My first fiction (currently untitled)

Padme912

Cadet
Joined
May 18, 2004
Location
Florida, USA
Ok, so I decided to start posting this story I've been working on. I don't have much done right now so there might be big gaps in between sections. It is untitled as of now. Usually I title things after I finish them, and this won't be done for a very long time.
I'm posting this so I know what people think, and also so I am motivated to keep working on it...


Title: Untitled

Author: Me, Padme912

Rating: PG, I guess... I've never rated anything before, but I don't think there is anything bad in it.

Based on: Nothing, started it about a year ago, and have been working on it this week...

Main character: Chloe Anderson, an 18-year old girl.



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<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>~Prelude~</span>



Some people had ordinary lives. Others wished they did. For Chloe Anderson, it was the second case. Her life was surrounded by the things, people, and places most dreamed about but to her it was a nightmare. Her parents were the wealthiest people in Georgia, and in the top five of the southeast, which, of course, made her subject to several hideously boring social events of the rich and famous a month. Her mother looked for handsome young men for her, because, of course, at eighteen she must find someone to marry within the next few years, while her father made sure all the possible candidates would come with good business alliances. Her parents were in the business of being a perfect Southern couple with a perfect Southern daughter. They wanted to make sure that they were rich, she would be rich, and that her perfect Southern husband would stay rich. Most eighteen-year-old girls would be grateful, unfortunately, she was far from most girls.


Chloe wanted many things, but the things she wanted were not the types of things that her parent’s seemingly endless supply of money could buy and definitely not the things her parents would understand. She wanted a home that was warm and inviting and filled with love. They insisted on keeping a house that’s valuable antiques were outnumbered only but the number of servants. She wanted to find true love if it took her till middle age. They wanted to find her someone who could help her build another fortune and look presentable on the cover of Fortune magazine. Now, understand that Robert and Marian Anderson were far from bad people. They just had their focus on the things farthest from their only child’s thoughts.


Here is my story....

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That's the first section. I have chapters 1 and 2 written right now and will post them after lots of people review and after I have more....
 

Alias

Cadet
Joined
Dec 8, 2002
Oooooooooooooooooo sounds good! Poor girl, I feel bad for her! This is a good start, I look forward to reading more of it! ^_^
 

Padme912

Cadet
Joined
May 18, 2004
Location
Florida, USA
Sorry, I haven't been on for a while, my internets been messed up. I will post the first chapter once more people read and review! Thanks!
 

Kewii

April 27th
Joined
Apr 22, 2003
Location
Ontario, Canada
You had a very interesting beginning. I really liked the line

Some people had ordinary lives. Others wished they did
And if you're having trouble titling this, I suggest posting a summary of your story in the Garden Patch (in Fiction Lounge)

It's a very interesting start. I'm looking forward to seeing more.
 

Padme912

Cadet
Joined
May 18, 2004
Location
Florida, USA
Ok, here's the next part! It will probably be a few weeks before Chapter 2 is up! My classes have started so I'm pretty busy right now! I hope you enjoy!


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<span style='font-size:14pt;line-height:100%'>~Chapter One~</span>



This story starts at yet another of those parties that I so passionately despise. It was a ball hosted by Mr. and Mrs. Carlisle, who just so happened to have a son of nineteen, Edward. Of course, Edward just so happens to be the kind of boy who chases any pretty girl, and more often than not he caught them.

Tonight the object of his attention was me, much to my dismay and my parents delight. I sat at their table while my parents mingled and laughed and pretended to like all of these people that they really hated. That’s business for you. I tried desperately not to be noticed, but fate was against me. Edward sauntered up to my table in his extremely ugly designer suit and sat next to me.

“Hey, gorgeous! Feel like dancing?” he said as he reached for my arm. I quickly moved it away.

“Actually, I feel like going home, but since that isn’t going to happen I’ll settle for you leaving me alone.”

“You know they except us to dance later. We might as well get a head start on things.”

“Whatever.” I had no clue what he was talking about and I was not in the mood to put up with Edward tonight. Earlier today I had asked my parents if I could spend Spring Break with a group of friends from school, but they had immediately refused to allow me. They said that they had already told some business associates of theirs that I would be coming to their parties. But I was sure that it had more to do with the friends I wanted to go with. The people I actually enjoyed being around were the kind of people my parents didn’t like to acknowledge exist. In other words, people that didn’t wear designer clothes and didn’t have a summer house.

“Come on, get up.”

I turned around to find that Edward had left me to bother some of the other guests, and a young man I had never seen had come over. A very good-looking young man.

“Excuse me?” I said.

“You heard me, get up. I’m not going to allow you to sit there pouting all night. Besides, I have been dying to find out who you are and no one has introduced me so I decided to take matters into my own hands,” he said with a breathtaking smile.

I realized that I was smiling by now, too. “Okay, on one condition. We go out on the patio. I can’t stand being in here another minute.”

“Deal.” He took my hand and led me outside. The patio was much different from the ballroom. The ballroom was large, overwhelming, and full of expensive, unneeded stuff. The patio was obviously not used nearly as much as the house. But the Carlisle’s also didn’t seem like the kind of people who would walk outside unless it was to step into their limo. The patio was dimly lit, with furniture that didn’t look like it was ever used.

“So, who are you anyways?” I asked as I looked him over. He had dark brown hair that fell just over his ears, and deep brown eyes. He was wearing a vintage looking T-shirt with some rock band on it underneath his jacket, and perfectly tailored slacks.

“Oh, nobody important. They actually wanted to kick me out but I can be pretty convincing when I try.”

I started to laugh. “No really. What’s your name? The Carlisle’s don’t invite just anyone to their house.”

“First, tell me who you are. You at least look like you belong here.”

I looked down at my outfit. It was out of the new Spring line from one of my mom’s favorite designers. It was a conservative black evening dress with spaghetti straps and went down to my ankles. And I hated it.

“Like I belong here? If I look it, I don’t feel it. Do you know how much my mom spent on this dress? Let’s just say that it could feed a small country. I don’t even like it, but my parents don’t trust me enough to pick out my own clothes for such a ‘big event’. I might do something stupid and embarrass them.” Oh my gosh! I don’t even know this guy and I’m whining to him. “I’m sorry. I hate this events.” I stuck out my hand. “Chloe. Anderson.”

“See, was that so hard?” He took my hand and kissed it. I could have died. Who is this guy anyways?

“Ok, I told you my name. Your turn.” The curiosity was driving me crazy by now.

“Could everyone join me in the main ballroom. I have an announcement.” Why now? It was Mr. Carlisle. I knew there had to be some underlying reason for them to throw this party. He was probably pitching some new idea or company he was trying and wanted partners to help fund it.

“I’m sure it’s not important. They don’t need us in there, anyways.”

“Oh, it can’t be that bad.” He said as he swaggered back in the house, or should I say mansion. He looked back at me and smiled. “Come join in all the fun.”

I stood there as I watched him walk back in the house. My mind was filled with thoughts, the foremost one being ‘Who is that guy?’ and I decided that the only way to find out was to follow him back in there.

I was immediately disappointed once I got in there. The room was crowded and I couldn’t see my mystery man anywhere. The whole room burst into applause and cheering, I assumed it was to congratulate the Carlisle’s on their latest money-making achievement.

In one of the worst moments of my life, I realized they were all looking at me.


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Padme912

Cadet
Joined
May 18, 2004
Location
Florida, USA
I'm glad ya'll are enjoying it!

If anyone else would like a PM update, please let me know! I will get the next chapter up as soon as I can!
 

Padme912

Cadet
Joined
May 18, 2004
Location
Florida, USA
Hey guys! Sorry, I haven't been on! I've been having trouble with my internet and not been able to sign into the site even when I've had internet! Well, hopefully I'll be able to come on more now, but I have been very busy with school...

I turn 18 tom!!! woohoo!

I'm working on the next part - thank you for your patience....
 

!n@$en+

Cadet
Joined
Nov 21, 2003
Location
Australia
wow, this is really good, was the mystery guy a figment of her imagination? I truly hope not. can I please get a PM when you update?
 
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