Victoria King
Cadet
Okay i know many are writing fics about the lost two years and the season finale, so here i am doing the same with my own twist on things! this fic will be told in many different points of view! the first one is in Vaughn's point of view! ENJOY AND PLEASE BE KIND< REVIEW!thanks! and please check out my other fic, As Simple As That(link located in Summaries page 2!thanks!)
It has been almost two years now and the pain in my heart pounding like an axe swinging in and out in and out over and over again is still as strong as ever. Next weekend will be the two year anniversary of a day that took away any hope for happiness in my life. Anniversaries are supposed to be full of joy and counting your blessings on how long you have made a commitment to something or how blessed you are to have something in your life for this long. They are not supposed to mark the death of a loved one, or the disappearance of a loved one, she is not dead. I have tried to rebuild comfort and tried to move on like various co-workers and therapists have recommended, but…….Nothing works. Nothing ever works and nothing ever will work except…..but that will never happen so I might as well stop this nonsense.
I have become accustomed with confusing reality with my dreaming lately. Ever since I started helping out my sister with her four kids, “It will help you keep your mind off certain things”, I have been living in a dream world. Ally is a dreamer that is probably why I love her most out of all my nieces and nephews. I know I shouldn’t love one more than the other but she reminds me of someone. It can be the smallest of actions like pushing her hair back behind her ears or just smiling and I begin to wonder if that is what Sydney’s children would have looked like. What would their special little characteristics be? Would they have their mothers smile or her brown hair?
One thing I am not too proud of is how little I used to spend with my family. The only times I ever saw any of my sister’s children was when they were born or for an occasional birthday when I by chance wasn’t working that night. Of course when I came into their lives like a bulldozer, unshaven and mad at the world in so many ways they would never understand, all they cared about was that they had a new friend to play with. Kendall suggested I took time off even though I wanted to search for her every second I could, but I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be doing anything that required me to hold a gun or even walk and talk at the same time. Ally told me that she was afraid of me when I first came to their two story fenced in home with a sprinkler running in the front yard. “You were freaky, that’s why I hid behind Momma’s skirt, and I liked you because I remembered you gave me a doll for Christmas but you looked scary.” Katherine, with all the kids huddled behind her, just looked at me like I was a poor puppy without a home to crawl back to.
Ally was the first one to get over the shock of my random surges of screaming and cussing. With her strawberry blonde pigtails in full curl, she sat next to me on the leather couch and stared right into my eyes. Green eyes staring at brown eyes. Brown eyes. Before I knew it she had crawled into my lap and brushed away a tear I didn’t even know had begun to fall.
“Don’t cry. I know I shouldn’t have flushed Momma’s earbobby things but I said I was sorry,” she pleaded in a faint little whisper. For the first time in over a month, I smiled.
“No, that’s not why I’m sad, not at all.” How could I tell her what I was sad about? She doesn’t even know I work for the CIA let alone know what the CIA means.
“Do you know what I do when I’m sad? I just stare at the clouds and think of how it would feel like to ride one and who would ride with me. Would you like to ride a cloud with me?” She was staring out the window into the perfect creamy blue sky with puffy white clouds darting through the silk of nothing.
“Yes, that sounds like fun, but where should we go?” I already knew where I wanted to go but I didn’t quite know where.
“Anywhere that won’t make you cry, but please not the circus those clowns scare me.”
“How about the pier? You would love the pier. They have ice cream vendors and you can look out over the ocean for miles and miles.” She laughed at this and her pigtails shook from side to side.
“That’s not fun, why don’t we go to the moon and see the moon’s ocean!” I couldn’t help laughing at her utter disbelief in my imagination but she didn’t know who I wanted to be at the pier with.
I have a feeling that today will be filled with taxi rides on clouds and visits to the moon. I can always foretell the good days from the bad ones. When should I stay in bed the whole day and when I should try to get up and do something with my life? This morning I just knew I wouldn’t be able to think of anything but her, I just knew it. I could feel her creeping in through the front door and weaving though every inch of my house burying herself in every crevasse. She knows I have moved on and it tortures me. After kissing Alice on the forehead, feeling a pang of guilt stab through every inch of me, I walk out the door and to my car.
Even though as some would say I have moved on with my life, got married and got a new job that I go to regularly, not calling in sick every so often when it was going to be a bad day, I still visit Katherine and her kids every Saturday. Her husband, Kevin, works every day at the small law firm he built from scratch so she welcomes all the help she can muster up. Just as I am pulling up in front of the neatly trimmed yard, my cell phone rings.
“Agent Vaughn, this is Kendall. I’m sorry to have to call you after so long but she called just a few minutes ago.”
soooooooooooo what do you think?!?!more? no more?i know not that interesting as of it but it will be...thanks!
It has been almost two years now and the pain in my heart pounding like an axe swinging in and out in and out over and over again is still as strong as ever. Next weekend will be the two year anniversary of a day that took away any hope for happiness in my life. Anniversaries are supposed to be full of joy and counting your blessings on how long you have made a commitment to something or how blessed you are to have something in your life for this long. They are not supposed to mark the death of a loved one, or the disappearance of a loved one, she is not dead. I have tried to rebuild comfort and tried to move on like various co-workers and therapists have recommended, but…….Nothing works. Nothing ever works and nothing ever will work except…..but that will never happen so I might as well stop this nonsense.
I have become accustomed with confusing reality with my dreaming lately. Ever since I started helping out my sister with her four kids, “It will help you keep your mind off certain things”, I have been living in a dream world. Ally is a dreamer that is probably why I love her most out of all my nieces and nephews. I know I shouldn’t love one more than the other but she reminds me of someone. It can be the smallest of actions like pushing her hair back behind her ears or just smiling and I begin to wonder if that is what Sydney’s children would have looked like. What would their special little characteristics be? Would they have their mothers smile or her brown hair?
One thing I am not too proud of is how little I used to spend with my family. The only times I ever saw any of my sister’s children was when they were born or for an occasional birthday when I by chance wasn’t working that night. Of course when I came into their lives like a bulldozer, unshaven and mad at the world in so many ways they would never understand, all they cared about was that they had a new friend to play with. Kendall suggested I took time off even though I wanted to search for her every second I could, but I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be doing anything that required me to hold a gun or even walk and talk at the same time. Ally told me that she was afraid of me when I first came to their two story fenced in home with a sprinkler running in the front yard. “You were freaky, that’s why I hid behind Momma’s skirt, and I liked you because I remembered you gave me a doll for Christmas but you looked scary.” Katherine, with all the kids huddled behind her, just looked at me like I was a poor puppy without a home to crawl back to.
Ally was the first one to get over the shock of my random surges of screaming and cussing. With her strawberry blonde pigtails in full curl, she sat next to me on the leather couch and stared right into my eyes. Green eyes staring at brown eyes. Brown eyes. Before I knew it she had crawled into my lap and brushed away a tear I didn’t even know had begun to fall.
“Don’t cry. I know I shouldn’t have flushed Momma’s earbobby things but I said I was sorry,” she pleaded in a faint little whisper. For the first time in over a month, I smiled.
“No, that’s not why I’m sad, not at all.” How could I tell her what I was sad about? She doesn’t even know I work for the CIA let alone know what the CIA means.
“Do you know what I do when I’m sad? I just stare at the clouds and think of how it would feel like to ride one and who would ride with me. Would you like to ride a cloud with me?” She was staring out the window into the perfect creamy blue sky with puffy white clouds darting through the silk of nothing.
“Yes, that sounds like fun, but where should we go?” I already knew where I wanted to go but I didn’t quite know where.
“Anywhere that won’t make you cry, but please not the circus those clowns scare me.”
“How about the pier? You would love the pier. They have ice cream vendors and you can look out over the ocean for miles and miles.” She laughed at this and her pigtails shook from side to side.
“That’s not fun, why don’t we go to the moon and see the moon’s ocean!” I couldn’t help laughing at her utter disbelief in my imagination but she didn’t know who I wanted to be at the pier with.
I have a feeling that today will be filled with taxi rides on clouds and visits to the moon. I can always foretell the good days from the bad ones. When should I stay in bed the whole day and when I should try to get up and do something with my life? This morning I just knew I wouldn’t be able to think of anything but her, I just knew it. I could feel her creeping in through the front door and weaving though every inch of my house burying herself in every crevasse. She knows I have moved on and it tortures me. After kissing Alice on the forehead, feeling a pang of guilt stab through every inch of me, I walk out the door and to my car.
Even though as some would say I have moved on with my life, got married and got a new job that I go to regularly, not calling in sick every so often when it was going to be a bad day, I still visit Katherine and her kids every Saturday. Her husband, Kevin, works every day at the small law firm he built from scratch so she welcomes all the help she can muster up. Just as I am pulling up in front of the neatly trimmed yard, my cell phone rings.
“Agent Vaughn, this is Kendall. I’m sorry to have to call you after so long but she called just a few minutes ago.”
soooooooooooo what do you think?!?!more? no more?i know not that interesting as of it but it will be...thanks!
