Jokes

i have one

A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster
than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day
he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a
warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

"Fred," he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him
that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks
he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me
Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born
Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease
me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got
good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a
doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship,
residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back
to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through
school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got
bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my
assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with
VD.

"Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so
I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the
ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD
leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

"Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred." lol so funny
 
ok another one:

ok michael jackson and his friend were on a boat with children.the boat started 2 sink and the only life boat they had was only big enuf 4 2 ppl. so his friend got inthe boat and said "michael come on" and michael said "but wut about the children?" and his friend said "screw the children" and michael said " there's not enuf time!!!" lololol!
 
Lets see..........


Why did the blond stare at the orange juice box????


Because it said concentrate!!!

:laughbounce:


If a blond and a brunette fell of a cliff..which one would hit the ground first??

The brunette because the blond had to ask for directions

:laughbounce:
 
*Nicole* said:
ok another one:

ok michael jackson and his friend were on a boat with children.the boat started 2 sink and the only life boat they had was only big enuf 4 2 ppl. so his friend got inthe boat and said "michael come on" and michael said "but wut about the children?" and his friend said "screw the children" and michael said " there's not enuf time!!!" lololol!
:laughbounce: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:

that is sooo funny!
 
This is a Newfie joke (nobody get offended!):

There was an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Newfie.
The Englishman went hunting and came back with a moose.
"How did you do that?" the Frenchman asked.
"Find tracks, follow tracks, shoot deer."
So the Frenchamn went hunting and came back with a moose.
"How did you do that?" the Newfie asked.
"Find tracks, follow tracks, shoot deer."
So the Newfie went hunting and came back witha broken arm, a concussion, and other injuries.
"How did you do that?" the Englishman and Frenchman asked.
"Find tracks, follow tracks, get hit by train."

:laughbounce: The first time I heard that, even I laughed.
 
lol good one i heard that b4!!!!!!

ok elmo had a babysitter over at his house. so she said it's time 4 bed elmo.
and elmo said ok but will u come and lay wit me 4 a while? she said ok then.
so then they got into the bed and they lay there for a littl while. then elmo says can i put my finger in your bellybutton and she says ok... so then a little while after that she says elmo that's not my belly button and elmo says and that's not my finger........
u do the math lol funny stuff
 
here's one from SNL with Jen. i don't remember it exactlly, so....

Last weekend a chicken married a rooster on Estambul. An for the record, on the wedding night, the chicken came first.
 
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