"Guess What?"

Wow
There are just somethings I don't want to know about Jack and Irina's relationship
That was kite an interesting conversation
But it was funny
Thanks for the PM
Update again soon please!
 
“Yeah, what were you doing with that whipped cream, anyway?” Weiss asked curiously.

Vaughn and Sydney turned red and Irina and Jack looked at each other. Weiss said, “Oh. Sorry. I lead a sheltered life, didn’t occur to me what you were doing..…Should have kept my mouth shut. Now. I’ll shut up now.”


*LAUGHS* that was great!

“We set Alice up,” Weiss muttered.

“You set her up? Oh, Weiss,” Syd moaned.

“How?” Vaughn exclaimed. “Tell us how.”

“This should be good,” Irina said with relish.

yes, i agree it should be intresting....
UPDATE! PLEASE! I wanna know...
Did Weiss like tip her off or something? Tell her about a guy that Mike worked with named Sid....special attention to th part of Sid beiging male?
Well thanks for the PM!
 
shotput25ash said:
Did Weiss like tip her off or something? Tell her about a guy that Mike worked with named Sid....special attention to th part of Sid beiging male?
Oh, no, it's much more sick and twisted than that! :D
 
teehee. great update!! :lol: its just too funny :P cant wait till the next update!! thnx for the pm!

Cai
:miniflower:
 
This was so funny :rotflmao: Interesting game they were playing :smiley: Now I wonder how they set Alice up :thinking: Update soon!
And thanks for the pm.
 
NOTE: I realize this is a longer update, but it was hard to break this from the original version at an earlier spot. There will be two more updates after this one.

Chapter 31:: In which we find out more than we ever wanted to know about Sid with an ‘I’. Warning: a twisted tale lies ahead.

“Good?” Vaughn repeated incredulously. “Those two set up Alice –that’s not good. That’s kind of cruel.”

Weiss raised his eyebrow and spoke sarcastically, “Really? Like it was so kind to string her along for several months when all the time you were pining over another woman? The kind thing to do would have been never to go out with her to begin with and failing that, to break up with her a lot sooner than you did. So don’t give me a lecture on kindness, buddy!”

Vaughn looked down, then back up. “I get the point, Weiss.”

“Good,” Weiss nodded. “Besides -- Jack did a check on her, what she’d been saying to her friends to make sure that she had a clue that all was not well in Vaughn land.”

“Jack did what? How? Let me guess. You planted a bug on Alice?” Vaughn asked Jack, already knowing the answer. “That’s why you said it was ironic that Weiss bugged you?”

“Of course I planted a bug on Alice. It was logical, effective. Why not?” Jack shrugged like bugging loved ones was no big deal.

Vaughn stared at him, then shrugged internally as well. Of course, to Jack Bristow planting a bug on the girlfriend of his daughter’s non-boyfriend to ascertain the status of the relationship between that girlfriend and the boyfriend he thought was probably that girlfriends’ non-boyfriend in the real sense of the word …He was lost in his own train of thought. Well, anyway, it would not even rate a blip on the ethics radar. If such a thing existed in the land o’ Bristow. Oh wait a minute, it did. Jack had lectured Sydney on going out with Vaughn while he had still been dating Alice. And…he thought suddenly, how would he pay for that? Jack would never let that go……Vaughn stared at Jack with narrowed eyes.

Irina spoke up, “So, he planted a bug on the soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend. What is it you Americans say? Big hoop?”

“No. Big whoop,” Weiss told her. “And in light of…” He trailed off, giving Jack a cautious look.

Jack gave a quirk to his lips. “Well, in light of what else I did for the sake of my daughter’s happiness, planting a bug on Alice was nothing.”

Weiss began to laugh, as he said, “Should I take that as an insult, Jack?”

“Take it anyway you like it, as long as I don’t have to repeat it ever again.”

“Oh, I don’t know, it may have been worth it just to see you laugh that hard,” Weiss commented.

Syd echoed, “Laugh? Dad? Okay, Weiss, spill. Now. I can tell this will be good.”

“Jack, is it okay?” Weiss asked.

“You were the one who was so… freaked out by it.” Jack paused. Had he actually used the phrase ‘freaked out’? He needed to stop spending time with Weiss. He really had to stop spending time with Weiss; the kid was unpredictable. “Well, I’ve had worse done to me. In different ways, I hasten to add. At least this time I wasn’t hospitalized,” Jack said. “So, go ahead if you want.”

Weiss began, “So the key was the fact that Vaughn says Syd’s name in his sleep.”

Irina asked, “You heard via the bug, Alice mention Vaughn talking in his sleep?”

“Actually, no. We already knew that, had the germ of the idea from that. Weiss knew that Vaughn says Syd’s name in his sleep from times they’ve had to share a room,” Jack corrected.

“And he would say it every night, without fail. Especially if he were tired,” Weiss explained. “I babble when I’m tired, Vaughn lets down his defenses and talks about Sydney in his sleep when he’s really tired. So it was just a matter of making sure he was tired enough on a night when he was supposed to see Alice.”

“You have got to be kidding.” Vaughn said flatly, “This was planned, like, like…A Jack Bristow plan. Nothing was left to chance, was it? So the day before this mission, that ridiculous work load Jack assigned me, then all those squash games were solely to…..”

Weiss nodded, “Solely to get you so tired you’d fall asleep on her couch, since we all know you weren’t going to bed---“

“That’s enough!” Vaughn exclaimed.

Weiss continued, “What we did know from the bug is that Alice found it curious that you were talking about some guy named Sid in your sleep, when you never mentioned him at any other time. Especially when you would moooaann his name. She was just starting to wonder if there was more to your lack of a sex life than mere tiredness. Or so she said to her friends---“

Our friends? Uh-oh,” Vaughn moaned.

“There he goes with the moaning again,” Weiss laughed and then laughed again when Vaughn tried to give him a dirty look. “Anywho, Alice was starting to wonder if you were hiding something or rather someone--”

“Someone named Sid?” Irina asked, beginning to smile. “Jack, this is so twisted. I love it! It has your imprint all over it---“

“I was all over nothing, no one!” Jack protested, trying to keep from laughing aloud. It was still damn funny.

“Oh. My. God.” Vaughn moaned again as a lightbulb went off over his head. This was just sick and twisted enough that…. “No, no, don’t tell me..….”

“Vaughn, meet your good friend, Sid.” Weiss gestured toward Jack.

Sydney broke into hysterical laughter and gasped out, “That’s why she asked if you were gay? She met my father and thought he was---thought HE was gay? Thought Vaughn was gay? Boy, she doesn’t have good gaydar, does she?”

"Gaydar? Is that an American term, slang? What’s the Russian translation of that?” Irina asked Jack.

Jack just rolled his eyes and then said, “Later, Irina. Syd, I think you’re being too hard on her. I mean if the woman is willing and the man won’t put out, it’s only natural for her to wonder if he’s having an affair, which in this case was true – an emotional affair, or if he’s gay or ---“

“I don’t know. Just plain stubborn? Or the biggest tease, what’s that American expression? And the male equivalent would be a ---” Irina asked slyly. Jack slammed a hand over her mouth. Sydney stopped laughing. This was way too much information. She glared at her mother. Irina bit Jack’s hand and he removed it, glaring at her.

Irina mumbled, “Oh, sorry. Forgot you Americans are so prudish. Hard to believe it of you Sydney, being Jack’s daughter and all, but..…”

“Irina, that’s enough. Focus,” Jack snarled.

“Fine, I was just having some fun, but..….” Irina began to laugh. “So. Jack, Weiss, tell us, what exactly did you do?"

Vaughn crossed his arms over his chest, "Yeah, tell us. I'm dying to know."

"You know how a few days before the mission started you had that date with Alice at that restaurant you like a few blocks over?" Weiss asked.

'Yessss," Vaughn said with trepidation. He was getting that sinking feeling in his stomach. The kind that had caused him to buy cases of Tums ever since the Bristows had entered his life. And Weiss working with the Bristows? He might need stomach surgery by the time this was over.

"Well, walking down the street from the parking garage, just who do you think Alice met?” Weiss asked, rocking back and forth on his feet. "Or would that be 'whom'?"

"It's---" Sydney began.

"SYD!" Vaughn exclaimed. "Does it matter?"

"Well, no need to get so...testy! Mikey," Sydney grinned.

"I want to know," Vaughn gritted out. "Who did Alice meet? Just answer that question."

"Me. And Sid, here—“ Weiss pointed at Jack. “Getting ready to walk into that gay bar, the Rainbow Room. You know, the one that's right next to the restaurant."

"Oh. My. God." Vaughn groaned and rubbed his forehead.

"And so she saw me and of course, I had to stop and introduce your good friend, Sid, here to Alice,” Weiss explained.

"Of course…...?” Vaughn knew his mouth was hanging open and shut it with a snap, only to immediately open it back up to implore, “You have got to be kidding me." For the love of….would you look at that smirk on Jack's face, Vaughn thought. Weiss was not kidding. He could not believe this....”Puh-leeze tell me you’re joking.”

"Would I kid about this? No, I would not." Weiss shook his head.

"But.....did she…..?" Syd asked.

"Get it right away? No.” Weiss shook his head. “It wasn't enough to introduce her to "Sid," your "good" friend. Hate to say it, but she’s not real quick on the uptake. She wasn't making the connection right away even though we were at the gay bar. You could tell the name meant something to her, but she couldn't quite figure it out. Although I could see the wheels turning, they weren't turning fast enough. I mean, you could have come down the street yourself at any moment. And Jack’s Plan B for proving who Sid was to you – well, we didn’t have enough time, really, to use PhotoShop without staying up all night. And Jack wanted to get home and finish the planning. So, it had to get done right then. We had trouble, my friend, right here in Spy City! Drastic measures were needed, my friend, drastic! " Weiss said in a sing song voice. That voice that always made Vaughn want to pop him.

Vaughn thought for a moment and then asked, "PhotoShop? You were going to make pictures? Oh, my God. Wait a minute. Drastic? Your idea of drastic or Jack's? Jack, tell me there were no explosives involved, no kidnapping, no regression therapy, no hypnosis, no psychotropic drugs......."

"No. Don't be ridiculous," Jack said with a smile. Which was enough to make Vaughn cringe. "The simplest plans are always the best. The fewer the steps, the smaller margin for error."

"Thanks, Jack, ever so much for the impromptu lesson in strategizing. And by the way, you'll be glad to know Weiss at least has been paying attention. But, tell me already, what the HELL did you two do?" Vaughn asked, knowing he was nearly shouting but unable to control himself.

"So testy, Mikey. Really, calm down. All's well that end's well, isn't it?" Weiss asked complacently.

Vaughn growled. “Weissssss….”

"Alright already.” Weiss held his hands up in front of him. “You asked. I’ll remind you of that. So… with the introductions over, Alice had turned around and begun to walk away. And I said to Jack, just loudly enough for an innocent passerby to hear," Weiss rocked back and forth on his heels, looking entirely too smug, "That I didn't appreciate always playing second fiddle to Vaughn, that the only time we went out was when Vaughn was busy, that didn't I have what it takes myself? That I prided myself on being good at…Of course, she turned around when she heard Vaughn's name…..."

“Of course,” Irina echoed, biting her lip to keep from laughing aloud. Jack’s games were always good fun. She gave him a speculative up and down look. Always good fun, indeed.

"The look on her face. The confusion. I almost felt bad." Jack commented, shaking his head in mock sympathy.

"Yeah, right. I'm so sure you did," Vaughn snarled, while Syd and Irina stared wide-eyed at the men, wondering just what was coming.

"Well, see, what I saw on her face was still some lingering confusion. We had to get rid of that." Weiss explained.

"Don't say 'we', Weiss. What happened next was all your idea. Not mine. Not mine." Jack protested.

"WHAT happened, already?" Vaughn exclaimed, afraid to ask. Although how much worse could it be than what he already knew….

"Oh, I reached over and planted one on Jack." Weiss said casually.

It was that much worse.

"It was quick. Just a peck. No tongue or anything,” Weiss was quick to explain.

Jack held up his hand. “Yes, let’s make that perfectly clear.”

Weiss rolled his eyes, “But she had a look of such shock on her face. Then she just said, 'Oh, Eric, you're such a joker, but getting more weird all the time.' She shook her head and stared at us, like waiting for the punchline. Then she walked away, still shaking her head. And Mr. Happy here," he pointed at Jack, "Gets this look on his face like he's going to lose it any moment. And Alice is still right there, for crying out loud. For all the times for Jack Bristow to lose control......Honestly, am I the only one who could keep a clear head on this op?" Weiss shook his head.

"Mr. Happy?" Irina laughed. "Now there's a new euphemism for...Ooomph!" She halted when Jack squeezed her arm.

"Then what happened?" Syd asked, between giggles.

"So, Jack says to me that if what he just sampled was evidence of my technique, I really need to work on my skills." Weiss sniffed in mock disdain, "Like he got the full treatment from me anyway!" He paused and then began again, "Then he starts laughing. Laughing! Didn’t do much for my ego, let me tell you!"

Irina said, "He was laughing? What set you off so much, Jack? I'd have thought you would have been mad at him. But then again, when’s the last time you really----"

Jack sent her a frown as he said, "No, as he said drastic situations call for drastic measures. We were desperate. Eric used creative problem solving in the field. Wish he’d thought of some other method, but as I always say, you can’t argue with success. And too, I was thinking that maybe this made up for all the times Syd thought I wasn't there for her. I mean, if letting Weiss kiss me doesn't earn me some points…..."

Weiss said snidely, "Yeah, so you said at the time, Jack. Then he starts to laugh, recounting all the various ways he's been tortured over the years and maybe this was the worst. Humph. I shoved him into the bar, he was laughing so hard I thought he was going to….. I don't know what. I mean, when's the last time you laughed, Jack? You need more practice – that was the problem, you had years of laughter stored up inside you and it all burst out that day.”

“I knew it! That’s what I was about to say, that when was the last time Jack really laughed? But, then what?” Irina asked, smiling.

"I had the biggest glass of Scotch I've had since, oh, I don't know, since Sydney figured out that you were alive," Jack said.

“Ha, ha, Jack. Very funny,” Irina sniffed and pulled her arm away from Jack.

With a smirk at Weiss, Jack added, "That scotch is a great multi-tasking tool. Served as both antiseptic and anesthetic."

“Ha, ha, Jack. Very funny,” Weiss sniffed.

“Then we went back to my house and planned out this little op. Didn't take that long, maybe twenty minutes, half an hour?” Jack asked Weiss.

"Yeah, when Jack's on a roll, he could plan the takeover of a foreign country in, oh, maybe an hour or two?" Weiss suggested.

Irina mumbled, "I think he's done it in less."

"So, you timed the whole thing -- when Alice would be coming down the sidewalk and accidentally encounter you two?” Vaughn asked, still in shock.

Jack confirmed, “It's the timing, Vaughn. I've told you before, you need to be precise in your timing.”

Weiss interjected, “Yeah, he needs help with his timing, Jack. Maybe you could give him some remedial instruction in that area.”

“SHUT up!” Vaughn said.

Sydney giggled, “This is amazing. I don’t know what the best part is.”

“Well, don’t make your judgment yet,” Irina suggested. “I have a feeling there is more.”

TBC
 
:hi:

Vaughn stared at him, then shrugged internally as well. Of course, to Jack Bristow planting a bug on the girlfriend of his daughter’s non-boyfriend to ascertain the status of the relationship between that girlfriend and the boyfriend he thought was probably that girlfriends’ non-boyfriend in the real sense of the word …

:lol: Holey moley.

Irina spoke up, “So, he planted a bug on the soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend. What is it you Americans say? Big hoop?”

:lol: Hehe!

“Oh. My. God.” Vaughn moaned again as a lightbulb went off over his head. This was just sick and twisted enough that…. “No, no, don’t tell me..….”
“Vaughn, meet your good friend, Sid.” Weiss gestured toward Jack.

OMG! LMAO :rotflmao: Too funny!

"Me. And Sid, here—“ Weiss pointed at Jack. “Getting ready to walk into that gay bar, the Rainbow Room. You know, the one that's right next to the restaurant."
"Oh. My. God." Vaughn groaned and rubbed his forehead.
"And so she saw me and of course, I had to stop and introduce your good friend, Sid, here to Alice,” Weiss explained.

hahaha.. :lol: funniest chapter yet :P

“Well, don’t make your judgment yet,” Irina suggested. “I have a feeling there is more.”

more? :lol: i cant wait for it! hehe.

thanks for the pm!

Cai
:miniflower:
 
OMG!!!!
OMG!!!
WEISS KISSED JACK?!?!?! *dies of laughter* that SO priceless!!!
OMG!!! i cant stop laughing!
that was so great!
but theres more? *raises an eyebrow* do i WANT to know? im thinking yes, because it will be completely humerous....lol
well thanks for the PM, that was AWESOME! keep up the terrific work, and update soon!
 
That is hilarious!
Jack, laughing, are you serious?
I thought I would never see the day!
thanks for the PM
Update again soon please!
 
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