vaughnsgurl4lf
Cadet
this is great can i get a pm when u update??!!
Movin' On
- Thread starter emotionalrescue
- Start date
emotionalrescue
Cadet
On with the story....
The next morning, I woke to finally find Sydney still curled up to my side. I hated waking up and not feeling her beside me. I pulled her tighter to me, reveling in the feeling of being with her. I knew that tonight I would have to tell Lauren that I wanted a divorce.
I was going to get this done with as quick as possible. Luckily with law school under my belt, I had the right connections to get this moving, and fast. I wanted to be free to marry Sydney as soon as possible. After all, we did have a baby on the way....A baby. I instantly started to daydream. With the thought of the baby, I thought it would be proper to make Sydney breakfast in bed. So I gently untangled myself from her side, and went down to the kitchen and made her her favorite..and my specialty... French toast. She always said that me being french made them taste better, who knows if that is true.
I put her food on the tray, mixed her brewers yeast concoction to prevent her morning sickness, and made my way back to her beautiful sleeping form.
I set the tray down, and sat beside her on the bed. Gently brushing my hand on her cheek, and then through her silky brown hair. She slowly began to stir out of her peaceful slumber.
"Morning Baby." she whispered.
"Hey Gorgeous." i said as I gave her a soft kiss.
"I made you some breakfast."
"Mmmmmm....French boyfriend toast!! My favorite. Oooo and fresh raspberries, and whip cream...mmmmm...I love you!
"Well, eat up, cause when you are done, you can open your birthday present. Again, happy birthday baby!" I said.
"Presents?" she said with excitement.
"Yes, now eat, if we are going to have a hockey player on our hands, you will need to feed him...or her..."
"Hockey player huh? We'll see about that daddy."
"I love the way that sounds rolling off your beautiful lips....daddy. I am going to be somebodies daddy. Wow. You are going to be a mommy. Mommy Syd. I loooove the sound of that. You are going to be an amazing mom Syd." I said, but noticed her smile fade a bit.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I-I am just not sure if I am cut out for this. I didn't really have a motherly figure when I was growing up, and most women, who have a baby, can look to their mothers or grandmothers for guidance. I have neither. What if I am not a good mother?" she stately sadly.
"Aww baby, there is no way that you could be bad at anything, especially being a mother. I see how much you love that baby already. You are one of the kindest and most loving people I have ever met. Even after all your mom,... and your dad for that matter did to taint you in life, you were an angel that God sent here, and nobody could taint you. People have tried, but the light that shines from you, it lights up everyone's lives around you...don't you see that?" I said, wiping the now falling tears from her eyes. "I love you Syd, so much, I wish you could see or feel what you just being you does to me. If you could, you would never doubt yourself, and your ability to love. You have a gift, of making people love you. You must know that, please know that." I said.
"Michael, I love you so much." she said as she sobbed. I pulled her to me, and she cried tears of sadness and hapiness all at once. These pregnancy hormones are already proving to be something else.
She finished her breakfast, and I happily brought the three beautifully wrapped presents to her to as she bounced excitedly on the bed. "Here." I said.
She quickly ripped the wrapper off of the first one, revealing a brown leather bound journal, with our names on them. Well, future names. Michael Christian Vaughn, and Sydney Anne Vaughn. She looked at me with her eyes full of love.
"I thought we could use the journal, so that we can begin to heal the pain that I caused you. I know we are looking towards the future, but I think that we need to heal the past while blazing into our future head on. I noticed since your return how much you love music, and how the lyrics of songs touch you. So I thought we could write notes, and thoughts, and lyrics to each other, so that what needs to be said is said, without interruption, so that we both have an understanding, and can move past all of it. I started the first page, read it." I said.
Dear Syd,
I wanted to somehow express to you, how I felt when you returned to my life, and thought, since you have come back into my life, I would use this opportunity to tell you what I was really thinking, during that brief time that I felt confused, and lost about what the future would bring. I always knew in my heart, you were the one. I just didn't know how to be the person to have not only hurt you, but also to hurt Lauren, who at the time, I didn't know was betraying me, and to that point, she had helped me through a really difficult time. That being said. I wanted to share the lyrics to a song that best describe how I felt when I thought you were dead. I know now, that I love you more than anything, and I hope that we can somehow heal this pain, or at least learn from it, so that our love can grow as strong as possible, as I feel it does more and more everyday. I love you.
Yours always, V
Lyrics:
Is it my turn to wish you were lying here
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping
Is it my turn to fictionalize my world
Or even imagine your emotions
To tell myself anything
Is it my turn to hold you by your hands
Tell you I love you and you not hear me
Is it my turn to totally understand
To watch you walk out of my life
And not do a damn thing
If I have to give away
Of the feeling that I feel
If I have to sacrifice
Whatever babe, whatever baby
If I have to take apart
All that I am
Is there anything that I would not do
Cuz inside I'd die without you
Oh I apologize for all the things I've done
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning
Is it my turn to be the one to cry
Isn't it amazing how some things
Just completely turn around
So take every little piece of my heart
So take every little piece of my soul
So take every little piece of my mind
Cuz if you're gone
Inside
I'd die without you
****
She closes the journal, and looks into my eyes deeply. "Thank You" she says, and gives me a kiss. Her eyes say everything else. We silently have an understanding as to what that journal means to our future.
She then moves to her second gift. She opens the wrapper to pull our a mini King's Jersey the perfect size for a little certain someone on the way. She wipes yet another tear out of her eye at the sight of it.
"I thought it appropriate that this be our babies first gift from us." i said.
"Vaughn, this is the cutest thing, like ever. Thank You." she said.
With that, she moves on to the third and final present. She opens the small jewelry box revealing the beautiful angel necklace that was my grandmothers.
"This was my grandmother's necklace, my mom gave it to me to give to my wife, and I sure as hell wasn't going to see this on Lauren, I never showed it to her. I was going to put it out to sea when I spread your ashes, but for some reason, I needed to keep it, to somehow hold on to you. You are the only woman that this belongs to, and even then somehow I knew. Now you really do have a guardian angel, and when you wear it, remember that I am always here to protect you. Not that you need it, you can kick anybody's ass...but in all seriousness, that is my vow to you. To always be your guardian angel. Always." I said.
"Vaughn, this is the best birthday I have ever had. I couldn't have asked for anything more. You just being here, was an awesome present. I love you so much, for everything you gave me, but most of all for giving me love, trust, and security. I love you most for that. You are the only person in my life, that broke through all the barriers, and still saw me. You are the smartest, most handsome, and giving person I have met, and I hope that you know that. I love you, god, so much. Thank you." she said as she threw her arms around me, and pulled me down to bed with her.
We snuggled up together, and went back to sleep in perfect harmony. The outside world could wait a little while longer, we were held up perfectly content in this world of our own.
:lovers:
The next morning, I woke to finally find Sydney still curled up to my side. I hated waking up and not feeling her beside me. I pulled her tighter to me, reveling in the feeling of being with her. I knew that tonight I would have to tell Lauren that I wanted a divorce.
I was going to get this done with as quick as possible. Luckily with law school under my belt, I had the right connections to get this moving, and fast. I wanted to be free to marry Sydney as soon as possible. After all, we did have a baby on the way....A baby. I instantly started to daydream. With the thought of the baby, I thought it would be proper to make Sydney breakfast in bed. So I gently untangled myself from her side, and went down to the kitchen and made her her favorite..and my specialty... French toast. She always said that me being french made them taste better, who knows if that is true.
I put her food on the tray, mixed her brewers yeast concoction to prevent her morning sickness, and made my way back to her beautiful sleeping form.
I set the tray down, and sat beside her on the bed. Gently brushing my hand on her cheek, and then through her silky brown hair. She slowly began to stir out of her peaceful slumber.
"Morning Baby." she whispered.
"Hey Gorgeous." i said as I gave her a soft kiss.
"I made you some breakfast."
"Mmmmmm....French boyfriend toast!! My favorite. Oooo and fresh raspberries, and whip cream...mmmmm...I love you!
"Well, eat up, cause when you are done, you can open your birthday present. Again, happy birthday baby!" I said.
"Presents?" she said with excitement.
"Yes, now eat, if we are going to have a hockey player on our hands, you will need to feed him...or her..."
"Hockey player huh? We'll see about that daddy."
"I love the way that sounds rolling off your beautiful lips....daddy. I am going to be somebodies daddy. Wow. You are going to be a mommy. Mommy Syd. I loooove the sound of that. You are going to be an amazing mom Syd." I said, but noticed her smile fade a bit.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I-I am just not sure if I am cut out for this. I didn't really have a motherly figure when I was growing up, and most women, who have a baby, can look to their mothers or grandmothers for guidance. I have neither. What if I am not a good mother?" she stately sadly.
"Aww baby, there is no way that you could be bad at anything, especially being a mother. I see how much you love that baby already. You are one of the kindest and most loving people I have ever met. Even after all your mom,... and your dad for that matter did to taint you in life, you were an angel that God sent here, and nobody could taint you. People have tried, but the light that shines from you, it lights up everyone's lives around you...don't you see that?" I said, wiping the now falling tears from her eyes. "I love you Syd, so much, I wish you could see or feel what you just being you does to me. If you could, you would never doubt yourself, and your ability to love. You have a gift, of making people love you. You must know that, please know that." I said.
"Michael, I love you so much." she said as she sobbed. I pulled her to me, and she cried tears of sadness and hapiness all at once. These pregnancy hormones are already proving to be something else.
She finished her breakfast, and I happily brought the three beautifully wrapped presents to her to as she bounced excitedly on the bed. "Here." I said.
She quickly ripped the wrapper off of the first one, revealing a brown leather bound journal, with our names on them. Well, future names. Michael Christian Vaughn, and Sydney Anne Vaughn. She looked at me with her eyes full of love.
"I thought we could use the journal, so that we can begin to heal the pain that I caused you. I know we are looking towards the future, but I think that we need to heal the past while blazing into our future head on. I noticed since your return how much you love music, and how the lyrics of songs touch you. So I thought we could write notes, and thoughts, and lyrics to each other, so that what needs to be said is said, without interruption, so that we both have an understanding, and can move past all of it. I started the first page, read it." I said.
Dear Syd,
I wanted to somehow express to you, how I felt when you returned to my life, and thought, since you have come back into my life, I would use this opportunity to tell you what I was really thinking, during that brief time that I felt confused, and lost about what the future would bring. I always knew in my heart, you were the one. I just didn't know how to be the person to have not only hurt you, but also to hurt Lauren, who at the time, I didn't know was betraying me, and to that point, she had helped me through a really difficult time. That being said. I wanted to share the lyrics to a song that best describe how I felt when I thought you were dead. I know now, that I love you more than anything, and I hope that we can somehow heal this pain, or at least learn from it, so that our love can grow as strong as possible, as I feel it does more and more everyday. I love you.
Yours always, V
Lyrics:
Is it my turn to wish you were lying here
I tend to dream you when I'm not sleeping
Is it my turn to fictionalize my world
Or even imagine your emotions
To tell myself anything
Is it my turn to hold you by your hands
Tell you I love you and you not hear me
Is it my turn to totally understand
To watch you walk out of my life
And not do a damn thing
If I have to give away
Of the feeling that I feel
If I have to sacrifice
Whatever babe, whatever baby
If I have to take apart
All that I am
Is there anything that I would not do
Cuz inside I'd die without you
Oh I apologize for all the things I've done
But now I'm underwater and I'm drowning
Is it my turn to be the one to cry
Isn't it amazing how some things
Just completely turn around
So take every little piece of my heart
So take every little piece of my soul
So take every little piece of my mind
Cuz if you're gone
Inside
I'd die without you
****
She closes the journal, and looks into my eyes deeply. "Thank You" she says, and gives me a kiss. Her eyes say everything else. We silently have an understanding as to what that journal means to our future.
She then moves to her second gift. She opens the wrapper to pull our a mini King's Jersey the perfect size for a little certain someone on the way. She wipes yet another tear out of her eye at the sight of it.
"I thought it appropriate that this be our babies first gift from us." i said.
"Vaughn, this is the cutest thing, like ever. Thank You." she said.
With that, she moves on to the third and final present. She opens the small jewelry box revealing the beautiful angel necklace that was my grandmothers.
"This was my grandmother's necklace, my mom gave it to me to give to my wife, and I sure as hell wasn't going to see this on Lauren, I never showed it to her. I was going to put it out to sea when I spread your ashes, but for some reason, I needed to keep it, to somehow hold on to you. You are the only woman that this belongs to, and even then somehow I knew. Now you really do have a guardian angel, and when you wear it, remember that I am always here to protect you. Not that you need it, you can kick anybody's ass...but in all seriousness, that is my vow to you. To always be your guardian angel. Always." I said.
"Vaughn, this is the best birthday I have ever had. I couldn't have asked for anything more. You just being here, was an awesome present. I love you so much, for everything you gave me, but most of all for giving me love, trust, and security. I love you most for that. You are the only person in my life, that broke through all the barriers, and still saw me. You are the smartest, most handsome, and giving person I have met, and I hope that you know that. I love you, god, so much. Thank you." she said as she threw her arms around me, and pulled me down to bed with her.
We snuggled up together, and went back to sleep in perfect harmony. The outside world could wait a little while longer, we were held up perfectly content in this world of our own.
:lovers:emotionalrescue
Cadet
TBC...there is going to be only some mild angst. It keeps the fluff more exciting. But it isn't the kind of angst you might be thinking...Syd and Vaughn, are in love, and that is that, nothing will change that in the story, believe me.
Also, I started a new fic on the Romance board, check it out. It's called Sex and the City. Lauren isn't in that story..thank god!!
Also, I started a new fic on the Romance board, check it out. It's called Sex and the City. Lauren isn't in that story..thank god!!
fraizoolovesvaughn
Cadet
great chapter really sweet and all!! he gives her his grand mother's necklace, it's really sweet!! keep me on you PM list!! tkss
vaughnroxmysox
Cadet
That was so sweet but i didnt get a pm! luckily i came to check neway it was really really sweet, i luv that he neva even contemplate given the necklace to lAuren stupidhead lauren neway, awesome update soon!!
emotionalrescue
Cadet
Sorry for neglecting this story a bit…I am also writing Sex and the City, so I will try to update daily, both of them. But I have a full time job, a husband, and house work to do on a daily basis. Plus I am trying to read the DaVinci Code…good book by the way. Read it!! Thanks for reading my story.
*******
Sydney spent the morning writing in the journal I gave her. I was happy that she found it to be a good idea. I really wanted her to be completely open with me about everything she felt, and I knew that this would be a way that she wouldn’t hold back, nor would I. I love her more than anything, and I want us to be honest with each other about everything, even if at first some of it hurts. She just gave me the journal so that I could read her entries while she went up to take a shower. This is what she wrote:
Dear Michael,
I wanted to keep this journal going as much as possible. I can’t tell you how far we have come. I know that we are going to be happy. But, you are right, we do need to get past the feelings that we had during the time we spent apart. Even though I felt betrayed, I know it wasn’t your fault. I know you would have done anything to stop the Covenant from taking me. Before I post the lyrics to the song I want, I just want you to know that I forgive you. I realize now that you were doing what was necessary to keep breathing. One day at a time right? Anyways, there are two songs that pretty sum up the feelings I felt when I came back seeing you with Lauren. That night I came back after that 9 months of missing you. I felt broken, for the first time. The covenant tried for 6 months to break me, to no avail, and that one night seeing you with her, broke me into a million pieces. Those wounds are definitely beginning to heal now. Anyways, here are the lyrics to two songs to describe my feelings to a tee.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
~Behind these hazel eyes~ By Kelly Clarkson
This next song is another perfect description of how I felt at the time. Even though you got married, I always felt you were the one person that I could always turn to. Like when you said that you were my ally, and I should never question that, well through it all…I never did.
"I Turn To You"
When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way.
And when I'm scared,
And losing ground,
When my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there
- pushing me to the top.
You're always there,
giving me all you've got.
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith
taking me through the night
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
~Christina Aguilera~
I already feel better getting these feeling out in the open, and it is much easier to put them on paper, I know that doing this will strengthen our love impossibly stronger. I love you never question that.
Love,
Syd
I am moved almost to tears by the depth of meaning in both songs she chose. First for the deep hurt she felt when she returned, and second for the deep love she feels for me. I really hope that I can always be the one that she turns to for strength. Ever since that night on the pier when she told me she didn’t know who else to call, I made a vow to myself, no matter what lies ahead for us, that I would always be there when she did call upon me for help. I intend to keep that promise. She is still in the shower, so I decided to write a quick response to her entries.
Dear Syd,
I am moved beyond words at both of the songs you chose. I am so sorry for the pain you had to endure during our time apart. On the other hand, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I will always be the person you can turn to. Never question that. I found a song that I listened to on repeat during the time when I was drinking myself into an oblivion and talking to you like you were with me. I hope it can start to describe the pain that was my life without you. Now, especially that you are back, after all the pain I felt, and we have been given a second chance, I don’t think I could survive losing you again. So with that, here is a song for you.
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
I hope you can hear me, cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...
I miss you
I really felt every word of this song everyday. I felt so empty without you. I will always, until the last breath leaves my body, love you. I will protect you and stand behind you as your partner not only at work, but in life. You are my soulmate, my wife…my life. I love you always.
Love,
Michael
I closed up the journal and set it down just as Sydney emerged from upstairs. She had a worried expression on her face, and I immediately rushed over to her to find out what was wrong.
“Syd, baby, what’s the matter?” I asked.
“Michael” she sniffed, tears falling helplessly now. “I was just in the shower, and, and..I saw blood, I am bleeding. I think I am losing the baby.” She said as the sobs took over her body.
“Syd, come here. Shhh, baby, it could be nothing. Let’s get dressed and go to the hospital, ok? We will get everything checked out. Sometimes women bleed during the first trimester. Let’s just go get it checked out ok?” I said soothingly, she nodded and we went to get dressed quickly and left the house.
She instructed me to go to a hospital that was non CIA issued, and she had a friend who was a doctor. Someone she trusted. With Lauren being a mole, information about her still delicate pregnancy was not something she wanted her to find out.
We got to the hospital and the doctor came in to do an ultrasound. This was her first ultrasound. The doctor examined her, and then began to spread the warm jelly on her stomach. He started to move the wand around until we heard a steady, rapid thumping fill the room. A heartbeat. There it was. Strong, and healthy. We both had tears in our eyes, as we got to hear and see our baby for the first time. It was real, this was happening, we are going to be parents.
“Well Sydney, the baby is just fine. The heartbeat is very healthy. The bleeding is most likely being caused by the embryo further implanting into your uterine lining. Some women experience this kind of bleeding throughout the first trimester. It is nothing to be alarmed with unless it turns heavy, and bright red in color. So just try to relax, you are almost into the second trimester from the looks of things, just another 3-4 weeks or so. So try and keep yourself stress free, and enjoy this happy time.” The doctor said.
“Thanks doc. I really appreciate your help. I was just so concerned, I guess I freaked a little. Sorry.” Sydney said.
“Don’t worry Sydney, that is what I am here for.” He said.
With that the doctor left the room, and left Sydney to change.
“Syd, I love you so much, I was so scared just now. I just want you both to be ok.” I told her honestly.
“Michael, I am sorry that I scared you. I scared myself. I have never done this before. I am so sorry.” She said.
“I love you.” I told her.
“I love you too.” She said back.
“Let’s go home.” I said.
“Yeah, home. You, me, and home sounds like heaven.” She said grinning.
TBC…..
*******
Sydney spent the morning writing in the journal I gave her. I was happy that she found it to be a good idea. I really wanted her to be completely open with me about everything she felt, and I knew that this would be a way that she wouldn’t hold back, nor would I. I love her more than anything, and I want us to be honest with each other about everything, even if at first some of it hurts. She just gave me the journal so that I could read her entries while she went up to take a shower. This is what she wrote:
Dear Michael,
I wanted to keep this journal going as much as possible. I can’t tell you how far we have come. I know that we are going to be happy. But, you are right, we do need to get past the feelings that we had during the time we spent apart. Even though I felt betrayed, I know it wasn’t your fault. I know you would have done anything to stop the Covenant from taking me. Before I post the lyrics to the song I want, I just want you to know that I forgive you. I realize now that you were doing what was necessary to keep breathing. One day at a time right? Anyways, there are two songs that pretty sum up the feelings I felt when I came back seeing you with Lauren. That night I came back after that 9 months of missing you. I felt broken, for the first time. The covenant tried for 6 months to break me, to no avail, and that one night seeing you with her, broke me into a million pieces. Those wounds are definitely beginning to heal now. Anyways, here are the lyrics to two songs to describe my feelings to a tee.
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
~Behind these hazel eyes~ By Kelly Clarkson
This next song is another perfect description of how I felt at the time. Even though you got married, I always felt you were the one person that I could always turn to. Like when you said that you were my ally, and I should never question that, well through it all…I never did.
"I Turn To You"
When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light
To light my way.
And when I'm scared,
And losing ground,
When my world is going crazy,
You can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there
- pushing me to the top.
You're always there,
giving me all you've got.
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.
When I lose the will to win,
I just reach for you and
I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything
'Cause your love is so amazing,
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend,
You're always on my side
Giving me faith
taking me through the night
For a shield from the storm,
For a friend, for a love
to keep me safe and warm
I turn to you.
~Christina Aguilera~
I already feel better getting these feeling out in the open, and it is much easier to put them on paper, I know that doing this will strengthen our love impossibly stronger. I love you never question that.
Love,
Syd
I am moved almost to tears by the depth of meaning in both songs she chose. First for the deep hurt she felt when she returned, and second for the deep love she feels for me. I really hope that I can always be the one that she turns to for strength. Ever since that night on the pier when she told me she didn’t know who else to call, I made a vow to myself, no matter what lies ahead for us, that I would always be there when she did call upon me for help. I intend to keep that promise. She is still in the shower, so I decided to write a quick response to her entries.
Dear Syd,
I am moved beyond words at both of the songs you chose. I am so sorry for the pain you had to endure during our time apart. On the other hand, I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I will always be the person you can turn to. Never question that. I found a song that I listened to on repeat during the time when I was drinking myself into an oblivion and talking to you like you were with me. I hope it can start to describe the pain that was my life without you. Now, especially that you are back, after all the pain I felt, and we have been given a second chance, I don’t think I could survive losing you again. So with that, here is a song for you.
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
I hope you can hear me, cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same noo..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...
I miss you
I really felt every word of this song everyday. I felt so empty without you. I will always, until the last breath leaves my body, love you. I will protect you and stand behind you as your partner not only at work, but in life. You are my soulmate, my wife…my life. I love you always.
Love,
Michael
I closed up the journal and set it down just as Sydney emerged from upstairs. She had a worried expression on her face, and I immediately rushed over to her to find out what was wrong.
“Syd, baby, what’s the matter?” I asked.
“Michael” she sniffed, tears falling helplessly now. “I was just in the shower, and, and..I saw blood, I am bleeding. I think I am losing the baby.” She said as the sobs took over her body.
“Syd, come here. Shhh, baby, it could be nothing. Let’s get dressed and go to the hospital, ok? We will get everything checked out. Sometimes women bleed during the first trimester. Let’s just go get it checked out ok?” I said soothingly, she nodded and we went to get dressed quickly and left the house.
She instructed me to go to a hospital that was non CIA issued, and she had a friend who was a doctor. Someone she trusted. With Lauren being a mole, information about her still delicate pregnancy was not something she wanted her to find out.
We got to the hospital and the doctor came in to do an ultrasound. This was her first ultrasound. The doctor examined her, and then began to spread the warm jelly on her stomach. He started to move the wand around until we heard a steady, rapid thumping fill the room. A heartbeat. There it was. Strong, and healthy. We both had tears in our eyes, as we got to hear and see our baby for the first time. It was real, this was happening, we are going to be parents.
“Well Sydney, the baby is just fine. The heartbeat is very healthy. The bleeding is most likely being caused by the embryo further implanting into your uterine lining. Some women experience this kind of bleeding throughout the first trimester. It is nothing to be alarmed with unless it turns heavy, and bright red in color. So just try to relax, you are almost into the second trimester from the looks of things, just another 3-4 weeks or so. So try and keep yourself stress free, and enjoy this happy time.” The doctor said.
“Thanks doc. I really appreciate your help. I was just so concerned, I guess I freaked a little. Sorry.” Sydney said.
“Don’t worry Sydney, that is what I am here for.” He said.
With that the doctor left the room, and left Sydney to change.
“Syd, I love you so much, I was so scared just now. I just want you both to be ok.” I told her honestly.
“Michael, I am sorry that I scared you. I scared myself. I have never done this before. I am so sorry.” She said.
“I love you.” I told her.
“I love you too.” She said back.
“Let’s go home.” I said.
“Yeah, home. You, me, and home sounds like heaven.” She said grinning.
TBC…..
emotionalrescue
Cadet
PM List:
sydneymicheal
Sydney L Bristow
vaughnroxmysox
fraizoolovesvaughn
vaughnsgurl4lf
tinkerbell23
Jen-Jen
Angel
Syd89
stealthy
secret_agent_angel
frangipani
sydneymicheal
Sydney L Bristow
vaughnroxmysox
fraizoolovesvaughn
vaughnsgurl4lf
tinkerbell23
Jen-Jen
Angel
Syd89
stealthy
secret_agent_angel
frangipani
vaughnsgurl4lf
Cadet
great chapter almost had me in tears. can't wait for the next one!
fraizoolovesvaughn
Cadet
yep! great really beautiful!! I hope you will not take what I will said for granted, but even if I like the idea of the songs to express their feelings, I think that 3 songs in one chaapter is a little too much... anyway, keep me on he pm list!
Sydney L Bristow
Capt. Poohead
Oh man I am so glad that the baby is okay, and that they aren't having a miscarriage! I can't wait for the next up date! Thanks for the p.m.
P.S. I really liked the first song from Kelly Clarkson. It really dose fit Syd doesn’t it?!
P.S. I really liked the first song from Kelly Clarkson. It really dose fit Syd doesn’t it?!
DUDE, I'm sooo totally glad I stumbled into the R section today!! I read the lot, and I LOVE IT!!!! OMG, its so awesome! You write so well! I'm also reading Sex and the City which is awesome!!! Looking forward to some R chapter of that :lol:
Oh, this is just soo good!!! AWESOME stuff!!!
Please PM me when you update next!!! Thanks!
Oh, this is just soo good!!! AWESOME stuff!!!
Please PM me when you update next!!! Thanks!
vaughnroxmysox
Cadet
This was so totally awesome! I love how you write this it is so good! I so love the songs too, they were so beautiful! Im lovin this and Sex and the CIty atm so i cant wait for R rated stuff for that cos u write so awesomely (is that a word lol) neway, awesome update soon!
secret_agent_angel
Cadet
sooo sad ..... yet soooo sweet Loved it :groupwave: :happydance:
sydneymicheal
Cadet
Great Chpaters. I am so glad that Syd and the baby are okay. I think the Journal was a brillant idea. Thanks for the pm. update again soon. Pm me when you update please...
vaughnshoney
Cadet
This is just brilliant... I just read the whole thing and it is so beautiful.
Can I get a PM please??
Thanks.
Can I get a PM please??
Thanks.
LifesMystery
Cadet
this is an awsome story i love it...could you pm me hwenu update please
emotionalrescue
Cadet
Sorry for the delay…work has been crazy, and I am writing two stories now…so forgive me please!!!
Next Chapter….
I took Sydney back home, and put her to bed, the emotions of everything made her very tired. Plus she is pregnant, so that is making her tired anyways. I told her that Lauren was due home in an hour, and that I was going to go pick up the divorce papers that a lawyer friend of mine draw up, and take them to her and I would be back before she woke up. I didn’t want a confrontation with Lauren. I think part of her knows it is coming. I have been distant since Sydney came back, and she knows it.
She has been harping on me about it for weeks. I just can’t take anymore. My place is with Sydney. Period. I decided not to inform the CIA of my actions, I would deal with the consequences of my actions later. I know they are going to be pissed. But the reason behind it is more than appropriate. I just want to protect Sydney and my future child. Jack Bristow will just have to see that I am doing this for her.
After picking up the pertinent paper work, I drove to our house, and pulled up to see her car already in the driveway. I took a deep breath, made sure my gun was secure, just in case, and walked into the house.
“Michael, love, is that you?” she asked with fake concern. “I have been worried sick about you, I have been home since last night, you never came home, where have you been.” She asked now sounding a little upset.
“Lauren, listen, we need to talk, why don’t you sit down?” I told her calmly. When inside I wanted to strangle her, my rage was only under control because of my thoughts of Sydney.
“What is it Michael, you look so serious.” She said
“This isn’t working.” I said coolly. “I want a divorce. You know as well as I do that things have been tense and awkward, and I am not happy. I think it’d be best if we parted ways as friends.” I said.
“Are you f***ing joking? This is about Sydney isn’t it? You aren’t happy with me because she came back. When did you fall out of love with me Michael?” she asked with almost believable tears in her eyes.
“That’s just it. I don’t think I was ever in love with you. I think I cared for you, but not the way I should as your husband. You deserve better.” I lied.
Deserve better, she deserves a silver bullet between the eyes. I smiled slightly to make it believable.
“I had the papers drawn up, you just need to sign. I am sorry that things ended like this. I wish I could give you what you deserve, but that part of my heart has and always will belong to Sydney, and you knew that when we agreed to get married. You knew you couldn’t compete with her, and you told me that you were ok with that. So please try to understand.” I said. I found that only part of that was a lie.
Mostly the part about me wanting to give her more..I never could, or would.
“Michael, I am sorry this has to end this way. I wish I could have been the one to capture your heart, but I don’t want you to be unhappy anymore, and you are right…I deserve better..so give me a pen. Let’s get this over with.” She said wiping her tears.
She signed the papers, and we said an uncomfortable goodbye.
“I don’t want anything, just my hockey stuff and clothes, you can keep everything else. I really am sorry, and I wish you all the best in life Lauren, I really do.” And the big finale, I kissed her softly on the cheek and told her to take care. That was too easy. But I am glad it is over. I smiled thinking that when I get back to Sydney, I am officially a free man. She is going to be my wife as soon as possible. My heart skipped a beat at the thought.
Lauren’s POV
As soon as the door shut, my face fell from the convincing smile to nothing but anger. Damn that Sydney Bristow, what does she have that I don’t? She isn’t that great. I am going to get my ass chewed for this. My assignment just failed miserably, however the tender morsel of information I obtained this afternoon might redeem me. So I pulled out my cell phone and dialed.
“Sark, this is Lauren. We have a problem. Michael just served me with divorce papers. I signed them. I didn’t want to raise suspicion.” I said.
“You what??” he yelled.
“Listen there is more, I had them followed earlier, I suspected they were together, they paid a visit to a hospital, non CIA issued. I had someone interrogate the doctor that saw them, and it turns out that our little Miss Bristow is with child. She is pregnant with Michael Vaughn’s baby.” I said.
“Good work Miss Reed. I am sure the covenant will be pleased to know this information. It may come in very handy with what we have planned for her. Keep your cover up at the CIA, act as though you are truly disappointed about the divorce with Agent Vaughn, and wait to hear from me.” Sark said.
With that a dial tone was left in my ear. This façade must continue I sighed. I will get my revenge on that little miss b****!!
I walked back into the house, resecured the security system, and walked up stairs to find Sydney in a bubble bath. She was humming softly and leaning back with her eyes closed.
“Hey beautiful.” I said.
“God Michael, you scared me. How’d it go?” She asked.
“Sorry baby. I’m back. And I am no longer married. I dropped the signed paperwork off at my lawyer’s office. So I am all yours baby!” I told her.
“Good, now get naked, and get in this tub with me.” She demanded.
“Yes ma’am!” I replied.
I stripped down and slid in behind her, and wrapped my arms around her. She softly drew circles on my arms as we laid together in comfortable silence. She finally broke the silence and turned her face slightly towards me. “I love you.” She whispered.
“I love you too sweetie.” I told her sincerely and pulled my arms tighter around her.
“I feel so safe right now. Nothing can touch this. The only thing I want is for you to finally make love to me without being married. I want you, I want all of you. Please make love to me Michael.” She said quietly.
“Anything you want, I will always protect you, you are safe here, nobody will hurt us anymore.” I told her as I leaned in to kiss her. Our kisses quickly heated up, and our passion overtook us. I got out of the tub, and wrapped a towel around myself and her, and carried her to the bed, to show her how much I truly love her, and only her.
TBC…..
I might do some smut in the next chappie before some angsty stuff comes up…
I am pm-ing anyone on the Sex and the City list..so if you don’t like R rated fic, just don’t read this story, I just can’t tell who wants a pm and who doesn’t anymore, and if I tried to figure it out, I wouldn’t have time for updates..so forgive me!!!
Next Chapter….
I took Sydney back home, and put her to bed, the emotions of everything made her very tired. Plus she is pregnant, so that is making her tired anyways. I told her that Lauren was due home in an hour, and that I was going to go pick up the divorce papers that a lawyer friend of mine draw up, and take them to her and I would be back before she woke up. I didn’t want a confrontation with Lauren. I think part of her knows it is coming. I have been distant since Sydney came back, and she knows it.
She has been harping on me about it for weeks. I just can’t take anymore. My place is with Sydney. Period. I decided not to inform the CIA of my actions, I would deal with the consequences of my actions later. I know they are going to be pissed. But the reason behind it is more than appropriate. I just want to protect Sydney and my future child. Jack Bristow will just have to see that I am doing this for her.
After picking up the pertinent paper work, I drove to our house, and pulled up to see her car already in the driveway. I took a deep breath, made sure my gun was secure, just in case, and walked into the house.
“Michael, love, is that you?” she asked with fake concern. “I have been worried sick about you, I have been home since last night, you never came home, where have you been.” She asked now sounding a little upset.
“Lauren, listen, we need to talk, why don’t you sit down?” I told her calmly. When inside I wanted to strangle her, my rage was only under control because of my thoughts of Sydney.
“What is it Michael, you look so serious.” She said
“This isn’t working.” I said coolly. “I want a divorce. You know as well as I do that things have been tense and awkward, and I am not happy. I think it’d be best if we parted ways as friends.” I said.
“Are you f***ing joking? This is about Sydney isn’t it? You aren’t happy with me because she came back. When did you fall out of love with me Michael?” she asked with almost believable tears in her eyes.
“That’s just it. I don’t think I was ever in love with you. I think I cared for you, but not the way I should as your husband. You deserve better.” I lied.
Deserve better, she deserves a silver bullet between the eyes. I smiled slightly to make it believable.
“I had the papers drawn up, you just need to sign. I am sorry that things ended like this. I wish I could give you what you deserve, but that part of my heart has and always will belong to Sydney, and you knew that when we agreed to get married. You knew you couldn’t compete with her, and you told me that you were ok with that. So please try to understand.” I said. I found that only part of that was a lie.
Mostly the part about me wanting to give her more..I never could, or would.
“Michael, I am sorry this has to end this way. I wish I could have been the one to capture your heart, but I don’t want you to be unhappy anymore, and you are right…I deserve better..so give me a pen. Let’s get this over with.” She said wiping her tears.
She signed the papers, and we said an uncomfortable goodbye.
“I don’t want anything, just my hockey stuff and clothes, you can keep everything else. I really am sorry, and I wish you all the best in life Lauren, I really do.” And the big finale, I kissed her softly on the cheek and told her to take care. That was too easy. But I am glad it is over. I smiled thinking that when I get back to Sydney, I am officially a free man. She is going to be my wife as soon as possible. My heart skipped a beat at the thought.
Lauren’s POV
As soon as the door shut, my face fell from the convincing smile to nothing but anger. Damn that Sydney Bristow, what does she have that I don’t? She isn’t that great. I am going to get my ass chewed for this. My assignment just failed miserably, however the tender morsel of information I obtained this afternoon might redeem me. So I pulled out my cell phone and dialed.
“Sark, this is Lauren. We have a problem. Michael just served me with divorce papers. I signed them. I didn’t want to raise suspicion.” I said.
“You what??” he yelled.
“Listen there is more, I had them followed earlier, I suspected they were together, they paid a visit to a hospital, non CIA issued. I had someone interrogate the doctor that saw them, and it turns out that our little Miss Bristow is with child. She is pregnant with Michael Vaughn’s baby.” I said.
“Good work Miss Reed. I am sure the covenant will be pleased to know this information. It may come in very handy with what we have planned for her. Keep your cover up at the CIA, act as though you are truly disappointed about the divorce with Agent Vaughn, and wait to hear from me.” Sark said.
With that a dial tone was left in my ear. This façade must continue I sighed. I will get my revenge on that little miss b****!!
I walked back into the house, resecured the security system, and walked up stairs to find Sydney in a bubble bath. She was humming softly and leaning back with her eyes closed.
“Hey beautiful.” I said.
“God Michael, you scared me. How’d it go?” She asked.
“Sorry baby. I’m back. And I am no longer married. I dropped the signed paperwork off at my lawyer’s office. So I am all yours baby!” I told her.
“Good, now get naked, and get in this tub with me.” She demanded.
“Yes ma’am!” I replied.
I stripped down and slid in behind her, and wrapped my arms around her. She softly drew circles on my arms as we laid together in comfortable silence. She finally broke the silence and turned her face slightly towards me. “I love you.” She whispered.
“I love you too sweetie.” I told her sincerely and pulled my arms tighter around her.
“I feel so safe right now. Nothing can touch this. The only thing I want is for you to finally make love to me without being married. I want you, I want all of you. Please make love to me Michael.” She said quietly.
“Anything you want, I will always protect you, you are safe here, nobody will hurt us anymore.” I told her as I leaned in to kiss her. Our kisses quickly heated up, and our passion overtook us. I got out of the tub, and wrapped a towel around myself and her, and carried her to the bed, to show her how much I truly love her, and only her.
TBC…..
I might do some smut in the next chappie before some angsty stuff comes up…
I am pm-ing anyone on the Sex and the City list..so if you don’t like R rated fic, just don’t read this story, I just can’t tell who wants a pm and who doesn’t anymore, and if I tried to figure it out, I wouldn’t have time for updates..so forgive me!!!
fraizoolovesvaughn
Cadet
great chapter!! tks for the pm!