Politics Losing Friends

W

White_Rabbit

Mr. Trixter
I just lost one of my best friend. I knew for a while that we were different in certain ways, like taste in music and tv. But that didn't matter because we still enjoyed hanging around each other and we enjoyed each other's company. That's what matters, right?

Apparently, not to him. He had always said that certain things he thought were gay, some things that I were interested. Never directed at me though, until last night. He sent me e-mails and instant messages that were just so cruel and hurtful that he just didn't even see how rediculously mean they were. All he cares about is image and reputation! He doesn't care about anything else? If someone doesn't like exactly what he likes, if someone isn't an exact replica of him, screw them.

I'm too hurt to even cry.

How about you guyz?
 
Ya know, i've had some falling out's with my friends, but we always patch things up. I think you can tell who is really your friend by seeing who sticks by you. If they like you for your image or reputation or don't like you because of it then they aren't really friends. My best friend and i have had really stupid arguments. But now that we're older we don't fight as much. We can go without seeing eachother the whole summer and pick up where we left off with no problem. Under no circumstances should you have to change who you are to make someone else happy. Because there are tons of people that would rather be friends with you because of who you are rather than who you're trying to be. If he doesn't see that he's stupid and he's not a real friend. Don't ever change who you are because someone else doesn't like the way you act, and if a friend makes you doubt yourself in anyway, then you should definatly reconsider calling them your friend. You're definatly not alone, Ethan.

~Kristina
 
It seriously sucks. :( My friend right now hardly ever wants to come over to my house--but she is always willing to go to her other friend's house... then she'll have me over... and like today... there was a party and I really wanted her to come... but she wouldn't... so I ended up going alone... then I did have a little fun... but not as much if she were there... and now I was supposed to see her on Tuesday... but she's going to see her other friend tommarrow and then the next day... -_- So... it seriously sucks. And she is like the only friend that I like to hang around with for a long time... all my other friends bother me after I've seen them for a long time... :lol:
 
I had a very close friend and one night I had to confront her about her self-destructive behavior and how it was affecting the people around her. It was a situation that as her friend I needed to do... I knew that what was about to happen could change our relationship forever. And it did... we didn't talk for several years. We only recently began to try and mend our relationship... although we both know that it will never be the same.
 
freakforalias said:
I had a very close friend and one night I had to confront her about her self-destructive behavior and how it was affecting the people around her. It was a situation that as her friend I needed to do... I knew that what was about to happen could change our relationship forever. And it did... we didn't talk for several years. We only recently began to try and mend our relationship... although we both know that it will never be the same.
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Well hopefully you opened her eyes and she saw what she was doing to the people around her. And Erika, if you're friend keeps ditching you i'd talk to her about it.
 
spy41 said:
And Erika, if you're friend keeps ditching you i'd talk to her about it.
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Yea... I did... but I think that I need some more friends... outside of this sucky state... haha... I'm going to move to England with steph... :lol: Atleast the people over there seem to be nicer and have more fun and hang out with more that one person... my friend only wants to hang out with one person... like a party? No way... -_-
 
It's funny this thread happened to be on the front page because I was just thinking about a few of my friends I have completely fell out with. Two of them were friends I made at college and eventually we just drifted apart for various reasons but the one that still gets me is my old best friend from high school.

She was an amazing friend and we had so many good times together in high school until the end of my senior year. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend ever and she began to go out and drink all the time which was something I wasn't interested in. We still went to the same college after high school and were roommates.

I won't get into it but she did so many hurtful things. All of it, from talking about me behind my back to not even caring and talking about me right in front of my face. I put up with so much from her, I was blind to it because I remembered how great our friendship was in the past. I even asked her to be my maid of honor in my wedding. Thankfully, I came to my senses and realized I was giving way too much and receiving nothing in return from our friendship. I told her I'd decided to have my sister be my maid of honor and after that, we hardly spoke at all.

I was just talking about this to my fiance and my mom the other day. I was telling them how if she realized she didn't like me or that she even hated me, I wish she would have made that clear ... so at least I would have known instead of continuing to try and fix things. I think my fiance said it best when he replied that one day, she will wake up and realize she lost the best friend that she is ever going to have. I did so much for her and it wasn't good enough.

So, I guess what I am trying to say Former Follower - at least you know now, instead of having to deal with the resentment that would grow from a one-sided friendship, you are spared. It doesn't hurt any less but it's kind of like the Band-Aid analogy. Rip it off quickly and it only hurts for a second ... slowly remove it and it will hurt longer.

That just may be my cynical take on things but I just wanted you to know, you aren't alone in the pain of losing a friend.
 
I just had to respond to you Suzi because it seems our situation is kind of similar... My friend's problem was alcohol and it had been for a long time. In addition, she was becoming somewhat promiscuous (with friends of mine) and people were beginning to talk.

And what was sad is that there were four of us that were really close. We were friends from the time we were 13 years old. When I got married, two of the girlfriend's were bridesmaid's and because my friendship was broken with the friend I'm talking about, I didn't ask her to be a part of my wedding. She was invited, and came.... but it's sad she wasn't a "part" of it because of how close we all were.

We have started to try and fix what was broken.... but again, it will never be the same. Hopefully you'll reach a point where you will be able to try and do the same. There's something about friend's from high school that are special. My closet friend's, to this day, are my friends from high school.
 
thanx guyz for all u said. but there's something else i gotta talk about--

i have this friend, she used to be my babysitter but not anymore because i don't need a babysitter anymore. but she was more than that, she was like my big sister. my mom knew her mom since she was 3 years old, so we all were old family friends. u know wat im talkin bout right?

well, the sad thing is, we used to live in the Bay Club, these apartment buildings in Queens, we used to live in the same building. I moved last year and that really ruined our relationship. But, you see, it wasn't cuz I moved I think. As she got older, well, as we both did, before I even moved we were separating. I mean, she is 16 now, getting her learner's permit and I guess she's got other things on her mind, but I just miss her a lot. Even though we were four years apart in age, we were still close friends because we had a really special bond.

now she barely speaks to me. it's like she's embarrassed that she would actually talk to a 12 year old naturally and willingly in normal conversation. but i'm more than just a kid she baby-sitted, and i know we both know that, u know wat i mean? so finally i e-mailed her and this is wat i said:

hey its me. i was just wondering did i do somethin wrong? r u mad at me or sumthin?

but anywayz, havent spoken to u in a while. i started practicing my torah portion! i suck of course (lol), but its a start.

cya

<3,

Ethan.

so, it wasn't much but i think i got the message across. this wasn't the first time i sent an e-mail like this to her. but anywayz, today i say hey to her online and she said hey back. guess it worked right? well, sort of right. because, yea, she was talkin to me, but it was one of those conversations when u know that person is not herself. i was thinkin 'this isn't the mindy i know. wat's happened to her? she never talks like this.' i can't explain it, i just knew something was different. there was some huge wall between us that wasn't there before.

i don't want to talk to her or ask her about this, because it'll just push her away more i think. or, even worse, it might cause her to even talk weirder to me, in a way that is even more not like her. wat do i do?
 
Well, first of all Ethan. For a 12 year old you sound very mature for you age, which is something you don't hear of everyday. Secondly, if you haven't talked to this girl for awhile she may feel uncomfortable in some way, maybe if you just gradually begin to pick up a conversation she'll warm up to you. But, yes there's a but. Seeing that she's 16, she may just be at a point in her life where she thinks that different things are more important, if that's the case it should pass. 16 is a big year, driving, boys, everything changes. Just give it some time. ;)

~Kristina
 
thanx kristina. and thanx for the compliment.

well, she's bound to run into me at my bar mitzvah! (don't you hate that, though? when the only time u c each other is at affairs where you basically have to go even if you don't want to, which she does, but y'know)

it might pass, but its been goin on for a while, i have a feeling the gap will only get wider. i know her.

anywayz, thanx for the advice!
 
Hey Ethan.... it's definitely your babysitter/family friend's age that is the problem and it was nothing that you did. I know somebody who just went through this. My friend had a babysitter/family friend that she practically raised. She spent all of her time at my friend's house and was sort of a "built in" babysitter for my friend's children. As she got older, she started spending less and less time at the house. Now when she comes around it's only to use the pool with her 16-yr. old friends and when she is there she bosses my friends kids around.... As spy41 said, give it some time... she'll eventually come around. ;)
 
hotpot said:
It's funny this thread happened to be on the front page because I was just thinking about a few of my friends I have completely fell out with. Two of them were friends I made at college and eventually we just drifted apart for various reasons but the one that still gets me is my old best friend from high school.

She was an amazing friend and we had so many good times together in high school until the end of my senior year. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend ever and she began to go out and drink all the time which was something I wasn't interested in. We still went to the same college after high school and were roommates.

I won't get into it but she did so many hurtful things. All of it, from talking about me behind my back to not even caring and talking about me right in front of my face. I put up with so much from her, I was blind to it because I remembered how great our friendship was in the past. I even asked her to be my maid of honor in my wedding. Thankfully, I came to my senses and realized I was giving way too much and receiving nothing in return from our friendship. I told her I'd decided to have my sister be my maid of honor and after that, we hardly spoke at all.

I was just talking about this to my fiance and my mom the other day. I was telling them how if she realized she didn't like me or that she even hated me, I wish she would have made that clear ... so at least I would have known instead of continuing to try and fix things. I think my fiance said it best when he replied that one day, she will wake up and realize she lost the best friend that she is ever going to have. I did so much for her and it wasn't good enough.

So, I guess what I am trying to say Former Follower - at least you know now, instead of having to deal with the resentment that would grow from a one-sided friendship, you are spared. It doesn't hurt any less but it's kind of like the Band-Aid analogy. Rip it off quickly and it only hurts for a second ... slowly remove it and it will hurt longer.

That just may be my cynical take on things but I just wanted you to know, you aren't alone in the pain of losing a friend.
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Suzi, that's the path I think one of my closest friendships is going. Hopefully not, but I just don't know...sometimes she's really cool and all, but sometimes... -_- BUt, whenever she suddenly decides to not be friends anymore, she comes back, because i believe she values it, but she's sort of confusing sometimes, you know? it's like, does she value the friendship or not? :confused: But, yeah, I will continue trying to make it work.

And all the friendships, I've lost... -_- 🇳🇴 I let us lose contact.
 
VaughnFan13 said:
Hopefully not, but I just don't know...sometimes she's really cool and all, but sometimes... -_- BUt, whenever she suddenly decides to not be friends anymore, she comes back, because i believe she values it, but she's sort of confusing sometimes, you know? it's like, does she value the friendship or not? :confused: But, yeah, I will continue trying to make it work.

And all the friendships, I've lost... -_- 🇳🇴 I let us lose contact.
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That's how mine was really which is why I think I held out for so long just continuing to take everything. I'll never forget the one time she asked me to hang out with her after blowing me off for somewhere around two weeks. I was so happy that she wanted me to come over and watch movies and hang out just like we used to do. Imagine my surprise when I found out she was grounded and her drinking friends wouldn't stay in with her ... so she called me so she wouldn't be all alone on a Friday night.

I think I am just in a really bitter and cynical phase right now when it comes to friendships. I hope your friend does come around Jenn.

freakforalias said:
When I got married, two of the girlfriend's were bridesmaid's and because my friendship was broken with the friend I'm talking about, I didn't ask her to be a part of my wedding. She was invited, and came.... but it's sad she wasn't a "part" of it because of how close we all were.

We have started to try and fix what was broken.... but again, it will never be the same. Hopefully you'll reach a point where you will be able to try and do the same.
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I am so glad I did something about my friend being my MOH esp considering the state our friendship is in now. I'm not sure if I am even going to invite her to my wedding, she recently got a job out of state and sent me an email signed 'Best Wishes.' I just don't think I want to fix it at all. There's too much resentment, pain, mistrust, etc floating around in my mind for me to ever consider her a 'friend.' Maybe I will get past that but at this point, I feel I am better off without.
 
I've lost a few friends. First friend I ever lost was in second grade, she lied to me and my mom about her being able to stay at my house for the night and her mom didn't know where she was and she called the next morning wondering where she was, i was mad at her for lying to me and i didn't want to talk to her again or anything, so we hated each other's guts for like 4, 5 years.

Then i have another friend, i used to consider her my best friend, but we have less and less in common, and every month it seems we don't have as much in common any more, and which causes her to get on my nerves, it's kind of like she stays the same age mentally and never matures, it's kind of like she's been 10 for 5 years. At times I just want to scream at her some pretty mean things I've heard about her from other people and it's not like it's gossip, it's actually true. So i'm afraid i might lose another friend.


And Ethan, I'm impressed how well you've taken the situation, I wouldn't have guessed you were 12.
 

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