Lines You'll Never Hear on Alias

SarksScrtAgntGrl

Future Mrs. Anders
Joined
Nov 3, 2003
Location
Classified
I was composing a list of these for my website and as I began laughing my bum off I thought maybe you guys would like to get in on this...

Lines You Will Never Hear On Alias
(At least we hope)

(Lauren slaps Vaughn)
Vaughn:I don't think I deserved that
(Sydney slaps Vaughn)
Weiss: Let me guess you didn't deserve that either?
Vaughn: No that one I may have deserved.

Dixon: (At a meeting of the SD-6 elite) I have decided to change my call name for security purposes, from now on you shall refer to me as Princess Sparkle-Pants.

Sark: No, I am not that bloody kid who left S Club 7, I hate this stupid haircut!

Weiss: Dude, where's your car?
Vaughn: Where's your car dude?
Sydney: That's not funny.

Jack: Are you sure this problem can't be solved with a hug?

Marshall: (pointing a gun at Syd) Syd, I have to tell you, Irina Derelvko wasn't "The Man," I am.
Sydney: Wow, never would have seen that one coming.

Sloane: (to Syd) Frankly, I kinda hoped you'd find the whole cold heartless, b*sta*d of an old guy always hitting on you thing kind of endearing.

Sark: Oh, forget world domination, everyone do the safety dance!

Sydney: You shot me, you shot me in the arm, you a-hole!

Note from Syd: Dear Dad, sick of the CIA, I'm eloping with Marshall, stop Sark yourself.

Vaughn: (as the CIA busts into SD-6 and discovers everyone dancing to 'Stayin Alive' as a disco ball spins) What the?
Sydney: Didn't I tell you? SD-6 stands for Swank Disco-6.
Vaughn: (catching an eye full of Sloane's Travolta act) That is the most disturbing thing I have ever heard of.

Anti-Francie (Allison): ...it's new Pepsi Twist, and I'm not Francie...

Sydney: Sloane? I like the guy.

Vaughn: Sydney we have discovered something we may have overlooked before in the Rambaldi case. A message...
Syd: What does it say?
Vaughn: (clears his throat) Peace and love dude, stay super swank.

Ok everyone, your turn. Have fun, stay swank!
~Danie :redhair:
 
Joined
Mar 3, 2003
Location
Vaughn's Bed
LMAO, Those are hysterical. I'm not creative enough to come up with any that good but how about...

Sydney: Hey Sloane, Boxers or Briefs?

Sloane: Commando!!

Sydney: :o

Eryn
 

Marshall47

Cadet
Joined
Mar 3, 2003
Location
Wisconsin, USA
Syd: Ah man I've been sick in the morning for the past week.
Vaughn: Syd Your carrying my child
Syd: WHA?!?!?!
Vaughn: And so is Lauren
Syd: YOU WHA?!?!
Vaughn: And so is Carrie
Syd: :o
Astion Kutcher walks in
Astion Kucher: You've been Punk'd!!!
Syd: OMG u got me
 

betta

Cadet
Joined
Nov 10, 2003
Marshall47 said:
Syd: Ah man I've been sick in the morning for the past week.
Vaughn: Syd Your carrying my child
Syd: WHA?!?!?!
Vaughn: And so is Lauren
Syd: YOU WHA?!?!
Vaughn: And so is Carrie
Syd: :o
Astion Kutcher walks in
Astion Kucher: You've been Punk'd!!!
Syd: OMG u got me
that was great!! :D :LOL: :D

VAUGHN: Sydney
SYD: Vaughn I know you still love me and want to be with me, so let's just get it over with and elope to Las Vegas and get married!
VAUGHN: Actually I just wanted to tell you that you're invited to Lauren and my first anniversary party tomorrow.
SYD: Oh!
VAUGHN: Yeah!
SYD: Can we go to Vegas after that?
 
Joined
Feb 27, 2003
(Back when SD-6 was real)
Sydney walks into Sloane's office and hears music playing.
Sloane: (Up dancing on desk) I'm to sexy for my shirt, to sexy for my shirt.
Sydney: And I didn't need therapy already.

Irina: Jack, I had an affair while we were married.
Jack: With who, please don't say Sloane.
Irina: Ok, Jack, I had two affairs while we were married.

Best i could do here. Heck, I laughed. Though now I've got the picture of Sloane dancing on his desk singing "I'm too Sexy" is thoroughly implanted in my head (dear Lord).
 

AlohaSpy

Cadet
Joined
Oct 1, 2003
Location
USA
Sloane: Sydney, I cannot tell you how truly sorry I am for all the pain I have caused you.
Syd: It's ok, I forgive you.
Sloane: You know I have always thought of you as a daughter.
Syd: And you've been like a second father to me.

YEAH RIGHT! :LOL:
 
Joined
Feb 27, 2003
(This is half what we want to hear, half what we never want to hear.)
Lauren:Vaughn, I've decided that since I know you love Sydney still, I'm divorcing you.
Vaughn: (Does a little happy jig) Thanks!
Lauren: But you must know, I found out that Sydney's my sister.
Vaughn: So if I marry her, I'll be marrying my ex-sister-in-law?
Lauren: Yup.
(Stage crew runs in and moves stuff around)
Random CIA man: Welcome to the CIA office of Alabama.

I know, pathetic, but it was a spoof I wrote with a friend and we got a few laughs thinking of Syd as Vaughn's sister-in-law. Hey, once again, I laughed.
 

Guest7119

Ensign
Joined
Sep 18, 2003
hahahahahahah! those are all so damn funny. i don't have any at the moment but i'll put some up when i think of some .

SarksScrtAgntGrl: did you get that slapping thing from pirates of the caribbean?
 

KateJones47

I need sleep
Joined
Sep 13, 2003
Location
USA
OMG these are hilarious! :ROFLMAO: hmm...

can't think, brain numb,
inspiration won't come...

I forget the rest of this poem, but I'll type something up later when I think of a good one! ^_^

EDIT: hey, that sort of rhymes! :LOL:
 

Mr. Sloane

Cadet
Joined
Dec 2, 2003
SECRETARY: "Mr. Sloane, what would you like to do with the Rambaldi clock?"

SLOANE: "Sell it."

SECRETARY: "Sir?"

SLOANE: "I'm tired of Rambaldi, ok? Just sell it."

SECRETARY: "Yes...sir..."

SLOANE: "If anybody needs me, I'll be at the comic book store. The new X Men just hit the shelves."
 

PsychicAgent

Cadet
Joined
Sep 30, 2003
Location
Australia
These are fantastic!!! People are so clever!!!

Here are my attempts:

(Sydney has just had gun fight with an enemy and she is knocked to the ground)
Sydney: Ouch.......if only I had got the part of Felicity..........

Vaughn (to Sydney): Well, you see Lauren is actually Canadian and she needed a green card...

Dixon: This meeting won't last long. I have to join the queue for the Matrix movie.

Ok, lame I know, just an attempt!

Kelly
 
Joined
Oct 1, 2003
Location
australia, victoria
na there good im pretty s** at this so i will sit here 4 awhile and ponder............ boring.......
(tecnically speaking this is in s3... ok...ok ok!)

vaughn to sydney: when u said that u still loved me did u meen it?
sydney: ha! wat r u kidding, have u eva heard the term called...um lets c.... lying?

ps this is wat is NOT goin to happen! ok so no1 get mad?

jess
 
Joined
Oct 1, 2003
More things you'd never hear Alias characters say:

Lindsay to CIA peeps:

"Jackass? Who? Me?"

Marshall to Dixon:

"Technology sucks."

Vaughn to Weiss:

"I married Lauren for her unpretentious British accent."

Jack to Syd:

"I must really learn to get in touch with my inner child. Syd, I need a hug."

Sloane to Jack:

"Who gives a rip about Rambaldi?"

Weiss to Vaughn:

"I'm not an annoying smarta** with my caustic wit, am I?"

Irina to Syd:

"Nothing says motherly love like a slug to the shoulder."

Kendall to Jack:

"I won Mr. Congeniality at the county fair three years in a row."

Sark to Lazarey:

"That didn't hurt, did it?"

That's all for now.

Cudgel
 
V

verdantheart

Guest
PsychicAgent said:
Vaughn (to Sydney): Well, you see Lauren is actually Canadian and she needed a green card...
Does this mean Lauren is secretly Canadian? :LOL:

[Secretly Canadian is a record label]
;)
 
Joined
Oct 2, 2003
Location
south carolina
SarksScrtAgntGrl said:
I was composing a list of these for my website and as I began laughing my bum off I thought maybe you guys would like to get in on this...

Lines You Will Never Hear On Alias
(At least we hope)

(Lauren slaps Vaughn)
Vaughn:I don't think I deserved that
(Sydney slaps Vaughn)
Weiss: Let me guess you didn't deserve that either?
Vaughn: No that one I may have deserved.

Sark: No, I am not that bloody kid who left S Club 7, I hate this stupid haircut!

Weiss: Dude, where's your car?
Vaughn: Where's your car dude?
Sydney: That's not funny.

Jack: Are you sure this problem can't be solved with a hug?

Sloane: (to Syd) Frankly, I kinda hoped you'd find the whole cold heartless, b*sta*d of an old guy always hitting on you thing kind of endearing.

Note from Syd: Dear Dad, sick of the CIA, I'm eloping with Marshall, stop Sark yourself.

Anti-Francie (Allison): ...it's new Pepsi Twist, and I'm not Francie...
these r my favorites they r soooooo funny :LOL: :LOL: :cheers: :jump: :jump: :woot: :sideroll: :sideroll: :thejoyofpepsi: lol
 
Joined
Sep 29, 2003
Location
Undisclosed
OMG you all are hilarious! :LOL: Seriously, I can't stop laughing!!! Here's my lame attempt:

At a karaoke bar:
Syd: You distract the covenant agents, dad, while I go after Sark!
Jack: Sydney...
Syd: No arguing, I'm sick of being the sultry night club singer!
Jack: taking the mic "First I was afraid, I was petrified..."

Sark: Allison is dead...psyche!
 
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