Enjoy! 
Last week on Alias, Broke Ass Don Cheadle is in CIA custody. Syd thinks Sloane was behind her hit. Vaughn thinks Sloane was behind his whole Prick Daddy fiasco about stealing that Rambaldi book. ADP thinks Hottya actually likes him. CJ thinks he’s developing radioactive super powers. Hottya thinks Syd’s bf is a bit of a pansie. Marshall thinks about not trying to wet himself this episode. Dixon thinks he should call Stella, the CIA direct-hoar, to go out on a date. MissingSark thinks that Sark should come over to her place with some limes. Paco thinks he should be invited to do another guest recap. Let’s get this recap on the road. Sidenote: Congrats to Ben and Jen on getting engaged. And for screwing up the chemistry between Syd and Vaughn on the show. Thanks! A$$holes!
Show opens up at an airport. There’s this dr. woman talking on her cell. Let’s call her Dr. Sandy Hands. How about Sandy for short? So Sandy is talking to someone about coming home soon. Whatever. She goes to security. The security guy who I think was the bad cop from Gothika tells her to take off her shoes and then when her purse goes through the x-ray, says “come with me”. She says “Can I have my shoes?” That guy, Carter, just walks away. Haha…what a weirdo. If you’re gonna kidnap someone, can you at least do it with her shoes on?
Rooftop of Anti-Sloane Club Reunions. Syd, Vaughn, and CJ are meeting up to discuss their favorite baddie, Sloane. They haven’t done this since last season! So Vaughn and Syd spill the beans about how Sloane tricked Vaughn into finding stuff out about his Dad. Haha…CJ totally plays it off like he didn’t already know they were sneaking around. Syd spills the beans about how Sloane was responsible for Syd’s hit by Rick Yoon from Fast & Furious. I don’t know why I went into detail about that. I think I just like that term “Fast & Furious”. CJ didn’t know that part. He looks pissed.
So Sandy and Carter are chillin in this huge room. She is scared. She doesn’t want anyone to sand down ANY part of her body! When suddenly, the door opens. And someone really short and skinny walks in with glasses. Who is it, Rick Moranis? I don’t know how scary seeing a silhouette of Sloane is. But whatever. He says “welcome Sandy”. Cut scene.
Bathroom of WifeKilling Payback. CJ goes into this scary looking bathroom. Is this at the Xmansion? It can’t be. It’s way too dark. Sloane is waiting there. They’re totally gonna make out! Well, I’m hoping they do in the blooper scenes when the DVDs come out. So CJ is pissed and he pulls a gun on Sloane and says his typical CJ stuff that usually gets any terrorists to wet their pants. But not Sloane. He says “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t do to you what I did to my wife?” Sloane says “because we’re wife killers, Jack. We ride together. We kill wive-“ “Shut up! I’ll kill you, you skinny evil evil little man! You tried to be a daughter killer too!” Sloane pipes up, it wasn’t him. He has no incentive to do Syd any harm. And it’s something part of their agreement. So I’m guessing their pact is something about keeping their daughters safe. CJ believes him. <sucker. Sloane is the only person on the planet that is able to manipulate CJ> They do the secret WK handshake, hug.
Cloane Warehouse. Sandy is wondering what the hell she’s doing there. Cloane tells her that he’s been watching her career for quite sometime. And she has the ability to understand Rambaldi’s manuscripts and engineer them. She has never even heard of Rambaldi. Weird. Well I guess I’ve always figured Rambaldi was a secret to the world. And only a handful of ppl have even heard of him. But still, Sandy is some world renowned scientist. Anyways, Sandy says all this stuff is theoretical and it can’t be done. Cloane just snaps his fingers or something, and Carter wheels around a cart. On the cart is the mini sphere of life. From season 1! Awesome! Like the first episode of season 1! I love how things come full circle.
Anti-Sloane Club. CJ is telling Vaughn and Syd how he believes Sloane. Syd and Vaughn are pissed. They agree to get Broke Ass Don Cheadle to ID Sloane for proof. So BADC is in one of those 2 way mirror rooms. Looking at Sloane. And Syd and Vaughn are just goading him to ID Sloane. He says it’s him. But it isn’t. And it’s freaky. I kinda know what BADC is talking about. It’s like when I watch American Idol, and that Bizarro Sark sings, and I just keep wondering “ I didn’t know Sark could sing”. So they can’t positively ID Sloane. And now the team knows that a Cloane exists. Weird.
War room. The whole team is there. Sloane opens up a new mission. The objective is simple. Find Cloane. Their only lead to Cloane is through Don. They suggest to use the coil as bate and then track it so they can find Cloane’s whereabouts.
Cloane Warehouse. Sandy is studying the manuscripts. Cloane comes in and says “is there a problem?” She says that they need that super coil conductor from last episode. Cloane says they can’t get it and that is why she was brought in. Because of her history of resourcefulness and solving problems where other scientists were stuck. Sandy chimes in “Even I have my limits.” Cloane does not look happy. Tells Carter to give her some incentive. Carter tells Sandy he’s stepping out to Home Depot. Will be back in like 10 minutes. Sandy screams “just kidding! Haha…can’t u guys take a joke? Conductor schmonductor! I can build it! ….hello?” Too late, Sandy.
Syd and Dix are talking to Don. Tells Don to call Cloane and they will wipe his whole criminal record. And then give him protection. Don is like no way jose. Syd tries to sweeten the deal and will get him an audition for Ocean’s 13. Don’s like “soweet! I’m in”. He calls Carter. We see Carter’s phone ringing. We hear electric sanding. And a scientist screaming. Gross. That can’t be good. Getting tortured sucks. Why can’t they just like force you to watch Ben Affleck movies instead? Talk about torture. Carter says, “where’ve u been, Don?” Don says he wants to meet up to give him the coil but the price has gone up. Carter is like whatever. They arrange to meet up in LA. Neutral location.
Some LA hotel. The whole team is there. Marshall is patched into the hotel surveillance. Hottya and ADP are posing as a couple getting married walking around the lobby. Dixon is some suit. Vaughn is another suit. Don walks in. Gives snide comments to the team about this being a bad plan. Damn, I kinda like Don on the show. I hope he lasts. Longer than this scene. Hehe…Don goes to the bar. Syd is at the bar in this horrible airline stewardess outfit. Don reminds them that this is still a bad idea. Syd says “listen up, you sorry excuse for a Don Cheadle. You just do your job and we’ll do ours. “ Well she didn’t really say that but I just wanted to get one last don cheadle joke in before he dies….oh whoops…uh…whatever. Pretend u didn’t read that. So some extra comes in. Don says “an extra? Oh s**t. I’m gonna die”. The extra says “don’t worry, Don. I’m just here to do the sweep.” “We’re taking it upstairs to the penthouse.” Don is like wha? Extra says “plans have changed, Don”. The whole team heads for the penthouse. Don gets up. I think he wets himself a lil. Marshall sympathizes. They go to an elevator. Sloane says they need audio on Don. Syd runs after them. Tells Don he dropped his cell. Don says “thanks. For ending my alias career. Apo-a-holes.” They go up. Syd follows in another elevator. While they’re going up, Syd sees another elevator going down. Inside, she sees Cloane. Syd tells the whole team. Sloane says they’re going to cut the cables. Explosion. Cables are cut. Don and extra are falling. WHAM! Right into the basement. That was kinda cool. Carter is down there. Pries open the elevator door and grabs the case. No fuss no muss. How did he know he would just be able to grab the case just like that? Syd heads to the sub basement. Sees the open elevator. Reports to the team. “Don’s dead. Cancel that Ocean’s 13 audition. And the coil is gone”. Mission not-so accomplished.
Sloane’s having a personal breakdown in his office while talking to Syd. He doesn’t think that he should continue looking for Cloane for the sake of his own sanity and the lives of those around him. Syd: “I’m going to tell you exactly what you want to hear. You need to get back into Rambaldi. This guy works exactly like you do and we need you to help us figure out WWCD? You know, What Would Cloane Do?” Sloane: “You do realize that, if I go off the deep end again, I can blame you for pushing me back into my obsession?” Syd: “Feel free to blame me. I’ll get over my guilt by killing you. Ummmm, you’re drooling.”
Cloane hears that they got the coil, which is good news for Sandy and her hands. So Sandy and her deformed hands have to get back to work.
Syd’s apartment. Syd and Hottya are chatting about sister stuff. Syd: “By the way, I’ve encouraged your father to dive back into his Rambaldi obsession and this will most likely lead to him becoming an evil SOB and it will probably drive a wedge between you and me and then I’ll end up having to shoot him or you at the end of the season. Hope you’re not mad.” Hottya: “Syd, how could you? You don’t know about this, but the reason we parted ways before S4 started was because he got all crazy. He became this freakin’ weird person when we were looking for that Sphere of Life and I decided that I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore. I only came back because he promised to change, to give up his Rambaldi obsession. You wouldn’t give a recovering alcoholic a drink would you? So why would you encourage my father to get knee deep in Rambaldi? If he falls off the wagon, I’m blaming you!”
Sloane goes to the Rambaldi Museum of Weird felgercarb. Dixon is his escort because the writers have decided to give Dixon something to do this week. Of course, I don’t think babysitting Sloane in his Rambaldi playpen is what Dixon had in mind. Sloane’s practically drooling over all the stuff that’s there. He’s got a boner…from Rambaldi. A Ramboner. Sloane: “Oh look! There’s the Rambaldi clock! Syd took it to that guy to get it fixed and then Anna shot him in the head! There’s the music box! Syd threw an ice pick in Sark’s leg and then got trapped under the ice while trying to retrieve it! There’s the picture that Syd and Vaughn broke into the Vatican to find! There are so many wonderful memories in this room! Look! There’s the Page 47 that Syd stole out of my own private safe that has her picture and the prophecy about the Chosen One on it! Somehow, it’s managed to become practically life-size!” Dixon reminds Sloane that he’s not here to relive the best moments of Alias and to put away his Ramboner. So, Sloane looks at the Rambaldi documents and then figures out what Cloane is trying to do.
Xmansion. Sloane says that Cloane is building some battery thing with the coil. He needed some brilliant scientist or engineer or whatever the heck Sandy was to put it together. I think that it’s dangerous to be a brilliant engineer or scientist. They always get kidnapped and forced to do evil things. I guess it doesn’t pay to be an overachiever. It’s better to just be average. That way, you get to keep your hands. Sloane says that Cloane needs some rare chemical or something to make it work. Sloane says that he contacted an old evil friend and found out that Arvin Sloane placed an order for this chemical. Sloane’s going to meet Chemical-Supplying Guy and get the chemical.
Sloane’s Office. Hottya comes bursting in. She’s not happy that her daddy’s going to this meeting. She wants to come as his back-up. Sloane: “Don’t worry, honey. I’ve reformed. I don’t want to be that crazy man who was obsessed with Rambaldi. I have you. I don’t need Rambaldi. I can quit at any time. Sure, I dream about Rambaldi at night while wearing my Rambaldi pajamas. Sure, Rambaldi’s my user name on the Evil Genius forum. Nothing’s more important to me than you, Rambaldi. I mean, Hottya.” Hottya: “Okay daddy.” Hottya tu eres estupida. Will you please translate that for our non-Spanish-speaking readers, Paco? <Hottya you are stupid.> Thanks Paco.
Race track. Sloane’s meeting with his contact, Chemical-Supplying Guy. He gets the chemical from him. Then he tells CSG that the guy who contacted him was Cloane and not him. CSG contemplates wetting himself but pulls himself together when Sloane says that he’s not going to hurt him. He wants CSG to tell him where he was supposed to ship the chemical.
Xmansion. The Gang sans Marshall and CJ are heading to Santiago to kick some Cloane booty and rescue Sandy. They’re going to be disguised as CSG’s chemical transportation team.
Santiago. The gang breaks in to Cloane’s facility. They make Dixon stand guard at the perimeter. The gang shoots some of Cloane’s baddies. They decide to split up into two teams. Syd and Sloane are going after Cloane and the battery thing he built while Hottya, ADP, and Vaughn are going to try and save Sandy and her hands. Cloane realizes that he’s being invaded so he grabs Sandy and they start skidaddle. He tells Carter to take care of the battery thing and meet him in the back. Hottya, ADP, and Vaughn run into Cloane, Sandy and some baddies. Gun play ensues and the baddies get away. I’m rather disappointed in Hottya. I would have thought that she could have handled that, but maybe ADP and Vaughn were holding her back. Meanwhile, Sloane and Syd find where the battery’s kept and Syd’s trying to decrypt the password. For some reason, she decides it’s taking to long and asks Sloane if knows what the password is. Sloane: “Jacquelyn.” Syd’s like: “That’s a random password. Who is that? Is that Rambaldi’s wife or something?” Sloane just gives her some creepy smile and tells her how impressed he is by her because this is the first time they’ve actually worked together in the field. Ewww! Kinda creepy, even for Sloane. They open the door and inside is the huge Red Ball from S1. Syd: “We have to destroy it before Vaughn comes in here and manages to get himself infected.” Sloane says that they should dismantle it instead of destroying it. Then Vaughn calls and said that Cloane and Sandy got away and that they are trapped. Syd: “Vaughn! Can’t you do anything! I’m supposed to be watching Sloane. Now I have to go clean up the mess you made!” Syd runs off to try and stop Cloane and rescue Sandy, leaving Sloane with the big Red Ball thing. Syd meets up with the baddies and kicks that butt, but Cloane gets away. Syd has Sandy and Hottya, ADP, and Vaughn appear – late as usual. Back to Sloane and the Red Ball thing. Carter comes in and he thinks that Sloane is Cloane. Then Sloane turns around and wants to know who Cloane really is. Carter confused because he thought Cloane was Sloane and know thinks that Sloane is Cloane. We understand Carter. We’re confused too. Sloane pulls a CJ and shoots Carter in the leg in order to encourage him to talk. Carter says that Cloane promised him eternal life or something. At this point, Sloane loses it. He’s thoroughly pissed at Carter for studying Rambaldi for superficial reasons. Sloane: “You don’t understand the beauty of Rambaldi! You don’t understand how transcendent it all is! You’re just a henchman!” Sloane grabs the mini-circumfrence thing and starts beating the living daylights out of Carter while screaming at him. Now, I’ve seen some pretty crazy stuff on Alias, but this takes the cake. Sloane’s making CJ look like the perfect picture of mental health. Hottya runs into the room and sees her father. Hottya: “Dad, are you okay?” Hottya seems the dead body of Carter. Sloane turns around. With his face covered in blood and guts, he says “Hi honey! It’s all over now! Come give your daddy a hug!” Uh oh, Hottya. Looks like Daddy fell off the wagon.
Next Week: CJ turns into a comic book character and changes his name to the Masked Wife Killer.
Last week on Alias, Broke Ass Don Cheadle is in CIA custody. Syd thinks Sloane was behind her hit. Vaughn thinks Sloane was behind his whole Prick Daddy fiasco about stealing that Rambaldi book. ADP thinks Hottya actually likes him. CJ thinks he’s developing radioactive super powers. Hottya thinks Syd’s bf is a bit of a pansie. Marshall thinks about not trying to wet himself this episode. Dixon thinks he should call Stella, the CIA direct-hoar, to go out on a date. MissingSark thinks that Sark should come over to her place with some limes. Paco thinks he should be invited to do another guest recap. Let’s get this recap on the road. Sidenote: Congrats to Ben and Jen on getting engaged. And for screwing up the chemistry between Syd and Vaughn on the show. Thanks! A$$holes!
Show opens up at an airport. There’s this dr. woman talking on her cell. Let’s call her Dr. Sandy Hands. How about Sandy for short? So Sandy is talking to someone about coming home soon. Whatever. She goes to security. The security guy who I think was the bad cop from Gothika tells her to take off her shoes and then when her purse goes through the x-ray, says “come with me”. She says “Can I have my shoes?” That guy, Carter, just walks away. Haha…what a weirdo. If you’re gonna kidnap someone, can you at least do it with her shoes on?
Rooftop of Anti-Sloane Club Reunions. Syd, Vaughn, and CJ are meeting up to discuss their favorite baddie, Sloane. They haven’t done this since last season! So Vaughn and Syd spill the beans about how Sloane tricked Vaughn into finding stuff out about his Dad. Haha…CJ totally plays it off like he didn’t already know they were sneaking around. Syd spills the beans about how Sloane was responsible for Syd’s hit by Rick Yoon from Fast & Furious. I don’t know why I went into detail about that. I think I just like that term “Fast & Furious”. CJ didn’t know that part. He looks pissed.
So Sandy and Carter are chillin in this huge room. She is scared. She doesn’t want anyone to sand down ANY part of her body! When suddenly, the door opens. And someone really short and skinny walks in with glasses. Who is it, Rick Moranis? I don’t know how scary seeing a silhouette of Sloane is. But whatever. He says “welcome Sandy”. Cut scene.
Bathroom of WifeKilling Payback. CJ goes into this scary looking bathroom. Is this at the Xmansion? It can’t be. It’s way too dark. Sloane is waiting there. They’re totally gonna make out! Well, I’m hoping they do in the blooper scenes when the DVDs come out. So CJ is pissed and he pulls a gun on Sloane and says his typical CJ stuff that usually gets any terrorists to wet their pants. But not Sloane. He says “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t do to you what I did to my wife?” Sloane says “because we’re wife killers, Jack. We ride together. We kill wive-“ “Shut up! I’ll kill you, you skinny evil evil little man! You tried to be a daughter killer too!” Sloane pipes up, it wasn’t him. He has no incentive to do Syd any harm. And it’s something part of their agreement. So I’m guessing their pact is something about keeping their daughters safe. CJ believes him. <sucker. Sloane is the only person on the planet that is able to manipulate CJ> They do the secret WK handshake, hug.
Cloane Warehouse. Sandy is wondering what the hell she’s doing there. Cloane tells her that he’s been watching her career for quite sometime. And she has the ability to understand Rambaldi’s manuscripts and engineer them. She has never even heard of Rambaldi. Weird. Well I guess I’ve always figured Rambaldi was a secret to the world. And only a handful of ppl have even heard of him. But still, Sandy is some world renowned scientist. Anyways, Sandy says all this stuff is theoretical and it can’t be done. Cloane just snaps his fingers or something, and Carter wheels around a cart. On the cart is the mini sphere of life. From season 1! Awesome! Like the first episode of season 1! I love how things come full circle.
Anti-Sloane Club. CJ is telling Vaughn and Syd how he believes Sloane. Syd and Vaughn are pissed. They agree to get Broke Ass Don Cheadle to ID Sloane for proof. So BADC is in one of those 2 way mirror rooms. Looking at Sloane. And Syd and Vaughn are just goading him to ID Sloane. He says it’s him. But it isn’t. And it’s freaky. I kinda know what BADC is talking about. It’s like when I watch American Idol, and that Bizarro Sark sings, and I just keep wondering “ I didn’t know Sark could sing”. So they can’t positively ID Sloane. And now the team knows that a Cloane exists. Weird.
War room. The whole team is there. Sloane opens up a new mission. The objective is simple. Find Cloane. Their only lead to Cloane is through Don. They suggest to use the coil as bate and then track it so they can find Cloane’s whereabouts.
Cloane Warehouse. Sandy is studying the manuscripts. Cloane comes in and says “is there a problem?” She says that they need that super coil conductor from last episode. Cloane says they can’t get it and that is why she was brought in. Because of her history of resourcefulness and solving problems where other scientists were stuck. Sandy chimes in “Even I have my limits.” Cloane does not look happy. Tells Carter to give her some incentive. Carter tells Sandy he’s stepping out to Home Depot. Will be back in like 10 minutes. Sandy screams “just kidding! Haha…can’t u guys take a joke? Conductor schmonductor! I can build it! ….hello?” Too late, Sandy.
Syd and Dix are talking to Don. Tells Don to call Cloane and they will wipe his whole criminal record. And then give him protection. Don is like no way jose. Syd tries to sweeten the deal and will get him an audition for Ocean’s 13. Don’s like “soweet! I’m in”. He calls Carter. We see Carter’s phone ringing. We hear electric sanding. And a scientist screaming. Gross. That can’t be good. Getting tortured sucks. Why can’t they just like force you to watch Ben Affleck movies instead? Talk about torture. Carter says, “where’ve u been, Don?” Don says he wants to meet up to give him the coil but the price has gone up. Carter is like whatever. They arrange to meet up in LA. Neutral location.
Some LA hotel. The whole team is there. Marshall is patched into the hotel surveillance. Hottya and ADP are posing as a couple getting married walking around the lobby. Dixon is some suit. Vaughn is another suit. Don walks in. Gives snide comments to the team about this being a bad plan. Damn, I kinda like Don on the show. I hope he lasts. Longer than this scene. Hehe…Don goes to the bar. Syd is at the bar in this horrible airline stewardess outfit. Don reminds them that this is still a bad idea. Syd says “listen up, you sorry excuse for a Don Cheadle. You just do your job and we’ll do ours. “ Well she didn’t really say that but I just wanted to get one last don cheadle joke in before he dies….oh whoops…uh…whatever. Pretend u didn’t read that. So some extra comes in. Don says “an extra? Oh s**t. I’m gonna die”. The extra says “don’t worry, Don. I’m just here to do the sweep.” “We’re taking it upstairs to the penthouse.” Don is like wha? Extra says “plans have changed, Don”. The whole team heads for the penthouse. Don gets up. I think he wets himself a lil. Marshall sympathizes. They go to an elevator. Sloane says they need audio on Don. Syd runs after them. Tells Don he dropped his cell. Don says “thanks. For ending my alias career. Apo-a-holes.” They go up. Syd follows in another elevator. While they’re going up, Syd sees another elevator going down. Inside, she sees Cloane. Syd tells the whole team. Sloane says they’re going to cut the cables. Explosion. Cables are cut. Don and extra are falling. WHAM! Right into the basement. That was kinda cool. Carter is down there. Pries open the elevator door and grabs the case. No fuss no muss. How did he know he would just be able to grab the case just like that? Syd heads to the sub basement. Sees the open elevator. Reports to the team. “Don’s dead. Cancel that Ocean’s 13 audition. And the coil is gone”. Mission not-so accomplished.
Sloane’s having a personal breakdown in his office while talking to Syd. He doesn’t think that he should continue looking for Cloane for the sake of his own sanity and the lives of those around him. Syd: “I’m going to tell you exactly what you want to hear. You need to get back into Rambaldi. This guy works exactly like you do and we need you to help us figure out WWCD? You know, What Would Cloane Do?” Sloane: “You do realize that, if I go off the deep end again, I can blame you for pushing me back into my obsession?” Syd: “Feel free to blame me. I’ll get over my guilt by killing you. Ummmm, you’re drooling.”
Cloane hears that they got the coil, which is good news for Sandy and her hands. So Sandy and her deformed hands have to get back to work.
Syd’s apartment. Syd and Hottya are chatting about sister stuff. Syd: “By the way, I’ve encouraged your father to dive back into his Rambaldi obsession and this will most likely lead to him becoming an evil SOB and it will probably drive a wedge between you and me and then I’ll end up having to shoot him or you at the end of the season. Hope you’re not mad.” Hottya: “Syd, how could you? You don’t know about this, but the reason we parted ways before S4 started was because he got all crazy. He became this freakin’ weird person when we were looking for that Sphere of Life and I decided that I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore. I only came back because he promised to change, to give up his Rambaldi obsession. You wouldn’t give a recovering alcoholic a drink would you? So why would you encourage my father to get knee deep in Rambaldi? If he falls off the wagon, I’m blaming you!”
Sloane goes to the Rambaldi Museum of Weird felgercarb. Dixon is his escort because the writers have decided to give Dixon something to do this week. Of course, I don’t think babysitting Sloane in his Rambaldi playpen is what Dixon had in mind. Sloane’s practically drooling over all the stuff that’s there. He’s got a boner…from Rambaldi. A Ramboner. Sloane: “Oh look! There’s the Rambaldi clock! Syd took it to that guy to get it fixed and then Anna shot him in the head! There’s the music box! Syd threw an ice pick in Sark’s leg and then got trapped under the ice while trying to retrieve it! There’s the picture that Syd and Vaughn broke into the Vatican to find! There are so many wonderful memories in this room! Look! There’s the Page 47 that Syd stole out of my own private safe that has her picture and the prophecy about the Chosen One on it! Somehow, it’s managed to become practically life-size!” Dixon reminds Sloane that he’s not here to relive the best moments of Alias and to put away his Ramboner. So, Sloane looks at the Rambaldi documents and then figures out what Cloane is trying to do.
Xmansion. Sloane says that Cloane is building some battery thing with the coil. He needed some brilliant scientist or engineer or whatever the heck Sandy was to put it together. I think that it’s dangerous to be a brilliant engineer or scientist. They always get kidnapped and forced to do evil things. I guess it doesn’t pay to be an overachiever. It’s better to just be average. That way, you get to keep your hands. Sloane says that Cloane needs some rare chemical or something to make it work. Sloane says that he contacted an old evil friend and found out that Arvin Sloane placed an order for this chemical. Sloane’s going to meet Chemical-Supplying Guy and get the chemical.
Sloane’s Office. Hottya comes bursting in. She’s not happy that her daddy’s going to this meeting. She wants to come as his back-up. Sloane: “Don’t worry, honey. I’ve reformed. I don’t want to be that crazy man who was obsessed with Rambaldi. I have you. I don’t need Rambaldi. I can quit at any time. Sure, I dream about Rambaldi at night while wearing my Rambaldi pajamas. Sure, Rambaldi’s my user name on the Evil Genius forum. Nothing’s more important to me than you, Rambaldi. I mean, Hottya.” Hottya: “Okay daddy.” Hottya tu eres estupida. Will you please translate that for our non-Spanish-speaking readers, Paco? <Hottya you are stupid.> Thanks Paco.
Race track. Sloane’s meeting with his contact, Chemical-Supplying Guy. He gets the chemical from him. Then he tells CSG that the guy who contacted him was Cloane and not him. CSG contemplates wetting himself but pulls himself together when Sloane says that he’s not going to hurt him. He wants CSG to tell him where he was supposed to ship the chemical.
Xmansion. The Gang sans Marshall and CJ are heading to Santiago to kick some Cloane booty and rescue Sandy. They’re going to be disguised as CSG’s chemical transportation team.
Santiago. The gang breaks in to Cloane’s facility. They make Dixon stand guard at the perimeter. The gang shoots some of Cloane’s baddies. They decide to split up into two teams. Syd and Sloane are going after Cloane and the battery thing he built while Hottya, ADP, and Vaughn are going to try and save Sandy and her hands. Cloane realizes that he’s being invaded so he grabs Sandy and they start skidaddle. He tells Carter to take care of the battery thing and meet him in the back. Hottya, ADP, and Vaughn run into Cloane, Sandy and some baddies. Gun play ensues and the baddies get away. I’m rather disappointed in Hottya. I would have thought that she could have handled that, but maybe ADP and Vaughn were holding her back. Meanwhile, Sloane and Syd find where the battery’s kept and Syd’s trying to decrypt the password. For some reason, she decides it’s taking to long and asks Sloane if knows what the password is. Sloane: “Jacquelyn.” Syd’s like: “That’s a random password. Who is that? Is that Rambaldi’s wife or something?” Sloane just gives her some creepy smile and tells her how impressed he is by her because this is the first time they’ve actually worked together in the field. Ewww! Kinda creepy, even for Sloane. They open the door and inside is the huge Red Ball from S1. Syd: “We have to destroy it before Vaughn comes in here and manages to get himself infected.” Sloane says that they should dismantle it instead of destroying it. Then Vaughn calls and said that Cloane and Sandy got away and that they are trapped. Syd: “Vaughn! Can’t you do anything! I’m supposed to be watching Sloane. Now I have to go clean up the mess you made!” Syd runs off to try and stop Cloane and rescue Sandy, leaving Sloane with the big Red Ball thing. Syd meets up with the baddies and kicks that butt, but Cloane gets away. Syd has Sandy and Hottya, ADP, and Vaughn appear – late as usual. Back to Sloane and the Red Ball thing. Carter comes in and he thinks that Sloane is Cloane. Then Sloane turns around and wants to know who Cloane really is. Carter confused because he thought Cloane was Sloane and know thinks that Sloane is Cloane. We understand Carter. We’re confused too. Sloane pulls a CJ and shoots Carter in the leg in order to encourage him to talk. Carter says that Cloane promised him eternal life or something. At this point, Sloane loses it. He’s thoroughly pissed at Carter for studying Rambaldi for superficial reasons. Sloane: “You don’t understand the beauty of Rambaldi! You don’t understand how transcendent it all is! You’re just a henchman!” Sloane grabs the mini-circumfrence thing and starts beating the living daylights out of Carter while screaming at him. Now, I’ve seen some pretty crazy stuff on Alias, but this takes the cake. Sloane’s making CJ look like the perfect picture of mental health. Hottya runs into the room and sees her father. Hottya: “Dad, are you okay?” Hottya seems the dead body of Carter. Sloane turns around. With his face covered in blood and guts, he says “Hi honey! It’s all over now! Come give your daddy a hug!” Uh oh, Hottya. Looks like Daddy fell off the wagon.
Next Week: CJ turns into a comic book character and changes his name to the Masked Wife Killer.
So cute spy dad wife killer love! 
Pervert! :disguise: Way to creep us all out! 