Title: Hold Nothing Back Author: Duck Rating: NC-17 Disclaimer: I own Alias, ABC, and Disney. I am Michael Vartan's love slave. That alone should tell you my level of sanity. Summary: hah. no summary for you! Don't be angry, its just the way the story works. A/N: This is my first real try at smut, and I'm extremely jittery about posting it. I've always attempted, and then backed away...but this time...well, there you go. Huge huge huge thanks to SAG, Jenn, and Em for helping me come up with the title. And yes Jenn, even with a head of mush, you are still brilliant. Please tell me if I should stick to my angst stories, and never write smut again. Please. *** The sheets are cool at first touch, and you slide a little as the momentum of your falling bodies carries you further on the satin material. They don't stay cool for long because of the heat radiating off you in waves, and you think your skin will burst into flames. The temperature rises even more as your clothes are pulled slowly off you, and you wiggle out of them faster. Your mind is focused only on him and his flame like touch, because if it wanders to the cameras above the bed, you know the feeling will leave you and you won't be able to go through with it. So you allow his touch to turn you to ash, to disintegrate the garter and pantyhose as he pulls it from so slowly from your legs. *** "Agent Bristow, will you stay a moment?" Kendall pretends to ask, but really demands, and you sigh and prepare to be *****ed at. He crosses the conference room and hands you a small file, at which you glance. The content makes you cringe, and you pray to god he's not about to ask you what you think he's going to. "You've been briefed on Emilio Hernandez and his organization, and you know about the drug dealing and how he supplies terrorists enough bombs a year to blow up Russia. However, there is something I did leave out." You wait, still crossing your fingers that this is some sort of sick joke, that he's not going to request that you undertake a swallow mission. You notice his neck turn a brilliant shade of red, and almost laugh at Kendall's embarrassment. You don't, however, because you are embarrassed as all hell too. "Hernandez has a certain…hobby, which requires him to be locked in a room without contact from security. We need him in that room while we raid his condo, because his voice is the only thing that activates the failsafe." Crossing your arms, you wait for him to make his point clear. You're not helping him at all with this, because you do not want to participate. "I'm not making this an order, because it is illegal for me to do so, but I highly suggest that you consider taking this mission. No one will be aware of your activity in the mission, so this is between you and me. I made sure Jack was not aware of this aspect of the mission, or anyone else. I will give you an hour to look over that file and report back to me with your answer." You glare at his retreating back, and clutch the file until your knuckles become white. Being treated like bait is not something you enjoy, and it is all you can do not to shoot the living daylights out of him. The file contains a piece of information Kendall left out, and for a second, you actually consider taking on the mission. Your mind is changed quickly, but then you look at the file once more, and you consider it for a few minutes. It continues in that vein for an hour, and you have made up your mind completely when you enter Kendall's office. *** His eyes dart to the cameras for a split second, and in that time you feel his lust begin to dissipate, so you grab his tie and direct his attention to consuming your lips. The way he bites and sucks suggests that he is famished and you need to feel his stomach to listen for growls. The buttons frustrate you, so you take the easy way out, ripping the cloth away and kissing every inch of exposed skin. *** You stare at Vaughn for hours the night before you leave, memorizing every inch of his skin, and you try not to feel guilty for what will happen in mere hours. His arm is wrapped around you snugly, and you feel the love spread to your fingertips. These moments are ones you cherish, ones you memorize every aspect about and then store for later viewing. You brush a piece of hair off his forehead, and kiss it gently. Tenderness is something you need desperately at the moment, because you know later all that will be required of you is hot animalistic lust. *** A growl is heard, and it does not come from his stomach, but from his throat as he bites the clasp of your bra and pulls it away with a satisfying grunt. Your breath hitches as he licks up your spine, and you arch with him as he caresses each vertebra with gentle strokes. *** The plane is silent, and you can't bring yourself to look into anyone's eyes, for fear that they will know exactly what you have to do, what you dread doing, what you can't believe you allowed yourself to agree to. Vaughn…well, Vaughn is sitting next to you, and you imagine what he will say when he finds out, which he will, there is no doubt of that, but you can just imagine him pushing you away with a look of disgust etched deep into his features. It is almost enough to cry about, but you will save your tears for later. *** It almost surprises you, the way he can turn an animalistic lust f*** into passionate love making, but you remind yourself that you are not allowed to be surprised, because being surprised will get you killed. Tongue swirling in and around the dips in your neck, he feels your muscles tense, knows the source of your anxiety, and shields you from it with his toned back, pressing your spine back into the mattress. His protectiveness almost makes you smile for a second, and then, oh god, he pushes the black lace aside and presses his fingers into you roughly. You buck against him, and the lust takes the love away. *** Your stomach flip-flops as the plane descends, and all you can do is close your eyes and breathe slowly. Vaughn notices your nervousness with concern, takes your hands as everyone prepares. You will get a hotel room so preparation is not required, and before you separate, a note is discreetly handed to Vaughn with a room number and a time. The hotel belongs to Emilio Hernandez, and you are concerned to notice how small the actual building is. The room Kendall issued for your objective of the mission makes you cringe; the Honeymoon suite. Definitely not a room that you want to do this in, but you ignore it, paint the walls a dull beige and imagine the sheets linen, not the slippery silk just begging to be wrinkled. Checking the clock, you realize there is still time before Vaughn will arrive, and slip into something a little less comfortable. *** He decides that his fingers have tortured you enough, and by removing them slowly elicits a moan. You both make quick work of any buttons left over, shove any remaining pieces of cloth off the slick sheets, and he surprises you by tenderly kissing your lips. The kiss is only a trick to relax you, because he is not so gentle as he enters you. It hurts and it is all you can do to bite back a scream. The fullness you feel is almost unbearable and he is just as violent moving in and out as he was entering. You suffer loudly, knowing this is what Emilio likes, cursing in every language that comes to your mind, as well as guttural syllables that don't make sense. He says nothing; only his wide-open eyes tell you he feels anything at all. *** Vaughn's eyes widen with shock as he takes in your apparel and you pull him towards you by his tie. He has the decency to close the door with his foot as you attack his lips, wishing to make them so swollen he can't speak. He pulls away, like you knew he would, and looks straight through your eyes into your soul. You feel exposed, but he is the only person that you don't mind baring your inter most core to. He starts to speak, "The mi-" but you cut him off by licking his lips and once you are sure he is silenced, you answer in a hoarse whisper, "This is what we came for. Forget anything else." Untying the sash on your tiny robe, you let the satin slide down your smooth legs. You move out of his grasp and rub your hand sensually across your bare stomach. "Now touch me." He realizes exactly what you mean, and his eyes darken with anger and desire. He is in your face in one stride, touching your breasts, and even with a layer of lace between your flesh and his, your nipples stiffen. A sly grin crosses his features, and you push his jacket off, and then he pushes you onto the bed. *** Usually, you know he's close by how frantic his pace is, but now, now you have no idea because this is untrodden territory. Until this point, neither of you have felt the urge for an animalistic lust f***, and your mind twists as you realize it's an interesting change. Just to mess with him, you squeeze and contract your muscles, and he groans loudly, putting on a show for the cameras watching you, for the sick bastard Emilio, who likes to watch. And although you know he is faking some of it, you also know that he is enjoying this aspect of sex as much as you are. It would have been a lot better, however, to experiment without a dangerous man watching your every move, without agents completing a mission, and without Kendall's order hovering around you. Your train of thought is interrupted as he explodes into you, shooting fire up your torso, the burning spreading to your arms and legs, and when it reaches your head all you can do is scream as you lose yourself in him. The next few minutes you both spend recovering, him still sheathed between your legs, chests heaving as you both try to replenish your air supply. He pushes the sweaty strands of hair away from your forehead, and you close your eyes to suppress the tears that his love causes. You weren't sure of what his reaction would be when you seduced him, but you are not surprised by his willingness to sacrifice for his country. And, although it did involve pleasure for him, both of you know that this was a sacrifice, to lose the privacy of the love and the lust that consumes two bodies as they intertwine passionately, solely for your country. And although you know the mission is for the safety of innocent civilians, you can't help but feel bitter at the world for making you surrender the privacy you cherish. A gunshot in the hallway makes you both sit up and scramble for clothing. His shirt is useless ripped, and you thought ahead to pack him an extra suit in your suitcase. You throw it at him, and he pulls it on quickly. You find underwear and a dress that is easily thrown on, and the both of you are ready in less than five minutes. You glance at him as you prepare to exit, and you see the forgiveness in his eyes, and it makes the tears that you held in reserve slide down your face. He wipes it away with his thumb, and as you turn the door handle, he whispers, "I would have done the same." And you don't regret the animalistic lust f***, not for a second, because Emilio Hernandez will be imprisoned or killed and you won't have a reminder of this night. Well, you remember the feelings from what just transpired, and you decide that you will have to try it again. Without the cameras.