Finding My Way

SkyGirl5

Cadet
Title: Finding My Way
Genre: S/v AU
Summary: Michael Vaughn is about to set off on a soul-searching journey. Unfortunately, to fulfill this, he is joining the US Army, which does not make his best friend, Sydney, very happy.

3 parts
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 1 (below) Part 2 Part 3

Part 1

“Sydney, please,” Michael Vaughn said with a sigh, “Don’t give me that look.”

Sniffing slightly, Sydney Bristow folded her arms over her chest. “What look?” she asked in an innocent tone, though she knew exactly what look she was giving him. Roughly summarized it was the ‘Why are you leaving me you big dumb wannabe soldier?’ look, though it was open to other interpretations.

“That ‘You’re abandoning me’ look,” he told her.

“Well you are!” she whined. In her mind he was abandoning her and he didn’t even have a good reason for it – at least, not a reason she thought was good. He had been her best friend for over fifteen years, ever since the time in second grade when they had been forced to hold hands on the first day of school as their class paraded down the hallway to the auditorium. In all that time, they had been close, hardly ever separating; they had even attended the same college. Sure, they fought, but none of their fights were ever serious and they always ended up making up once more with a long hug and a kiss on the forehead.

“Moooom, make her stop looking at me like that!” Michael called to his mother, who was in the adjoining kitchen.

“Oh yeah tell Mom on me – it’s not like you’re twenty-three,” Sydney rolled her eyes. To Sydney, Michael’s mother was also her mother, well a surrogate mother anyway. Their families had always been close, an unavoidable side effect from having children who were attached at the hip. Seven years earlier, just when Sydney and Michael were barely in high school, both Sydney’s mother and Michael’s father had been tragically killed in a car accident. Michael’s mother was also in the car but, by some miracle, managed to escape unscathed, save a few scratches and bruises. The close-knit bunch took it hard and since Sydney’s father had never been a presence in her life, she was left all alone, but Amelia Vaughn immediately took her in, treating her like the daughter she never had. Despite the sadness of missing their loved ones, the accident actually managed to bring the three of them closer together, forming a seemingly unbreakable bond between them.


After Sydney childishly rolled her eyes at Michael, he gave her an even more child-like retort by sticking his tongue out at her. “Fine, whatever,” Sydney pouted as she headed off to her room. “Go to boot camp! Go to Iraq! Get shot – see if I care!” Once inside her room she slammed her door forcefully before plopping down at her desk. She hated him for going. He didn’t even have a good reason. What did ‘Going because I feel I have to’ mean anyway? He had a college degree; he had graduated a few months prior and his grades were good. While she still had one year left to complete her five year masters program, she expected him to get a job and move out of his mother’s house, but no, of course not. He had abandoned his sensible nature in pursuit of ‘finding’ himself – whatever that meant. Apparently, Sydney thought bitterly, the six week road trip to nowhere didn’t help that.

Upon returning from that road trip, Michael had announced his plans to enlist in the army and go wherever that took him. Sydney and his mother thought him to be mad. Michael had always been very athletic so his physical ability was not in question, more his mental one. He had always been one to stray away from conflict and entering the army while they were fighting a war in the Middle East had ‘conflict’ written all over it.

Despite both Sydney and Amelia’s desperate attempts, Michael failed to back down. Eventually, Amelia gave up trying to talk him out of it and decided to set her hopes on boot camp doing that for her. Sydney, however, refused to let her guard down. Practically every minute of the day she’d shout statistic in his face, basically pointing out that he was doomed to die, but Michael wouldn’t hear of it. He was going, and it seemed nothing could convince him otherwise for, if anyone could have, it was Sydney. He had always listened to her advice, trusting it above all else, but not then. That little fact only added to Sydney’s bitterness and hostility towards him in the weeks leading up to Michael’s departure. Though she was mad at him for not yielding to her opinion, more than that, she was terrified that something terrible would happen to him and she’d be left all alone.


That evening, on the night before Michael’s departure, was a solemn one in the Vaughn household. Michael’s mother stayed very quiet, unsure of what to say and trying to forget that the following day would mean saying goodbye to all that was left of her family, technically speaking anyway. She still had Sydney and was thankful for that.

That evening Sydney only emerged from her room once to grab a little bit of food for dinner. She claimed that she had homework that needed to be done but really she was just sulking and trying not to cry. Meanwhile, Michael felt terribly guilty. He hadn’t meant for his going away to create a rift in his family, though it seemed that was the exact thing that was happening.

It was late by the time Michael even considered going to bed. Something about the uncertainty of the days to follow made him indescribably nervous. So nervous that he laughed at the thought of sleep, knowing it would never come. Before retreating to his room, though, he went to check on Sydney, figuring she’d be asleep, but instead, when he reached the door to her room, he heard her crying softly.

Guilt taking over, he walked into her room and shut the door behind him so that their talking wouldn’t wake his mother. “Syd,” he said softly, switching on the lamp beside her bed. Immediately she rolled away from him, refusing to look at him but mostly refusing to let him see her cry. Michael stroked her hair softly while saying, “Syd, please don’t cry.”

“I’m not,” she sniffed.

“Yes you are. Hey, Syd, look at me, please,” he said, encouraging her to roll over by shaking her shoulder. It took her a few minutes but she finally sat up and looked him in the eye. Locking eyes with her broke Michael’s heart for he had never seen her look so sad. “Syd come on, I’m not going away forever; I’ll be back.”

“No you won’t,” she said quietly.

“Yes, I will,” he said firmly. He reached over and gently brushed a few of her tears away with his thumb before leaning over and kissing her slightly moist cheek. She immediately clung to him.

“I don’t wanna say goodbye to you,” she sniffed.

“I don’t either bu-”

“Then you have to stay,” she concluded.

“Sydney,” he said in a warning voice. “We’re not going to say goodbye, okay? We’re just going to see each other later.”

She let a choked sob out into his shoulder before she slowly tried to pull away from him, knowing that if she didn’t at that moment she’d never be able to let go. As she pulled back, though, she wasn’t quite sure how but her lips brushed up against Michael’s. In their fifteen plus years together, they had never shared a kiss, or anything more for that matter, but saying goodbye to Michael had arisen feelings in Sydney that she hadn’t even know existed. She had always seen Michael as a brotherly type, but when she found out he was going away, possibly forever, she wanted him to stay not just to stay but to be with her.

When Sydney kissed him, Michael didn’t even consider not kissing her back because, unlike her, his feelings for her and a wish for a romantic relationship between them reached far beyond the prior few weeks. For most of his life, Sydney had just been Sydney, a not quite sister of his whom he never really thought of as anyone more than that. However, two years earlier, during their sophomore year of college, he had accidentally caught Sydney and her boyfriend at the time in a very compromising position, which had awakened the angry green monster of jealousy within him. Suddenly he was scrutinizing everyone she went out with, naming their flaws (sometimes voicing them to Sydney) and comparing himself to them. In his mind it was obvious why he was a better fit for her, yet he would never voice his opinions to her for the fear of her rejection was too great.

As they kissed in her bed, though, the knowledge that he was leaving in less than twelve hours became too great and, before either of them knew it, they were shedding each other’s clothes and making love in the soft lamplight of the room before falling asleep together.


In the morning, when Sydney awoke, she was half convinced the previous nights activities had been a dream. Until, that was, she realized her less than dress state which reaffirmed that the wonderful evening had really happened and not just in her mind. She bounded from bed and dressed quickly, anxious to see Michael. For some reason she thought that making love with him would make him realize that he needed to be there, with her, and not off in some desert somewhere fighting for a cause he wasn’t involved in. “Where is he?” she asked Amelia, grin across her face.

“He already left dear, an hour ago; he didn’t want to wake you,” she said solemnly.

Immediately Sydney felt as though she had been hit in the gut with a hundred pound weight. “Oh,” she croaked. Then, slowly, she shuffled her way out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. She cranked on the shower water as hot as she could stand it, crawled inside and supported herself with her hands against the shower walls. It was there that she broke down in tears, crying because she loved him, crying because he was gone and crying out of terror that he would never come home again.
 
I didn't know we were in for another story!!! I'm very excited.

Such a sad beginning... :( I really hope Michael comes home soon. Great beginning.
 
By joining the army Michael has committed his life for the next three years. And once he signed those papers at the recruiters office, there was no turning back. There was nothing Sydney nor his mother could have done to stop him. I just hope he learns to keep his head down and wear his kavlar vest at all times, because he's going to need it.

Chris
 
oh my gosh, this was amazing. AMAZING. great writing. she's gonna be pregnant, isn't she??? michael's gonna finally come back like, what, 15 years later to find his 15 year old child??? created by his last night at home...and first time with sydney. but she will probably have moved on... and is married with more kids by another guy. :D

thanks for the pm. i liked this!
 
Back
Top