
Vaughn buried me underneath our special tree outside of our house. Next to the old swingset we used to play on as kids and next to that, our flowergarden. Vaughn was so strong, he had faith, and I loved him for it. He kept the promise I asked him to keep. Now, I look down on him from heaven, watching him grow older, until one day, we will be re-united once again.
I remember when my gramma had cancer...fortunately they caught it really early and she made it through. 
