inferno

Wow, I had no idea you updated this fic! and here I am, almost a month later, finally reading it..:P
Oh, well. better late than never, I suppose!
Great chapter, but I'm still wondering why Sydney went back to the CIA...did I miss something, or were you going to reveal everything in a later chapter?
Can't wait for more!
 
i have stopped having this beta-ed, for it takes me long enough to post new chapters as it is. if there are any glaring errors, let me know. ;) hope you guys like. and hope all of you who wanted one got a pm. let me know if you didn't.

xxix. don’t blink
this pain has been tasting of lead
and the chips will fall as they may
but it’s not just my finishing that’s peeling
and it’s not alone fleeing these walls


they had flown to paris. sark was to call irina, tell her he had evaded the cia and wanted to meet her. they had business to discuss. he was to tell her after sydney’s betrayal, he wanted back in the life.
“what if she doesn’t pick up her phone?” sark asked.
jack just looked at him. “do whatever you usually do.”
“well i usually don’t lie to her. i usually—”
“do you leave a message?” he cut him off.
sark shook his head.
“then don’t.”
sydney had not said a word the entire time. she had been silent, had not looked at him, had not acknowledged his existence.

well sooner or later this cold
it’s gotta break
so our hands will be warm again
but all i want is not to need you now
and sooner or later this cold
it’s gonna break
and our words will be heard again
but all i want are vows of silence now


he wanted to not need it. he wanted to not care that she didn’t speak to him. he wanted to be able to ignore her the way she ignored him. but he couldn’t.
he had never felt such betrayal. he had adored her. he had trusted her with everything he had. she was his best friend. she meant everything to him. he never expected it.
it made him want to vomit when he thought of it, and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. his stomach seemed to have disappeared and just left a gaping hole. his body felt empty. his soul felt empty. his heart felt empty.
all he wanted to do was vomit.

this turpentine chaser’s got kick
and the rag that it’s soaked in is rich
but the fumes aide in the pace of my cleaning
and as soon as i’m done i am gone


sark picked up the phone. a group of cia agents was swarmed around him. he only saw sydney, who was staring at his hand on the receiver.
he dialled the number.
ring.
ring.
rin-.

“yes?”
she picked up?! sark couldn’t believe it. neither could anyone. jack stiffened when he heard her voice. sydney’s eyes widened.
“hey. you got away easily enough?” sark asked, trying to keep his voice sane.
“yes. what happened?”
he had his story memorised. how he could have possibly gotten away from nine agents inside and numerous others outside when he was on his own was beyond him, but the cia team quickly came up with a story that not only let him get away, it explained harris’s death.
“harris came.”
“he will be loyal to you until he dies,” irina said.
“he was,” sark sighed. “on my way to the car he started shooting. they didn’t know where he was at first, at it gave me time to take off. once they had hit him i was almost a safe distance away. i got hit in my arm but i’m okay.”
“and the body?” her voice was solemn.
“i couldn’t go back. couldn’t risk it. i assume they took him,” he replied. “i’m not able to bury this irina.”
the cia team tensed; he had gone off script.
“i’m not able to forget harris is gone. i can’t bury the fact that he was my friend and i am responsible for his death. i’m not able to forget sydney. it hurts more than anything i ever imagined. i love her with everything i have,” he was staring directly at sydney as he spoke. “i don’t think i can live without her.”
jack glared at sark and pointed to the script. sark ignored him.
“i know,” irina replied quietly. “you have to learn to bury it. don’t say it isn’t possible. you’ve been with me for eight years; you know it’s possible.”
jack’s eyes lightened. he had told no one of his encounter with irina at her mansion. seeing her once more made his hunger even stronger. he needed to see her again, not knowing what he would do; he loved her with everything he had, but part of him still burned with betrayal. within a millisecond jack returned to his stone-faced self.
“where are you?” irina asked.
“paris,” sark replied truthfully. “where can we meet?”
“you told her everything?” her voice was gentle.
“yeah,” he gulped. “i told her everything.”
the cia team was getting impatient. the longer the conversation, the more likely irina was to figure out what was going on. they needed sark to arrange the meet and get off the phone as quickly as possible. jack signalled to sark, who nodded and rolled his eyes.
“there’s a place about which you don’t know,” irina said.
everyone leapt to attention.
“it’s on the outskirts of london. a warehouse. tomorrow at eleven pm.”
“okay. where is it?”
***
the cia team had put a tracker on him. they had searched every inch of the warehouse and the surrounding area. they were ready to go.
“we are going to keep our distance. obviously we don’t want her to know we’re here. you just keep her talking. if she makes any movements we’ll come in immediately. otherwise just wait for us,” jack instructed. “and don’t even think about escaping. there’s no chance.”
“there’s always a chance with irina,” sark replied.
jack ignored him and hooked up the mike.
“agent hansen is going to be with you. he’s going to be your driver and your right hand man.”
“i’m driving,” sark announced.
“no,” jack said. “agent hansen will be driving you.”
“i’m driving myself jack. she won’t believe it if i’m not driving myself.”
“one misstep,” jack said flatly, “and you’re dead.”
“always nice to work with you mr. bristow,” he smirked.
***
sark didn’t know how this was going to work. irina knew; she had to know. there was no way irina—the irina derevko—could not know. you couldn’t put anything past her. so what was going on?
but as he and hansen entered the warehouse, there stood irina. she was in the middle of it, completely still, looking over at them.
“i always hated warehouses. for some reason all so-called bad things happen in them. i suppose they are the easiest place from which to run things because they are easy to abandon. but i don’t like them,” she said absentmindedly. her voice echoed slightly from the empty walls.
“this is greg,” sark said as they walked up, gesturing to hansen.
irina walked toward the wall. sark and hansen followed her. she reached to the floor and opened a hidden door in the ground. before anyone could say anything, she pulled a gun and shot hansen.
“jesus!” sark exclaimed as hansen hit the ground.
“it was only a tranq,” she explained.
she ripped off his shirt and pulled the comm. from it, breaking the connection.
“you knew? you—”
“shut up!” she interrupted. “we only have a little while before they get here, not enough for you to escape. i’m going to send them with you somewhere. there will be explosives. use them to escape.”
“what are you—” he started.
“shut up! to escape, just detonate some of them. it should be an easy enough distraction,” she explained. “i promise i’ll get you there.”
“freeze!”
a dozen cia agents came racing into the warehouse, guns drawn. sark glanced at them and looked back. irina was gone and the trap door was closed.
jack tore across the warehouse and pulled at the hidden door. it was locked. he shot it until he broke the lock, then headed down. a few agents followed him.
vaughn came out of no where and slammed sark against the wall, gun to his head.
“you knew this was going to happen didn’t you? how’d you tip her off?” he growled.
“stop!” it was sydney’s clear, crisp voice.
sark remembered it as the first word she ever said to him. vaughn heeded her the way sark had that first time long ago. he lowered his gun and slowly let sark go.
“did you know?” sydney asked. “did you tip her off?”
it was the first time she had spoken directly to him since the cia picked him up. he shook his head.
“no. but it was irina. she didn’t need me to tell her or tip her off to know what was going on. you worked with her; you saw how she somehow manages to know everything,” he replied. he paused. “jack will find her though.”
“why do you say that?”
“the morning ella understood the necklace, that morning when you told me some people would think it was creepy that i watched them sleep, the reason i was up was she woke me. she called and we went for a walk on the beach,” he explained. “she asked me if i loved you. i said with everything i have. she wanted to make sure i would take care of you. she said she was thinking of turning herself in. she couldn’t handle what she had done to jack. she loves him and she needs him. i think working with you made her unable to forget about him anymore. you were a constant reminder of what she had left behind.”
sydney was silent. she looked at sark. his eyes were in such pain, had such longing in them. she looked away but walked to him.
“hands behind your back,” she instructed.
he did as he was told and she handcuffed him. he leaned against the wall and tried to ignore his heart.
“dad, you got anything?” sydney called to him on the comms. “dad? you there?”
“why would he turn it off?” vaughn asked.
“he must have found her.”
***
jack collapsed at yet another corner in the underground tunnel. he didn’t know how long he had been running, how long he had been guessing the directions at forks. he lost the other agents long ago. it was empty and dark, silent except for his heavy breathing. his entire body hurt he had been running for so long.
he looked up. how she did that, he never knew, but there she was. he turned off his comm.
“you’re back,” he said quietly.
“i’m back.”
irina stood in front of him silently. their minds were connected in nothingness. they enveloped themselves in each other until nothing of the outside world was left.
“you got away last time, you may not be so lucky if you stick around very long. you must go,” jack painfully eased out the words. he didn’t want them to be true; he didn’t want her to listen to them.
“i am planning on getting caught.” a statement of fact.
he looked at her incredulously, standing up. “you’ll be killed. they’ll give you the death penalty.”
“i am weak,” she broke eye contact and looked at the ground. she had never done that before. “i need you. i would happily receive the death penalty if it meant i could see you for a few days or weeks or whatever it takes before they kill me.”
“that is not weak. loving someone so much you would give your life for them is the strongest thing in the world,” he reached toward her.
“damn it jack!” she pulled away. “i hate this. i feel like i make the world go around; you love me; cia will be forever searching for me if i don’t turn myself in. i’m not that important. i hate that you changed my system of beliefs. and i hate that i love you so much it hurts.”
“you are that important.” a statement of fact. “you are more than that important. you deserve more and if i could give it to you i would. i just don’t know how. please let me. please let me try. we don’t have to deal with the cia or sark or anyone or anything. i have contacts and residences. we can go anywhere. please come with me.”
“you can’t leave sydney. you can’t let this break her. she can’t lose both the men she loves.”
he stepped toward her. she stepped back.
“i don’t know if i’m ready for this yet.”
“for turning yourself in, or for me?”
they were silent.
“both,” she said quietly.
“we can leave at any time. if you turn yourself in, any time you want, i’ll get you out. we’ll go away together. no one will have to know. we’ll disappear.”
“how will you accomplish that?” irina chuckled. “just slip me out of cia custody?”
“i’ve become their most valued. i can do anything, and they’ll turn a blind eye. they trust me. i could do it,” he promised. “please.”
irina sighed and stared down the long hallway.
“handcuffs in front or behind?” she asked.
he breathed heavily. “we don’t need them until we encounter someone.”
“do it now jack.”
he stifled tears as he pulled her hands behind her and placed her under arrest. he stood behind her, trying not to sob. he leaned into her.
“i love you,” he whispered, pulling her hair off her neck. he kissed it softly.
she sighed and leaned back into him. “take me in.”
silent tears trickled down her cheeks as he led her back toward the trap door. he sighed and turned his comm. back on.
“i’ve got her. she’s coming willingly. on my way back,” he said.
***
they rose from the trap door to find over a dozen guns trained on her head and chest. she made eye contact with no one and continued to follow jack.
sark was amazed. irina derevko had emotions. she loved jack so much she turned herself in. she had said it before, but he never truly believed it until then. she was one step closer to be normal.
“sydney,” irina nodded quietly as jack led her past their daughter.
sydney’s face was blank. she had learned so well.
“i’m taking her to the nearest safe house for the night,” jack announced. “take sark back to headquarters.”
“sir, shouldn’t a security team go with you?” agent hansen asked.
“she will not try to escape,” he replied flatly.
“how do you know—” he began.
“she won’t,” sydney cut in. “it will be fine.”
the team was so uneasy about sydney. they had been since they apprehended sark. she made no reaction, no outward showing of emotions, but the other agents seemed to think she was broken. they walked on eggshells around her and did anything she asked.

shield your eyes, conceal your lies.
don’t blink. everyone’s watching.
they’ll think you’re up to something
they need for you to be everything
that they cannot be themselves.


so instead of sending a security escort, the team watched as jack led irina to his car and drove away. after the car was out of sight, the team was still silent.
“red team, search the premises. we’ll take sark back to headquarters and send analysts,” sydney instructed.
they sprang into action. sydney grabbed sark by the handcuffs and pulled him to a van. weiss, vaughn and dixon followed her.
dixon drove. everyone was silent. sark focused his attention on picking at his handcuffed nails, trying to forget about sydney. sydney let her eyes drift out the window, trying to forget about sark.


thanks. please review. hope you liked it.

m-c
 
yay!! an update.


no.... She gave herself up?


[quote[
sark focused his attention on picking at his handcuffed nails, trying to forget about sydney. sydney let her eyes drift out the window, trying to forget about sark.[/quote]

.lifes funny that way
grea update! thanks for the pm.
 
Wow, I thought this fic was abandoned, but then I got the fateful pm...an update? really?......O_o.......O_o??!!!!
woohoo!!! and I read it with glee.
glad to hear Sydney can't completely disregard her feelings for Sark...now we just have to find out if Irina was being truthful with Jack, or if she has something else up her sleeve, as she always does... :rolleyes:
looking forward to more!
 
xxx. asphyxiating
jack and irina drove in silence to the safe house. he brought her inside and took off her handcuffs. it was more comfort than the standard cia custody. only one room, but there was a couch and a small table in addition to a twin bed.
“thank you for this,” she said quietly.
“you damn well better be thanking me! i have no reason, no reason at all, to do this for you, yet here i am!” he launched into a tirade. “you betrayed me. you betrayed your daughter. you betrayed the united states! you killed twelve officers of the cia and god knows how many others! you are an evil, opportunistic sociopath with no sense of laws or morals or ethics. you—you—”
he was losing his breath. he stumbled toward her. she caught him in her arms and pulled him gently after him onto the couch. he tried to pull away, but did not have the strength nor the desire to do so.
“let me go!” he exclaimed. “i hate you. you have no awareness of wrong and right. you betrayed me, deceived me, pretended to love me. i hate you. you are repulsive. you disgust me.”
he was still in her arms, her hands brushing through his hair.
“shh…i never pretended…” she whispered into his ear. “at the time i met you, if the cia had sent you on a mission to marry and steal secrets from a russian woman, i know you would have. i know you would do anything you could for your country and your daughter. i may not live your ideal life, but this is who i am. you don’t choose who you love, jack.”
“i hate you for making me love you,” he sighed.
she laughed and kissed him lightly on the neck. “stay the night with me. ignore the cameras, just stay with me.”
“there are no cameras. this isn’t a cia safe house,” he explained. “this is one of my own. just in case you change your mind about wanting to leave.”
irina sighed. “you know i won’t do that jack. sydney can’t lose you too.”
“she could come with us. we could be a real family,” he pressed.
“she lost julian as a lover and a friend, but he can’t disappear from her life. you know she loves him.”
“we could all be together. he could come too…”
it was his last attempt. of course it would never work. of course she would never agree to it. but he wished for it all the same.
“stay with me tonight?”
he turned and kissed her delicately on the lips.
***
i think i'm drowning.
asphyxiating.
i wanna break the spell
that you've created.


sark laughed as sydney attempted to uncuff him but couldn’t get the key in the hole.
“you never used to have trouble guiding things into tight holes,” he smirked.
vaughn looked appalled; weiss tried not to laugh. sydney took the bait.
“i could mention something about two inches and a half a minute, but i’ll take the high road,” sydney shot back.
and this, weiss had to disguise a laugh as a cough, and vaughn’s eyes just grew wider. sydney glanced at weiss and smiled slightly. she uncuffed sark and sat down across the table from him.
she stared at him callously.
“what did irina say to you when she ripped off your mike?”
“nothing,” sark lied.
“you’re lying.” she always knew when he was lying. “don’t play with me.”

you’re something beautiful.
a contradiction.
i wanna play the game.
i want the friction.


“you used to like it,” he replied.
“i used to fake it,” she spat back.
he smirked. “you’re a good liar, but you aren’t that good.”
sydney conceded the fact in her silence. hatefully, vaughn knew it to be true. weiss wondered what the hell happened to sydney bristow to make her enjoy sleeping with sark.
“what did irina say to you when she ripped off your mike?” she repeated.
“she said she was going to get caught. she said if i wanted to, that was my chance to get away, she could give me a map of the tunnels to get out,” he lied once more.
“why didn’t you take it?” vaughn jumped in.
“i didn’t want to escape,” he stated.
“why not?” vaughn asked.
“it’s harder to masturbate to sydney when i don’t see her in person every once in a while,” he smirked. “i like wanking off by remembering the felgercarb we used to do. like this one time, in the bathtub—that was actually the first time i realised she was sadistic—”
“only because it was you. seeing you in pain is what gave her pleasure,” vaughn cut in angrily.
“oh, but i wasn’t in pain. i love her rage more than anything. that’s another reason i stayed, so i could remember that arousing anger,” he sneered.
“sark, frack off. vaughn, shut it. you are both acting like children,” sydney scoffed.
vaughn turned to protest but weiss cut in.
“i’m going to go check to make sure jack got your mom to the safe house. vaughn, why don’t you come?”
he rolled his eyes but shuffled out.
“no cameras,” weiss whispered to sydney before he left.
sark burst out laughing as soon as the door closed. he had heard.
“did he seriously just say that? no cameras, eh? did he tell you that so you could play with me or torture me?”
“is there a difference?” she asked.
he chuckled. “flashback humour.”
“how’s that working out for you? being clever?”
they were having a conversation with fight club quotes; his favourite movie, an integral part of the first day they were intimate.

you will be, the death of me.
yeah, you will be, the death of me.
bury it. i won’t let you bury it.
i won’t let you smother it.
i won’t let you murder it.
our time is running out.
and our time is running out.


“you’re that scratch on the roof of my mouth that would heal if i could just stop tonguing it, but i can’t,” she said.
“you don’t have to stop.”
she laughed aloud. it was a detached, acerbic laugh; not one he was used to.
“i don’t have to stop? i work for the c. i. a.,” she accented each letter like it was its own sentence. “for months, my mission has been to take you down. to take you and irina down. that is my job. that is what i have to do for my country. so that’s what i do. i stop tonguing at that scratch, and i do my job.”
sark sent a sidelong glance her way. “you’re a bloody good actress, you know that? i mean, i thought it was all true. the first time you officially got your mission was that night you left and then came back right? our first night?”
she nodded.
“damn, you’re a good actress. i mean, that first night, you must have been writhing inside. completely disgusted,” he said.
“that first night was lust,” her voice was honest.
“you’re the best actress,” he ignored her. “i never suspected a thing. at all. i thought you loved me. i thought i lit up your life the way you light up mine. i guess i was just so in love with you and so blown away by you, i couldn’t see anything else. how did you do it anyway? how did you slip away without me knowing?”
“sleeping pills,” she replied. “and a looped circuit on the security tapes.”
“sleeping pills,” sark chuckled. “you know, the night you were missing—two days ago, wasn’t it?—i could not get to sleep. i could not stop imagining the things walker was doing to you. so i remembered how sleeping pills could always knock me out. i’ve always liked irony.”

you can’t push it underground.
we can’t stop screaming it out.
i wanted freedom.
but i’m restricted.


he paused. they looked at each other. it was almost a business-like relationship at the moment. they were both compartmentalising with everything they had, trying not to let the other read their face.
“i was the one who shot will and francie,” he stated.
she intook breath sharply. it still hurt to hear.
“yeah,” she said calmly. “i know.”
“i’m sorry. i should not have done it.”
“you’re apologising for killing the two best things in my life? the two best people i’ve ever known?” she chuckled, trying to keep her emotions at bay. “how am i supposed to react to that? ‘oh it’s okay. i forgive you.’ right. i mean…they were…i—”
“i don’t expect your forgiveness” he cut in. “i hate hurting you. i know you don’t care, but i’m sorry anyway.”
“syd?” weiss opened the door. “can i talk to you?”
“go ahead. sark’s never getting out of here, he can hear,” she shrugged.
“it’s just that your dad’s not back yet and he’s not answering his cell or pager,” weiss explained.
“of course he isn’t. he’s with my mother. he’ll be back in the morning,” she said.
weiss just looked at her. “all right, i guess.”
he closed the door.

i tried to give you up.
but i'm addicted.
now that you know i'm trapped.
sense of elation.
you'll never dream of breaking this fixation.


“you’re my addiction.”
“addicts are weak,” she replied.
“precisely.” he paused. “i suppose that’s where this all began, isn’t it? you were an addict, you were weak. i helped you overcome your addiction, and that’s how it all began.”
“i should thank you for that. i would have killed myself if you hadn’t come in,” she said. “things weren’t exactly wonderful in my life back then.”
“of course. but now they are fine and dandy. now that you get the chance to humiliate me, to ruin me, to hurt me, you’re a bundle of joy again,” he scoffed.
“you so ignorant and immature. you think my life is better because i’ve caught you?” she rolled her eyes. “please. that doesn’t make me happy.”
“maybe what makes you happy is that you get to see me every day. my handsome features get you out of bed in the morning, huh?” he smirked. “i’m the reason you aren’t killing yourself.”
“i freely admit i’m attracted to you; i have been since that first day in the museum. you’re gorgeous and you can even make me laugh. those are two things i haven’t been able to find in a man in years. doesn’t mean i live for you. i don’t. seeing you doesn’t make me happy. but getting the chance to break you doesn’t make me happy either. i’m not trying to kill myself because i’ve learned to just let go,” she explained.
“you can’t break me.”

you will squeeze the life out of me
i won’t let you bury it
i won’t let you smother it.
i won’t let you murder it.
our time is running out.
and our time is running out.


“i already have,” she said.
***
sark lay in his cell, staring up at the ceiling. he had a cement bed, no pillow, no blanket, no light or window. he thought about irina. she was probably lying next to jack at the moment, kissing him lightly, fingers intertwined as they lay on the king-sized mattress, heads on down pillows, comforters pulled over them. sark was stuck alone with little chance for sleep on his cement bed while irina was with the man she loved getting a nice sleep on a soft mattress. he cursed her under his breath.
but thinking about irina made his mind wander. she had talked of sending him somewhere, with the cia. there would be explosives and he could escape if he wanted to do so. his only question was, did he? did he want to escape? could he handle leaving sydney and never seeing her again? he didn’t know. how could he live without her? how could he force himself to do that? would he rather be without her but free, or with her and captured?
you wouldn’t really be with her, he thought to himself. she doesn’t really love you. she doesn’t really care. you’d see her maybe once a day. would that be enough for you?
a voice popped up in the back of his head. it was a voice he hadn’t heard in a long time. it was the voice of sark, the voice of the assassin. it was a cruel voice, and he almost didn’t want to listen to what it had to say. but the thought of revenge still brought a smirk to his lips.

hope you like

m-c
 
I just finished reading the whole thing over the past couple of days. I loved every minute of it and was enthralled with each chapter.

You are an excellent writer and kept my attention throughly. I was uncertain as to how you would end it. But I must say that I am pleased with the way it turned out. Probably if I were to have to say what I wanted I would have said Fluff, Fluff, Fluff but the way you kept Sark somewhat true to character even though he was so in love with Syd seemed to work out. Sark had to turn back into his true self.

Thanks for sharing this with us. Please continue to write you do an excellent job.

Aeletha
 
woww !!! I love your fic !!! update please !! I can't wait to read the flufy final !! I love how you write sark !!!

sorry about my english , am from Spain :P
 
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